I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Uncategorized Category

2007

12

Jul

I am – Brittany Snow Forgot Her Milk Jug of Gasoline of the Day

1 Comment »

Brittany Snow at Hairspray Premiere

Sugar Nell again. I have a bone to pick with this unmuzzled wench, Brittany Snow, and it all started back in 2003 when my Turkish ex-pimp Zeki was stealing cable so we could get a better picture because let’s face it, bunny ears don’t do shit, and you are nothing with out even basic cable. NOTHING. One fine fall evening, Zeki let us girls have an hour of TV-time before he appropriated our lady-parts for his financial gain. This piss-poor show “American Dreams” came on… Oh Miss Snow. My beef with her is not that she looks like some genetic-wizard’s wacky hybrid of a poorman’s new-nose Ashlee Simpson and Tara Reid on a good day, but that she is a terrible actress. I will give it to her–she has rock hard abs, skinny hips that are on the cusp of tranny, is skinny, but looks like she should be steeling gasoline in a plastic milk jug from the Esso so she and her pals can huff the pain away.

In a not completely unrelated story, Snow looks like the best looking/ friendliest stripper at this boondock slag-shack in upstate New York that I visited post-Zeki, when i began my adventure on the Community College track. I had heard this place had “Amateur Night” every night. So one sad Tuesday my friend and my professor decided to move the malt-liquor marathon on to this aforementioned palace of peekaboo-poonani, which of course, was so classy it did not have a liquor license (awesome), yet managed to have white powder lining the nostrils of every dancer there (and bitches wouldn’t share, most of which were big and brokedown, so its not like it was going to good use). The three of us and a weathered rail-of-a-man romancing his 7up were the only patrons in this fairly un-exciting shit-shanty. So my friend and I jump on the stage (because every night is amateur night) and it’s like suddenly the strippers have a new lease on life, start zealously tutoring us in the art of “pole”: we were their Matt Damon to their Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting. I don’t know who was Minnie Driver. We made two bucks off our community college professor, three off the old man with the 7up, and we were offered a job.

And a stripper who looked like Brittany Snow made it all happen…

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell
Email Me

I couldn’t find related posts on this bitch, so here’s some random ones I found under Tits.

I am – Jessica Simpson in a Blue Dress of the Day
GO

I am – Michelle Marsh Has Huge Tits of the Day GO

I am – Pam Anderson’s Tits Do Magic of the Day
GO

Posted in:Brittany Snow|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

12

Jul

I am – Amanda Bynes' Zellwegger Face of the Day

No Comments »

Amanda Bynes Zellweger Face

One of Jesus’ old flames agreed to help me out with the site in his absence. She’s a fine lady, and I hope all of you will treat her with the decency and respect you have treated me since I started here. And by decency and respect I mean name calling and sending her full frontal nudes.

Hi there, my name is “Sugar” Nell and I am one of Jesus’ ex-hooker friends he got pregnant back in the day (but a steady diet of liquor and Oxycontin solved that little mishap). I am gonna be assisting his lovely stepdaughter Marie-Eve while he is away Cruise’n + Booze’n, because he helped me out when I finally took care of my Turkish pimp, Zeki (it involved spiking his Raki with anti-freeze, which didn’t kill him, but layed him up in the county hospital for a few weeks…

These are pictures of Amanda Bynes promoting the queef-fest that is the remake of Hairspray on some show that is probably German or Belgian, one of those faux-TRLs that eats up American B actors with bloated Zellwegger-esque faces and bottle blonde hair like a fat Detroit autoworker inhales his sacred Hoagies (or cheese-steaks or whatever the hell they eat in Detroit, which is one of our fattest cities here in the States, or at least it should be).

The point is Bynes isn’t bad looking, she is attractive in a corn-fed kind of “I am a slim Midwestern Girl who discovered Sun-In and Fake-Tan” way. But her face is so damn big it reminds me of the girl I knew from Zeki’s harem that tried to get off coke because it was fucking up her nosejob. She took up Bulimia instead, which was hell on the pipes in the basement apartment/ boiler-room we called home, to which Zeki possessed the only key. The slut went from having elfin facial features to a big-ass Moonface over night. Seriously. I am sure Bynes isn’t bulimic, but I am saying that looking at her face is like discovering a new planet. She is all make-up, and she should perhaps lay off the salt. And she is one of those annoying Nickelodeon child-star comedians that should have all been rounded up and drowned as babies.

Zeki was not thrilled with Moonface’s makeover, and Zeki would not be pleased with Bynes either. But alas, Zeki is no more… but that is another story, for another time…

Obediently yours (because I am still afraid of being beaten)

Sugar Nell
Email Me

Posted in:Amanda Bynes|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

12

Jul

I am – Amanda Bynes’ Zellwegger Face of the Day

10 Comments »

Amanda Bynes Zellweger Face

One of Jesus’ old flames agreed to help me out with the site in his absence. She’s a fine lady, and I hope all of you will treat her with the decency and respect you have treated me since I started here. And by decency and respect I mean name calling and sending her full frontal nudes.

Hi there, my name is “Sugar� Nell and I am one of Jesus’ ex-hooker friends he got pregnant back in the day (but a steady diet of liquor and Oxycontin solved that little mishap). I am gonna be assisting his lovely stepdaughter Marie-Eve while he is away Cruise’n + Booze’n, because he helped me out when I finally took care of my Turkish pimp, Zeki (it involved spiking his Raki with anti-freeze, which didn’t kill him, but layed him up in the county hospital for a few weeks…

These are pictures of Amanda Bynes promoting the queef-fest that is the remake of Hairspray on some show that is probably German or Belgian, one of those faux-TRLs that eats up American B actors with bloated Zellwegger-esque faces and bottle blonde hair like a fat Detroit autoworker inhales his sacred Hoagies (or cheese-steaks or whatever the hell they eat in Detroit, which is one of our fattest cities here in the States, or at least it should be).

The point is Bynes isn’t bad looking, she is attractive in a corn-fed kind of “I am a slim Midwestern Girl who discovered Sun-In and Fake-Tan� way. But her face is so damn big it reminds me of the girl I knew from Zeki’s harem that tried to get off coke because it was fucking up her nosejob. She took up Bulimia instead, which was hell on the pipes in the basement apartment/ boiler-room we called home, to which Zeki possessed the only key. The slut went from having elfin facial features to a big-ass Moonface over night. Seriously. I am sure Bynes isn’t bulimic, but I am saying that looking at her face is like discovering a new planet. She is all make-up, and she should perhaps lay off the salt. And she is one of those annoying Nickelodeon child-star comedians that should have all been rounded up and drowned as babies.

Zeki was not thrilled with Moonface’s makeover, and Zeki would not be pleased with Bynes either. But alas, Zeki is no more… but that is another story, for another time…

Obediently yours (because I am still afraid of being beaten)

Sugar Nell
Email Me

Posted in:Amanda Bynes|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

4 Comments »

stepLINKS July 11th

I wrote this hilarious post and did all the links and then my computer crashed because our house is hot as fuck and Jesus won’t get us an air conditioner. I wrote a fantastic intro, which I lost of course, along with all the links. I felt really movivated to continue after, as I’m sure you all would. But, something pretty funny did happen to me today.

I was driving back to my place with a friend in his car and there was pretty heavy traffic, so we hit up the Mc Donald’s drive through to grab some food. As we stop at this light, this street kid and his girlfriend go up to a BMW in front of us and start trying to squeegee the windown or some shit. I could see the kid in the passenger side waving the guy away. The homeless kid got pissed, you know cause homeless people generally think they are entitled to all shit we work all day for while they sit around in the sun drinking booze. The kid took his squeegee and not only hit the front windshield but also kicks the side of the passenger door which I am pretty sure left a dent.

As this point they were yelling racial slurs at the father and son in the car, and even telling them ignorant shit like to “go back to their country” etc, cause you know, thats whats racist ingorant people do. The traffic picked up, and the BMW drove away, I guess they didn’t want to get involved or some shit. So, I did the only thing I could think of and took the lid off my supersized orange soda and threw the thing on the kid as we drove by and my friend honked the horn. It was amazing. Here’s the links,

Most song lyrics are bullshit. Here’s some proof.
GO

I dunno who Battles are, but they seem pretty cool to me.
GO

The Joys of Food and Sex.
GO

Prisoner workout sing along.
GO

In case you are hungry and poor, like I am.
GO

Waste time at work playing this cool game.
GO

Michelle Marsh gets the dumbest tattoo ever.
GO

Josh Duhamel is dating what appears to be a man
GO

Cellphone in the bumhole. Cause you’re a perv like that.
GO

The colour purple….and orange.
GO

A wet t-shirt contest, because you never get to see boobs in real life.
GO

Natalie Denning is so hot it’s ridiculous
GO

Pam Anderson shows us her tits. For the millionth time.
GO

Chick walks through toen in a Meat Bikini.
GO

Lohan knows how to read! Or so she claims.
GO

Cameron Diaz wears see through tops. She’s probably trying to distract from her
face.
GO

Naked girls at a pool party.
GO

An ode to the Female Ass
GO

Use this next time you almost get robbed on the way home
GO

Drunk college girls get naked for the camera. What else is new.
GO

Brandon Davis is ugly and I hate him.
GO

Now THATS what I call a sex toy
GO

Your daily piece of ass.
GO

Nicole Richie is still going to jail, just later then we thought.
GO

More ET Porn
GO

Some Pretty Naked Photobucket Pics
GO

Next Generation of Rape Prevention
GO

Jessica Biel Big Tit Pics
GO

Mariah Carey Bikini Pics in Spanish
GO

Mark Ronson has a new album or something.
GO

The art of the Bikini.
GO

Now you can watch Scarlet Johanson undress without fear of a lawsuit.
GO

More Photobucket Vagina – Thanks Rogue Collector
GO

Live vicariously through the guy touching this girls ass.
GO

Charlie Sheen found a new wife-to-be to cheat on and abuse.
GO

Hairy wife. Because you are a dirty hippy at heart.

GO

Guys with big guts are hot, just ask Jesus.
GO

Rachel Bilson is adorable.
GO

Lindsay Lohan wants to get married.
GO

Why are Posh and Beckham famous?
GO

And More Photobucket Vagina – Thanks Rogue Collector
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Ninja Cheerleaders
GO

Kids give teachers Marijuana muffins. Awesome!
GO

Whores dancin to Christina Aguilera’s Dirty.
GO

Katherine McPhee is really hot.
GO

Hilary Swank is skinny. Duh.
GO

Pink .vs. Shitney Spears.
GO

Find sex in your home town, or where else you happen to be.
GO

Being a virgin at 35 is really, really sad. Maybe this will help you.
GO

Show Me Your Links and I’ll Show Your Mine
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Valeria Mazza Bikini Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

valeria_mazza_bikini8.jpg

Here are some pictures of Valeria Mazza in a bikini from the other day. I don’t know who she is but she is in a bikini, so as far as I am concerned she important for me. I wonder how many times I can write that over and over and over and over again in 3 years before going insane.

I think I am getting nervous about the site, or maybe all this not writing is filling my brain with shit I usually throw up on the site, but I had a dream that Wikipedia used me as an example as to how not to do some pretentious kind of comedy that only top actors could achieve and said that I was a hack. Then I tried to stage a flash mob at the offices of Wikipedia but got distracted on the way while shooting a stepTV clip of a man beating up his pit bull and his older wife coming up to me thanking me leading to me eating her out while he watched all mad in the corner.

I started letting my stepdaughter post, I think she’s doing a good job, I liked her links, I like her stories, I don’t know why an 18 year old would go to a speed dating thing, I figured they’d be too busy playing with Barbie, learning how to hip hop dance, and having her first drink. I guess she’s been hanging out with 40 year olds again, I’ll have to put an end to that.

I don’t love that she posted pictures from months ago, because I am so cutting edge here, but she’s just starting out and I basically trained her by telling her to upload pictures, write a post, push publish…I expect all you fuckers to email her leads, links, fan mail, pictures of your girlfriend’s naked so they can compare their tits and do other girl stuff with each other…you know what I am saying…she’s not me, she’s probably better than me, give her a chance, keep coming back. I will chime in as often as I can but I’d rather be on the boat taking in all I fucking can….I will write a travel journal. I leave tonight. Fuckers.

For the record this is a close to 40 year old Swimsuit Model from the 90s with a ton of kids, I figured since I dreamt about wikipedia, the least I could do is use them.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Shakira's Ass of the Day

2 Comments »

Shakira’s Ass

Shakira’s body defys all odds of physics as we know it, and I mean that in the best possible way. She gives hope to us young girls that we don’t have to starve ourselves in order be attractive. I also read somewhere she’s got an incredibly high IQ, but for all I know her publicist thought it would look good and just threw that in there to try and dim the fact that she looks like a stripper 98% of the time, which may or may not be a bad thing depending who you talk to.

I go to school with this girl who wants to be a stripper, no shit. She wrote about it in an essay for our Creative Writing class in a sort of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” type thing. It wasn’t some shit like “Oh, I wanna do it to put myself through med school” (which is always a lie btw) or even “I just wanna do it to make some cash.” this is actually what she wants to do for a living.

The look on the teachers face was priceless when she walked up to read her essay, and the content was filled with choosing a name which projects the type of image you wish to be known by, how she plans to deal with other strippers who want to fight her, and the art of using the pole to the best of her ability. Most of the girls just shifted uncomfortably in their desks, while the guys all seemed to have a new interest in her after class. I just laughed my ass off at the fact that my stepfather would probably be throwing dollar bills at her within the next 6 months.

Posted in:Ass|Shakira|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Shakira’s Ass of the Day

2 Comments »

Shakira’s Ass

Shakira’s body defys all odds of physics as we know it, and I mean that in the best possible way. She gives hope to us young girls that we don’t have to starve ourselves in order be attractive. I also read somewhere she’s got an incredibly high IQ, but for all I know her publicist thought it would look good and just threw that in there to try and dim the fact that she looks like a stripper 98% of the time, which may or may not be a bad thing depending who you talk to.

I go to school with this girl who wants to be a stripper, no shit. She wrote about it in an essay for our Creative Writing class in a sort of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” type thing. It wasn’t some shit like “Oh, I wanna do it to put myself through med school” (which is always a lie btw) or even “I just wanna do it to make some cash.” this is actually what she wants to do for a living.

The look on the teachers face was priceless when she walked up to read her essay, and the content was filled with choosing a name which projects the type of image you wish to be known by, how she plans to deal with other strippers who want to fight her, and the art of using the pole to the best of her ability. Most of the girls just shifted uncomfortably in their desks, while the guys all seemed to have a new interest in her after class. I just laughed my ass off at the fact that my stepfather would probably be throwing dollar bills at her within the next 6 months.

Posted in:Ass|Shakira|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Petra Nemcova Body Painting of the Day

No Comments »

Petra Nemcova Bodypainting

Marie-Eve here, again. Apparently Jesus’ computer is on the fritz, so I’m gonna be doing the posts a tad early while hes getting ready for his Cruise. I’ve been getting some lovely emails from some of you and also some that are pretty creepy, but keep them coming, I love it!! stepdaughter@drunkenstepfather.com

Here’s some pics of Petra Nemcova and some other lucky, lucky person messing around with some body paint, which I guess is what super models do when they aren’t at fashion shoots on tropical islands, going to swanky parties, and having sex with millionaires.

They have this sort of outdoor festival where I live every Sunday, and its always filled with a bunch of old and young hippies, plus a few normal people that go up there just for the hell of it. You’ll always see a good amount of idiots playing the drums, blowing bubbles and dancing in circles and urging you to join in on the love fest. The last time I was up there, there was a bunch of them body painting each other, and of course one thing led to another and a few of the girls took their tops off to let some of the guys (who looked like the forest had just thrown them up) paint their tits.

As always, it wasn’t the hott looking pixie hippies that chose to undress, but the fat, unshaven, pasty white ones instead. Why does it always go down like like? Can some one explain it to me, please? Why is it that the most disgusting people are always the ones that are the most comfortable with themselves? Anyone?

Here’s some shots of Petra to ease the pain of people who don’t know how to cover up.

Posted in:Models|Paint|Petra Nemcova|Tits|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Balljogger of the Day

No Comments »

I never understood people who exercise, probably because I am 18, and dont have to worry about saddle bags and love handles yet. Actually I don’t even know what a love handle is. I did get a gym membership this one time. My boyfriend had cheated on me and left me heartbroken and tender and frail. I had convinced myself, like most idiot girls, that if I was thinner he would somehow regret leaving me. I guess the joke was on me, cause when I saw him with the girl he cheated on me with, she had an ass way fatter then mine. I guess he just loved the chunk. I stopped going to the gym that day.

Posted in:stepTV|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

10

Jul

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

4 Comments »

boobs.jpg

Marie-Eve here. I Had some problems with the links, but I think they should be good now. I went to this speed dating thing last night with my best friend Anna. I wasn’t really into the idea, but a friend of Anna’s had gone the week before and enjoyed it and she insisted I come with her because girls can’t do anything alone, ever, and I figured it will be good leverage next time I have a pregnancy scare and want her to come to the doctor with me.

Anyways, I guess I happened to come on the Speed Dating Special Olympics Day or something because the pickings were slim, and by slim, I mean I wouldn’t fuck any of these guys with your sister’s tattered vagina. Some of my potential prospects included:

– A 32 year old accountant, who actually told me he was married and that he is looking for stimulation outside of the marriage. He also had a comb over. Hot!

– A guy who was my age, but talked so much about his ex girlfriend that I didn’t get a word in, and by the end of the allotted five minutes we had to get to know each other, I knew why she had left his ass and told him so.

– A 25 year old who’s, first question was, I shit you not, “Do you play World of Warcraftâ€?, to which I replied, “Are you a virgin?â€?

Suffice to say, that will be my last experience with speed dating. Personally, I’ll stick to the old fashioned way of going home with some random stranger, waiting till they fall asleep after sex then stealing their last cigarette before I climb out their window and down the fire escape, and then go home to cry in the shower.

My Stepfather tells me that some of you email him from time to time, and I’m hoping you will do the same for me. Send love/hate letters, funny stories and full frontal nudes (fully shaven please) to stepdaughter@drunkenstepfather.com. If you are lucky, I’ll post it, and all 4 of the other people that check out this site will have the pleasure of reading it too. Here’s the links. *Hugs and Kisses*

Posted in:stepLINKS|Uncategorized|Unsorted