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Archive for the Jessica Simpson Category

2009

29

Jan

Jessica Simpson is Fat and Everybody Cares of the Day

3 Comments

Jessica Simpson is fat and everybody cares for some reason. You can’t argue that she’s not fat no matter how hard your little activist fingers type. All I know is that I wish I got that kind of attention when I started on this path to heart disease, high blood pressure and premature death. I am pretty jealous of the love all these really famous people like her sister and obese Kim Kardashian coming out to root for her. Jessica Simpson hasn’t got this much attention since she cleared out the desert tray at the all you can eat buffet, oh no, that was my wife, but you get the idea, I’m sure Jessica Simpson got her fair share of fat habits, like talking about what she’s going to eat the next day while lying in bed at night, or eating rolls of cookie dough while crying about how her younger sister had a kid before she did and her younger sister’s a fucking lesbian married to a woman or whatever else us fat people do. I just don’t get why no one’s announced that she’s pregnant yet. You know a little hole in the condom, missed birth control pill pregnancy planning to get what she feels she deserves, a baby of her own. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the shotgun wedding for that one, because that is God’s way and good ol’ Christian girls take God’s way pretty fuckin serious.

Here are some pics of her reveling in the excitement of the new found publicity.

Posted in:Fat|Jessica Simpson

2009

26

Jan

Jessica Simpson Is Fat of the Day

34 Comments

Jessica Simpson always had the tits of a fat chick, she was just never fat because she had the motivation and drive of a girl who wanted to make it, and she knew that no fat girls make it, so she traded the Texas BBQ for some LA rabbit food and a treadmill. I knew that her move back into country and her move back to Texas from the popstar life, was going to shape her into a new person, a nice fat new person. I guess you can’t fight genetics forever. So here are some pics of Jessica Simpson and her gunt to celebrate good ol’ southern cookin’.

She is a fuckin’ beast, it’s like Tony Romo did this to her because he wanted her to look more like a defensive line so he could actually get turned on when they fuck. She’s so fat, she even needs two fucking belts to keep her belly from dragging on the fucking ground and the whole thing fucking disgusts me.

Posted in:Jeans|Jessica Simpson|Performing

2008

18

Nov

We Get It Jessica Simpson…You’re Dating Tony Romo of the Day

4 Comments

We get it Jessica Simpson. You have a fucking boyfriend and you love letting the world know how in love you are by wearing around his Jersey like some obsessed fan, who sucks his dick everytime he roles into town, because we all know when he’s on the road, or not playing Football, he’s not wearing Jessica Simpson T-Shirts around to let the world know, but he may have had his dick sucked by a whore while one of your videos happens to come on in the background.

This is some jock college bullshit from the 70s, where the cheerleader gets to wear the Varsity jacket, while the QB is out dippin his throwing arm in all the honey pots he can, and I know that her little obsession with him to prove to the world that she’s not a failure of a girl who can’t land love and I think it’s all got to do with her little sister got knocked up before she did and now has a complex.

I know that if I had some kind of credibility and saw a girl wearing one of my t-shirts, I’d go along with it, to get laid, but her over-interest in me would make me run the fuck away right after cumming, I guess Jessica Simpson doesn’t really get men, but in her defense, she doesn’t really get much. Yeah, she’s stupid….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Tony Romo

2008

01

Oct

Jessica Simpson Performed Her Imitation Country Music on Dancing With the Stars of the Day

3 Comments

I always just assumed that Jessica Simpson moved to her country singing because she was from Texas, there was longevity because the fans are loyal like you ol’ one legged dog Buster, who’s never let you down, and because she realized that her voice wasn’t strong enough to keep up with the popstars and her body was aging and tired of the dance. Then I saw this video of her on Dancing with the Stars and I realize that Jessica Simpson’s voice isn’t even strong enough to be country, and country is some pitchy twang shit that sounds like dying animals. Don’t get me wrong, I love a lot of old country, I don’t think it’s untalented people who shouldn’t be making music, I just think Jessica Simpson is untalented and shouldn’t be making music. I think the real tragedy in all this is that Kim Kardashian was asked to dance badly alongside Jessica Simpsons bad singing, instead they hired professionals to do it and if you’re wondering how I know they are professionals, it’s because they didn’t stop halfway through and start pointing and laughing like they should of.

Either way, here are some pics of her because despite not being able to sing, she does have a vagina and I’ve never made a vagina go through a rigorous talent competition or sing off ho down to see if it was worth fucking…because from my experience they are all worth fucking.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2008

22

Sep

Jessica Simpson Does the County Fair of the Day

6 Comments

Jessica Simpson wore a corset to show off her tits to the LA County Fair, which is probably an LA rendition of a county fair that actually mocks real county fairs, as mothers and their bratty kids walk around for the novelty of being at a county fair and to feel like their really at a county fair on some Disneyland level, in their designer outfits and fake tit exposing tops after stepping out of their Range Rovers because they feel rugged today and their convertible is not County Fair quality. It’s like the time I met a Jewish girl, who dressed like a typical suburban girl on a daily basis, but who decided she wanted to live a little and get a piercing, so she dressed in punk/emo gear because she thought that she’d be taken more seriously and because she treated her piercing adventure like Halloween or a bad bar mitzvah activity, without realizing that she was being offensive to the piercer.

I guess that is fitting for Jessica Simson, considering she is the LA rendition of country music, what is also fitting for Jessica Simpson, her top, because she’s busting out of it, and you that is how we like it.

BONUS – Jessica Simpson Sucks Up To Her Boyfriend in Hopes That He’ll Cave In and Knock Her Up By Wearing His Jersey at the Airport…Without Realizing that Guys Hate it When Girls Like Us Enough to Be Our Cheerleaders and Prefer the Struggle of Trying to Make Them Think We’re Cool….This is the Kind of Behavior That Will Get her Ass Dumped….

Posted in:County Fair|Jessica Simpson

2008

19

Sep

Jessica Simpson Rocks the Mic Like a Dick of the Day

6 Comments

If you are good at photoshop, you could easily replace the mic in these pictures of Jessica Simpson with a big black dick and then you could pretend that she was a slutty black on blonde chick and it would make jerking off to them a whole lot better, but the whole effort that goes into staring and cropping a dick so it fits into these pictures perfectly, is a little pathetic and maybe even a little too much effort to put into masturbation, and would pretty much mean you have too much fuckin’ time on your hands, and would be on the same level of weird as the time you spent a week building a fake pussy out of piping and silicone because you found the blueprints on some message board for other losers who can’t get laid and you just had to get in on the fun. I figure if you took that energy and put it towards hustling chicks, or working to make money to hire whores, you wouldn’t really come across as a hopeless loser that finds pictures of Jessica Simpson and a microphone exciting.

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Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Mouth

2008

18

Sep

Jessica Simpson’s Album is Number 1 on the Country Charts of the Day

4 Comments

So it turns out that all the making fun of Jessica Simpson on her quest to be country didn’t really pan out the way I thought it would or wanted it to. I am the kind of guy who likes other people’s failure, especially when the idea they are working on is retarded and I thought country folk would have my back on this shit and resent her and her Beverly Hills lifestyle for trying to step on their backwoods inbred toes, but for some reason shit was number one on the fuckin’ charts.

In all fairness to this “success”, number 3 on the chart was Various Artists -NOW That’s What I Call Country, and I also have a feeling her mainstream diehard fans are the ones buying the shit and not her country haters, and most importantly, no one buys CDs anymore, so I guess when you sell 10 records nationwide, it’s a big deal and gets you noticed, even when those 10 CDs were bought by your dad.

Either way, I still like her tits.

Posted in:Country|Jessica Simpson|Number 1|Tits

2008

10

Sep

Jessica Simpson’s Titties Play With Microphones of the Day

Comments Off on Jessica Simpson’s Titties Play With Microphones of the Day

Jessica Simpson rocks the mic like she rocks a dick and that’s not very well, otherwise she’d be the one pregnant and married and not her ugly, useless sister. I don’t really have anything else to say about that because the quality of Ashlee Simpson’s baby daddy is seriously questionable, but I know that the old maid of sister is jealous and that keeps me goin’ because other people’s pain is my fuel…

Posted in:Breasts|Jessica Simpson|Uncategorized

2008

28

Aug

Jessica Simpson is Still Trying to be Country of the Day

9 Comments

Jessica Simpson is still trying to be country and the whole thing is getting pretty fucking obvious, boring and desperate. Seeing her in some country farm girl dress that looks like it was made by her fashion forward mother who has an affinity for the big city fashions and who tries to stay on top of the trends by copying patterns out of dated fashion magazines and who dreams of a glamorous life that wasn’t of her in Paris, New York, Milan equipped with nothing more than whole lot of fabric and a sewing machine, but who is instead on the receiving end of her husbands abusive drunk weather hand from working the farm. Unfortunately, we all know this bitch is rich and famous and the furthest thing from country. Her stupid costume won’t fool us and either will her uneducated drawl and I predict the next step for her is bringing a cow on stage to milk and I an only keep my fingers crossed that the cow they cast is her sister, it would kill 2 birds with one stone, you know with the whole hick incest thing and all. Either way, I’d still fuck her and her joke of an attempt to re-invent herself. Just because a whore doesn’t charge you for a blowjob doesn’t mean she’s no longer a whore. It does however mean she’s a fuckin’ saint, if you know what I mean….

Here’s Jessica.

Posted in:Country|Jessica Simpson

2008

26

Aug

Jessica Simpson Performs in a Country Corset of the Day

5 Comments

Jessica Simpson’s still out trying to be Dolly Parton and this time she did it wearing a corset as a shirt under some cowboy shit and that’s something I am down with because I like seeing girls in lingerie and the only chance I really have is when they use that shit as outerwear. It’s the kind of shit that leads to public masturbation and is a good defense to rape, because if she’s in her underwear it’s like she’s saying yes despite her cries asking you to stop.

I was walking outside earlier and came across a dude who looked like he thought he just got raped, he was screaming bloody murder, and begging for the pain to stop and everyone just kinda looked at him wondering what the fuck was going on for 10 minutes as he ran around in hysterics. No one had the balls to ask him what was going on and I didn’t care enough to get involved, but seeing a dude freak out that curl up in the fetal position at 10 am screaming and crying, isn’t really the kind of dude I want to grab a beer with. The cops finally showed up, because I guess one of the suits in the area didn’t feel comfortable with the whole thing and they took him away and I assume sent him to the psych ward but it made for an entertaining experience, one probably more exciting that a Jessica Simpson concert because it’s been proven time and time again that her hot tits just don’t make up for her shitty songs, but when shit’s in picture and we don’t have to deal with her offensive voice, I have no issue staring and you shouldn’t either.

Posted in:Corset|Country|Jessica Simpson|Tits