Here are the Adriana Lima pics that everyone has beat me to today.

Let’s face it, I don’t bring the news and when I do, it’s usually late because I am lazy and like sleeping. I realize that I have been spending way too much time on my computer because my eyes are bugging out all the fucking time and I see black spots everywhere I look, but it’s all worth the pain in making you smile for no monetary return. I am like Patch Adams in this motherfucker.

Speaking of Pain, I wrote DJ AM an email about Nicole Richie’s recent arrest just for fun and because I am a bit of an asshole. I have his email address because he did an interview with me a long fucking time ago and stopped responding to my emails after I sent him a link of Nicole and Steve-O holding hands and wrote “I guess she’s officially damaged goods now, good thing you got that skinny cunt out of your life” or something like that.

Either way, here’s the email I sent him.

Dear Dj AM,

I saw that your girl Nicole got arrested for being jacked on Vicodin and weed, weighing in at 85 lbs after letting Good Charlotte fuck her up the ass.

I am emailing you to congratulate you on getting her out of your life, because let’s face it, she may have helped you launch your career and she’s probably a good person and all that but no one wants to hang out with someone with someone with that much baggage.

I think it’s great that you’ve moved on. Watching her fall deeper and deeper into the hell that is her life may be sad, but at least you’ve got you new Publicist and Booking Agent and Fan Club.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

For more on the Richie Case – GO HERE

For Some 911 Phone Call Action GO HERE

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I was walking by a trendy bar this past weekend and looked in the window, like helpless homeless looking people sometimes do. It was cold outside and the warm holiday cheer I saw inside was nice. However, behind all the nice, it reminded me of why I do what I do and that is so that I don’t have to go to work daily with people I find annoying then go out to bars with them pretending we are friends because it’s good work etiquette. I don’t have to pretend to be anyone’s friend unless I want to be their friend. But I do miss the night of free drinking they gave us for the company Christmas Party. I went to 2 and was fired a week before the third one and I realized that no matter how much I dislike being in someone’s company, enough booze can make that person bearable. That trendy bar was bustling with Company Christmas Cheer and I even saw a 50 year old making out with a 20 year old. I can only assume he was her boss or maybe just some rich guy financing her coke habit.

Speaking of habits, here are some links for the day.

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I am listening to Bing Crosby and David Bowie Christmas Carols, because it’s a wonderful time of year. I was walking around the streets last night, because sometimes with no money in your wallet and no interest in smelling your fat wife’s donut breath, walking is all there is to do. I don’t mind it. I looked in store windows and ran into a group of Filipino women with a guitar who asked me to donate to the Children’s Wish Foundation. I am pretty sure they are the same Filipno’s who pretend to be celebrities on Myspace. I gave them my $2 that I had stolen from the wife for a coffee, I figured they could use it more than me, because let’s face it, it’s all about the kids and they started rockin’ out with some Christmas song. My new life goal is to track those Crazy Ladies down and make stepVIDEO because it was that amazing.

Speaking of Amazing, here are some Selma Hayek Breast Pics for a Campari Calendar…I am Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time….

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I had a Christmas Miracle this weekend. I was walking home from the Mission where I was doing some Christmas shopping for my girls, because I am on a budget and on the walk I noticed a Range Rover with a tree strapped to the roof. I moved quickly and used my lighter to burn off the ropes that tied it down, got the tree off and ran home with it. Unfortunately running for me is walking really slow and the bitch with the Range Rover totally busted me. I was a little embarrassed and told her the story of how I don’t have a job, how I am an immigrant, how my wife is fat and dying and how I run an unsuccessful website. When she asked what the website was called, I told her, and she freaked out. It’s one of her daily site visits and she gave me the tree and asked for an autograph. She’s reader number 12 but I like her the best because she made my family’s Christmas Miracle come true and she didn’t press charges and now we have a luxury rich person’s tree in the middle of this shitty one-bedroom apartment.

Speaking for Christmas, here are some pics of Kate Moss Topless at the beach I fucking love this woman and I stole these pics from someone who stole from someone else who stole from some Photo Agency. It’s a fucking Christmas Miracle. That’s the Story I heard.

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Some guy doesn’t seem to be a major fan of my stepLINKS or my choice in header pics. This is the email he sent in:

Dear Jesus –

You inspire me daily with your blogs. The thing that really makes you special is you enjoy looking at and posting pictures of ugly, fat, and old bitches. I don’t know about you but these bitches have a place in society, and that place is called McDonalds. So unless you plan on opening up a site that is geared towards dudes with baby dicks who tend to fuck fat chicks, keep the blown up pussy off the site. I would rather take a shit in my hand and then place that shit back up my ass then look at those fat sluts with titties that look like dog’s ears. These pictures may not offend you because you are actually married to a fat Ronald McDonald slut but for christ sakes man spare some of us readers who don’t like bigmac sauce on their bitches vaginas.

With Love –
JDickHead

I don’t really have much of a response to that other than I do what I want and if that includes posting fat old ladies taking topless pictures of themselves then that’s just the way it goes. I don’t really value any of the opinions/advice/etc that my 10 readers give me especially when that person fails to see see the humor in 2 old ladies taking topless pics of themselves or of a pussy made to look like a burger that fooled me. You really should do more productive things, like buy my t-shirts.. CUDDLES….

Submit your links HERE

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There are pics of Paris and Nicole doing some sort of publicity stunt with some DJ AM looking piece of shit in a Santa Outfit. I find this so fucking obnoxious, but I am no authority on this kind of shit because if I was, I would probably be the one being written about, not doing the one doing the writing, provided you call this writing…..Either way, these girls are dirtbags and have banged a whole lot of men, and since they are famous, that means they don’t use condoms and with no condoms comes HPV.

Speaking of HPV, I went to the strippers last night and this is my conversation with one of the strippers who sat with me:

me – Can you get HPV from the Pole?

her – What’s HPV?

me – Genital Warts

her – Oh yeah, I get those all the time….

me – Nice, because if 80% of people have HPV, it’ the other 20% you want to stay away from cuz they are the minority, and you know what minority means…BAD….HPV is like designer jeans, where bitches are all like “what do you mean you passed you’re pap, that’s so lame, it’s all about pre-cancerous cells in your cervix these days, like get with it”……..

her – So do you want a dance?

me – Oh, I have no money, I probably should have told you that before you sat down.

And then she walked away…Here are the Christmas Pics, So get in the Christmas Spirit. Fuckers.

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