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Archive for the stepTV Category

2008

08

Oct

Marisa Miller Does Harley Ads of the Day

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I am not attracted to chicks who ride motor bikes. They are the same kind of girls who drink beer and like bar brawls. They fuck you like crazy because the vibrations of their motorbikes make them walking verge of cumming sluts, but they are rarely fucking hot and when they are hot, they are usually lesbian or into wearing Ed Hardy and getting shitty tattoos and fake tits, and that shit just doesn’t do it for me. Maybe I’m too picky, but I’m more into girls who are scared of the world and want guidance, not ones who want to grab life by the balls and see where the road takes them.

I understand what Harley’s doing in bookin’ Marisa Miller to be their hot biker slut, simulating sex on one of their bikes like a lame poster or calendar you’d find at a mechanic’s garage in the 80s, but motorbikes just makes me think of fat chicks who like wrestling and pulling out their fat tits when drunk, the same kind of girl who would rape you if she crossed you in a dark alley and I can’t really see past that, watch the video of some biker slut I saw when on a drive with a friend, be careful though, shit’s hotter than DJ AM’s skin, and I hear that’s so hot it’s melting.

Posted in:Harley Ad|Marisa Miller|stepTV|Uncategorized

2008

07

Oct

N.E.R.D Has Make a Wish Foundation Retard Dancers of the Day

3 Comments »

There was an N.E.R.D show in Montreal last week and my stepdaughter went to see them, because she, like every girl, thinks sleeping with Pharrell will get her to meet Justin Timberlake, while my other stepdaughter would be satisfied with just meeting Pharrell, and by meeting, I mean servicing backstage because they are social climbing sluts and I encourage that, even if Pharrell is dark skinned and that is against God’s way, he comes across as a pretty white black dude and despite having more hip hip hits under his trendy belt, he’s still pretty suburban lookin.

Anyway, they got some footage of his concert where a couple dudes were brought on stage, I know, already a little backwards if you ask me, then he gets them to be his backup dancers for his entire show, instead of hiring or even recruiting one of the many sluts from the crowd who were already dripping in their panties for him and would have given them something to masturbate to for the next year, but instead he chose this make a wish foundation retard mess.

Posted in:Dancers|N.E.R.D.|stepTV

2008

26

May

The Baldwin Brothers are Drunk of the Day

3 Comments »

You know – bros who shave together – stay together. I decided it was time to take out the camera this weekend while drunk. I haven’t done one of my legendary, academy award worthy stepTV clips in a long time and I realize I gotta bring that shit back to the site. In future, I hope shit’s a little better than this, but I like to think it’s part of the charm.

These are two bald guys getting pizza after a night drinking together, I wonder if they do more than just rock the same hair style together, like maybe they shave each other’s hard to reach areas because only they truly understand each other.

Posted in:Baldwin Brothers|stepTV

2008

21

Apr

Tila Tequila is a Video Star…Baby…of the Day

3 Comments »

I spent Saturday drinking all day, because that’s what I like to do everyday. I figure if I am not drunk by 5 pm, I’ve failed, since it’s the only thing I am good at, according to me, according to everyone else, I’m some kind of evil drunk who takes down everything in my path, but since I black out and never seem to get arrested I figure I’m no real threat, unless I haven’t been caught for shit I’ve done and don’t know I’ve done, which is really the whole point of drinking because last time I checked I drink to forget and not to remember.

Either way, I heard that superstar Tila Tequila was going to be at some chachi club that I can’t fucking stand and decided since I was drunk that it would be funny to try to get in wearing my jogging pants and mustard stained T-shirt. I got to the door and couldn’t get through the crown of Ed Hardy shirt, tight jean wearing immigrants so I called a friend who I knew would be at the event because he has a crush on Tila.

Either way, he ended up getting me on the guest list and let inside, but that didn’t stop the harassment, every chick in the place looked at me with disgust and cleared a 5 foot circle around me like this was some kind of dance off while everyone else in the club was crammed together. I approached the area they had sectioned off for Tila Tequila and her friends and got this video of her doin’ a little dance. It’s a far cry from a sex tape but there’s only so much I can pull off with a limp dick, no social skills, a bodyguard tying to keep me away from her and a mustard stained shirt. Enjoy.

TILA TEQUILA DOESN’T LIKE HUGS…

BONUS – Here are some Bikini Pictures from Some Photoshoot of Her Being All Active and Shit…

Posted in:stepTV|Tila Tequila|Tits|Video Star

2008

08

Apr

American Beauty Queens of the Day

5 Comments »

I am not a racist, I am not going to say that any part of the song is appropriate for the video. I am going to say that some people have some pretty sick fetishes and when I look at scantily clad fat chicks, no matter what their ethnic background is, I feel like someone down the line has given them some bad advice. Those people are usually perverts who can’t get pussy or weirdos who had fat moms and think that’s how women are supposed to look and make them feel good about being pigs, but all I want to do is lock my fuckin’ fridge to the ground or some shit, for fear that these pigs won’t take the time to open it to see what’s inside and just down the whole fuckin’ thing whole and when that’s done, they’ll move to the couch and eat that too. On their way down the street for their after meal walk, they’ll swallow every chick that crosses their path and still have room for desert. These bitches are fatter than Perez, but then again so am I and so is my wife, and you don’t see me walking around showing off my balls, even though I should….

I guess none of this matters and that I am still drunk, but know that whatever the fuck’s going on in this video, it’s fuckin’ wrong except for maybe their huge tits, but that’s just because I know how to focus my attention to what’s really important and that’s all I have to say about that.

Posted in:Black|Obesity|Sluts|stepTV

2007

02

Oct

I am – DrunkenStepfather at the Neighborhood Festival Part 2 of the Day

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So the stepNEPHEW, Paco Riviera, followed up yesterday’s video with a second part that was shot when he was a little more drunk and so were the people he was talking to. It’s nice to see that no one has any idea what this site is, except Steve Aoki, it is because no one reads this site and that’s okay, I am used to it and will keep on posting because I have pretty much nothing better to do with my time and because it allows me to brag about being the coolest site on the internet that no one reads, and chicks really dig that at least that’s what I tell myself when my wife is trying to convince me to go down on her…I’m all like “bitch I don’t need you”…but then I realize that I do cuz I got nothing better going for me.

Check Out Aoki’s Record Label and Pre-Order His New CD that Hits October 16th
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DrunkenStepfather at the Neighborhood Festival Part 1
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I link people who say nice things about me.

Posted in:Hipsters|Neighborhood Festival|stepTV|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

01

Oct

I am – DrunkenStepfather at the Neighborhood Festival Part 1 of the Day

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This hipster shit is taking over the world so I emailed the Neighborhood Festival in L.A. asking for press access. Since I always get rejected I was surprised that they hooked us up with access. The problem with things working out was that I don’t live in Los Angeles and had no choice but to set shit up. So I had to find someone to go out there and fuck with people for me.

I reached out to my stepNEPHEW Paco and he was willing to do it for me, which is a good thing because I am way less funny and motivated and probably would have slept through the festival if I was able to afford a plane ticket, which I can’t.

If I was there I would have ended up offending people in the first minute and they would have punched me in the face by minute 3, because I am in the business of getting punched in the face which could be funny, but I wouldn’t have had a camera to film it and it’d just be stories on the site that no one would ever read. So in a lot of ways, Paco is a god send and here is Part one of DrunkenStepfather at the Neighborhood Festival. Enjoy.

Remember, ladies send in your titty pics into me for Paco to sign if he got you all hot and bothered.

Posted in:Neighborhood Festival|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

28

Sep

I am – Soulja Boy Fans of the Day

3 Comments »

So I was walking down the street and heard a group of assholes singing Soula Boy’s Crank Dat tune. I was a little confused but realized that every asshole and his fucking mother, aunt, cousin and child were hooked on this shit. I knew the youtube instructional videos already had 7,000,000 views or some shit and every asshole is gettin down to this shit, I guess what it all comes down to is that all these people like their radio.

Now I don’t mean to be a social chainsaw and I don’t mean to hurt people’s feelings but some bitch was acting gangster with me, so gangster that I asked her if her Clit was a fuckin’ Glock or if she uses her Glock as a tampon, cuz we all know metal and plastic are not all that absorbent so she had to rely on the red pants for back-up. So I gave her the pet name “Period Pants” because when a bitch has her period but is too poor to get a tampon she’s got to compromise. Maybe I shoulda called her smart shopper because with those red pants on, no one would ever know.

Anyway, I decide to film them and some bitch who I like to call teeth because all I saw was teeth got mad and me for filming her, she told me that she was already famous and asked if I was paparazzi. I told her that if she was worth my time and wasn’t so busted, that I could be anything she wanted, but until she transformed into a hot chick, we had nothing to discuss.

Her friend, a dude with a mustache wasn’t too impressed so he called me a cunt. Now I am okay with being called a cunt, because I know that I am an asshole, and 5 minutes earlier I had just walked into a glass door trying to find out Jared Leto’s room number at the W Hotel, because I figured I could get some decent footage of him banging underage girls and I could use that shit to make myself famous while getting arrested, but some cocksucker from a legacy of hotel managers ruined that dream by telling me that he’s had a dream to run a hotel since he’s been a kid and hotel management is his life fucking work and that he’s been studying it since he was 5 but was only a night receptionist and he wouldn’t give me the room number because that’s against the rule of hotel management

Either way, dude called me a cunt, I got mad, told him that mustache boys feel good on my balls like Soulja Boy feels good on his ears and that he should suck my dick, not cuz I was coming on to him but because tough guys aren’t into suckin dick and calling tough guys bitches or emasculating them in any way is the one way ticket to their tough guy hearts. So the next time he sees me I am going to get shot, but I don’t give a fuck because I am willing to get shot for content. That’s how much I like you. Cuddles.

Oh and I just made you famous, bitches.


Related Posts:

7,500,000 People Have Watched the Soulja Boy Dance Tutorial Because they are Losers

Ps – Period Pants, We Get It You, Watched His Music Video and Learned His Complex Dance. You are a dancing queen now go fuck yourself because you are just one of 7.5 Million motherfucker.

Posted in:Crank Dat|Losers|Soulja Boy|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

24

Sep

I am – Paris Does Montreal of the Day

6 Comments »

I found out that Paris was going to be hitting up some ChaChi bar in Montreal about a week ago. I thought it would be funny to get myself into the event even though it’s not that funny. So I tried contacting the club involved. They wanted nothing to do with me or the website so I had to think of alternative options….

I was given Paris’ number a long time ago and we used to have a little dialog going. Unfortunately her number was released on the internet and she changed the shit. So I was stuck with Stavros’ number. Now if you don’t know who Stavros is, he is the fuckin’ man. He has banged anyone famous you can think of, from Petra Nemcova, to Lohan to one of the Olsen twins – so I decided to reach out to him…

Now, Stavros has been in my phone for a while, and I constantly send him text messages and he responds. I never understood why, becauseI have told him that I am from drunkenstepfather, and he always seems to ignore what I say. I had no idea how to get into this shit, so I asked him an he put me on the list. He was under the impression that I was his boy MIchael Perez and I just rode that shit home. So as he told me that I was on the list, and I’d ask him under what name and he told me Michael Perez, I just went along with it…

When I got to the club I told them that I was this Michael Perez motherfucker and they didn’t have me on the list, so I wrote Stavros a CURT text message saying that I was gettin dicked around. The dude was wearing overalls and no shirt and made me feel uncomfortable…Within about 15 minutes the owners of the club found me in the group of 100s of people, apologized and brought me inside like I was important, even though I hadn’t showered and was wearing ratty clothes. I was on Paris’ list and they thought I was some Michael Perez motherfucker who was important for whatever reason. I got to the bar, thought it was hysterical cuz everyone in there was showered and good looking, drank as much as I could afford and waited for the night to end. I fell down the stairs to the bathroom and I was rejected when trying to get into Paris’ VIP area, by Paris Hilton. The security dude brought her my cell phone where all the Stavros messages went down, and she looked at it and said that I could join her stupid dance circle.

The whole epxerience was fucking jokes and I kept laughing. I met some black chick who liked roses and some blond chick who thought I was bored and I just drove that shit home

I think the highlight of the night was watching a whole club zone in on Paris and watch her every move. Bitch would dance and everyone in the place would clap like she was Barney. The whole place was focused 100 percent on her. I guess they didn’t notice how handsome I looked.

When I was leaving, I was told Paris hadn’t left, so I waited around to let her know who I was. Not that it got me invited to her hotel room, but it was still funny, and that is the video you see. I will deny that being my voice because the asshole in it sounds jewish and 13, but reality is that we love Paris and Stavros and this is the proof. I am now Michael Perez and you are still an asshole.

So after all is said and done, they still don’t know what this website is or that it exists, but Paris Hilton is 100 percent worth a round, and I would be willing to get herpes for one night in her. I will be tickling my balls with the hand I shook of hers, just after I disinfect it. Paris changed my life, and I am a groupie now…I am pretty easy to win over…all I need is a little booze and some attention…CUDDLES….

UPDATE: I was fucking drunk when editing and writing this post at 5 am. I was out alone and stealing booze off some dudes with gel in their hair’s bottle….I shoulda asked her to bring me back to her hotel to let me lick her asshole. But I forgot. I did feel like a 14 year old girl waiting around to see Paris, but I needed to get something for the site and I wasn’t about to get arrested over the shit, so this is what you get.

If you were looking for a video of me throwing my feces at her, this isn’t it. I am too nice for that. I forgot to tell her I was from Drunkenstepfather.com, I was just trying to get over my big breasted Barmaids big breasts and the fact that people actually care about Paris. Like care so much that there was a crowd outside the place. I was also trying to get over this really rich bald old guy and his entourage of 10 really hot 20 year olds who I can only assume were on Payroll, making me realize that when you have money you can have any pussy you want.

It may look like I was all lined up to meet and greet her, I was just standing outside with some dude from Afghanistan when this went down…harassing random people coming out of the club…but I barely got any of it on video because I was drunk. I did try to hustle a black girl and that was a first for me. It wasn’t a success because some male model type was handing out roses to all the girls and that made all their panties wet, if they were even wearing panties…which made the floor wet…either way, I was upstaged by him and I was only doing it because I figured she wouldn’t mind my stink.


Here’s the rest of my videos from that night I can’t embed the shit…So Click the Link…
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Related Posts:

Exclusive Paris Hilton Party Pictures
Paris Hilton Upskirt of the Day
Paris Hilton Academy Award Bathing Suit

Posted in:Drunk|Montreal|Paris Hilton|Party|stepEXCLUSIVE|stepSTALKER|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

20

Sep

I am – Crazy Lesbian Dancer of the Day

13 Comments »

Crazy dancers are always the life of the fucking party, they make people laugh and they seemingly don’t give a fuck about anything which is usually confused as being confidence and chicks like confidence, but usually not that kind of confidence because that confidence is more like insanity or drug use and it makes people uncomfortable. Point being that I have never seen the Crazy Dancer leave with the chicks, but maybe that’s because he’s not into chicks….I remember hearing a story that men don’t ever dance with their hands about their shoulders, they kind of just stand there and throw them out every once in a while, while girls are more into the whole spanish arms up and look at my titties bounce moves. So when you see this you gotta think dude’s a fucking lesbian but at least he’s having a good fuckin’ time….


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stepTV Interviews Hard Nipples

Posted in:Dancing|stepTV|Unsorted