I like fat chicks because they are easy, you know because of all that competing with the good looking girl, that makes them willing to go above and beyond while never commanding respect, a relationship or pretty much anything but for you to pull out because her mom won’t let her get on the pill.
I don’t think Jessica Simpson is one of those kinds of fat chicks, since she’s busty and not offensively fat, but she is a budding country music star playing a barn near year and I’ve seen Brokeback Mountain, I know how that Cowboy shit works out, you know leaving you dead in NYC after a prescription drug overdose…
Jessica Simpson’s pulling a couple fat tricks here. The first one is to wear black because you blend into the night sky behind you so we don’t know where you start or end but more importantly to use her fat chick tits as a distraction from the fat rest of her, not that I care, I’m fatter than this bitch, my wife is 4 times fatter than this bitch and she’s getting on in years, dropped out of pop music and just wants to live the simple life with her Cowboy and BBQ ribs or any pork product and cheesecake and chocolate and fries and burgers and pie, lots of pie, so we should just leave her the fuck alone about this shit, she served her purpose as the young star we wanted to fuck, now it’s time to let her gracefully graze her way into menopause and while she does while all you big titty fat chick loving mother fuckers who are the reason fat chicks exist and have confidence to leave their house masturbate to the idea of her making her way over to the dark side….and by dark side I mean black cock, they live for fat blondies just as long as she’s white. True story.
The funny thing about Jessica Simpson’s weight gain is that shit happened overnight, I mean sure we all saw her struggle with it her entire career, with titties like that, it was just a matter of time before the rest of her followed, but she went from tight to sloppy over the fucking holidays or some shit and that’s some serious binge eating. Sure it’s probably gotta do with her getting older and her metabolism getting slower and maybe with realizing that the Country world is more accepting of you when you look like farm animals or Winonna Judd, but I think it has to do with emotional eating that stems from feeling inadequate, but that’s just because that’s how I like all my girls.
I don’t know why anyone gives a fuck about whether she’s fat or not, or why she’s trying to dress like a fat chick trying to hide the fat chick in her by using fashionable tricks, to make her look skinny, something that always makes me laugh when my wife tries to pull it off, like when she comes to me and says “does this vertical stripped black shirt make me look thin” and I have to tell her than no optical illusion, drug, would make her look skinny, not even fucking blindness would make her look skinny, because his heightened sense of sound would force him to listen to both you choking on your fucking chin, but more importantly getting fatter by the fucking minute.
So to all you haters out there who said that Jessica Simpson’s country career was a fucking joke and that she’d never make it in the country world, even with her weight gain in efforts to look more like a fucking cow the cowboy wants to fuck, you’re wrong, because here she is at the Country Music Award Nominations, sure she wasn’t nominated for shit, but just being asked to introduce the people who were is enough of a fucking honor, so she’s here to stay.
I had these pictures lined up yesterday, but then the Grammy’s post gave me a mild heart attack that is apparently not a heart attack at all, but probably just too much caffeine making me feel like the biggest fucking pussy around, I mean other than Jessica Simpson, I hear she’s working on eating too much of everything to actually be the biggest fucking pussy around, before choking on her own neck fat before dying of a heart attack.
I am talking a pussy so big you’d take your kids on a day trip to see and maybe even drive through like one of those West Coast Redwoods. A pussy so big it’s got it’s own digestive system, that allows Jessica Simpson to eat double the ridiculously large amount of food she already consumes….
I am sure these pictures have already been plastered everywhere, but I’m not the kind of guy who does work uploading pictures to not post them, so enjoy them a second time around, since she’s not too fat to jerk off to.
I don’t know what’s going onto Jessica Simpson’s face, but if this is what she looks like with no make-up on, they’ve done a good fucking job filling up her birth defects with movie make-up every time she leaves her fucking house all these years. At first I thought maybe I was lookin’ at it from a bad angle, or maybe it was just a bad picture, but in every single one of these, except the one from behind, Jessica Simpson looks like a monster. The kind of monster who eats all the food at every all you can eat buffet in the city. Stupid post? I agree. Blame my hangover and not me.
It’s nice to see that America really focuses on what’s important, you know Jessica Simpson’s weight gain. I could think of 1000 more relevant issues to talk to the President about, but leave it up to your fucked up priorities to get down to business about why the bitch has gained 20 pounds, despite everyone knowing that it is because of laziness, relationship and a bad diet.
On a side note, I was emailed this story where Kim Kardashian takes on Jessica Simpson. No they Aren’t Fighting Over Who Gets the last piece of cake, if anything another fat celebrity she has come to defend Jessica Simpson’s Fat Ass.
I felt the need to share….
Kardashian is really getting furious and “offended” over the media’s coverage of Jessica Simpson’s photos.
She took time out from Super Bowl festivities to post on her blog:
“I was doing Super Bowl interviews for my Leather & Laces party I’m hosting down here in Tampa, Florida, and EVERYONE seems to be asking me about Jessica Simpson’s alleged weight gain.
I think it’s absolutely ridiculous!!! She is not fat at all and I am actually offended that people are giving her such a hard time over this!
LEAVE HER ALONE!!! First of all, her outfit was FABULOUS! I loved that Fendi leopard belt with those high waisted jeans.
She is so drop dead gorgeous and the fact that the media is sending this message out to young girls is mind blowing!
?I am probably twice Jessica’s size, so what do you guys think of me then???”
So it’s official, Kim Kardashian doesn’t read this site, because if she did, she’d know that I think she’s fat.
The good news is that they both came out for the superbowl, not because their boyfriends are star football players, but because they thought superbowl meant some kind of new invention that was way bigger than any other bowl they’ve ever seen. You know, one they can pile all kinds of food inside and emotionally eat that is reminiscent of the trough these pigs should be eating out of.
Jessica Simpson realized that having a big mouth no only helps in her singing, but also has had a huge affect on how much food she can shovel into her goddamn mouth. I don’t care that she got fat, she’s pretty much been off my radar the last few months and it was totally expected, but I figured I’d post these concert pictures that came out since the last fat scandal, and it may be safe to say that although she may be thicker, she’s not as fat as I’d like her to be, you know fat enough to know there’s some serious emotional problem that I can ridicule, instead, she’s just a little thicker, like any girl is when she gets a boyfriend…all she needs is to get dumped and she’ll be back on track, but I have a feeling Romo is making her this way because he wants he all for himself and doesn’t want all these men after her all while making her look and feel like one of the defensive linemen he’s got a crush on when she fucks him up the ass with various household objects. It’s a win/win situation in his closet case life.
BONUS – Here’s Rene Russo’s Opinion on Jessica Simpson and her weight gain…
Bonus – Here’s that NY POST Comic on Jessica Simpson and Her Food Addiction….
Jessica Simpson is fat and everybody cares for some reason. You can’t argue that she’s not fat no matter how hard your little activist fingers type. All I know is that I wish I got that kind of attention when I started on this path to heart disease, high blood pressure and premature death. I am pretty jealous of the love all these really famous people like her sister and obese Kim Kardashian coming out to root for her. Jessica Simpson hasn’t got this much attention since she cleared out the desert tray at the all you can eat buffet, oh no, that was my wife, but you get the idea, I’m sure Jessica Simpson got her fair share of fat habits, like talking about what she’s going to eat the next day while lying in bed at night, or eating rolls of cookie dough while crying about how her younger sister had a kid before she did and her younger sister’s a fucking lesbian married to a woman or whatever else us fat people do. I just don’t get why no one’s announced that she’s pregnant yet. You know a little hole in the condom, missed birth control pill pregnancy planning to get what she feels she deserves, a baby of her own. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the shotgun wedding for that one, because that is God’s way and good ol’ Christian girls take God’s way pretty fuckin serious.
Here are some pics of her reveling in the excitement of the new found publicity.
Jessica Simpson always had the tits of a fat chick, she was just never fat because she had the motivation and drive of a girl who wanted to make it, and she knew that no fat girls make it, so she traded the Texas BBQ for some LA rabbit food and a treadmill. I knew that her move back into country and her move back to Texas from the popstar life, was going to shape her into a new person, a nice fat new person. I guess you can’t fight genetics forever. So here are some pics of Jessica Simpson and her gunt to celebrate good ol’ southern cookin’.
She is a fuckin’ beast, it’s like Tony Romo did this to her because he wanted her to look more like a defensive line so he could actually get turned on when they fuck. She’s so fat, she even needs two fucking belts to keep her belly from dragging on the fucking ground and the whole thing fucking disgusts me.
