DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2016

27

Jun

Lindsay Lohan’s Dramatic Bathing Suit Pic of the Day

Lohan is not a sea monster – she’s just a monster and I guess it makes sense that Lindsay Lohan, who has jacked up her face, and looks like a beat up stripper, because that’s how she feels on the inside of her life as a puppet her family exploited…would be out in a bathing suit doing the cheesy of cheesy fucking photoshoots – in a bathing suit – for her instagram – because she’s obviously taking a shot at being a gutter, low level prostitute Glamour model – because they are the biggest thing in the UK, and there’s a pretty easy barrier of entry to become one of those….

Next step…Big Brother, but not the Celebrity version..I believe it could happen for what was once the hottest, talentless, not that hot, but hottest freckled star..

I am still a fan of this comeback and I”m ready for more, I’ve unfortunately documented her entire life and I am the unofficial Lohan biographer…from Parentrap to Sam Ronson’s Pussy Trap and everyone in between…I remember…and think she’s amazing, there’s real emotional connection for me – when I see her pics – and I anxiously await her OSCAR – because I know that as long as she doesn’t die, she’s still young enough to get back at it and make that Oscar happen…she just needs to hire me as her assistant – because that’s a purse – I’d be into holding..

TO SEE THE REST OF THE AMAZING PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|SFW|Uncategorized

2016

27

Jun

Olivia Munn Has Pulled Off the Scam of the Day

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Olivia Munn posted these staged selfie bikini shoot pics for her fans – a group of people she manipulated HARD – thanks to being on some NERD show – Talking NERD shit – back when NERDS watched TV – in a NERD era – when NERDS were all the rage – and NERDS mattered….

It allowed her to get into hollywood movies, through proper navigation – now this…From zero to fucking hero…created by her fans…not all that hot – but clever enough to manipulate the world into giving her what she wants – so that she can afford the luxury of sitting by a pool in selfie bikini shoots…

Good hustle deserves reward…so stare at her photoshopped body – and love it like she wants you to…

Posted in:Olivia Munn|SFW

2016

27

Jun

Ariel Winter’s Butt Shot Pose of the Day

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I see you arching that lower back on your party boat…

On your knees with the bathing suit bottom jacked up her ass – in the best way she could…

Her stretch marks are smoothed out – because the world photoshops themselves like a bunch of misleading liars who crave being famous and live their life trying to get famous – because when they aren’t famous they fell inadequate and when they are famous, like Ariel Winter, they are just trying to get a sense of normalcy by whoring out like the rest of the people on instagram – a porn site – that doesn’t market themselves as a porn site – even though all I see is sluts in slutty pics…because tits get hits…

From child star whored out by her parents, to trained by whore Sofia Vergara, to having big tits that pervert dudes liked watching grow up, to now working on promoting her ass – ON HER KNEES…without the round face to distract….this is just weird….

It’s a shameless but shot, but why, bitch gets paid and is on tv..the whoring should be for those trying to get on TV…

But I guess this “empowered by being a whore”…is universal and applies to those who are rich, those who are poor, those with fans and those who want fans – in some basic HUMAN behavior…

In other creepy child stars in bathing suits on boats news – here’s some DAKOTA FANNING…not quite slutty enough for her own post – but still in a bathing suit on the boat – so trendy.

Posted in:Ariel Winter|SFW

2016

27

Jun

Emmanuelle Chriqui for Instagram of the Day

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Well this is a little dramatic for an instagram pic. It’s like this 40 year old Canadian from Entourage, a show I never watched, but that everyone seemed to watch, because every girl I know seems to know all about it, but that’s probably because they’ve all had sex with Jeremy Piven, that little man has the ability to stick his dick in everything – you’d think “there’s not enough time in the day for every girl I know to have had sex with him”…yet they’ve all had sex with him…he’s the most accessible famous person around – rocking tinder hard…..

Either, Chriqui, lives in LA because she’s all famous, but she’s still some immigrant Moroccan from Canada, a brat….and in being a tacky, gaudy, and annoying woman, I would assume she has pictures of herself all over her house…and that posing like this, in a serious way, being serious and posting it without thinking she’s an asshole – takes some kind of narcissism – I don’t and never will understand…

Posted in:Emmanuelle Chriqui

2016

27

Jun

Madonna’s Daughter Has Nipples of the Day

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I know you’d assume that Madonna’s daughter couldn’t possibly have nipples, like every human that hasn’t had a mastectomy has….because Madonna is some slippery snake, who tricked the world into thinking she was some Lady Gaga artist of her generation with pop songs and glamour- all sexed up that spoke to the ever loyal and passionate gays – who helped carry her geration to generation since the early 80s….but apparently she breeds humans…latina humans…who don’t wear bras because no one wears bras – this is the selfie / instagram / self involved / porn generation…bras are a sign of the oppressive past, except for the 60s and 70s when no one wore bras, or the 80s when bras didn’t have underwire…

Posted in:Lourdes Leon|SFW

2016

27

Jun

Fergie’s New Single Cover “Milf Money” of the Day

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Fergie’s back and on the hustle, making fun of the fact that she’s old and has kids, but also that she’s got a good dermatologist and photoshop retoucher – that makes her look like she wasn’t the haggard meth addict we all know that she was – after her Disney / child star stint…before the whole Black Eyed Peas shit happened for her – and propelled her to super stardom…

Because 10 years ago, she looked 10 years older than this…and there’s only one thing that logically makes sense…and that is that she’s a fake bitch manipulating all of you through catchy song and dance that isn’t good song and dance but that has money behind it and that can hire scientists to determine what people will respond to…

We live in a world that can cure virus and disease..treat insanity…and there’s no doubt in my mind that billion dollar media companies don’t know exactly how to get loser drone idiots like us to buy into shit…

Even I know how to push product…it all starts with the tits…

Posted in:Fergie|SFW

2016

27

Jun

Christen Press’s Ass for ESPN Body Issue of the Day

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Christen Press is a Soccer Player..who I guess is going to the Olympics and who ESPN could use for their body issue to offer something remotely sexy, since most pro athlete women are monsters….with really big legs…ready to eat your soul thanks to the roid rage they have from performance enhancement drugs that were calculated properly as to not

I don’t watch sports – but I do think strong ass, strong legs on a bitch is hot, because I am the opposite of an athlete and like the women who ride me to have the endourance to keep me interested, not that I deserve to be ridden by any girl – but if we’re gonna have sex – I’m not going to be able to get through 5-10 thrusts before passing out – so now I look for fitness, versus crackwhores too lazy to run…

Posted in:Christen Press|SFW

2016

27

Jun

Valerie van der Graaf Not Nude for Playboy of the Day

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Valerie van der Graaf is some Glamour model who’s done some bikini modeling because she’s got big tits and a body….

I’ve called her a better version of Kate Upton and not just because they modeled for the same bikini company…but because her face has is hotter, her body hotter, same sloppy tits, but the rest of her isn’t 6 months preparing for hibernation at the all you can eat buffet…

She’s from the Netherlands, which means if things had gone my way, she’d be a legal prostitute in the red light district, but since nothing goes my way, she’s just showing off her hot body for money, instead of having sex with random passerbys for money….

I guess what we’ve learned her today kids, is that everyone is a hooker, it’s just a matter of price as to whether you penetrate them or just get them half naked…..and when they look like this, that’s a good thing.

And now she’s in Playboy, showing her ass, and some tit, but not all of her tit, because this is Playboy the Instagram years, trying to give the instagram vibe – with no nipples…in the dumbest fucking business decision…they could have made…

The photographer is David Bellemere, who’s great, the model is great, but what the fuck is this no nipple..

Bellemere shoots for Victoria’s Secret…nipples – but NO – not for Playboy – that would just make too much sense…

Posted in:SFW|Valerie van der Graaf

2016

27

Jun

Lise Olsen Not Nude for Playboy of the Day

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Lise Olsen is a Norway model and she’s in the lastest issue of Playboy, that’s non nude – because Playboy feels they shouldn’t show you naked girls – when you can just go to their pay site to see all the stripper trash willing to get naked for Playboy – but the magazine can remain artistic, with quality shoots, integrity – that is ad friendly and not at all what Playboy was or means to people – while Vogue and all the other men’s mags are going more naked…their advisers are like “let’s turn Playboy in instagram, you know shitty staged shoots of decent models by good photographers that looks like shit was pissed on because instagram is popular”…..So playboy has turned into Instagram….curated nonsense…

Posted in:Lise Olsen|SFW

2016

27

Jun

Michelle Vawer hops onto Titty Modeling for Fame of the Day

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Michelle Vawer is some Canadian you’v enever heard of – unless you’ve seen “Into the Blue 2” the Jessica post Jessica Alba years…of the dumbest fucking straight to DVD movie from the DVD era….but she’s hot, and I guess she realizes that was 7 years ago…is probably pushing 30, or in her 30s, I didn’t bother googling her…so if she wants to stand out – it’s time to get that nipple out – blame feminism or whatever…make dreams come true…

I always like these girls around this age – who were cunty at 21 when things were going good for them….struggling to find themselves 10 years later – top make that right move after things didn’t quite workout so well or as planned…mainly because that’s when the tits come out to play!

Posted in:Michelle Vawer