Someone made this video for me and I didn’t realize there was a soundtrack to it when I first saw it. The soundtrack is the best part and it made me laugh then Lock my doors…then laugh again.

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I would have been more interested in hearing about why MUNG hasn’t emailed me in 2 weeks, rather than hear some bullshit lie about how he was masturbating form 186 hours, because let’s face it, that’s just stupidities. It reminds me of this kid in my highschool who wasn’t that smart and you’d ask him what he did the night before his answer was always “I was jerking off” and if a teacher asked him why he didn’t do his homework he’d say something like “oh I did my own kind of homework if you know what I mean”, and we all knew what he meant, and we never laughed because it was really predictable and repetitive and in honor of that idiot, who I think ended up making a couple of million dollars with some website he sold to FOX. It seems like it is always the idiots who succeed because they are too dumb to fail, either way, I bring you MUNG.

I am still knee deep in family commitments, but things are supposed to get back to normal tomorrow and I appreciate the 10 people who have been coming back in this very weird time for me. Cuddles.

Hello everyone,

I have been gone for quite some time and some of you have enjoyed your time away from me, and the rest of you, (like Jesus) don’t really give a fuck where I was because you were all too busy praying that I was dead. The truth is that I have spent the last 186 hours masturbating to these pictures of Scarlett Johanson. I think I have rubbed the first four layers of skin off around my genitals and my penis now resembles, and smells, like an over-boiled hot dog.

The thing I like about these pictures is there is not only a sexy picture of her, but a cute picture of her too. A new born baby could be holding a duckling and a 4 week old kitten in his crib while sucking his thumb and blinking his little eyes and it wouldn’t even compare to how cute this hot slut looks in this picture.

My hand is cramped and my penis is sore, but the good news is you all just wasted your time reading this shitty post and now you wish I would go away again.

MUNG

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After the success of my Nicole Richie text messages and by success I mean 40 useless comments from 5 people posting under different handles, I decided that it would only be appropriate to post these upskirt pics that landed in my inbox. I haven’t heard from MUNG in the past week, I can only assume that you all broke the fucker down. Knowing the luck that I have had the last couple of weeks, I can only assume he’s dead. Speaking of dead, I have been in and out of family functions the last few days dealing with all the loss of a couple of loved ones. It’s been hard to see the pain it’s caused a lot of people and I hate to make reference to serious things within a post about Nicole Richie’s meaty box/ uterus being held up by her child size thong, which brings up a whole other issue as to why there are child sized thongs even available, when I was 6 – I wasn’t thinking much about panty lines. I’ll do what I can to update more later, but no promises. Cuddles

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We all know that I am really bigtime and that I get major media companies handing me over mass amounts of money to make them richer, like when I was pushing that shitty band Buckcherry and shut down their servers or when I ran a contest of Sex in the City and no one signed up…both times I still couldn’t pay my rent or my servers cuz neither companies paid me shit. And this time is no different. So the motivation behnd this is that I am trying to get this fucker Howard Stern to mention me on his radio show because I think that may take me to the next level to put me in a position to be making a little money off the site. So this is what I found in my inbox….

In Howard We Trust. Starting midnight on Friday, November 3rd through Sunday, November 5th, Howard Stern will give devoted fans and first timers an opportunity to relive the wildest, sexiest, funniest, most jaw-dropping moments of 2006 for just one cent with the HOWARD TV ON DEMAND PREVIEW. The weekend event will enable viewers to access an all-new special featuring the best-of antics, interviews and stunts from Howard Stern’s Sirius Satellite radio show, re-edited uncensored classic Stern show moments, original programming and excusive behind-the-scenes footage. The Howard TV Preview will add just a mere penny to customer’s regular cable bill. Learn more about the Howard TV Preview by visiting HERE

There’s some kind of contest going on and you can win a $50 AMEX gift card. Just click here to sign-up, assholes.

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I remember when Lohan was a girl I liked to stalk. It all started when I used to write Lohan news bits everyday in a time when stepfather was a site in self-discovery, like a teenage girl with her first vibrator or swimming pool jet. I gave up on the daily Lohan news because I really didn’t care about what she was up to as much as I did about making myself famous. Making myself famous would have been easier if I was a better stalker, one with a budget and access to a van and a plane ticket to Los Angeles who got caught and was on every entertainment show and magazine. Instead, I was stuck doing it on myspace with a messages and emails sent to people she’s worked with and with youtube by making shitty videos set to answering machine messages left to her. One of the stalker videos had over 100,000 views, but it still didn’t make me famous, because it just wasn’t good enough. I have come to terms with the fact that I am not a very good stalker, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not very funny, and today, I have come to terms with the fact that Lohan is a busted up pick-up truck that’s not worth my time, or your time, even when she lays her cunt on the line with upskirt pics, even in 2 years when the sex-tape is released. She’s a wasted celebrity and the spotlight has just been turned off, the curtains have closed and the police report thrown out. I can’t be bothered talking about some slag who has turned ugly as shit on me, it just doesn’t make sense to me, I like the girls I stalk on the Internet to be hot. So, this post is where I say goodbye to Lohan and say hello to all the new, fresh faced girls with talent, who haven’t ruined themselves with an alcoholic gene, cocaine and numerous unprotected cocks and who don’t stink of kitchen garbage and 3 day old used tampons even after showering themselves in dior perfume. Cuddles.

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I have no idea who Lady Sovereign is, but when looking up pictures in Flickr for a future stepLINKS post, I found pics of her flashing her bra. I figured she was in some kind of band and that even if I don’t give a fuck about who she is, someone obviously does enough to put her pics up on Flickr…..so that was enough reason for me to hook this post up.

I know that I haven’t been around lately, there was a second tragedy in my family on the day of the first funeral and I have been in shock the last couple days. I am trying to keep my mind off of stressful shit, like this site, and I have been going on walks and out for drinks with friends. Two deaths in 4 days is traumatic and whether you all want to believe it or not it puts everything into perspective.

I am not going to be dropping some emotionally driven observation of the importance of living life to the fullest and never knowing when it’s going to end and all that shit, but it definitely does make me question why I spend my days writing this site when all it does is cause me headaches and gets the same number of readers for the last 2 years. I think I should hang up the blog a write a movie instead. It’s always been a dream and I know at least 30 people would go see it.

I will try to keep up the updates in the next week, because I am not ready to walk away from this just yet but I will be spending the majority of time with family and when with family grieving death, busting out the lap top is probably not the best thing to do. It’s also hard to make jokes when broken up on the inside and such.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

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I have no idea who Lady Sovereign is, but when looking up pictures in Flickr for a future stepLINKS post, I found pics of her flashing her bra. I figured she was in some kind of band and that even if I don’t give a fuck about who she is, someone obviously does enough to put her pics up on Flickr…..so that was enough reason for me to hook this post up.

I know that I haven’t been around lately, there was a second tragedy in my family on the day of the first funeral and I have been in shock the last couple days. I am trying to keep my mind off of stressful shit, like this site, and I have been going on walks and out for drinks with friends. Two deaths in 4 days is traumatic and whether you all want to believe it or not it puts everything into perspective.

I am not going to be dropping some emotionally driven observation of the importance of living life to the fullest and never knowing when it’s going to end and all that shit, but it definitely does make me question why I spend my days writing this site when all it does is cause me headaches and gets the same number of readers for the last 2 years. I think I should hang up the blog a write a movie instead. It’s always been a dream and I know at least 30 people would go see it.

I will try to keep up the updates in the next week, because I am not ready to walk away from this just yet but I will be spending the majority of time with family and when with family grieving death, busting out the lap top is probably not the best thing to do. It’s also hard to make jokes when broken up on the inside and such.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

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I am always surprised when I see the kind of traffic this fucking site gets. It’s like every loser on the internet and their socially awkward autistic brother are clicking into this site daily to see what some negro fag in a wig is up to and to check out some dirty HIV ridden cokeslut’s tits between session of RPG games. Now I am not a black hater or a gay basher and I am not against people with cameras or people who turn themselves into novelties to further their careers and I don’t mean to be politically incorrect by calling a spade a spade, or insult people with an addiction to drugs, sex and parties, and I am totally aware that his lifestyle is far more interesting than mine to the average person but I am also aware that he’s just a fad. He’s the American Apparel generation’s dictator of cool, without his pics, 16 year old girls in slim fitting jeans wouldn’t know how they are supposed to act at a party. So girl pull out them titties and rip lines off the toilet bowl, you are the club kids of the next generation, but you smell like dirty laundry and you may have daddy’s trust fund, and you may be partying with the Duffgusting sisters, and it may be “SICK” and you may think you’re “Fierce”, and you may talk about how “Geed out you were until you huffed an 8 ball of yay” but you’re still just as lame as the fuckers clicking into your site between sessions of RPG games with their Autistic brothers back in Kansas because they aren’t pretending to be something they aren’t. Now that’s the Word of Jesus. Cuddles.

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We all know that I am really bigtime and that I get major media companies handing me over mass amounts of money to make them richer, like when I was pushing that shitty band Buckcherry and shut down their servers or when I ran a contest of Sex in the City and no one signed up…and still couldn’t pay my rent or my servers. I guess the reality of all this is that I am not getting paid shit by anyone but I want to be, so I am trying to get this fucker Howard Stern to mention me on his radio show because I think that may take me to the next level.

In Howard We Trust. Starting midnight on Friday, November 3rd through Sunday, November 5th, Howard Stern will give devoted fans and first timers an opportunity to relive the wildest, sexiest, funniest, most jaw-dropping moments of 2006 for just one cent with the HOWARD TV ON DEMAND PREVIEW. The weekend event will enable viewers to access an all-new special featuring the best-of antics, interviews and stunts from Howard Stern’s Sirius Satellite radio show, re-edited uncensored classic Stern show moments, original programming and excusive behind-the-scenes footage. The Howard TV Preview will add just a mere penny to customer’s regular cable bill. Learn more about the Howard TV Preview by visiting HERE

There’s some kind of contest going on and you can win a $50 AMEX gift card. Just click here to sign-up, assholes.

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MUNG is pretty lame and if this is what he considers art, I know exactly what kind of guy he is….I’m talkin eyebrow piercing, high school drop out who listens to shitty rock music with his gelled hair and shirt tucked into his Docker’s in between periods of the hockey game on the couch with his fat high school sweetheart, who he knocked up at 19, right before getting a canada flag tattooed on his shoulder but after giving up on all his dreams and accepting his life as a suburbian piece of middle management shit. He sent this in about a week ago and I decided to post it today. I actually have a softspot for MUNG.

I really don’t know what to think about this one. It kinda sucks, sorta like the idea of posting art on this shitty website and getting you uncultured fucking losers to comment on it. This artwork is so fucking awesome that it makes me want to stab babies with pitchforks and fuck the pitchfork when I am done with it. I am thinking that it symbolizes anti-abortion and some fucking pro-life loser painted it. The devilgirl symbolizes the actual method of abortion while the pitchfork symbolizes the coathanger…and the dead baby, well it symbolizes a dead baby. Either that or I am looking way too deeply into things and it’s just a really cool picture of a devilgirl humping a pitchfork with a dead baby on the end of it.

Art rules, now go fuck off.

MUNG

I am talking to a 15 year old girl in starbucks and she reads my site – she wanted to write something in this post. So this is what she had to say. Nude Pics To Follow…in 3 years.

Can I come to your apartment so that you can help me with my blog?

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