Uncategorized Archives - Page 106 of 420 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

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2007

Jun

I am – Rachel Bilson Eating Cheetos of the Day

My wife won a 2 week cruise that she can’t go on in July. I am trying to find someone to update this site when I don’t have internet access and I figure the more posts I can get on the site and the more help I get the lazier I can be. There are no guarantees but I am trying people out and this is a submission about Mila Kunis…

I can’t believe you actually posted those two submissions ahead of mine. Those posts were average at best, and when I say “average at best” I really mean “sucked more cock than Lindsey Lohan could ever hope to”.

I figure the only reason you didnt like my clearly top notch writing was that I didnt set the submissions to some lame ass pics that you lifted from some even more lame ass website.

So here goes: this post will be about the Rachel Bilson set of pics. You’ll just have to remember the pics, because I am to lazy to attach them to my submission. Get over it ass-wipe.

So here is Rachel Bilson showing us just enough skin to remind us that we still want to see her naked. This cunt is one the new group of hollywood bitches that has gotten famous but has had the disgusting amount of nerve to never show us her rack or herpes infected twat.

Also Included in this blue-ball inducing group are Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Jessica Alba just to name 3, but there many more. What happened to the days where if a bitch wanted to even think of an acting career she had to show skin and plenty of it in her early work? It really pisses me off, because all of these chicks are way hot, and by not getting naked they are costing me some serious jerking off time. Whores.

Admit it you cocksucker, this post written off the top of my head with no forethought, and written out of pure aggravation after reading those other 2 grade-school shit-stains, is so much better it shopuld embarass you. What, did these girls blow you or something? Well, you can forget that asshole. I dont swing that way, except for that one time in college when I lost the worst bet of my life, but gave someone else a night to remember.

This one was a little better. I’ll admit that it is about half way to where I want it to be because I don’t know if this is a dude writing or a chick and that makes me feel uncomfortable when he/she talks about losing bets in college that lead to blowjobs. What doesn’t make me uncomfortable is seeing this Rachel Bilson on my wife’s diet, realizing that she doesn’t have to be hot and skinny anymore and taking advantage of the time off to get nice a fat.

Posted in:Eating|Rachel Bilson|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Joely Richardson Black Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

I am trying to find people to write my site for me for the month of July because I want to go away. I have been writing this site for 2 years and I really don’t need to justify wanting to travel to you because I hate you and don’t care what you think, but I do care about keeping the site updated daily. So I told people to send in some submissions so that I make sure I don’t pollute this site with shit. I am only comfortable with posting shit when I am the one manning the keyboard. I figure if I let an insider in, it better be fucking good.

I got this entry today, set to Joely Richardson on the beach pics. I don’t know who this whore is but she’s lookin’ a little dumpy for someone who let’s the paparazzi take pics of her. It’s called diet pills, anorexia, and sit ups bitch, otherwise you may want to consider wearing a t-shirt when you swim like the fat kid at the water park.

I am not anti fat people. I am fat. My wife is fat. A huge percentage of the girls I’ve seen naked are fat. I don’t think girls should destroy themselves to fit some stupid standard society has created, but I do think that if you’re out there living large on the beach, in life, driving nice cars and going on nice vacations because you’re on TV or in Movies or on Records, or doing whatever the fuck this unknown does, you gotta at least be tight bodied enough for virgins to want to jerk off to….it’s good for fuckin’ business…

That said, here that entry from a reader:

“ready for bathing suit season? feeling out of shape?”

Dont worry, because your neighbor (seen above) has been eating pork all winter…

I think this bitch is fired before she got hired.

Posted in:Bikini|Fat|Joely Richardson|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Bijou Phillips Wears a Fake See-Through Dress and I Hate Paparazzi of the Day

1 Comment »

I hate the paparazzi…they are bottom feeding pieces of shit who take pictures of people they don’t have permission to take pictures of and then release them to the internet or sell them for huge amounts of money and when little old me comes across the pics in a a message board and writes a little blurb about whoever is in the picture and puts them on my site, the motherfuckers have to come after me, threatening to sue me.

I just run a personal blog that makes no money and these assholes run some kind of blackmarket photo business that makes millions and should be stopped, whether that means I have to switch my content to porn, or to pictures of people I take myself or not….

This is what they sent me:

Clare Wigmore wrote:

These photos of Maggie Gyllenhaal as above that you have added to your web site belongs to Splash News and have been reprinted on your web site without payment or permission.

I must ask that you delete them immediately from your archive, web site and any digital storage.

Please confirm by email that you have deleted these images.

Thank you for your prompt assistance in this matter.
Yours sincerely,
Clare Wigmore on behalf of Splash News

SPLASH NEWS
333 W. Washington Boulevard, Suite 508
Marina del Rey – CA 90292 – USA
Tel 001 310 821 2666 – Fax 001 310 821 9696

This was my response because I like to be funny.

Clare,

Thanks for the lovely email. I figure before getting down to business we should take the time to get to know each other. I usually like dealing with people who I’ve seen naked, I feel like it leaves little on the table to get in the way of getting things done. You know I won’t be wondering how your parts “hang” while you’re talking to me….

Ok, Now down to business, attached you will find an invoice for the $25,000 clicks I have sent your site at my exclusive SplashNews rate of $5 per click.

You can either pay me the $125,000 in credits to use your pictures, or you can always send a check to my mailing address.

Thanks Sweetheart.

Oh and PS – I take personal offense to the mis-use of the word Unauthorised, how the fuck to do you expect me to take you seriously when you make typos like a fucking clown.

I also take personal fucking offense to you trying to take me down and you trying to fuck with my content that I work hard at writing. Your threats of legal action piss me the fuck off. I don’t make money off my fucking site and I don’t have money to fight you. But let’s face it the real fucking criminal in this whole situation is the psycho stalker hiding in the fucking bushes snappin’ off pics of this bitch and her baby and not the personal blogger writing about big milk filled titties set to those pictures.

That said, I’ll have the pictures before you can spell unauthorised correctly, which may be a fucking while.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com
————————————————-
Email //
info@drunkenstepfather.com
AIM //
drunkNstepfather
————————————————-
Trendmill Profile //
http://www.trendmill.com/DrunkenStepfather

Myspace Deleted My Profile Because They Suck //

————————————————–
I’ll Make You Famous, Bitch! That’s the Story I Heard. So, Tell Your Friends. Cuddles.

Here are some pics of Bijou Phillips wearing a fake see through dress.

Posted in:Bijou Phillips|See Thru|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

169 Comments »

I went to a bar the other night to drink because that’s what I do. The place was a fucking dump that was in the basement of some hotel or some shit and after getting walking right in, ignoring the line of losers and getting to the bar to order a drink I realized that I was in over my head. The drinks were a fucking rip off and I figured where the drinks are pricey the girls are hot, so even though I couldn’t afford to drink there I decided to buy a round. I was so focused on getting booze that I didn’t realize that everyone in the place was fucking ugly. After finishing my drink and walking around, I realized every girl was fucking fat and busted and dressed in tight clothes. I was fucking floored because I didn’t realize Lookin’ Good Sweethearts congregated in public places, but almost felt lucky to be part of their convention until breathing in through my nose and smelling a burning shitty cloud of fucking stink that actually made me fucking gag. On my way out of the fucking place I saw dudes actually hitting on these beasts and making out with them and hump dancing them and it was like the ugly girls were hot girls and I guess that’s why they went there. It was like a horrible fucking dream….

I hope these links bring the same feeling to your lives…

FHM Study Abroad Featuring Charlotte McKenna who is a UK Hot Slut
GO

Hysterical Paris Hilton Mugshot by BryanBoy…He Looks Just Like Her I don’t Know Who That is Worse For…
GO

Jordan Admits What Everyone Already Knew and That’s that she has a Loose Vagina and Is Getting it Rebuilt After the Baby….
GO

Kim Kardashian Things Her Ass Is A GIft and Shows it off in a Weird Way While Waiting for her Car
GO

Some Rihanna Ass While Performing
GO

stepHOTLINE Message Number 2 – It’s a Sad One. I don’t know how to make these steam…
GO

Courtney Love Lookin’ Like a Haggard Street Whore…Exclusive
GO

Ana Beatriz Barros Panty Picture Moment
GO

After Today’s Events – Here’s a Little Milk Fetish Video Action
GO

Selma Blair is a Man
GO

Vintage Lohan and Barton Ad
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Jews were Pimps in South America
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Elle Macpherson Amazing See Through Dress Because I Love Her
GO

Jennifer Hurt is Playboy’s June Cyber Girl
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Hysterical Birthday Strip Surprise Video You’ll Love
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Little Boy Looking Hipster Chicks Washing a Car in Their One Piece Hipster Bathing Suits
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Crazy UnSexy Dancing Chick
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Topless Chick in the Shower
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Some Transformer Stills for you Virgins
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Memories of Paris Hilton Taking a Bath in this Time Where She Spends Her Days in the Communal Shower
GO

Knocked Up Boobies Matchup
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Gisele Bundchen Has Obviously Never Met You
GO

Weirdest Lookin Bum Ever..The Fucking Thing Scares Me…
GO

Liv Tyler and Kate Bowsworth Kissing
GO

Paris Hilton’s Awkwardly Tall Brother Got Mugged
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Paris Hilton’s Prison Experience So Far – Amazing
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More Alien Porn Clips
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Ten Great Moments in Porn Comedy
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Evil Passed Out Friend Prank
GO

Even the Bums Can’t Believe This dude’s Slamming Aguilera
GO

Justin Timberlake Signs a Youtuber…I wonder when he’ll sign me…
GO

Kelly Osborne is the Only Living Pig in New York
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Some Air Sex For you To Love
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Another Paris Hilton Prison Porn Moment Called “Paris Learns To Give”
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Idiots Lighting Their Heads on Fire
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Girl Cries During a Porn Shoot – Then Gets Pissed On…I Don’t Get This Shit..
GO

Some London Olympics 2012 Logo Meets Bayside High Action – I don’t get it either…
GO

Herbert the Pervert From Family Guy Compilation Because He’s The Best Part of the Show….
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Hot Webcam Girl in Action Because That’s What Webcams Are For
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Knocked Up Is A Rip Off of Some Book and Bitch is Suing Cuz Everyone Always Wants a Piece
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37 Years of Joan River’s Face
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Nicole Richie Slut Hiding in Her Car Because She Cares About the People…
GO

Hipsters in the Bathtub…I didn’t Know Hipsters Washed
GO

Crazy Truck Driver But Not As Crazy As The Language They’re Speaking or the Music They’re Listening to….
GO

Some Ellen Rocche Chick Photoshoot Video
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Use this Spray to Get Laid
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Pamela Anderson in a One Piece Bathing Suit of the Day

1 Comment »

Pamela Anderson One Piece Bathing Suit

Pam Anderson is Kissing some Magician named Hans Klok at his magic show. Magic shows are pretty fucking lame, but I can only assume virgins are into this shit, like they are into wrestling and computer games and that’s part of the reason I am posting them. See, I totally work for you.

I guess the only really magic at this event is that this hag can still pull off a bathing suit in public. But lots of money in plastic surgery and maintenance isn’t really all that magical…I do know that nothing says party like Pam Anderson in a one piece bathing suit, showing off her old haggard body that is probably hotter than any body you’ve ever seen at your local strip club, I know that you still jerk off to this whore, because that’s what a legacy does. No matter how old she gets we will always remember what she was and reality is, she still has something working for her, even if she’s plastic.

Speaking of plastic, I was leaving a strip club a couple of nights ago with a friend of mine who had been there about 2 hours before I showed up. He spent most of his welfare check on this one bitch in the booth and kept going on about how horny she made him. She had huge fake tits and looked like she dreamt of being Pam Anderson. When we walked by a dollar peep show that pretty much plays clips of porn for a dollar dude walked in. He told me to wait outside. About 3 minutes later he walked out and had just rubbed one out. He was sold on how amazing these things were and I thought the whole thing was fucking hysterical. I have never done the whole peepshow thing and probably never will. I watch too much porn on the computer and shit does nothing for me, so paying a dollar to sit in a booth where dirty fucking men have busted nut is not my idea of a good fucking time. I do think that it is a good option for someone like you though, seeing as you never get laid and masturbation has become boring. It’s kind like the middle ground between doing it on public transit to switch things up but still being private enough for you to not get arrested.

2007

Jun

I am – Gay Porn Moment of the Day

3 Comments »

I hate this Sarah Silverman bitch. She looks like shit and is about as funny as the rash on my balls that won’t go away. I know to other people a rash on my balls that won’t go away could cause a good fucking laugh, but the bleeding, burning and infection I have to deal with daily makes it not very funny at all. Watching her make lame shit and piss jokes that she thinks are fucking hysterical and that were kinda pushing the limit and were better than anything that fat gay dude from Hollywood Squares with the red plastic glasses could do it still makes me question my sexuality, because if there are women like that in the world I don’t know if I can look at vagina the same way ever again. Since I am impotent, I guess the fact that I don’t get it up kinda makes me asexual and reality is that there are so many amazing girls in the world that I wouldn’t give up on a whole race because of one bad apple, so in my mind I’ll just pretend this slut has a dick, which isn’t too much of a stretch.

On the same note, Jessica Biel is more ripped than Paris Hilton’s vagina after the night she spent with Rick Solomon in the hotel room that she’ll never live down. That shit will follow her for life like her herpes but this post is about Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman, two dudes in women’s clothing, trying to make you laugh but almost making out on MTV and how there is nothing hot about that unless you’re a motherfucker who likes tranny porn. Obviously there are a lot of tranny porn lovers out there because porn companies make this shit and I can only assume that the 15 of you fuckers who read this site are probably in that market because I attract the fucking winners.

Either way, this is your Gay Porn Moment of the day because if these bitches don’t have dicks, I will be fucking surprised. Don’t let their tits deceive you. Remember that they have ruined a hot fantasy of girl on girl that may never have the same appeal it once had….

2007

Jun

I am – Rihanna Hiding Her Forehead of the Day

3 Comments »

I think it’s funny that bloggers call big foreheads fiveheads because five is bigger than four, get it. It’s one of those witty play on words that makes them successful and me a waste of fucking space on the internet. I do like how all the abuse Rihanna’s been getting the last little while about lookin’ like an alien has made her make changes to her hairstyle, like making bangs that hide the fucking thing. I think she’s pretty hot regardless of her big forehead because I have no standards and I am too busy staring at her tits. I also realize that I have banged girls with a lot worse than a big forehead. I am talking girls who are missing limbs, who were drugged up, who had serious disabilities, who were fat, who stank like shit, who had what looked like an empty scrotum for vagina lips, who may have been men years earlier and a little extra forehead would have been a lot fucking easier to stomach. But since I was a pervert and a trooper, I pulled through. Either way, the lesson learned is that a little touch up paint may not fix a broken car, but a broken car is better than a scooter, because scooters are fucking gay. What I mean is that the more you dis someone, the more likely they are in making changes to suit your needs….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Sienna Miller’s Sex Video of the Day

No Comments »

I posted the Sienna Miller Sex Scenes from Factory Girl a long time ago. The Weinstein Company emailed me threatening a lawsuit if I didn’t take them down. I don’t have any money to fight the Weinstein company and even if I did no one would pay attention to the site because I was getting sued by them, so I took them down. I am testing my luck with Paris Hilton exposed shit, but at least that will get me some TV time.

Anyway, there’s all this buzz that the sex scene was real and who really gives a fuck. Sex scenes in movies have been real for the last 40 years. I remember reading Jack Nicholson’s sex scenes were always real. But since all you care I am posting the raipdshare link to this video HERE

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

Jun

The stepHOTLINE of the Day

No Comments »

The concept of the hotline is simple. Call me at any of these numbers and leave me a message. Tip me off on celebrity gossip or sitings, tell me a story, let me hear you and your girl having sex, masturbate on the line for me, tell me your problems, leave me a joke, do anything you want, just call in and I will listen. It’s the best way to reach me.

I will be posting the best ones up on the net. Let your voice be heard.

Local Numbers that will reach the hotline…

L.A.
1 (213) 784-1265

NYC
1 (212) 863-9676

Dallas
1 (214) 296-2141

Miami
1 (786) 507-5603

Chicago
1 (312) 267-0604

Toronto
1 (416) 848-1552

Vancouver
1 (604) 628-9879

Montreal
1 (514) 448-0315

Or click on the Egg’s “Call Me” button if you use Internet Explorer…Which I don’t so I have no idea whether it works.

Cuddles.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Courtney Cox's Bra of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Courtney Cox leaving a restaurant in a sheer top with her bra exposes. I am pretty much naked all day because getting dress requires too much effort and I was raised by some pretty trashy people and even I put on some fucking clothes when I eat my lunch on my shitty salvation army couch. I admit part of the reason I put on clothes is because of a serious fear of landing scabies from the previous owners and having a barrier between me at the couch is pretty much necessary, but I still manage to cover up when I eat…

That said, I am all for girls wearing sheer shirts with bras exposed in public and encourage as many girls as I can to rock this look. Shit’s like flipping through a Sears catalog without killing all the trees, I guess that makes Courtney Cox a little more environmentally conscious than me.

Posted in:Bra|Courtney Cox|See Through|Uncategorized|Unsorted