DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2014

07

Mar

Ireland Baldwin Weirdness of the Day

Ireland Baldwin is single…her and her boyfriend she thought she was all about because she is 12 and that’s what 12 year olds do…especially when they have daddy issues and come from too much money and a broken home…and now she’s fallen off the rails…

She’s gone and dyed her hair purple, even though that was so last year, and she’s making these weird hair erotica videos for instagram that I feel you are capable of masturbating to…because I have faith in you and more importantly…you can masturbate to anything cuz your’e weird.

I figure now’s my chance to make her my wife and promise to help her and her modelling career…that one day will lead her in Sports Illustrated like her other rich friends…but I don’t think she’ll go for it..even if she looks like a broken down gutter street kid with no direction hipster…she’s not…

Posted in:Ireland Baldwin

2014

07

Mar

Miranda Kerr for Wonderbra of the Day

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I can’t really look at Miranda Kerr the same way since finding out she got fired from Victoria’s Secret for having sex with Bieber, even when I have been told by people who have had sex with Bieber, including but not limited to pornstars, that Bieber has a massive penis, because Bieber, even when jacked, looks like this hairless 12 year old, that like the dude at the stripclub who was making out with the dyke who was built and dressed like a 13 year old boy, would require a fucking weirdo to get down with…

But she does have a banging body…and I mean as a panty model, that’s what matters, what she sticks in her ass or vagina, really doesn’t…even if it should…

So here is what I’ve been told is a horrible fucking person, Miranda Kerr, doing some underwear campaigning…

Posted in:Miranda Kerr

2014

07

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Golden Shower on Jimmy Fallon of the Day

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Lindsay Lohan apparently simulated sex with Sam Ronson, a gusher, thanks to her big penis sized clit, on Jimmy Fallon..

I couldn’t really watch the video, because I have better things to do than look at the beacon of Hope that is Lohan humiliate herself for some overrated variety show host I can’t stand watching, even though the rest of the world thinks he is sent from relevant comedy heaven…

But I did see the screenshots, and from what I saw, Lohan plays a good golden showered, rebuilt face, broken down actress…it’s like she’s done it before…this is up on some Oscar winning shit..

TO SEE PICS OF HER AFTER THE SHOW CLICK HERE

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan

2014

07

Mar

Lena Gercke in GQ Germany of the Day

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I don’t know who Lena Gercke is, but apparently she’s my soul mate and by soul mate I mean some hard faced german model who probably likes to shit or be shit on, because that’s what german’s do.

She’s in German GQ, which means she’s obviously of some level of importance, but all I see is some hard face and intensity, coupled with a girl who is dating some pro soccer player, as European Glamour models do…so I guess that makes her useless to us, since if she wasn’t dating some pro soccer player, she’d totally be sitting on our collective faces, letting us taste what she ate for lunch….right?

Posted in:Lena Gercke

2014

07

Mar

Lea Seydoux’s Nipple in Esquire of the Day

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Lea Seydoux was in the closest thing to a porn movie in mainstream this past year…I think even more hardcore than Nymphomaniac…

It was called Blue is the Warmest color, and this girl scissored some other actress pretty aggressively….bringing back an era of when you could masturbate to a non porn movie that you rented based on it’s ratings alone.

I assume that is the next trend in Hollywood, you know to compete with porn, and while we wait for some quality shit to be produced, here is some nipple in fashion to tide you over.

The world has really gone pretty sexy the last few years and they Lea girl is from France, where I guess things have always been sexy…and she’s representing all that is good in life.

Posted in:Léa Seydoux

2014

07

Mar

Imogen Poots is ALright of the Day

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Imgoen Poots is an actress with a silly name, straight from the UK, who has done a lot of very important movie roles for someone who is only 24, like Need for Speed and I really don’t know what else, I am too lazy to look her up, and too busy trying to see her tits….

I assume she’s got rich parents, that’s what she’s all Hollywood, and I guess who really fucking cares why she exists, when all that really matters is how silly her name is, saying it makes me feel like an asshole.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Imgoen Poots

2014

07

Mar

Danielle Lloyd’s Bikini Tits of the Day

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Her name is Danielle Lloyd, she’s a busty UK model who has made a living showing her tits, and here she is showing her tits for the paparazzi in her bikini, being as subtle as a whore can be, I mean if she hired a marching band and some fucking circus performers, with a spotlight and fireworks, it’d take away from the authenticity that she a titty model, who only exists in our lives because of her tits, showing her tits for the paparazzi she hired…if you get what I am saying…and if you don’t you’re an idiot…but I’ll break it down to you like this. She’s only relevant because she models her tits, so when she hits the beach with the paparazzi she hired for PR, she shows her tits in a subtle way, to keep her fans intrigued or at least reminded of her tits. Basic low level marketing, sure, but she makes more money than us and that is depressing.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Danielle Lloyd

2014

07

Mar

Following a Drunk Guy in Public of the Day

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I know that following this drunk guy with one shoe around a mall in the UK is not all that exciting to watch, it’s funny as a global concept, because drunken disasters are always funny, except when they are depressing and have thrown their lives away, like me…

But I think as semi functioning alcoholic, but barely functioning alcoholic, this is some aspirational, motivational videos to give me something to strive for.

When you fail at life, and see someone failing harder, it is like being a professional Athlete watching other athletes win Olympic gold, only far less healthy, respectable, or even more fun, but when you’re drunk, none of that matters.

Good times.

If you don’t like that…

Here’s a wheelie fail…

Here’s a woman fainting into the train tracks…

Posted in:Videos

2014

07

Mar

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

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Morning stretch…to try to forget the horrible night of me spending most of my night trying to convince a 40 year old fat girl to show me her butt hole…which I learned is a better word than asshole, while trying to get a girl to show you hers.

It was one of those lose/lose situations where if she doesn’t show me I get nothing and if she does I can’t un-see or fast forward the experience…but since losing is what I do, I guess it all made horrible sense.

That said, here are some morning links.

Michael Jackson Has A New Kid
GO

True Detective / Olsen Twin Mash-Up Video
GO

Elizabeth Deo in Some Latex Panties
GO

Kim Kardashian and Blac Chyna Hooking Together
GO

Taylor Swift is in Some Good Shorts
GO

Girl in Yoga Pants
GO

Anus Zanotti is Topless in a Bikini and Seems Fun
GO

Katherine Webb’s Friends are Hotter than Her
GO

I LOVE CAM GIRLS
GO

A Bunch of Amateur Nudists!
GO

Girl Masturbates Into full Retard
GO

2 Little Girls Sing “Let it Go” Badly
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2014

07

Mar

Late Night Erotica of the Day

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Show NSFW Content

I just went to the worst event, but fell in love with at least a dozen 20 year old girls in tight skimpy clothes who thought I was either a homeless dude, thanks to my piss stained sweatpants, or the janitor there to pick up their puke…

I may have been overly into the girls, you know that’s code for creepy, because I got there directly after going to the saddest stripclub, you know the stripclub where strippers go to die…meaning even the ugliest of girls would be hot…

Now, I am home, I can hear my wife choking on her neck fat as she snores, I have no way to recruit love, but luckily…these babes are enough erotica for me to sleep easy…

Their names are TEAL and THE RED FOX , they are Eastern European, and if they lived in America, they’d probably be famous not getting naked, so take it in and appreciate the globalization…

TO SEE THEM MORE HARDCORE CLICK HERE

TO SEE THEM MORE HARDCORE CLICK HERE

Posted in:NSFW|X-Art