Athlete Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2019

11

Sep

Slutty Athlete of the Day

I don’t know what sport she’s known for. I am going to assume it is HOCKEY, but I do know that spread ass Hockey pad pose is hilarious and amazing. It is like a UK Glamour model photoshoot from 10 years ago….perfect balance of trashy and cheesy and hot….

Since she’s actually a star player, it almost seems like she’s not shameless whoring for attention, because she’s got that Hockey thing, it is just her being fun and playful….since her real marketable skill is the HOCKEY…despite being shameless…

I don’t know if she’s an actual star player, but since she’s Russian and since they put so much importance on being good at sport through doping. They used to pull young kids out of school and ship them to sport specific schools if they excelled at that sport at a young age. Meaning they take it seriously and I guess so does this girl….but not too seriously to keep her bands on…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Athlete|SFW

2009

20

Apr

Reese Witherspoon Does Some Softball Training of the Day

2 Comments »

This one is for the dudes who don’t want to admit they like dudes. You know the kind of guy who spends their weekends watching baseball, telling concerned family and friends, that this obsession is because it is America’s national sport and represents everything American’s stand for (being lazy), when in reality they are watching the shit for the tight pants.

You know this way you can watch Reese Witherspoon pull all your favorites moves and jerk off to it like you want to jerk off the MLB, but can’t because it’ll mean you’re gay, but doing it to Reese Witherspoon just means you have no fucking taste.

I am also posting it because I like the way she looks like she’s catching her mom-tit while getting dirt kicked up in her face like she wasn’t practicing for a part in a movie like she was Rosie O’Donnell, but was practicing to be treated like the worthless whore she is. Amazing.

Posted in:Athlete|Reese Witherspoon|Softball

2008

15

Sep

Jennifer Lopez Did a Triathlon of the Day

12 Comments »

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The biggest assed joke of the day is that a fat Jennifer Lopez did some triathlon like she’s some kind of athlete for a charity that I call trying to prove herself. She took about 2.5 hours to complete it and she had some help from her trainer, who based on her ass, isn’t the kind of trainer I’d hire for my wife if I was rich and famous, mainly because if I was rich and famous, I’d drop my wife off at the curb and move onto younger hotter pussy, but also because dude’s obviously not very good at his job. Sure you can argue that her ass is genetic and that it’s some beautiful phenomenon that you love, but I like to think it’s cuz you have no standards and no real opinion of your own and you just jumped on the bandwagon, because the only person who would find anything about this hot is a black man and that’s just because they like any pussy that isn’t attached to a black woman, no matter how offensive it is, proven in the fact that I was out with my wife this weekend and at least 5 black guys freaked out, in a good way when she walked by, to the point where I had to turn to them and ask them if they were on fuckin’ drugs because cat calling a cow, confuses me so much that it’s gotta be drug related….

Either way, here she is being active because it’s funny.

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Posted in:Athlete|J.Lo|Jennifer Lopez

2007

29

Jun

I am – Maria Sharapova Down Shirt Tennis Post of the Day

3 Comments »

I figure that a lot of you fuckers like sports because otherwise athletes wouldn’t be making millions of dollars. If the whole world worked the way I work, then strippers would be the main attraction at arenas and these bitches would be makin way more money than Hollywood Stars and people in sports combined, but I guess that doesn’t really matter to you.

What does matter is that as long as there is a sport that allows women to maintain some level of sex appeal, whether it be by not being bulky as fuck, whether it be by not being lesbionic as fuck, whether it be not having cocks taped to the inside of their legs because they are really dudes trying to excel like in every shitty cliche movie, then I am all for posting pictures of the girls involved bending over, showing their asses, wearing little tight shorts and rockin’ camel toe.

These are pictures of Sharapova, a girl you all want to throw a ball at, but you’re ball would be attached to your dick and your game would last a lot less that a normal match she’s used to because you have premature ejaculation issues and vaginas are like to forbidden fruit you’ve never seen so you’d get overwhelmed with the hole thing and blow it.

I snuck into the professional ladies tennis match that happens here every 2 years last year and I couldn’t really follow the game, their squeals distracted me, on my way out I say Sharapova in person, she’s really not that hot, sorry to break it to you, but she’s a pro athlete and she may look good compared to the people she is up against like the Williams sisters, but that’s like saying my gonorrhea discharge is sexy because it’s not herpes – ya heard?

Posted in:Athlete|Maria Sharapova|Tennis|Tits|Unsorted

2007

13

Jun

I am – Maria Sharapova Practising her Tennis of the Day

1 Comment »

I figure since you’re a bunch of lazy perverts, you’ll appreciate watching or looking at pictures of one of the hottest bitches in tennis training. You can look at her struggling with her ball, bending over, stretching and making forced faces that are similar to the faces she’d make banging you and pretend that she is banging you, because you are creepy….

I decided that I should become a stand up comedian because it’s a life that is designed for fat losers with nothing much to say but nonsense they come up with while sitting at home getting drunk alone in efforts to forget how much their lives suck.

The reason they think they have it in them to be stand up comedians is because their better looking friends always tell them that they are funny because there’s really not much else going for them and when trying to prevent your fat loser friend from killing themselves, you go for whatever it is you can to make them feel better about themselves.

The only real reason why their funny is because they are overcompensating for their inability to look good enough to fuck and some asshole told them that humor is the fastest way into a girls pants while forgetting to tell them that that only applies after all the good looking and successful guys are unavailable.

So stand up comedy is this who fucking pool of assholes who have this delusional idea of having what it takes.

Since I figure I fit the part, here are some jokes I wrote in efforts to live the fucking loser dream:

Maybe fagâ€™s are into to you because you are an asshole

That’s pretty much all I’ve got….

2007

23

May

I am – Martina Hingis Throwback Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

Fuck, since I am on this Eastern European kick, I figured I’d post these Martina Hingis pics from 2 years ago. She’s in a bikini and letting the world know that female athletes have about as much sex appeal as my dick. No wonder girls don’t like sports and are more into sipping cocktails, wallet fucking and doing pills to stopping eating to get in shape. Muscle tone makes for no tits and testosterone development and testosterone makes for clits the size of a man’s thumb, at least it’s something to suck on that’s not gay….

I may have already written the story of the day the little league baseball coach taught me that steroids make a woman’s clit grows to the size of a man’s thumb, he had a mustache and filled every stereotype and cliche a baseball coach with a mustache could and telling a 10 year old about clits is a little fucking creepy and added fuel to the molester profile, but he never touched me inappropriately he just told me dirty stories. I am glad that I wasn’t a very good looking kid or very good at baseball and that I wasn’t invited to his MVP parties that I was so mad I wasn’t invited to at the time, but in retrospect I am so happy that I was just a young Mexican who couldn’t speak the language or play the sport….

That said, Communism makes for good Athletes with strong militant coaches who don’t molest the athletes because they are too busy pushing them to win. Communism also makes for great mail order brides…after seeing these pics, I think I’ll stick to the mail order brides….

Posted in:Athlete|Bikini|Martina Hingis|Tennis|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – Serena Williams Lookin’ Like Jessica Biel of the Day

54 Comments »

Here’s a picture of Serena Williams lookin’ a lot like Jessica Biel, only this bitch isn’t out fucking popstars, she’s hitting tennis balls harder than I hit my wife. I don’t actually hit my wife, I just figured that a hitting the bong reference would have sucked harder than my dick doesn’t get. You see, I hate weed jokes. I think people who talk about smoking weed are a waste of fucking space. They are the burlap wearing hippie fucks you see riding bikes and playing hackie sack. I don’t give a fuck if a motherfucker burns all fucking day, I just don’t want to fucking hear about it. So yeah, I am a little tightly wound about those kinds of references, but not as tightly wound as the tape that Serena Williams is using to strap her cock down so that it doesn’t show in her cute little tennis skirt…

2007

16

May

I am – Serena Williams Lookin' Like Jessica Biel of the Day

No Comments »

Here’s a picture of Serena Williams lookin’ a lot like Jessica Biel, only this bitch isn’t out fucking popstars, she’s hitting tennis balls harder than I hit my wife. I don’t actually hit my wife, I just figured that a hitting the bong reference would have sucked harder than my dick doesn’t get. You see, I hate weed jokes. I think people who talk about smoking weed are a waste of fucking space. They are the burlap wearing hippie fucks you see riding bikes and playing hackie sack. I don’t give a fuck if a motherfucker burns all fucking day, I just don’t want to fucking hear about it. So yeah, I am a little tightly wound about those kinds of references, but not as tightly wound as the tape that Serena Williams is using to strap her cock down so that it doesn’t show in her cute little tennis skirt…

2006

19

Jan

Serena Williams is an Athlete

9 Comments »

I am not one to criticize someone for having a bad picture taken of them. I don’t think that would be fair, considering every picture of me is pretty fucking bad. I am not really one to criticize someone for being fat, especially when she’s a pro tennis player and wins all the fucking time. I am not about to pull up her stats, but by lookin at this pic, it seems like the way she wins is by eating the person she is playing against, or maybe she just sits on them until they give up. By lookin’ at this pic, there is no way that Serena “Heffer” Williams is an athlete anymore.

Posted in:Athlete|Body|Serena Williams|Unsorted

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