Today has been a day for losers. That is because I have been trying to sort out my broken new computer and I am forced to neglect this site and use a really shitty computer at a really shitty internet cafe with no photoshop to make my sexy top of post images. I felt that since I felt like I sucked at life, I’d post pictures of someone who actual does suck at life and that’s AJ from the Backstreet Boys. Dude sucks so hard that they won’t even take him back, and when the backstreet boys reject you, it’s a lot like being un-invited to the kid with no friend’s birthday party, or like getting dumped by the fat chick that you were too ashamed to admit you were dating, just when you came to terms with the fact that you were dating her.I don’t know if that made sense to you, but the keyboard on this computer isn’t working so well, soI am not going to be editing any of this.

In trying to stay positive in life, AJ is not all that lame. If you ignore his horrible tattoos and think back a few years, we can all remember that he was the backstreet boy with a drug problem and a drinking problem and addiction is always cool. He’s also got a truckload of money and is now he’s slamming some 18 year old vagina, ten years younger than him, who is obviously using him to get to the top. What she doesn’t realize is that using AJ to become famous is like taking the stairs to get to the top of the empire state building. You’ll get there eventually, but you may die on the way.

In the event you haven’t noticed, which you haven’t, cuz none of you read my writing. I decided to write in cliches for the next little while. It will be like parking an aircraft carrier in a dixie cup. Laugh now. Love Jesus.

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Today has been a day for losers. That is because I have been trying to sort out my broken new computer and I am forced to neglect this site and use a really shitty computer at a really shitty internet cafe with no photoshop to make my sexy top of post images. I felt that since I felt like I sucked at life, I’d post pictures of someone who actual does suck at life and that’s AJ from the Backstreet Boys. Dude sucks so hard that they won’t even take him back, and when the backstreet boys reject you, it’s a lot like being un-invited to the kid with no friend’s birthday party, or like getting dumped by the fat chick that you were too ashamed to admit you were dating, just when you came to terms with the fact that you were dating her.I don’t know if that made sense to you, but the keyboard on this computer isn’t working so well, soI am not going to be editing any of this.

In trying to stay positive in life, AJ is not all that lame. If you ignore his horrible tattoos and think back a few years, we can all remember that he was the backstreet boy with a drug problem and a drinking problem and addiction is always cool. He’s also got a truckload of money and is now he’s slamming some 18 year old vagina, ten years younger than him, who is obviously using him to get to the top. What she doesn’t realize is that using AJ to become famous is like taking the stairs to get to the top of the empire state building. You’ll get there eventually, but you may die on the way.

In the event you haven’t noticed, which you haven’t, cuz none of you read my writing. I decided to write in cliches for the next little while. It will be like parking an aircraft carrier in a dixie cup. Laugh now. Love Jesus.

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In continuing my quest to disappoint my 15 readers, my computer broke on me last night when updating. I feel like shit has been going wrong for the last 2 months, from cancer biopsies to stolen computers, to credit card fraud to buy a new computer that breaks. Meaning that I don’t have warranty on this shit and that I have to figure out how to fix it. That is what I am going to be doing today. Which means, no real updating.

Don’t forget about me, I will be back, it’s just karma for all the bad things I have done in my life. Whenever I am down, I like to rub one out to Nicole Richie, I like skinny bitches. The problem with rubbing one out when you can’t get it up is that it’s kinda like an endless war with my cock. It’s like going to an all you can eat buffet with the stomach flu, it’s like going for a jog after you just had your leg amputated. I am sure it’s like a lot better things, I am just not thinking straight today. This post is not funny. But Nicole Richie is.

Click the link and watch Nicole Richie make the paparazzi sing happy birthday to her hipster singing friend.

Watch the Video Here

If you want that hipster vegan lesbian singer/songwriter friend who they are singing for, go to her MYSPACE

I’ll be back later…this post really fucking sucks.

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I didn’t update today. I realize that. I was at a hospital getting a cancer biopsy done on my nasopharynx. That’s where the nose meets the throat. I thought it was some routine bullshit that would be an in and out procedure. It pretty much was an in and out procedure, but I didn’t realize the motherfucker would be going up my nose with a pair of fucking pliers and ripping out the back of my throat through my nose 5 times. I am in pain and I am bleeding and the fact that I may have cancer fucking sucks, but I am pretty sure I don’t.

This is where I tell you how you should take control of your life, stop smoking, stop railing lines of dried up oven cleaner, stop drinking, stop eating fried foods, stop everything you like doing, because all things fun are bad for you. I’d say stop having unprotected sex, but to assume that you get laid is something I am not willing to do. I don’t like Fantasy. But point of all this is to live your fucking life however you want to live it, and if you end up 36 years old with a little lymphoma, you still got your stories…..

Speaking of stories, I was just at the drug store buying some shit for my nose, and the kid in line behind me was buying Visine and a box of condoms. I was going to ask him what his plans for the night were, but wasn’t in the mood, and figured he’d think I was trying to come on to him….

Someone who reads this site, is actually accomplished and wrote a book called Prisoner X and it is about being a writer for Hustler for 20 years. This is his Myspace and this is his message to all of you:

The Prisoner of X campaign is headed to the Pacific Northwest tomorrow and heres where the damage will be done.

Powells in Portland, Oregon, on Thursday, August 10 at 7:30 p.m. The address is 1005 West Burnside.

And then on Saturday, August 12 at 4:30 p.m. the whole thing happens again in Seattle, Washington, at Elliott Bay Books. Address? 101 South Main Street.

So go support, right after you click on my links for the day:

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I saw some sleazy muscle man near my house trying to pick up a really hot girl walking by him earlier today. I was impressed that I actually left the house for a change. Anyway, this muscle man was like “hey baby come here, I’ll buy you lunch, kind of thing” and she walked off looking like she just got raped. Always a sexy look for a woman. Ten minutes later, I am walking by the patio and the same dude is giving the table next to him pamphlets on how to be a good christian. I think it was called “The Enlightened Life” or some shit. Either way, the guys he’s pitching his religious documents on were all shocked considering the way he tried to seduce the hot bitch.

I started a Myspace Group – I want 1,000,000 Members – I expect 10. This Is The Group Address http://groups.myspace.com/drunkenstepfather. I am not sure how you find it cuz that link keeps buggin out, but I have faith that you will find it because you care that much.

Either way, these are my links of the day, that’s the story I heard. Love Jesus.