Thanks to hormones in the food and genetics that have plagued so many teenagers before her, 18 year old Kate Upton has great full titties….that aren’t gonna always be great…cuz great full titties lose their appeal when the rest of the bitches body catches up as she hits 25…..which I guess isn’t the end of the world, cuz she’s still got 7 more years of exciting you, and it could be longer if she stays focused and keeps on a strict diet and exercise regime….but it was the end of the world for the many bust teens I’ve come across in my life, but more importantly their husbands, when the bitch became Gilbert Grapes mom…if you know what I mean…

So, on that note, here she is in Esquire, try to forget the downer I put on these pics, cuz really who cares where she is or how fat she is at 25, it’s not like we’re friends with her, we’re just looking at her tits today, cuz that’s all that matters….

I’m so philisophical…

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Kate Upton’s doing her marketing to the college kids rounds because she knows she’s on borrowed time. She hit the Tosh.0 show, where she participated in a stupid stunt that I think failed, but that I’m sure half of you idiots thought was hilarious, cuz they zoomed in on her big hormone in the food tits…the very same 18 year old tits that the rest of her body is going to catch up to…cuz that’s just how metabolisms work, I mean she’s already got a thick belly starting to form and it’s just a matter of time.

But I don’t wanna ruin a good thing, take it in while it’s still worth taking in, as she milks the next 3-5 years before hitting Roseanne Status.

On a sidenote, this Tosh.0 dude needs to be beat the fuck up, I feel like he doesn’t really know he’s irritating, and there’s nothing like a good beating to remind you that you are… Isn’t that right Nicolas Cage’s Son? I know, all you idiots love him and I don’t care what you think, his act sucks and must die.

Posted in:Kate Upton

The Kate Upton tour continues… This bitch is everywhere. I guess she knows that her 18 year old huge tits are going to be 28 year old obese tits cuz tits like this at 18 always have a stomach and ass that will always catch the fuck up ….it’s scientifically proven.

So I like her drive and ambition and appreciation for this unexpected success and fame…I like that she knows there is a timeline before she turns into Gilbert Grapes mom….especially now that every dude wants to fuck her young sloppiest bikini model body that’s still not as sloppy as your wife…but probably sloppier than she was at 18 that I’ve ever seen and she’s just gonna get sloppier…

But for now, she’s getting body painted, showing off her body, while you can think about how few dicks have probably been in her…it’s the whole 18, innocent, hot bodied, busty that’s better than good for now….

I know this is going to end in a sex tape.

Here are her friends grabbing at her tits. Amazing…

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Am I the only negative person who likes to point out the negatives in everything good?

I mean obviously, I can tell this is an amazing 18 year old girl, who has great tits and is at the top of her game right now, doing Victoria’s Secret and SI.

It’s not my fault that’ I’m a realist and see that no 18 year old with natural tits like this stays like this and that “voluptuous” at 18 isn’t the same as Voluptuous at 30, cuz Voluptuous as 30 is usually the skinny bitch no one noticed at 18, and Voluptuous at 18 is usually the pig you see eating donuts on break from her WalMart shift.

Metabolisms slow don’t…Don’t blame me, blame the hormones in the food.

Here she is in a tight dress, showing off tits and gunt, take it in when you can, cuz it is all down hill from here…

Posted in:Kate Upton

The irony of this Kate Upton milking a cow is almost bittersweet….or maybe this isn’t irony but instead a self fullfilling prophecy….I’m not good with words or theories or concepts or much but I am good wih predicting whether a fat titty 18 year old is going to end up fat or not…because I know when the tits are too big to make sense they usually don’t make sense until the bitch turns 25 and her ass and stomach catch up to her…mark my words…appreciate her tits while they aren’t competing with the rest of her…cuz they are spectacular for now…but I know how this works and you’re not gonna trust me but you should.

So here’s Kate “Fat in Training, It always starts in the tits” Upton – milking cow.

Posted in:Kate Upton

This Kate Upton bikini picture is doing the rounds and I figured I’d post it cuz he’s a ridiculously busty 18 year old making millions to get into a bikini thanks to genetically altered hormones in food that made her a top heavy teen who will have the rest of her body catch up with her just as soon as she’s done puberty, but until that obese mess happens, we need to celebrate her body of work…at least that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it…

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I was fucking with Kate Upton on Twitter….you know saying seductive shit like “I can’t wait for your ass to catch up to your dumpu tits” and she blocked me…I feel like 140 characters or less don’t give me the chance to explain myself or that historically 18 year olds with big tits all end up really fat by 30, it’s like their just awkwardly developed in a good way, and shit takes a turn for the worse when their matabolism slows down….It’s just the way it is…

The fact is that she’s not 400 pounds now, and she’s at her prime, so I’m down with seeing as much as we can of her before that horrible time comes, and it will come, it always does, but you’ll forget her name and that she existed by then…

So take it in Upton, you’re on borrowed time.

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I don’t know much, but I know how young pussy ages and I am going to say there is a 98 percent chance this Kate Upton chick is going to be the next Kirstie Alley, provided she doesn’t give into her barnyard eating habits that are just instinctive….

So take it in while you can….cuz the shape of her ass, the sloppiness of her tits, the thickness in her skinny ankles are all gonna catch up to her, but at least she was smart enough to make money off the shit while it was there, unlike all the hot girls I knew who just went on to get married and fat while wasting their prime on school and long term relationships…

Who really cares where she’s going, it’s about celebrating where she is today, with her big young tits in some animal print, something that speaks to me ever since deciding I want to be an exotic animal smuggler or bitches dressed like exotic animal smuggler when I grow up…..even if I am already grown up….a man’s allowed to dream, isn’t he?

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Kate Upton’s alright. She’s 18, she’s got some real full tits. Her ass kinda sucks, her legs kinda suck, she walks like a retard, she talks like a retard, her objectives are retarded, but I guess I’m just being picky. I mean those tits are just ridiculous, on some hormone in the food kick, I mean she’s 18 and stacked like that, barely hit puberty and built like that, and if she’s like every other bust 18 year old I know, bitch is gonna end up 300 pounds in a trailer park, you know when the rest of her catches up to her, but for now, here’s a video of her titty bounce….No idea when it is from, but who cares.

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Why the fuck didn’t I know there was a national cleavage day for some bullshit charity….that can’t be all that bullshit if it involves bitches playing with their tits with the excitement you’d expect from a child on Christmas day opening that toy they always wanted only to find it under the Christmas Tree…that for some reason never happened cuz no one loved you…if you know what I mean…

She’s 18. American. On the rise and is going to take the fuck over. Already so eager to use her body for profit, only good things are going to come of this……

Posted in:Kate Upton