Tennis Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2010

06

May

Maria Sharapova Has Balls in Her Pants of the Day

Yeah….that was a horrible joke. It is a pretty constant theme in my life but in my defense this bitch didn’t give me anything to work with. There was a time she was the biggest money making person in tennis and it had nothing to do with her playing tennis but everything to do with everyone wanting to fuck her which was a nice reminder to women everywhere that being hot pussy people want to fuck makes you more money than actually being good at something because looks are more important – so all you ugly bitches need to stop trying to get ahead and should just accept your fate and all you pretty girls need to stop getting educated or skilled at something and just shorten your skirt hemline….some advice Maria Sharapova should take cuz clearly these pants make me think she’s forgotten what she’s good for as she actually tries to play tennis and that’s pretty unfortunate…like this post.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Maria Sharapova|Tennis

2010

16

Mar

Maria Sharapova Still Playing Tennis of the Day

5 Comments »

Maria Sharapova was a big deal a few years ago. Since I’ve stopped following the tennis circuit because I am not a Wasp with a Volvo and white shorts. I do however appreciate any sport where women don’t have to be transformed into dudes to be pro but can still be sexed up in little skirts, with little panties that always end up getting a little wet spot on them by the third set of screaming and moaning like bitch is getting the biggest dick of her fucking life with every serve…

Sure Sharapova isn’t as appealing as she was, but I’m sure there are obsessive compulsive virgins out there who still wear her signature tennis line while jerking off. So l’ll put this out there for them…

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Maria Sharapova|Sports|Tennis

2009

04

Aug

Jennifer Love Hewitt Bikini Tennis of the Day

10 Comments »

In my life as a pervert, I don’t think I have ever seen a girl wearing a bikini while she plays tennis and I have definitely never seen a bitch wearing high heeled shoes while she plays tennis, and the only explanation I have for this is that this is the big reveal because she feels good about herself cuz her boyfriend’s been fuckin’ her proper and she isn’t as sloppy as she used to be so why not let the tabloids write about you, but she doesn’t feel quite good enough to wear running shoes, because they don’t make your legs look long and luxurious like heels do and the whole thing is a pretty desperate cry for attention, while her stomach is clearly making a desperate cry for an ab workout.

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Love Hewitt|Tennis

2008

30

May

Jelena Jankovic Plays Some Pornographic Tennis of the Day

7 Comments »

Tennis is the most pornographic sport with these Eastern European girls in little skirts and panties grunting like they are fucking and I like to watch it because I am a pervert. Here’s some bitch named Jalena Jankovic taking it to the next level by throwing in some splits and using her ass to get some more coverage because she knows that her male fans will appreciate it. I never really understood why dudes freak out when strippers throw in the splits in the middle of a routine, I am guessing it’s got something to do with visualizing that flexibility in the bedroom, but I just find it obvious. I’d be a lot happier if a stripper pushed the limits a bit and fisted herself on stage while taking a shit instead, but then again, I am a tough crowd. I blame the internet for desensitizing me.

2008

28

May

Maria Sharapova and Her Anal Sex Faces of the Day

13 Comments »

The only reason I watch female professional sports is when the girls in them are worth fucking. For the most part girl athletes are more masculine than I am, which isn’t saying much because I struggle taking out the garbage, but seeing their rippling muscles is too homo for me. There are a few female pro-athletes I’d like to watch have sex and Sharapova is one of them. Lookin’ at her in action, with the anguish and struggle in her facial expression makes me thing of one thing and one thing only and that one thing is her taking it up the ass. Enjoy.

Posted in:Anal Sex|Maria Sharapova|Tennis

2008

11

Apr

Serena Williams Lookin’ Hot in a Bikini of the Day

19 Comments »

I’d say that these are pictures of Kim Kardashian in a bikini because I like bad jokes, but I don’t want to lie to you guys for the sake of a bad joke. The truth is that this bitch is the complete opposite of Kim Kardashian because she’s actually an athlete, while Kardashian just sits around and eats all day. Sure, she looks fatter than the widow who spends her days at Dunkin Donuts since her husband died since she doesn’t know what to do with herself but eat because he was her life, but the truth is that she’s some kind of champion.

I am guessing that she’s bulky as fuck because of extreme muscles, like this old body builder I drink with who did his fair share of steroids but now looks like Oprah, but all I see when I look at her is some kind of pro wrestler and not a dainty little tennis player and that’s probably why she always wins, it’s like going up against a tank and usually tanks are hard to take out.

I am convinced that she’s one of those Ladybug situations, where a dude dresses like a girl and cleans up because guys are better than girls at sports, but I guess no matter what she is she’s disgusting and here she is in a bikini…..

Posted in:Bikini|Serena Williams|Tennis

2007

29

Aug

I am – Anna Kournikova’s Bikini Top of the the Day

1 Comment »

I found gum on the street today that was still half wrapped and I was fucking excited because the first thing I thought to myself was that I didn’t have to brush my teeth today and anything that gets me out of boring hygiene practices that are totally outdated is fine by me. Enough with my good news….

I came across these pictures of Anna Kournikova eating in a bikini top and I didn’t know whether they were old or new, but figured I sure as hell better post them before my 2 readers who I hate lash-out on me…

I went to the strip club last night because there are serious deals on drinks on monday night, I always call it hurtbag mondays because the people in the place are just as fucking desperate as the girls working…I am talking the ugliest of the ugly strippers are there trying to make ends meet because the weekend didn’t work out too well for them because no one got a dance.

The most amazing thing happened when I got there. All the prime bitches were out working, the college kids were back in town and showing their new found friends what strippers in this city are like and that’s when I realized it was Tuesday, and that I missed hurtbag Monday by a day and that depressed me more than I thought it would. The only real hurtbags in the place were a group of fat chicks who showed up an hour before closing to land some already primed guys they knew were leaving blue-balled. I guess deep down inside I feel at home on hurtbag monday.

I can only assume your life is even more depressing because you read about mine so here is some Anna Kournikova emotionally eating her way into a size 14 for you.

Related Posts

Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures
Anna Faris’ Short Shorts Pictures
Serena Williams Lookin Like Jessica Biel in a Bikini

2007

29

Aug

I am – Anna Kournikova's Bikini Top of the the Day

No Comments »

I found gum on the street today that was still half wrapped and I was fucking excited because the first thing I thought to myself was that I didn’t have to brush my teeth today and anything that gets me out of boring hygiene practices that are totally outdated is fine by me. Enough with my good news….

I came across these pictures of Anna Kournikova eating in a bikini top and I didn’t know whether they were old or new, but figured I sure as hell better post them before my 2 readers who I hate lash-out on me…

I went to the strip club last night because there are serious deals on drinks on monday night, I always call it hurtbag mondays because the people in the place are just as fucking desperate as the girls working…I am talking the ugliest of the ugly strippers are there trying to make ends meet because the weekend didn’t work out too well for them because no one got a dance.

The most amazing thing happened when I got there. All the prime bitches were out working, the college kids were back in town and showing their new found friends what strippers in this city are like and that’s when I realized it was Tuesday, and that I missed hurtbag Monday by a day and that depressed me more than I thought it would. The only real hurtbags in the place were a group of fat chicks who showed up an hour before closing to land some already primed guys they knew were leaving blue-balled. I guess deep down inside I feel at home on hurtbag monday.

I can only assume your life is even more depressing because you read about mine so here is some Anna Kournikova emotionally eating her way into a size 14 for you.

Related Posts

Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures
Anna Faris’ Short Shorts Pictures
Serena Williams Lookin Like Jessica Biel in a Bikini

2007

29

Jun

I am – Maria Sharapova Down Shirt Tennis Post of the Day

3 Comments »

I figure that a lot of you fuckers like sports because otherwise athletes wouldn’t be making millions of dollars. If the whole world worked the way I work, then strippers would be the main attraction at arenas and these bitches would be makin way more money than Hollywood Stars and people in sports combined, but I guess that doesn’t really matter to you.

What does matter is that as long as there is a sport that allows women to maintain some level of sex appeal, whether it be by not being bulky as fuck, whether it be by not being lesbionic as fuck, whether it be not having cocks taped to the inside of their legs because they are really dudes trying to excel like in every shitty cliche movie, then I am all for posting pictures of the girls involved bending over, showing their asses, wearing little tight shorts and rockin’ camel toe.

These are pictures of Sharapova, a girl you all want to throw a ball at, but you’re ball would be attached to your dick and your game would last a lot less that a normal match she’s used to because you have premature ejaculation issues and vaginas are like to forbidden fruit you’ve never seen so you’d get overwhelmed with the hole thing and blow it.

I snuck into the professional ladies tennis match that happens here every 2 years last year and I couldn’t really follow the game, their squeals distracted me, on my way out I say Sharapova in person, she’s really not that hot, sorry to break it to you, but she’s a pro athlete and she may look good compared to the people she is up against like the Williams sisters, but that’s like saying my gonorrhea discharge is sexy because it’s not herpes – ya heard?

Posted in:Athlete|Maria Sharapova|Tennis|Tits|Unsorted

2007

13

Jun

I am – Maria Sharapova Practising her Tennis of the Day

1 Comment »

I figure since you’re a bunch of lazy perverts, you’ll appreciate watching or looking at pictures of one of the hottest bitches in tennis training. You can look at her struggling with her ball, bending over, stretching and making forced faces that are similar to the faces she’d make banging you and pretend that she is banging you, because you are creepy….

I decided that I should become a stand up comedian because it’s a life that is designed for fat losers with nothing much to say but nonsense they come up with while sitting at home getting drunk alone in efforts to forget how much their lives suck.

The reason they think they have it in them to be stand up comedians is because their better looking friends always tell them that they are funny because there’s really not much else going for them and when trying to prevent your fat loser friend from killing themselves, you go for whatever it is you can to make them feel better about themselves.

The only real reason why their funny is because they are overcompensating for their inability to look good enough to fuck and some asshole told them that humor is the fastest way into a girls pants while forgetting to tell them that that only applies after all the good looking and successful guys are unavailable.

So stand up comedy is this who fucking pool of assholes who have this delusional idea of having what it takes.

Since I figure I fit the part, here are some jokes I wrote in efforts to live the fucking loser dream: