I wonder how I missed this Kate Upton social media pic of her grabbing at South African model, who was also in SI Swimsuit, because she’s got huge tits, Genevieve Morton’s tits….because it hit the internet on Valentine’s Day….maybe I was too busy being romantic for my wife….by trying to fuck other girls….or maybe I just don’t pay attention to pig looking women, even if they have massive tits, because I prefer my women to be lean and lovely, not big and dumpy…..but it happened, here’s the pic…we can all move on now….

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The smartest thing Skullcandy did for their brand was lock Kate Upton into a contract, because a few weeks ago, I went through their youtube channel and every other video they did, I’m talking with known people, got all of 10,000 views, while this pig drives millions….

Tits get hits and she’s got a lot of tit…so it just makes sense that people watch….even if the whole thing is a pile of talentless, unfunny shit, that doesn’t make sense which is appropriate cuz Kate Upton’s fame doesn’t make sense……her body is sloppy, she’s built like she’s 40 and at 19, you know that’s gonna end real fucking bad….but in this window of opportunity, you know her 5 minutes, everyone’s celebrating…..

What a disaster….

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I just don’t understand Kate Upton’s body. She looks like a sausage….but why not beat a dead horse….or pig in this case…with my dick….and post all her awkward bodied pics with her big fucking sagger tits that are full and lovely despite being shaped like a 45 year old obese mom of 4….

That said, she’s a hero, a star, the top of her game, fat chick in training and looking like she’s so good at it, she may go fat chick pro…you know Olympic level….the next Anna Nicole Smith…in her time to shine…for the second time…

Here are some videos of the glorious experience she’ll look back on when in her wheel chair at 60 thanks to diabetes related amputation

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The flood gates open – or more appropriately…the fence gate at the pig farm has opened…and Kate Upton – the 19 year old with tits and body of a 45 year old mom…that is for some reason loved by all dudes who love tits….and all companies who realize tits get hits….giving her a second cover like she was Elle Macpherson or Cheryl Tiegs….or Tyra Banks…the dumpy white version….and the pictures are starting to be leaked slowly….kinda like you’d imagine her asshole does after she hits the all you can eat buffet…and based on her belly…you know she does that often….but like you…I’m down with her tits….

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This is Kate Upton in some campaign called “Accessorize” when really the only accessory she needs, has used, and now relies on, is her tits…they are the only thing that matter of hers….and You know what…tits or not….I hate Kate Upton..and I know I hate a lot of things…and my hate is no taken seriously at all…cuz when you hate everything inconsistently….it’s as annoying as when you like everything inconsistently…and we all know how bad we want to punch most overly positive people in the genitals…but in all my years of hating one girl, then liking her, then hating her, I can safely Kate Upton doesn’t deserve the success she’s had, she’s built like a Walmart clerk who just hasn’t finished puberty yet, but who as soon as she does, will fucking explode into some swollen ankle, diabetic, hormonally imbalanced freak. She is the babe from highschool you see 5 years later with 3 kids and a fucking motorized scooter for handicap people to get through the grocery store without having a heart attack…she is like my fucking wife…misleading as hell and it is cuz obesity starts in the tits…but all her hype makes everyone jump on her bandwagon…but I know…they know what I know…and that is that she’s the fucking worst…even if miss piggy sells product….

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I was lied to….just the other day I was told that Nina Agdal was the new Kate Upton, and despite looking handicap, I thought thank god a girl with a good body is finally getting back into the bikini model leading role….but I shoulda known better…Kate Upton’s tits get hits and the past year has been a series of her getting job after job…becoming more and more famous…proving that dudes don’t care about hot fit bodies…they just care about sloppy fucking tits…she’s not hot, not deserving, there’s no real reason for her to be at this level, she must be related to someone important, somewhere, cuz seriously, she’s a total pig..but a pig people love staring at and a pig they throw on the cover cuz maybe, just maybe, it will see some copies, despite no one doing that whole magazine thing anymore….

This is a disappointment…but at least they took my advice and said “if we’re gonna put her on the cover, let’s get her in a snow suit, cuz a snow suit is the best bikini for her shitty body type….

I blame all you tit obsessed kids who weren’t breast fed…

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I don’t know why high or even mid range fashion has taken a liking to Kate Upton…I figure she’s more appropriate for WalMart or any discount bargain basement company….you know with her beer belly and all….She’d be perfect for Nascar, or beer companies or really anyone who isn’t trying to promote a middle of the road, hot chick from highschool turned old and married, lifestyle.

I assume they just like the attention she gets for having big tits…you know cuz tits get hits…but as far as I’m concerned she’s a pig…and a great looking pig who I am not against being in photoshoots…but a pig…who should know her place in the world when it comes to photoshoots….I can’t blame her for taking jobs, I can only blame her for not saying no to the cake…every fucking day….

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I am sure these are old pics of Kate Upton that Zoo Magazine just bootlegged for an article on the greatness that is Kate Upton…because in the UK, a land filled with gremlins you can’t feed after midnight, she is am American bombshell….that all their working class chimney sweepers get hard for while looking at their toothless wives as they eat their beans and porridge…or whatever it is they eat in the UK…..

I mean seriously…I can see her fucking belly hanging over her weird fat chick lingerie…and I know this has already been photoshopped…it’s just fucking awkward…and embarrassing.

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Tall, long legged, awkward mid-section, obese chick in training, Anna Nicole Smith junion, Kate Upton…..is in a Mercedes ad campaign for the Super Bowl…..and I guess this is their first release to get the buzz going…..

Really mercedes?

I guess they are trying to hit the middle class dude market with no taste….but there was a time when the Benz was a fancy car..and I guess as people got richer and bought Rolls Royce’s and Bentley’s…they had to scramble and said to themselves….”Kate Upton is well liked by dudes who like tits, and dudes who like tits can afford 400 dollar a month leases on cars that were once considered luxury cars”…..so instead of casting an actual babe….giving us some aspiration unattainable dreams we hope a car like that gives us….like it is supposed to be marketed….they’ve decided to throw out all branding….and say “hey joe dude who likes tits, get a benz”….

What a fail….

That said…why the fuck are 10 dudes washing one car…If I was rich I’d make sure the big pig of a woman would be doing it as me and my friends throw pork rinds and her saying “eat your mommy, eat your mommy”……

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I cry sometimes when I am lying in bed….just trying to figure out this Kate Upton thing….cuz it fucks with my head…seriously…I get that all good things come to an end…but really this soon in her young life…shit has fallen off this bad…it makes no sense to me that between the ages of 18 and 20 she’s become a fucking porky fucking pig who looks like a 30 year old mom who has thrown in the towel cuz she’s found a rich husband to support her….you’d think she’d do everything in her power to make this high last at least 5 more years…you know by not eating….but instead she’s just left us with tribute videos for us to remember when Kate Upton looked like this?….and not the Anna Nicole Smith, god rest her soul, she’s become….

UPDATE – Someone just sent me this GQ pic…I’m still not sold on it…it’s just smoke and mirrors and exlax for 3 days before her shoot people…

Posted in:Kate Upton