Uncategorized Archives - Page 105 of 421 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

21

Jun

I am – Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfing of the Day

These are some pictures of Jennifer Garner doing something that I’ve never heard of before but I am not really well versed in celebrity beach activities. It’s called paddle surfing and it sounds as stupid as it looks, I don’t really understand why you’d want to be Tom Sawyering when you could be on a Yacht or canoe or if you wanted the rafting experience, you could hire some Native Hawaiian dude to do the paddling for you because you’re rich. But I think the bigger issues is why you need lessons in this “sport” because shit looks pretty fucking straight up. It’d be like taking lessons in floating in the pool on some blow up toy.

I don’t like this bitch, I never did. I don’t think she’s hot and I think Ben Affleck got stuck with her because bitch told him she was on the pill or some shit, forcing him to shotgun marry her and live this bullshit family life, because it was the responsible thing to do. You know waking up everyday telling himself that there’s new fresh pussy that wants his dick, while staring at her post pregnancy ass but realizing that he has to stick it out with this bitch, even though she only landed him by not being honest because it’s the right thing to do. I guess I could be wrong, but that’s the only way I’d end up with her and I’m pretty poor, desperate and a straight up disaster….

I like that this bitch is staying fit and wish that I had that kind of drive, but I am one of those guys that feels that watching girls work out or fuck around in bathing suit bottoms is exercise.

I woke up today feeling like I had raped myself up the ass with a liposuction vacuum set on blow not suck. I know feeling fat is supposed to be a chick thing but I got drunk last night snuck into a gas station at 4 am and stole a ton of shitty gas station food and ate it all. That may not sound like a big deal to some of you obese American readers who do that everynight, but I don’t want to turn into my wife and more importantly my sweat pants are starting to be a little snug, and not in a good way. In case you missed that joke, because it sucked, I was talking about my dick because getting hard in sweatpants is always offensive but welcomed when you haven’t been hard in what seems like years.

Either way, look at the fucking pictures and leave me alone. I am hung over or still drunk. I haven’t figured it out yet.

2007

20

Jun

I am â€“ Pam Anderson Breasts Do Magic of the Day

135 Comments »

So here are some pictures of Pam Anderson and her retarded magician friend on the TODAY Show performing their act. His biggest magic trick is foolin us into thinking that Pam Anderson still has a career after Hepatitis.. Proving that a career based on big tits does have staying power, even though, this shitty gig is less status than being a Price is Right girl, itâ€™s almost as bad as working the local car show, but sheâ€™s doing it in a one piece bathing suit and thatâ€™s good enough for me because lookin at her obscenely huge cans and weird discolored rash/scar/birthmark reminds me of what dreams are made of.

I am posting a post that a girl sent into me. I wasnâ€™t going to post it but she bribed me with pussy pictures of herself and I am all about box shots. So hereâ€™s her post on some cunt named Scott Baio and his new reality TV show that no one will watch. The tie in is that he slammed Pam Anderson.

I am – Beating a Dead Horse Named Scott Baio with My Clit Ring of the Day

I don’t know about you, but when I used to turn on the TV to watch some music videos, you’d turn on MTV or VH1. That line of thinking is apparently wrong. VH1 has decided that Scott Baio would be their newest edition to the already overpopulated laundry list of shitty reality TV shows starting in July. Chaci is now 45 years old and single. The difference between you and Baio is that he didn’t have to jerk it to Pam Anderson, he actually got to fuck her (pre-tit job) and they were once engaged. Baio lost his virginity to Erin Moran, his co-star on Happy Days, fucked Charles in Charge and future Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear have both slept with Baio as well as Brooke Shields. Even Liza Minnelli wanted his sperm. Weird. Erika Eleniak, Nicolette Sheridan, Beverly D’Angelo and Natalie Raitano have all been slammed by the native New Yorker along with countless other playmates. Chaci has been a staple at the Playboy mansion for the last few decades. The only thing you could possibly relate to in Baio’s reality is that he’s forty-five and single and if you’re not there yet, you will be.

During the show, Scott Baio is 45â€¦ And Single!, Baio asks the question, “How can I have been with some of the hottest women in Hollywood and still be single?” Well, probably because boinking all those sluts left his dick looking like it went through a meat grinder and sprinkled with parsley. Next year,Scott Baio is 46â€¦ And Dead!

Unfortunately this post reads like a fucking wikipedia entry, and this bitch has more business writing press releases for VH1 than she does for me. It didnâ€™t make me laugh but I have been known to be a bit of a joke snob, not because I think I am the funniest motherfucker out there, but because itâ€™s hard to make a broken bird laugh. At least thatâ€™s my theory as to why I find every obvious joke I read offensive.

On the positive side of things, it does prove the things I will do for pussy. I am pretty fucking easy, some would call me a whore, others call me a creep but above everything, I am a pervert.

2007

20

Jun

I am – Pam Anderson Breasts Do Magic of the Day

No Comments »

So here are some pictures of Pam Anderson and her retarded magician friend on the TODAY Show performing their act. His biggest magic trick is foolin us into thinking that Pam Anderson still has a career after Hepatitis.. Proving that a career based on big tits does have staying power, even though, this shitty gig is less status than being a Price is Right girl, it’s almost as bad as working the local car show, but she’s doing it in a one piece bathing suit and that’s good enough for me because lookin at her obscenely huge cans and weird discolored rash/scar/birthmark reminds me of what dreams are made of.

I am posting a post that a girl sent into me. I wasn’t going to post it but she bribed me with pussy pictures of herself and I am all about box shots. So here’s her post on some cunt named Scott Baio and his new reality TV show that no one will watch. The tie in is that he slammed Pam Anderson.

I am – Beating a Dead Horse Named Scott Baio with My Clit Ring of the Day

I don’t know about you, but when I used to turn on the TV to watch some music videos, you’d turn on MTV or VH1. That line of thinking is apparently wrong. VH1 has decided that Scott Baio would be their newest edition to the already overpopulated laundry list of shitty reality TV shows starting in July. Chaci is now 45 years old and single. The difference between you and Baio is that he didn’t have to jerk it to Pam Anderson, he actually got to fuck her (pre-tit job) and they were once engaged. Baio lost his virginity to Erin Moran, his co-star on Happy Days, fucked Charles in Charge and future Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear have both slept with Baio as well as Brooke Shields. Even Liza Minnelli wanted his sperm. Weird. Erika Eleniak, Nicolette Sheridan, Beverly D’Angelo and Natalie Raitano have all been slammed by the native New Yorker along with countless other playmates. Chaci has been a staple at the Playboy mansion for the last few decades. The only thing you could possibly relate to in Baio’s reality is that he’s forty-five and single and if you’re not there yet, you will be.

During the show, Scott Baio is 45… And Single!, Baio asks the question, “How can I have been with some of the hottest women in Hollywood and still be single?” Well, probably because boinking all those sluts left his dick looking like it went through a meat grinder and sprinkled with parsley. Next year,Scott Baio is 46… And Dead!

Unfortunately this post reads like a fucking wikipedia entry, and this bitch has more business writing press releases for VH1 than she does for me. It didn’t make me laugh but I have been known to be a bit of a joke snob, not because I think I am the funniest motherfucker out there, but because it’s hard to make a broken bird laugh. At least that’s my theory as to why I find every obvious joke I read offensive.

On the positive side of things, it does prove the things I will do for pussy. I am pretty fucking easy, some would call me a whore, others call me a creep but above everything, I am a pervert.

2007

20

Jun

I am – Jessica Biel in a Bikini for GQ of the Day

98 Comments »

I don’t usually bother with magazine pictures because they are doctored, boring and taken by professionals. I also don’t get as excited as I do when I rip off pictures taken by immigrant’s with cameras trying to live the dream by taking pictures of famous people doing everyday things, like walking their dogs, working out, walking the red carpet, eating, nipple slipping, see through dressing, but these Jessica Biel in a bikini pictures were worth doing because she looks worth a fuck for a change.

I rip into her for being built like a dude, with her broad shoulders and sturdy frame that could probably hurt me if she decided to come after me when she finds me hiding under her bed when I become more ambitious at getting the hottest content on the site, which won’t happen because I am lazy, but I was just saying.

She’s addicted to working out, she probably doesn’t have a cock, but that doesn’t mean bitch isn’t a top and if she does, the thing was photoshopped out, so I guess that’s the benefit of these professional pictures, it allows you to get off to a man, without thinking you’re getting off to a man, and means you’re not as gay as your friends think you are for always trying to get them to show you their dicks.

I once knew a football player who told me that you’re not a real man until you’ve had a dick in your mouth. He said that if you suck a guy off and don’t get turned on in the process that it is the best test of your comfort in your sexuality. I don’t really agree, to me the second you’ve got your buddy’s load dripping down the back of your throat, whether you got off or not, you’re a fucking ‘mo.

2007

20

Jun

I am – Toastee From Flavor of Love Sex Tape of the Day

1 Comment »

Some dude just asked me to sing the song Lip Gloss by Lil’ Mama to him over the phone. I don’t know what that song is or what motherfucker was implying when he wrote that to me, but I can only assume it was gay.

I also got an email about some whore named Toastee who is in some new celebrity sex tape video from Vivid, because Vivid is hooked on releasing celebrity sex tapes, even when the people are half rate celebrities. She was on some show called Flavor of Love, that I have heard of, but have never seen, but I don’t think that qualifies her as being a celebrity or having a celebrity sex tape. She’s just a girl with a dream of living the life and the only way for her talentless self to live the dream is by fucking on camera. It’s called being a fucking pornstar and girls have been exploiting themselves for money forever, because let’s face it, if you have no self respect it’s a pretty fucking easy job.

I watched the trailer, took some screenshots to show you pretty much all you’re going to see in it and I don’t really think this bitch deserves a post, I kinda hate all these reality TV stars who thought being on TV would make them famous and are now trying to find ways to stay in the limelight by showing their cunts. Not that Flavor of Love was a big deal or could really count as making anyone famous, but these bitches are clearly idiots dying for attention that even if you threw them up on public access they’d think they were Paris Hilton.

I shouldn’t be so hard on her though, because if all girls were like Toastee, I’d have a lot of content to work with, but I’d also hate every girl out there for being a whore, and I’d probably take Lip Gloss boy up on his offer, if you know what I mean. Thank god it hasn’t come to that. Cuddles.

Check Out the Trailer and Official Site
GO

2007

19

Jun

I am – Katie Holmes Bathing Suit Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

I hate posting tagged images, but since I can’t find these anywhere and have no budget to buy the rights to use pictures and even if I did have the budget to buy the rights to use pictures I doubt I would pay because I think paparazzi are scummy pieces of shit who exploit people and I don’t support scummy pieces of shit who exploit people financially.

Either way, this is Katie Holmes on the beach somewhere with her daughter that she had with Tom Cruise. The whole scientology thing and his whole insanity thing doesn’t really bother me as much as the gay rumors. Living in Montreal, I’ve met many gay dudes over the years whether it be one of my friend’s wive’s hairdresser or just some random washed up fags in the places I drink who all have the same story about this fucker in the 90s. It goes a little something like this. Tom Cruise would fly into the city on a private jet, discreetly make his way to the gay village in the city and have sex with little french boys for days at a time. I have no real proof to back this shit up, because I wasn’t one of those little french gay boys and I don’t know anyone who directly stuffed this fucker like a turkey, but I do know that the story is always told the same by everyone who ever brings it up.

That said, here’s the vagina he had sex with at least once rockin’ a one piece because she knows that no one wants to see her post pregnancy ravaged stomach or the proof that there was no pregnancy at all, and that her 9 months were just a series of pregnant bitch costumes. They say she’s pregnant again but it doesn’t look like it in these pics. That’s pretty much all I have to say about that.

2007

18

Jun

I am – Britney Nipple and stepDREAMS Post of the Day

1 Comment »

I don’t mean to be an asshole, it just happens sometimes. I think I just have high standards for the site or some shit, even though I think of it as a herpes scab on the vagina that is the internet. This is my most recent stepDREAMS entry from a reader who wants to help me out when I fuck off for a couple of weeks in July and I am not fucking impressed. Either motherfucker is trying to bite my style, in which case my style fucking sucks, or he just doesn’t know how to write or be funny. I don’t think I am a pro at this, I don’t think my site is all that funny, I do know that I put more thought into it than writing garbage like this. Either way, I may not be good at this shit, but I am better than this asshole.

Well, here we have a little glimpse of the top of Britneys nipple. It was only a couple of years ago when a shot like this would have had me cranking one out in no time flat, but now I can only wonder “what the hell is going on here?”. The brownish color of her areola is throwing me off a bit, and they also look a little bit oversized. I’m all for big nipples you know, the bigger the better. I want them to poke out my fuckin’ eyes with their overwhelming size and ferociousness, but big brown gigantic areolas just freak me right the fuck out. I may be taking a giant leap of faith here assuming the shitstains who read this site actually know what an “areola” is. While we’re on the subject of “nipples”, what the fuck is up with chicks who have inverted ones? I mean nipples are supposed to point outward and be flicked, twisted, played with and sucked on by assholes like me. If you are a bitch with inverted nipples, and there is nothing pointing up at me, you have now taken away half of my fun. Whore.

Posted in:Britney Spears|Nipple|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Nicole Richie Is Pregnant of the Day

1 Comment »

I thought that Nicole Richie’s form of contraception was letting dudes cum in her because being an anorexic bitch who weighs less than 100 pounds means you can’t get knocked up. Too bad it didn’t work out for her because now this little rat faced slut is carrying motherfuckin’ Good Charlotte loser to the world’s spawn and that means we should hope she crashes that car she’s in or is too mal-nourished to bring the baby to term, to prevent polluting the world.

If she does somehow pull through on this pregnancy, that motherfucking thing may be born into money but is going to have to deal with having lame fucking parents that it will be forced to be ashamed of for the next 20 years of its life before becoming a drug addicted socialite like its mother was or maybe it will take it’s privileged life and find misery in it that can be turned into song leading to becoming a “successful musician” like its father, because as this Joel Madden asshole proves, you don’t need any musical talent to make it in the industry, you just need to dress like a clown from the suburbs and have a marketing team market you like some sort of hardcore artist with something important to say like “I Just Want to Live” that makes teenage girls go crazy so that they buy your shitty albums and cut out pictures of you from magazines to decorate their wall.

I think the reality behind this whole scandal is that bitch decided she wanted to start eating a again in her “detox” from drugs. This lead to a weight gain and instead of being called fat, bitch was like “If I go to the maternity clinic people will just assume I’ve got reason to rock this gunt”. Whether she’s pregnant or not she’s still a useless piece of shit and I doubt this baby ever sees the light of day. I guess the other real issue behind all this is why Nicole Richie lame Jewish dudes who are involved in music like stickin’ their dicks in her….I’ll think about that and get back to you on it.

Posted in:Nicole Richie|Pregnant|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Kim Kardashian's Big Breast Weekend of the Day

No Comments »

I like tits. I was never one of those guys who was addicted to tits though. I wouldn’t compromise my integrity by slamming a fat girl with big fat tits, but I would compromise my integrity by sleeping with crack addicted prostitutes who were missing teeth and smelled like shit for cheap…at least they weren’t fat.

But as I get older and as my wife gets fatter and fatter, I can appreciate a full figured slut just like you and even though I’ve seen her have monkey sex like watching the nature channel, and even though she lets black dudes piss on her, which is a black fetish because I’ve never got off to that shit, but it seems like all the black celebrity sex tapes include pissing, we could still fit 2 of her into a pair of my wife’s pants.

I was sitting outside with my wife yesterday and some chubby chick wearing some summer tit exposing dress and I couldn’t figure out if her tits were real. My wife was trying to talk about our relationship or some shit I was ignoring and just kept staring and trying to figure shit out like a scientist trying to find the cure to cancer. When my wife hit me and asked me what I was looking at but was too lazy to turn her fat head, I just said “that girls tits”. She got all offended and felt like I didn’t find her sexy anymore, and I had to tell her that I never found her sexy. It was a great father’s day moment….

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Tits|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Big Breast Weekend of the Day

1 Comment »

I like tits. I was never one of those guys who was addicted to tits though. I wouldn’t compromise my integrity by slamming a fat girl with big fat tits, but I would compromise my integrity by sleeping with crack addicted prostitutes who were missing teeth and smelled like shit for cheap…at least they weren’t fat.

But as I get older and as my wife gets fatter and fatter, I can appreciate a full figured slut just like you and even though I’ve seen her have monkey sex like watching the nature channel, and even though she lets black dudes piss on her, which is a black fetish because I’ve never got off to that shit, but it seems like all the black celebrity sex tapes include pissing, we could still fit 2 of her into a pair of my wife’s pants.

I was sitting outside with my wife yesterday and some chubby chick wearing some summer tit exposing dress and I couldn’t figure out if her tits were real. My wife was trying to talk about our relationship or some shit I was ignoring and just kept staring and trying to figure shit out like a scientist trying to find the cure to cancer. When my wife hit me and asked me what I was looking at but was too lazy to turn her fat head, I just said “that girls tits”. She got all offended and felt like I didn’t find her sexy anymore, and I had to tell her that I never found her sexy. It was a great father’s day moment….

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Tits|Uncategorized|Unsorted

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