Jessica Simpson Archives - Page 14 of 15 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2008

09

Apr

Jessica Simpson’s Nipples Do Esquire of the Day

Jessica Simpson is in Esquire and I am not down with the way she’s aging, not sure why but I feel like everyday she looks more and more like a dude. The good news is that she’s got some tits and those tits have hard nipples and I guess that compensates for her pro-athlete lookin’ face.

I was watching some Carson Daly shit last night at a girl I met at Starbucks’ house and Perez Hilton was on talking about how he was making out with John Mayer while Jessica was rubbing Mayer’s crotch. Now I don’t care for Perez or his gay stories with singer/song writing homos who aren’t out of the closet with their homosexuality, but the fact that he’s doing gay shit isn’t a testament to how shitty Jessica is in bed, it’s just proof that bitch looks enough like a dude to attract dudes who are on the fence with their sexuality. She’s the kind of girl down with male-male-female threesomes for her sexually confused boyfriend and that makes her someone you’d probably like to get to know because your theory is that as long as there’s a chick in the room with you and another naked erect man, you’re in the clear and don’t have to come out to your family.

More proof that bitch attracts closet cases is that she’s dating a football quarterback. Football may be the most abusive sport out there with men tackling men in spandex who all go to the locker room to shower together when the games over, but it sounds a whole lot like a gay porno storyline to me and if you were a closet cased homo in highschool, you’d probably be more drawn to that extra curricular activity than starting a band to lure all the slutty girls into your basement with….

I guess my theories don’t matter, just look at the pics.

Posted in:Esquire|Jessica Simpson|Nipples

2008

27

Mar

Jessica Simpson Kinda had an Upskirt that You Can’t See of the Day

8 Comments

I don’t know how old these pictures are, or if they are even of Jessica Simpson, but it looks like she’s trying to stop all of us from seeing her vagina and I am sure that’s nothing you aren’t already used to because even when you’re at sex parties and bitches are wiping out on GHB, you still can’t manage to get a peak because you aren’t really there since the invitation was lost in the mail, at least that’s what you tell yourself to make you feel better about never getting to join in on the fun everyone else is having. Don’t worry, the last time I went to an orgy, I got herpes and despite it being the gift that keeps on giving, it’s pretty much the shittiest gift that keeps on giving, worse than that pair of socks your Aunt knitted you that you can’t seem to take off because they are so colorful and scream your name every time you open your sock drawer.

I don’t know what I am talking about because I have never really been giving a shitty gift, but that’s because no one’s ever given me any gifts, so I’m trying to relate to something I don’t know here and you should give me a break.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Upskirt

2007

25

Oct

I am – Slutty Celebrities at the Fredrick's of Hollywood's Fashion Show of the Day

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I love girls who love lingerie and it seems like all girls I ever met have huge collections of it, other than drug addicts with no money and who sell or soil their 2 pairs of underwear that they wash in public bathrooms to stay fresh but beyond the addiction love lingerie. Girls tend to have more panty drawers in their dresser than they have dude’s who want to fuck them in their phone and I am all for watching them try on every single piece they own. The shit makes them feel sexy and glamorous and makes me feel like the creep that I am, because I’m watching from the tree in their backyard with a set of binoculars, but I can still make out what’s going down and I am all for that, at least when they are rockin’ it for me and not for some other homeboy.

Jessica Simpson was there lookin hot….because she’s a Christian girl gone bad….and I love those.

Vanessa Hudgens was there researching what to wear next in her sleazy self-shot pictures with Zac Efron who was there pretending he likes women in lingerie when he’s more into wearing it himself cuz he’s gay.

Joanna Krupa was there…..because she actually gets paid to wear lingerie because she is hot….

Dita Von Teese was there….even though no one wants to see her in lingerie…but she is strips down into lingerie every chance she gets….

Kristen Bell was there but I still don’t know who she is….

Amanda Bynes was there showing off her legs

Related Posts:

Joanna Krupa’s Lingerie Calendar
Vanessa Hudgens Self Shot Amateur Pictures
Dita Von Teese Strip Show Picture

2007

25

Oct

I am – Slutty Celebrities at the Fredrick’s of Hollywood’s Fashion Show of the Day

0 Comments

I love girls who love lingerie and it seems like all girls I ever met have huge collections of it, other than drug addicts with no money and who sell or soil their 2 pairs of underwear that they wash in public bathrooms to stay fresh but beyond the addiction love lingerie. Girls tend to have more panty drawers in their dresser than they have dude’s who want to fuck them in their phone and I am all for watching them try on every single piece they own. The shit makes them feel sexy and glamorous and makes me feel like the creep that I am, because I’m watching from the tree in their backyard with a set of binoculars, but I can still make out what’s going down and I am all for that, at least when they are rockin’ it for me and not for some other homeboy.

Jessica Simpson was there lookin hot….because she’s a Christian girl gone bad….and I love those.

Vanessa Hudgens was there researching what to wear next in her sleazy self-shot pictures with Zac Efron who was there pretending he likes women in lingerie when he’s more into wearing it himself cuz he’s gay.

Joanna Krupa was there…..because she actually gets paid to wear lingerie because she is hot….

Dita Von Teese was there….even though no one wants to see her in lingerie…but she is strips down into lingerie every chance she gets….

Kristen Bell was there but I still don’t know who she is….

Amanda Bynes was there showing off her legs

Related Posts:

Joanna Krupa’s Lingerie Calendar
Vanessa Hudgens Self Shot Amateur Pictures
Dita Von Teese Strip Show Picture

2007

16

Oct

I am – Jessica Simpson Loves Her Dog and I Love Her Tits of the Day

2 Comments

I used to hang out at the Airport hoping to find girls who were coming into town for the weekend. I figured it would be the best way to beat all the other locals to their vaginas because you know a group of girls in town for a weekend is going to end up with all of them having sex with at least one person each and being there to greet them was key to my success because I never had much game. I’d see them walking out and I’d run up to them pretending they were a long lost friend who I was there to meet and who I hadn’t seen in a long time. They were always pretty receptive until I’d ask them to get into my van.

In those days girls at airports were never this put together. They would be in workout gear or sweatpants and look tired and unshowered. You know practically in their pajamas, but not the good kind of pajamas, so it’s nice seeing Jessica Simpson lookin’ good at the airport. It’s also nice to see her carrying her dog around like he’s her best friend, because he probably is the only person she lets eat her used tampons or lick her dirty underwear. Dogs have it made and celebrity dogs really have it made, I always wanted to live the life of a dog and I pretty much do. I sit in the house all day and enjoy shitting on sidewalks.

Here are those pics,

Related Posts:

Some Jessica Simpson’s Got some Crazy Cleavage
Jessica Simpson’s Got a Floppy Fuckin’ Tit
Lots of Jessica Simpson, Her Tits and Her Dog Pictures
Some Old Jessica Simpson Built Like a Tank Pictures

2007

25

Sep

I am – Ashlee and Jessica Simpson Hang Out Together of the Day

1 Comment

Nothing says I love my sister like shoving my tongue down her throat while drunk at her birthday party, unfortunately the Simpson sisters are good little bible thumpers and despite lesbian incest being common in small towns along the bible belt, it’s still frowned upon when you have more options of people to have babies with. It’s like the fallback plan in a community of 15 to keep the community alive, you know a matter of survival, but it’s much better for the health of the community if someone lures in new blood.

That said, I made a new friend last night. He was walking on the streets at 2 in the morning completely lots. He was in his 50s and he was wearing dirty mix matched clothes, so I figured we’d get along since we have the same stylist. He had his bus pass on a rope around his neck and he didn’t know where the bus stop was. He also didn’t know where he was going and I could tell that through his thick glasses, he was scared. So I decided to help, because I am a hero and I was alone and didn’t mind the company. The dude definitely had some kind of retardation going on. I am not sure if he was just insane, or if he was a full fledged waterhead, or if he was just socially awkward, so I did what every hero does. I got him drunk.

We walked in some local watering hole, and we just drank, off his retard monthly check the government gives him. The conversation wasnt’ too good and every 3 minutes he’d get up to go to the bathroom. I constantly caught him confused and drooling and I was starting to realize that maybe booze didn’t mix well with his meds. He ended up vanishing on me. He got up threw his glass on the ground, broke his chair and stormed off stuttering, jittering and convulsing. I think he was having an episode. I wonder if he got home safely…

Either way, here are some boring pics of the Simpson sisters together, probably congregating to get their stories straight on how Papa Joe molested Jessica and not Ashlee, because she’s the ugly sister who wasn’t good enough for her daddy to get a piece of. I like seeing them together to remind us all that Ashlee is the ugly one, and probably feels a lot like the retard I was with last night, you know low self esteem, never fitting in, always being laughed at, trying so hard to be normal or up to par, but always falling short because asshole can’t find his bus home, even with his bus pass around his neck on a rope like he was 5 years old.

Related Posts:

Jessica Simpson Joggin on Set Lookin’ Fit
Jessica Simpson’s Hard Nipples
Ashlee Simpson Kissing Her BiSexual Boyfriend
Jessica Simpson Playing a Drunk on Set

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Jessica Simpson|Sisters|Skinny|Unsorted

2007

21

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson on Set of Some Movie in Shorts of the Day

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I always get hate mail for people for being a mean spirited asshole. I always tell those people that I rip into myself a lot harder than I rip into any celebrity and I am really only doing it for the sake of doing it. I don’t actually care if Jessica Simpson is an idiot or if she was fat but is now too skinny, I would take the bitch as is, no questions asked. I think what it comes down to is that I am just making fun of the media that makes fun of her and seriously reports her weight changes and her relationship status. Who gives a fuck about those things, I just want to see her tits. So here she is lookin’ fit as hell on the set of her movie. I assume she had a jogging scene because she’s in jogging gear and it’s too bad she’s rockin’ a sports bra, because sports bra’s ruin tits.

I remember I used to bang this really busty girl and she’d always be ashamed of having such big tits, so she’d wear a normal bra and 2 sports bras over it in hopes of squeezing the fuckers in. She didn’t like people knowing that she was packing that kind of heat and she wasn’t a fat chick so shit was way out of proportion. I remember that every time I would come over I would fight with her to take the stupid sports bra off because let’s face it, her tits were the only reason I was hanging out with her and as soon as she got drunk enough, she’d let me. Getting to her nipples was like getting to the center of a tootsie pop shit took forever, and there were so many layers. I felt like a prospector lookin’ for gold, but once I got through those fucking sports bras and into that special place where her titties lived, I had so much tit I didn’t know what to do with myself other than cum.

Here are those Jessica Simspon on set pics:

Related Posts:

Jessica Simspon’s Acting Drunk on Set Pictures
Jessica Simpson Showing Off Her Legs
Some Jessica Simpson’s Got Hard Nipples Pictures
Jessica Simpson’s Tit Busting Out of Her Dress

2007

20

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson Playing a Drunk of the Day

0 Comments

Here are some pictures of Jessica Simpson pretending to be Britney Spears, only instead of being in her soiled underwear she in a dress and instead of drinking rubbing alcohol out of the plastic bottle, she’s drinking champagne, but since she’s a good Christian girl the bottle empty and she’s just acting drunk….maybe she should stick to singing…

I remember getting with a crazy repressed Christian chick. Everytime we’d fuck, she’d cry because of her guilt but while we were fucking bitch was insane, she’d be grabbing my cock like no one has ever grabbed it and bitch even made me cum from a handjob like I was 14. I don’t know it was like Jesus possessed her into being extremely fucking bad, but as soon as she was done crying off the shame she’d get up and be a model Christian citizen who told people she was waiting til she was married to give it up, who went to church groups and to the church with her family and I was just this dirty fucking secret. She is the first girl who begged me to finish in her ass everytime we were together and the show stopper was the day she came over with a virgin mary statue and fucked herself with it while making me watch, that lead to crucifixes, jesus statues and some ceremonial candles she stole from her church. The whole thing was a total mind fuck, but I wasn’t complaining, I didn’t care that she had all these fucking issues, because she was good fucking times….even though they were weird times.

All this to say that behind every christian girl is a crazy sexual deviant who’s been repressed all their lives and is ready to fucking explode….and here are those pics.

Related Posts:

Jessica Simpson’s Legs in Shorts Pictures
Jessica Simpson’s Hard Nipples Pictures
Jessica Simpson’s Cleavage Pictures
Jessica Simpson is Rock Solid Pictures

Posted in:Champagne|cleavage|Drunk|Jessica Simpson|Unsorted

2007

17

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson's Got Some Ripped Muscular Legs of the Day

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Here are some pictures of a new Jessica Simpson with her ripped legs. The funny thing about being famous is that when bitch was 15 pounds fatter we all ripped into her for being a fat bitch who needed to lay off the ice cream sandwiches in John Mayer’s dressing room. Now bitch has committed to herself to working out, lost all the fat and has legs that remind me of a wrestler and the easy thing to do would be to dis her, but I won’t because I’d take a strong chick over a fat chick any fucking day, and if I could get my wife to fit into a pair of small shorts instead of the XXL sweats she currently rocks, my penis would be in a happier fucking place.

I used to go to a strip club that always had muscle chicks on staff. They looked nothing like a Jessica Simspon, because these bitches were the real deal. I am talking 30 inch thighs, huge biceps and the broadest fucking backs. I never understood why they were there, I think the manager was into that kind of thing or something, or maybe they couldn’t hold down a real job because they were too busy doing push-ups or some shit. Everytime they’d try to sell me a lap dance, I’d ask them how much it would cost to arm wrestle them instead. Unfortunately, these bitches didn’t think like dudes because otherwise they’d laugh and have a go, but they just looked liked dudes and thought the same way the other hotter strippers thought, like that they were some kind of goddess or fantasy who deserved my money for showing me her pectorals and clit the size of a grown man’s thumb…I never went through with it because I was scared, but I am sure they were really nice people.

Either way, here’s the Jessica Simpson in shorts rockin’ some solid legs I would still like to wear as a scarf.

Related Posts:

Jessica Simpson’s Hard Nipples Pictures
Some Jessica Simpson Cleavage Pictures
Some Jessica Simpson Tits in a Bule Dress Pictures
Jessica Simpson has Strong Legs

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Legs|Muscular|Short Shorts|Unsorted

2007

17

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson’s Got Some Ripped Muscular Legs of the Day

0 Comments

Here are some pictures of a new Jessica Simpson with her ripped legs. The funny thing about being famous is that when bitch was 15 pounds fatter we all ripped into her for being a fat bitch who needed to lay off the ice cream sandwiches in John Mayer’s dressing room. Now bitch has committed to herself to working out, lost all the fat and has legs that remind me of a wrestler and the easy thing to do would be to dis her, but I won’t because I’d take a strong chick over a fat chick any fucking day, and if I could get my wife to fit into a pair of small shorts instead of the XXL sweats she currently rocks, my penis would be in a happier fucking place.

I used to go to a strip club that always had muscle chicks on staff. They looked nothing like a Jessica Simspon, because these bitches were the real deal. I am talking 30 inch thighs, huge biceps and the broadest fucking backs. I never understood why they were there, I think the manager was into that kind of thing or something, or maybe they couldn’t hold down a real job because they were too busy doing push-ups or some shit. Everytime they’d try to sell me a lap dance, I’d ask them how much it would cost to arm wrestle them instead. Unfortunately, these bitches didn’t think like dudes because otherwise they’d laugh and have a go, but they just looked liked dudes and thought the same way the other hotter strippers thought, like that they were some kind of goddess or fantasy who deserved my money for showing me her pectorals and clit the size of a grown man’s thumb…I never went through with it because I was scared, but I am sure they were really nice people.

Either way, here’s the Jessica Simpson in shorts rockin’ some solid legs I would still like to wear as a scarf.

Related Posts:

Jessica Simpson’s Hard Nipples Pictures
Some Jessica Simpson Cleavage Pictures
Some Jessica Simpson Tits in a Bule Dress Pictures
Jessica Simpson has Strong Legs

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Legs|Muscular|Short Shorts|Unsorted

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