Some tranny looking woman sent me this myspace message:

Make me famous because I can deliver messages thru comedy and Kisses to the masses. I own the trade mark for rating anything. No thumbs up. No 5 stars. Everyone does that. No 5 hard on’s, limp to hard Hustsler Mag. No Zagat. No Foders…Yup me. Tina O.
1 out of 5 Kisses or I KISS IT OFF…. later got to get some zzzzz’s.
We can both see if this works. I related to your poster and I am doing well. Now I am going to be great!!!

read my sight I have been on 4…………….. 2 days

Kisses
All 5 of them
Tina O

I didn’t really understand what she was getting at, so I did what every guy with something a woman wants does, and that means I asked her to send me nude pics of her tranny-self. Instead I got this message which was probably a good thing, considering she has testicles.

I trade marked the first female rating system. IOWN IT. 1 out of 5 Kisses or I KISS IT OFF.

I am in the process of getting a TV show out calld “KISS THIS” 2007

comedic half hour show about a movie critc and her daily life and trying to give reviews,and I juxtapose movie clips, and crazy charectures (up and coming comics) like Seinfeld did as he played a comic….
mine is a little wackeir than his show….anyway ….thats a small pease of it and you can read my reviews on my blog

KISSES
all 5 of them

Now the thing that pisses me off in all this is that I know this girl is going to be famous before I ever will. She spells worse than me and her claim to fame is a rating system based on kisses. If you’re bored, sexually harass her by visting her myspace GO . Try to convince her to kiss you off until you bust in her face or at least all over your belly, cuz I know you like trannies. HOMO.

Speaking of trannies, here are some pics of Carmen Electra at some event in different outfits which leads me to believe that these are pics of 2 different girls but I never have an eye for that kind of shit…..

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There was a retarded kid in the high school I went to. He wasn’t 100 percent retarded, because he got by, but he was definitely semi-retarded. The dude had a tongue the size of a baseball and every time he tried to talk the fucking thing would be all hanging out and dripping and motherfucker sounded like he had a pair of socks shoved down his semi-retarded throat. I got to talking to an old high school friend of mine the other day and she told me she ran into him. I asked if she lived out her high school fantasy of sitting on his face and testing out that fucking tongue, because it was like the tongue of tongues and there’s no way bitch never thought about his semi-retarded face between her things, coming up for air and saying how much fun he likes to have in his wet, mess, big tongued muffled voice.

To me it’d be like running into one of the girls who had big tits and not trying to touch them. My old friend wasn’t impressed and asked me why I had to always be a sexual deviant like that…reality is… I really don’t know why the first thing I think of when I see a retarded kid with a fat tongue and a speech impediment is how good he could rock a girl. But I am convinced that if I am thinking it, so are they. I know they all secretly dream about him talking his retarded sloppy way on their boxes. I guess they just don’t like me calling them out on their weird fucking fantasies. Perverts.

Speaking of retarded, here are some pics of Janet Jackson’s retarded tits. These pics are old, but I guess that’s how I do things, cuz I hate celebrity, except my own. I love my own celebrity.

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There was a retarded kid in the high school I went to. He wasn’t 100 percent retarded, because he got by, but he was definitely semi-retarded. The dude had a tongue the size of a baseball and every time he tried to talk the fucking thing would be all hanging out and dripping and motherfucker sounded like he had a pair of socks shoved down his semi-retarded throat. I got to talking to an old high school friend of mine the other day and she told me she ran into him. I asked if she lived out her high school fantasy of sitting on his face and testing out that fucking tongue, because it was like the tongue of tongues and there’s no way bitch never thought about his semi-retarded face between her things, coming up for air and saying how much fun he likes to have in his wet, mess, big tongued muffled voice.

To me it’d be like running into one of the girls who had big tits and not trying to touch them. My old friend wasn’t impressed and asked me why I had to always be a sexual deviant like that…reality is… I really don’t know why the first thing I think of when I see a retarded kid with a fat tongue and a speech impediment is how good he could rock a girl. But I am convinced that if I am thinking it, so are they. I know they all secretly dream about him talking his retarded sloppy way on their boxes. I guess they just don’t like me calling them out on their weird fucking fantasies. Perverts.

Speaking of retarded, here are some pics of Janet Jackson’s retarded tits. These pics are old, but I guess that’s how I do things, cuz I hate celebrity, except my own. I love my own celebrity.

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There is something really inappropriate about what I do for a living and the way my brain works. I am still in the coffee shop and a group of 10 year old Jewish girls just sat down next to me. They are obviously rich kids and they are loud and eating their chicken caesers like the senior citizens next to them were 15 minutes ago. I feel like I have just experienced the circle of Jewish life and it is tightly linked to chicken caesers. I am going to LIVEBLOG their lunch.

These girls are going to be dangerous when they are older. They are already in tights and Uggs and they are with their Jewish mother, who is raising them to be future annoying bitches with an eating disorder. She just told them that she can’t eat fries because she needs to go try on a dress and the daughter just told her that Ilal the Israeli personal trainer is going to be mad. Then the mom just said she’s so proud of her daughter because she is letting her nails grow and now the daughter is saying that she can’t eat anymore because she won’t fit into her dress. I guess this is some monkey see monkey do shit. Now, the mother is telling the girls that they have big teeth, but not to worry, they are fixable and this shallowness is fucking amazing. You know the dad’s are at the office making millions while the mom is spending her day ruining these girls. The mom just got up to pay and the girls started talking about making out with boys in their class. They are 10. When I was 10, I was too busy learning English and being beat up by Texans to worry about seducing the lady’s in my class. I predict teenage pregnancy, but since they are Jewish and don’t want the neighbors to know, I also predict teenage abortion. Enough of this….

The reason that I said I was inappropriate is not because I was thinking dirty thoughts, I am inappropriate because I was cropping pictures of this Italian slut topless and there’s something really creepy about a man in a winter hat cropping titty pics with the elementary school graduation committee next to him. I have no idea who Adriana Volpe is but I can guarantee these are really old pictures because I am a lazy blogger like that and I am never up to date. That’s enough for this post because it’s really not where I want it to be…that means not so funny.

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I feel like there is not enough Christopher Reeves coverage now that he’s dead. When he was alive, I couldn’t turn on the fucking TV without seeing him talking/trying to talk about his accident and how he’s out on a mission to help the quads of the world walk again. A modern day hero and I’d like to bring Christopher Reeves back because I know you forgot about him. So the way I am going to do that is post a picture of some painting some weird artist made of him. With bringing Christopher Reeves back to everyone’s attention, I am also bringing MUNG’s shitty art commentary concept that I was hoping was dead back to life. I am not going to have you fuckers analyze this shit like we were in art school, because people in art school are generally fags, and you aren’t fags, you are virgins and that’s worse than being fag because because at least fags get to bust on another person’s tits, even if that person’s tits are man tits.

I am listening to Blind Melon in this coffee shop polluted with Jewish senior citizens. They are talking about cheese while eating chicken ceasers. I am kinda out of practice on this whole blogging thing since I’ve been on death leave for the last 2 weeks. Unfortunate circumstances, but the cliche still stands, with endings come new beginnings, so I’ll need you to help me take this cunt of a site to the top because let’s face it, it is the hottest fucking blog online and it’s my turn to be made famous. Tell your friends.

Remember to remember Christopher Reeves.

Visit Artist’s Site if You’re Down

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Someone made this video for me and I didn’t realize there was a soundtrack to it when I first saw it. The soundtrack is the best part and it made me laugh then Lock my doors…then laugh again.

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I would have been more interested in hearing about why MUNG hasn’t emailed me in 2 weeks, rather than hear some bullshit lie about how he was masturbating form 186 hours, because let’s face it, that’s just stupidities. It reminds me of this kid in my highschool who wasn’t that smart and you’d ask him what he did the night before his answer was always “I was jerking off” and if a teacher asked him why he didn’t do his homework he’d say something like “oh I did my own kind of homework if you know what I mean”, and we all knew what he meant, and we never laughed because it was really predictable and repetitive and in honor of that idiot, who I think ended up making a couple of million dollars with some website he sold to FOX. It seems like it is always the idiots who succeed because they are too dumb to fail, either way, I bring you MUNG.

I am still knee deep in family commitments, but things are supposed to get back to normal tomorrow and I appreciate the 10 people who have been coming back in this very weird time for me. Cuddles.

Hello everyone,

I have been gone for quite some time and some of you have enjoyed your time away from me, and the rest of you, (like Jesus) don’t really give a fuck where I was because you were all too busy praying that I was dead. The truth is that I have spent the last 186 hours masturbating to these pictures of Scarlett Johanson. I think I have rubbed the first four layers of skin off around my genitals and my penis now resembles, and smells, like an over-boiled hot dog.

The thing I like about these pictures is there is not only a sexy picture of her, but a cute picture of her too. A new born baby could be holding a duckling and a 4 week old kitten in his crib while sucking his thumb and blinking his little eyes and it wouldn’t even compare to how cute this hot slut looks in this picture.

My hand is cramped and my penis is sore, but the good news is you all just wasted your time reading this shitty post and now you wish I would go away again.

MUNG

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After the success of my Nicole Richie text messages and by success I mean 40 useless comments from 5 people posting under different handles, I decided that it would only be appropriate to post these upskirt pics that landed in my inbox. I haven’t heard from MUNG in the past week, I can only assume that you all broke the fucker down. Knowing the luck that I have had the last couple of weeks, I can only assume he’s dead. Speaking of dead, I have been in and out of family functions the last few days dealing with all the loss of a couple of loved ones. It’s been hard to see the pain it’s caused a lot of people and I hate to make reference to serious things within a post about Nicole Richie’s meaty box/ uterus being held up by her child size thong, which brings up a whole other issue as to why there are child sized thongs even available, when I was 6 – I wasn’t thinking much about panty lines. I’ll do what I can to update more later, but no promises. Cuddles

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We all know that I am really bigtime and that I get major media companies handing me over mass amounts of money to make them richer, like when I was pushing that shitty band Buckcherry and shut down their servers or when I ran a contest of Sex in the City and no one signed up…both times I still couldn’t pay my rent or my servers cuz neither companies paid me shit. And this time is no different. So the motivation behnd this is that I am trying to get this fucker Howard Stern to mention me on his radio show because I think that may take me to the next level to put me in a position to be making a little money off the site. So this is what I found in my inbox….

In Howard We Trust. Starting midnight on Friday, November 3rd through Sunday, November 5th, Howard Stern will give devoted fans and first timers an opportunity to relive the wildest, sexiest, funniest, most jaw-dropping moments of 2006 for just one cent with the HOWARD TV ON DEMAND PREVIEW. The weekend event will enable viewers to access an all-new special featuring the best-of antics, interviews and stunts from Howard Stern’s Sirius Satellite radio show, re-edited uncensored classic Stern show moments, original programming and excusive behind-the-scenes footage. The Howard TV Preview will add just a mere penny to customer’s regular cable bill. Learn more about the Howard TV Preview by visiting HERE

There’s some kind of contest going on and you can win a $50 AMEX gift card. Just click here to sign-up, assholes.

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I remember when Lohan was a girl I liked to stalk. It all started when I used to write Lohan news bits everyday in a time when stepfather was a site in self-discovery, like a teenage girl with her first vibrator or swimming pool jet. I gave up on the daily Lohan news because I really didn’t care about what she was up to as much as I did about making myself famous. Making myself famous would have been easier if I was a better stalker, one with a budget and access to a van and a plane ticket to Los Angeles who got caught and was on every entertainment show and magazine. Instead, I was stuck doing it on myspace with a messages and emails sent to people she’s worked with and with youtube by making shitty videos set to answering machine messages left to her. One of the stalker videos had over 100,000 views, but it still didn’t make me famous, because it just wasn’t good enough. I have come to terms with the fact that I am not a very good stalker, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not very funny, and today, I have come to terms with the fact that Lohan is a busted up pick-up truck that’s not worth my time, or your time, even when she lays her cunt on the line with upskirt pics, even in 2 years when the sex-tape is released. She’s a wasted celebrity and the spotlight has just been turned off, the curtains have closed and the police report thrown out. I can’t be bothered talking about some slag who has turned ugly as shit on me, it just doesn’t make sense to me, I like the girls I stalk on the Internet to be hot. So, this post is where I say goodbye to Lohan and say hello to all the new, fresh faced girls with talent, who haven’t ruined themselves with an alcoholic gene, cocaine and numerous unprotected cocks and who don’t stink of kitchen garbage and 3 day old used tampons even after showering themselves in dior perfume. Cuddles.

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