2009
10
Sep
Another one bites the dust….RIP Penelope Cruz’s sex appeal cuz bitch is reportedly knocked the fuck up. It happens to the best of them, I mean she’s just being a woman. We can’t really hate her, especailly when her nose was so fucking big, it was almost hard to love her, so if anything it all makes sense.
Pics via Fame
Posted in:Penelope Cruz|Pregnant
2009
18
May
I don’t know what this stage show is all about, but I do know I like it. Sure bitch has a big ol’ nose that kinda fucks with my head and I am sure fucks with any dude she’s giving head to, you know trying to get your dick deep throated with that shit poking into your pelvis is fuckin’ annoying and not fully attractive, but she manages to pull it off and that’s all that matters. Maybe I’m just being nice becuase she’s got no pants on.
That said, I met some radom cute girl and I got to talking to her. She told me she just got back from some Russia circus she was touring with, now I know you don’t know me, but if you want to get me excited, all you have to fuckin’ say to me is circus. Anyway, I got excited and got to asking her about what she did in the circus, you know since it’s a magical fuckin place and she could be anything from the person who picks up the elephant shit to the fuckin’ contortionist who can eat herself out.
It turns out she’s a fuckin’ acrobat, so instead of seducing her, I decided to ask her if she ever considered doing porn because I feel her skills would come in handy, and that pretty much concluded that future love affair.
Here’s that Cruz bullshit.
Posted in:Panties|Penelope Cruz
2009
03
Feb
The funny thing about Penelope Cruz is that she is an inspiration to big nosed girls everywhere. All girls with dark hair use her as a reference or justification why they keep their big noses. They reference her as their celebrity look-a-like and she brings them a level of confidence that they need to leave their house without a scarf over their faces. The truth is Penelope Cruz does pull off the big nose, but from my experience, the big nosed girls who I have met and who think she’s the idea woman don’t, and that’s why I randomly email before and after nose job pictures from fake emails to passive aggressively get my point across, because pointing and laughing at big nose jokes hasn’t been all that effective
Speaking of big noses, I was just getting a coffee from my local arab coffee shop and for those of you who don’t know Montreal, there are a lot of Jews here. Pretty much 90 percent of people who speak English are Jewish and ever since these arabs took over the coffee shop a year or two ago, I’ve noticed a steady decline in traffic.
It’s worked for me because there are no lines or crowds to spark my social anxiety and panic attacks I get when I am sober, but unfortunately the arabs are cheaper than the previous owners who used to give me coffee for free and now I have to pay retail. It doesn’t really bother me that much, it’s a fucking coffee and I’ve consistently been stealing a couple of dollars from my wife everyday for the last decade without her noticing, but that’s not the point.
Today, I walked in and saw the manager was wearing a Free Palestine pin. I took him aside and told him that I’m not an expert, I am not Jewish or Arab and don’t know their issues, I also don’t know business or claim to know his business, but there’s a lot of Jews who already stopped buying from him because they think that for every coffee they buy, some of the money goes back to fund his militia at home and that he may want to lay low on advertising his stance fact with propaganda on plastered on his fuckin’ shirt, if he wants to stay in business. Instead of thanking me for my advice, he just passionately told me he hates jews and doesn’t want them around and now he hates me too and to get the fuck out of his store and I did before he suicide bombed the place….I’m am not ready to die for a fuckin’ coffee or cause I don’t care about…
Here’s some Penelope Cruz see through shit….
Posted in:Penelope Cruz|See Through
2008
21
Mar
2007
11
Oct
I am all about spanish chicks. I don’t know why but I think it’s gotta do with fear. They are passionate people and when you wrong them they go fucking crazy and I guess the whole getting stabbed in my sleep for trying to get another girl to show me her tits makes me feel really loved because I would never kill anyone for anyone, I just don’t care enough about anyone to bother, but knowing that a girl is willing to go psycho for me is makes my heart go pitter-patter.
I met a hot Spanish girl last night who knew about the site. It was a bit of an ego boost because I didn’t realize anyone actually read this shit and I was right, she landed on it by accident and never re-visited, but she still remembered the name and that kinda gives me a boner because it means more hot girls are out there and hopefully they are a little sluttier than this one because she was too busy being hot to let me convince her to show me her vagina. In all reality I was scared to ask because she’s Spanish and I didn’t want to get stabbed…..but I did make her whisper sweet nothings in her native tongue, unfortunately not the kind of tonguing I’m into….
Here are some Penelope Cruz using her tongue in her bikini with some boyfriend.
Penelope Cruz in a Bikini on the Beach
Penelope Cruz Yellow Bikini
Penelope Cruz’s Cousin Topless
Monica Cruz in a Bikini
Posted in:Bikini|Boyfriend|Penelope Cruz|Slut|Unsorted
2007
18
Sep
Here are some pictures of Penelope Cruz’s family on the beach somewhere without Penelope Cruz. I have posted about her sister Monica Cruz before, she’s sin the thong, but I have no idea who the topless chick is. The message board I steal my pictures from say that it’s her cousin and it doesn’t really matter who she is, all that matters is that she is living the life, sitting on the beach all thanks to Penelope’s hard work. I guess this is a lot like when they were living in Spain as kids and they’d sit at home all day and send Penelope off to mow lawns, clean houses, work at the local cafe so that when she got home they could steal her paycheck and buy themselves ice cream.
Reality is that I don’t care how she’s related to Penelope Cruz because I just like topless beaches and would post that shit whether bitch was famous or not. I have this fantasy of grandeur, living the life with an above ground pool and a backyard where my stepdaughter and her friends will tan topless while I just sit back and drink beer. All the 18-20 year old hot girls will come over to take advantage of the only pool in the ghetto and I will be a happy fucking man….
I guess the point of this post is that the cousin’s tits are uneven and there’s nothing sexier than bringing a bitch home, taking off her bra to find that shit was being balanced out with a pair of socks and you’re really dealing with some one tit bigger than the other shit that is a lot like driving with a flat tire.
Here are those pics:
Penelope or Monica Cruz Foot Fetish Pics
Penelope Cruz’s TIts Leaving the Gym
Penelope Cruz Bikini Pictures
Penelope Cruz in a Short Dress
Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Cousin|Monica Cruz|Penelope Cruz|Tits|Topless|Unsorted
2007
18
Sep
Here are some pictures of Penelope Cruz’s family on the beach somewhere without Penelope Cruz. I have posted about her sister Monica Cruz before, she’s sin the thong, but I have no idea who the topless chick is. The message board I steal my pictures from say that it’s her cousin and it doesn’t really matter who she is, all that matters is that she is living the life, sitting on the beach all thanks to Penelope’s hard work. I guess this is a lot like when they were living in Spain as kids and they’d sit at home all day and send Penelope off to mow lawns, clean houses, work at the local cafe so that when she got home they could steal her paycheck and buy themselves ice cream.
Reality is that I don’t care how she’s related to Penelope Cruz because I just like topless beaches and would post that shit whether bitch was famous or not. I have this fantasy of grandeur, living the life with an above ground pool and a backyard where my stepdaughter and her friends will tan topless while I just sit back and drink beer. All the 18-20 year old hot girls will come over to take advantage of the only pool in the ghetto and I will be a happy fucking man….
I guess the point of this post is that the cousin’s tits are uneven and there’s nothing sexier than bringing a bitch home, taking off her bra to find that shit was being balanced out with a pair of socks and you’re really dealing with some one tit bigger than the other shit that is a lot like driving with a flat tire.
Here are those pics:
Penelope or Monica Cruz Foot Fetish Pics
Penelope Cruz’s TIts Leaving the Gym
Penelope Cruz Bikini Pictures
Penelope Cruz in a Short Dress
Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Cousin|Monica Cruz|Penelope Cruz|Tits|Topless|Unsorted
2007
20
Jul
After work, I walked the 1.5 miles home and lost the will to live/ get laid. This is what I came across.
— a little boy fell off his skateboard skateboard while talking on his shiny Razr
— a pregnant woman with a gremlin face (condoms, please)
— a homeless man was washing his leper feat with water out of a McDonald’s cup
— an old man and his Woody Allen Voice yelling into his phone “You are my girlfriend, why are you treating me this way?” (mystery)
— a man pushing a dog in a hot pink stroller
— a 10 year old girl kicked a pigeon
— a Bentley with a license plate reading “CAVITY” (search?)
It felt like i was living in some fucked up combo of ‘Twin Peaks’ and ‘The Truman Show.’ I Got home, took some pills, drank. If I hadn’t been for my vibrator, I would have done myself in. It’s fancy. It has a clit stimulator.
So I am not hurting so much anymore, but you’ll be hurting for Monica Cruz on the beach in Ibiza wearing a bikini. Seriously, let’s talk about the charmed life. Your big sister, who is arguably less hot than you, makes it big as Tom Cruise’s beard, and you don’t have to work your way to fame, just sit their and look pretty. Nicely done, you hot, Spanish minx.
Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)
UPDATE: Here’s some ones of Penny too. Who do you love?
I am – Penelope Cruz in a Short Dress of the Day
GO
I am – Penelope or Monica Cruz Foot Fetish Pics of the Day
GO
I am – Penelope Cruz Bikini Pics of the Day
GO
Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Monica Cruz|Penelope Cruz|Unsorted
2007
13
Jul
I’m not sure if this is a dress or a shirt, but in the end it doesn’t really matter to you virgin ass, you know it and I know it. Penelope could be covered in dog crap and cigarette ashes and you would still be all over her ass.
Remember when she dated Tom Cruise? I never understood that. Everyone said she was his “beard� or whatever they call nice ladies that pretend to be in a relationship with homos but I never bought it. She seemed way to smart for that. She was also way to good for him, a lot like the girls I see out at the clubs I go to, hanging out with some Brandon Davis-esque asshole because he has a bottle of Grey Goose vodka.
I knew this girl a bit older then me once who constantly dated loser guys. She was so out of their league it was ridiculous. She explained to me one day with all her guy problems she had in the past, she was like fuck it, and dated guys who would do anything for her because they knew and she knew they would never get to stick their dick in something that looks as good as she did ever again.
So keep that in mind the next time a pretty girl seems like shes being nice to you, you fat loser.
I am – Penelope or Monica Cruz Foot Fetish Pics of the Day.
GO
I am – Gemma Atkinson Bikini Pics of the Day
GO
I am – Tara Reid See Thru of the Day
GO
Posted in:Penelope Cruz|Uncategorized|Unsorted
2007
06
Apr
The beauty of the internet is that you can look at a bitch shop and not get caught like if you were on the street doing it. I remember being a pervert before the internet where I’d hang under staircases lookin’ up hoping to see some panty, or sitting on the bench in a bikini store waiting to see girls try shit on and model it for me for free before getting kicked out. I even remember trying to peek around the curtains of the changing room hoping to see some nudity, I didn’t need the internet to make me realize all the opportunity there is as a peeping tom. But I did need the internet to allow me to do it without getting arrested.
The internet breeds perverts like you because it makes you live differently than you used to. It has given you fetishes you would otherwise never have and instead of innocently walking by a store, you’ll find yourself trying to get an upskirt view, or catch yourself staring at a girl tries on her shoes. The problem is that the internet is a safe haven for all this shit, while being out in a mall leaves you open to the elements.
Here are some pics of Penelope or her sister Monica Cruz trying on shoes and giving some upskirt peeks, so you don’t have to go to the mall to get what you need. You’re welcome.
Posted in:Monica Cruz|Penelope Cruz|Unsorted
