DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2016

10

Mar

Krysten Ritter did Esquire of the Day

I never knew who Krysten Ritter was, I just know she’s been around for a while, and I never found her interesting, she was like a bootleg Anne Hathaway with nothing interesting to offer, other than maybe being a GOTH, which is so trendy and cool when you’re rich and your idea of GOTH is going to Whole Foods…

I was never excited by her bikini pics, or really anything she did, but then someone, let’s call her 20 year old I stick my dick in, made me watch the show she’s in, I can’t even remember the name, but I remember it’s not Deadpool…and for some reason…I was totally down with her drunken, slutty, railed by huge black guys character, that could be her real personality, acting is a fucking lie…and I was sold…

So if you’re out there trying to get me to like you, get drunk, fuck black dudes, send pics….

This is a preview of her in Esquire…in a basic pic, but lookin’ hot enough for me…which isn’t saying much, one day I’ll post the things I bang…and you’ll see…I’m a hater with no grounds to be a hater other than my right to an opinion..as a very miserable person…

Posted in:Krysten Ritter|SFW

2016

10

Mar

Jennifer Aniston in Harper’s Bazaar of the Day

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Jennifer Aniston did this shoot for Harper’s Bazaar that is a little theatrical, seeing as she’s holding a falcon on some very weird concept shit, in what looks like a see through lace top cupping what seems like a great tit, and the other pictures of her standing in water from afar with her reflection because two Jennifer Anistons is better than one according to Jennifer Aniston….you know it’d have to be theatrical to think that at 50 she’s still hot, or a love interest in a movie, she’s managed to fool audiences this long to think her hard nipples were actually something in their 30s….but the jig is up, her and Cameron Diaz can makeway for actually hot chicks who can play themselves in movies and TVs and who cost a fraction of the price…

Sure this grandma is one of the last generations of “actors” who scammed the system and got paid a lot of fucking money without having to work or be engaging…but now…the world knows who people actually want to see – and it’s not Jennifer Aniston – unless of course she’s playing a falconeer…

I still find it funny that Brad Pitt left her and that no one has ever knocked her up because she was too busy staring in bunk quality content….

I like to laugh at failures of people worth hundreds of millions of dollars…for the dumbest fucking reason to be worth hundreds of millions dollars…a reason I call FRIENDS>…

Posted in:Jennifer Aniston|SFW

2016

10

Mar

Jojo On Instagram of the Day

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I wonder what message Jojo is trying to convey to her fans in this Instagram pic…

Could it be “I remember when guys used to leave really aggressive sexual comments on my videos because I was 16 and on MTV and dudes fucking love that…and I fucking love that…bring that back”…

Or maybe it is “I dropped out of the scene when social media started, because I had more money than I knew what to do with, so I fucked a series of black guys, their dicks are bigger”…..

Or it’s “I came back and no one cared, so here’s my tits”..

Either way, it’s something….something very bulbous…and I’m not talking about her eyebrow ring….PS who the fuck has eyebrow rings…??

Posted in:JoJo|SFW

2016

10

Mar

Kylie Jenner Bikini Selfie of the Day

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I guess it’s family tradition to post pictures of their whore selves for their followers who I will never understand…but who exist and are plentiful and who make these idiots relevant, idols, icons, rich as fuck and allow the to perpetuate their lies…

I’ve seen Kylie Jenner in person and at 18 she so battered by shitty plastic surgery or bad make-up and her body is as modified as her dad’s, bitch has to have the fat sucked out of her stomach, re-inserted in her ass, making for this level of weird looking, that takes big black cock, because she can’t feel anything below her waist, it’s always in a state of numbness so that whenever doctor is in for Kim, she can hop in and get her treatments too.

I don’t see how this does anyone any good, sure you can argue, feminist, that she’s a girl making money like a boss, but I’d argue she’s a puppet objectifying herself, giving other girls negative body image all while selling garbage product to them….because she can.

She’s the devil..the half naked, weirdly shaped devil, but you don’t care about that, you just care about the pussy definition in her bikini bottoms…
.

Posted in:Kylie Jenner|SFW

2016

10

Mar

Behati Prinsloo is Pregnant of the Day

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I am not the kind of person who gets emotionally attached to some immigrant underwear model working for some evil corporation that makes cheap, yet overpriced, mall brand underwear…all these girls are hookers and interchangeable…

However, I detest anything that Adam Levine touches, something that I was sometimes able to ignore when looking at Behati half naked, since she had a good body….and because I didn’t actually care what she put in her pussy…but the reminder of that voice I hear on the radio over and over again…made me hope she’d never breed…or never pollute herself with his fetus…even though it’s a good retirement plan, set for life, that motherfucker is rich…rich off all of our misery listening to his whiney LA rich kid, pretty boy, judge on the Voice Voice…

I’d say we can always hope for abortion, not because we want to save her body, or her pussy, she’s rich and her career depends on being fit and bouncing back from this nightmare….not that I care about any of that, there are 1000 other bitches as hot and ready to take her place…

I just think we need to put an end to anything that perpetuates his seed…polluting our world…even if the kid will have a good time while breast feeding..he’s still a fucking Levine, who will end up another rich kid drug addict, it’s the LA way, or maybe it’ll be the next Gigi Hadid…point being…garbage…and the real issue is that I’m posting on it…

All I smell is Adam Levine Afterbirth…and It’s disgusting..

Posted in:Behati Prinsloo|SFW

2016

10

Mar

Lucy Hale’s in a Bikini in Brazil of the Day

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Lucy Hale is the less interesting Pretty Little Liar, which in case you didn’t know was or is a hugely successful show with the kids, making all the cast memebers, including Shay Mitchell and Ashley Benson superstars to the youth, while remaining virtually unknown to the rest of the free world…

She’s in a bikini in Brazil and it’s safe to assume she’s a terrible, coddled, overpaid, entitled, brat…but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s in a bikini…all perfectly average in a bikini…that at least one teenage boy and creepy dad will jerk off to, I mean statistically, she’s got millions of people into her, that at least one person jerks off to every single one of her instagram pics, she doesn’t even need to get in a bikini for it….

Highlight of the pic, her friend’s ass crack, but really that still doesn’t make this shit interesting…I’m just posting it because I have nothing else going on…so don’t confuse this for me caring…because I don’t…this is not nearly hot enough for me…I just happen to notice it…because I have to..to pay for my yachts and private jet.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Lucy Hale|SFW

2016

10

Mar

Kaley Cuoco’s Fake Tits in Some Stage Show of the Day

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I understand why people went to live stage shows in the 1940s, because they didn’t have TV, but in this era of internet and social media, I don’t see much of a point for anyone to leave their house at all, let alone to leave the house to see some chick from TV do some stage performance, song and dance, in some slutty outfit, knowing she won’t get naked, when there are options that are far less lame///

Unless that stage show is straight up stripping at a stripclub while I’m drunk and heckling, by girls who don’t want to be on webcam because they don’t realize they’ll make so much more with their nude bodies…you know actually getting naked and not just wearing some silly little shorts…reading some canned script with some called performance that would be embarassing if she didn’t make 100 million a year…

I’m talking vagina in my face for 10 dollars a song…without that – I see no point…

I can’t understand how anyone can sit in an audience, for whatever charity this is, thinking… “this is really enjoyable, acting is so cool, I love how she’s reading canned shit at us, it’s great”…even if they are into Kaley Cuoco….even if the only good thing about it is the fake tits, fit divorced body, and outfit….

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Kaley Cuoco|SFW

2016

10

Mar

Anna Ewers Rhymes with Sewers for W April of the Day

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The photographer is VICE’s original cover photographer Ryan McGinley, who like VICE has gone totally fucking mainstream, because mainstream is where the money is, and now all these hipster “artists” from the late 90s are billionaires…and why the fuck not, it’s better than the same blue blooded assholes perpetuating bullshit, exploiting the poor…I’ll take my billionaires ex heroin using, drunks from the mean streets of Montreal..before becoming enterprising social climbers documenting cool, which and of itself is so not fucking cool…

Well, he shot Anna Ewers, who rhymes with sewers and who reminds me that I’d human centipede her she’s so good, just to have her ass in my face..I don’t care what weird model shit she ate, and what weird model shit I’m eating, I’d just bathe in her septic tank knowing it came from her.

I’m romantic like that…

But not as romantic as this fashion shoot in the Making of a Murderer scrap yard…high concept, maybe not, but still a better concept than “girl in bed”…from instagram…

I dig it…

Posted in:Anna Ewers|SFW

2016

10

Mar

Kelly Rohrbach for Baywatch of the Day

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I like to think she wears this bathing suit, that I am going to assume by the “fashionable” zipper on the front, is actually not state issued LA County bathing suit uniform, but rather Hollywood using some vapid cunt with a good body Leo pretended to fuck to get people to the movies…

Speaking of Vapid Cunt, I like the pussy definition in the top picture, it looks like there is a pillow I want to lay my head / mouth on….

But since she’s always in the same thing, I’m going to just imagine, it’s the same bathing suit day after day, so that it really smells like it should, even though they probably have budget for hundreds of the same suit, all of which I’d volunteer to hand wash…with my mouth…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Kelly Rohrbach|SFW

2016

10

Mar

Selena Gomez Panty Flash of the DAy

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I zoomed into this intentional Selena Gomez panty flash…at least 5 times…hoping I’d see a wet spot, a stain, a tampon string, a little labia poking out, anything…but I came back with nothing…because she’s Disney trained and knows if she’s going to do an intentional panty flash for the paparazzi in Paris, she’s going to make sure all loose ends are covered….

You only live once, so maximize, because in her case, all Chemotherapy treated…but still partying…while full of LUPUS…living may not be that long – so flash those panties for your fans when you can…it may trick the non believers into wanting to fuck you – even though all dudes want to fuck anything – with or without panty flashes…

This is almost as desperate as how she hangs out with Taylor Swift..for spillover attention from the media…lame…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Selena Gomez|SFW