Eating Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2010

01

Apr

Khloe Kardashian Stuffs Her Pig Face of the Day

Khloe Kardashian is a fucking pig and here she is stuffing her face…but then again when you are a a fucking beast of a person and she needs to fuel herself somehow and if it’s not with food…I have a feeling it’d be dangerous….you know if you starve this bitch out for a couple of hours we’re at risk of her grabbing anything near her, from people’s small dogs to their small children, so it’s probably best to keep her full, no matter how scary that may be to restaurants with an all you can eat ice cream bar.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Eating|Khloe Kardashian|Monster|Pig

2009

09

Jul

Agyness Deyn Eating of the Day

2 Comments »

Models aren’t supposed to eat. What is this craziness. Eating would go against everything they stand for, they do coke and diet coke, they do drinking and chewing gum, they do anorexic and other eating disorders, so seeing this model chowing the fuck down like she was Dan and Roseanne is on some “I hate you mom and dad” rebellious kick, like when a kid goes into art school when his dad is a doctor and planned for him to be a doctor too or some shit…..

So this is for the dudes who like fat chicks and want to see the slow death of a skinny chick cuz if she keeps up this behavior it won’t be long before she’s 300 pounds and it’s all because she’s spent so many years trying to stay skinny. End of a fuckin’ era, which is ok because I don’t find her hot….

Posted in:Agyness Deyn|Eating|Model

2009

02

Apr

Pam Anderson Stuffing Her Face of the Day

2 Comments »

Here’s Pam Anderson shoving food in her mouth, she’s really good at shoving things in her mouth, you know with all that practice she’s had with random penis….cuz she’s a slut.. It’s only an obvious joke cuz it’s true haters.

Posted in:Eating|Face|Pam Anderson

2008

09

Oct

Tara Reid Eating From a far of the Day

2 Comments »

This video is straight out of a modern love story, where a dude falls in love with a girl he sees in his pharmacy and spends the next year following her every move and admiring her from a far, never being formally introcduced, despite the numerous times the dude tries, whether bumping into her in line at the grocery store, or coincidentally showing up at the same bar as her, hoping that his familiar face with strike something in her and lead to their marriage when all it does is make her realize that some motherfucker is following her every where she goes and taking videos of her eating and she needs the evidence for the police to catch him….so she busts out her camera to snap a shot of him. Only, in this video, Tara Reid isn’t acting which is a good thing, because it’s something she’s not very good at, her skillset lies in being able to do 14 pussy shots in under a minute and that’s a far more interesting skill to have, when you life is an endless college spring break.

Posted in:Eating|Tara Reid

2008

13

Jun

Kirstie Alley’s Eating Reminds Me of Sex With My Wife of the Day

2 Comments »

These pictures of Kirstie Alley eating remind me of sex with my wife, because the closest thing we do to sex with each other is eat chocolate cake together, which counts because she loves it so much she moans and grunts like she’s having an amazing orgasm, last week she even squirted but I think that was her pissing because she was too lazy to walk to the bathroom. Guess who had to clean it up? That’s right no one did because we are slobs.

Posted in:Eating|Kirstie Alley

2008

29

May

Heidi Klum Pretends to Eat for McDonald’s of the Day

6 Comments »

Everyone knows that despite what models say about how much they eat, they are full of shit and are just doing it because they want the rest of the world to think it’s ok to eat so that they get fat and make the models look even skinnier than they actually are in comparison.

Heidi Klum landed some kind of job promoting some McDonald’s chicken shit, and part of the campaign was to pretend that she was actually eating them because it looks better for McDonald’s. I guess hiring a model to pretend to eat is the best place to go since they have years of experience of trying to save face when they get invited to 4 course expensive dinners with clients and have to do their best to make everyone think they are actually eating and not sneaking to the bathroom to spit up the food they have hidden up in their cheeks and to rip a couple of lines, drink a couple of diet cokes to stay alert in conversation and a few sticks of gum to cover up the smell of their empty eating disorder stomach.

So despite this McDonald’s shit being false advertising, I still like Heidi Klum and would like to give her my own kind of wrap to eat in the form of my penis wrapped in gauze because of all the open sores.

Posted in:Eating|Fake|Heidi Klum

2007

29

Aug

I am – Anna Kournikova’s Bikini Top of the the Day

1 Comment »

I found gum on the street today that was still half wrapped and I was fucking excited because the first thing I thought to myself was that I didn’t have to brush my teeth today and anything that gets me out of boring hygiene practices that are totally outdated is fine by me. Enough with my good news….

I came across these pictures of Anna Kournikova eating in a bikini top and I didn’t know whether they were old or new, but figured I sure as hell better post them before my 2 readers who I hate lash-out on me…

I went to the strip club last night because there are serious deals on drinks on monday night, I always call it hurtbag mondays because the people in the place are just as fucking desperate as the girls working…I am talking the ugliest of the ugly strippers are there trying to make ends meet because the weekend didn’t work out too well for them because no one got a dance.

The most amazing thing happened when I got there. All the prime bitches were out working, the college kids were back in town and showing their new found friends what strippers in this city are like and that’s when I realized it was Tuesday, and that I missed hurtbag Monday by a day and that depressed me more than I thought it would. The only real hurtbags in the place were a group of fat chicks who showed up an hour before closing to land some already primed guys they knew were leaving blue-balled. I guess deep down inside I feel at home on hurtbag monday.

I can only assume your life is even more depressing because you read about mine so here is some Anna Kournikova emotionally eating her way into a size 14 for you.

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Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures
Anna Faris’ Short Shorts Pictures
Serena Williams Lookin Like Jessica Biel in a Bikini

2007

29

Aug

I am – Anna Kournikova's Bikini Top of the the Day

No Comments »

I found gum on the street today that was still half wrapped and I was fucking excited because the first thing I thought to myself was that I didn’t have to brush my teeth today and anything that gets me out of boring hygiene practices that are totally outdated is fine by me. Enough with my good news….

I came across these pictures of Anna Kournikova eating in a bikini top and I didn’t know whether they were old or new, but figured I sure as hell better post them before my 2 readers who I hate lash-out on me…

I went to the strip club last night because there are serious deals on drinks on monday night, I always call it hurtbag mondays because the people in the place are just as fucking desperate as the girls working…I am talking the ugliest of the ugly strippers are there trying to make ends meet because the weekend didn’t work out too well for them because no one got a dance.

The most amazing thing happened when I got there. All the prime bitches were out working, the college kids were back in town and showing their new found friends what strippers in this city are like and that’s when I realized it was Tuesday, and that I missed hurtbag Monday by a day and that depressed me more than I thought it would. The only real hurtbags in the place were a group of fat chicks who showed up an hour before closing to land some already primed guys they knew were leaving blue-balled. I guess deep down inside I feel at home on hurtbag monday.

I can only assume your life is even more depressing because you read about mine so here is some Anna Kournikova emotionally eating her way into a size 14 for you.

Related Posts

Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures
Anna Faris’ Short Shorts Pictures
Serena Williams Lookin Like Jessica Biel in a Bikini

2007

10

Aug

I am – Hayden Panettiere Eating of the Day

No Comments »

I am not some gay guy who likes to encourage my female friends to not eat because I want to have an anorexic looking sluts as my fashion accessory, I prove that everyday with my wife who is fucking fat but I still stick by her, but maybe I should have been one and it would have prevented the biggest headache of my life.

I didn’t miss having to wipe her ass for her while I was on my trip. I guess the issue is that in life you make choices and as a loyal and committed guy I am forced to stick by her in these final years of her life and if that means wiping her fat ass, or helping her apply topical cream to her rashes caused by bacteria build-up in all those hard to reach areas that are buried beneath her obesity, then I guess I am going to have to tough it out.

I do know that on the trip I found my erection that I had lost so many years ago. It only made a minor appearance but I was fucking blown away and blame the fact that I wasn’t being turned off women by having to be the orderly around here and had time to really absorb what real pussy is like first hand.

Hayden Panettiere is a little troll of a girl who probably should lay off the food a little bit if she ever wants people jerking off to her like they did to Lohan because fat is not hot and it can turn a man impotent and that’s my lesson for today. The other lesson is that if you’re a celebrity and you’re eating a breakfast buffet, you may want to lay off the peanut butter, even if watching you trying to get it off the top of the top of your mouth like a dog, is like porno to me, reality is my wife gained 10 pounds in one week because she had coupons to an all you can eat breakfast place and bitch took those fuckers for a ride and lead me to writing Jiffy a letter about potentially sponsoring her talent to finish off two tubs of that shit in one sitting. Either way, this posts sucks and so do you. Cuddles.

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I am – Hayden Panettiere Lickin’ Ass of the Day
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I am – Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pictures of the Day
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Posted in:Eating|Fat|Hayden Panettiere|Unsorted

2007

11

Jun

I am – Rachel Bilson Eating Cheetos of the Day

1 Comment »

My wife won a 2 week cruise that she can’t go on in July. I am trying to find someone to update this site when I don’t have internet access and I figure the more posts I can get on the site and the more help I get the lazier I can be. There are no guarantees but I am trying people out and this is a submission about Mila Kunis…

I can’t believe you actually posted those two submissions ahead of mine. Those posts were average at best, and when I say “average at best” I really mean “sucked more cock than Lindsey Lohan could ever hope to”.

I figure the only reason you didnt like my clearly top notch writing was that I didnt set the submissions to some lame ass pics that you lifted from some even more lame ass website.

So here goes: this post will be about the Rachel Bilson set of pics. You’ll just have to remember the pics, because I am to lazy to attach them to my submission. Get over it ass-wipe.

So here is Rachel Bilson showing us just enough skin to remind us that we still want to see her naked. This cunt is one the new group of hollywood bitches that has gotten famous but has had the disgusting amount of nerve to never show us her rack or herpes infected twat.

Also Included in this blue-ball inducing group are Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Jessica Alba just to name 3, but there many more. What happened to the days where if a bitch wanted to even think of an acting career she had to show skin and plenty of it in her early work? It really pisses me off, because all of these chicks are way hot, and by not getting naked they are costing me some serious jerking off time. Whores.

Admit it you cocksucker, this post written off the top of my head with no forethought, and written out of pure aggravation after reading those other 2 grade-school shit-stains, is so much better it shopuld embarass you. What, did these girls blow you or something? Well, you can forget that asshole. I dont swing that way, except for that one time in college when I lost the worst bet of my life, but gave someone else a night to remember.

This one was a little better. I’ll admit that it is about half way to where I want it to be because I don’t know if this is a dude writing or a chick and that makes me feel uncomfortable when he/she talks about losing bets in college that lead to blowjobs. What doesn’t make me uncomfortable is seeing this Rachel Bilson on my wife’s diet, realizing that she doesn’t have to be hot and skinny anymore and taking advantage of the time off to get nice a fat.

Posted in:Eating|Rachel Bilson|Uncategorized|Unsorted

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