DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

11

Jul

Lindsay Lohan’s Comeback in The Canyons of the Day

I am a firm believer that Lindsay Lohan will win an Academy AwardI am a firm believer that she will be making a comeback….I am a firm believer that a star as bright as her can’t ever be turned off…I am also a firm believer that Lohan and I are connected at the soul, I am also a firm believer that aliens live amongst us, that AIDS is a myth, that the smell of cheese between my wife’s legs is edible and not unhealthy…and so many other irrational, even crazy things…I am also totally inconsistent, but I will say this…Lohan is in a bra in the trailer and I like it…because her breasts are the most important thing to have happened in the 21st century…and that is one thing I know for sure…even if I don’t know much, but I know I love her…and that may be all I beed to know.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan

2013

11

Jul

Helena Christensen Seducing Me for FutureClaw of the Day

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Helena Christensen is the only thing that matters…

She’s like 100 fucking years old…seriously…old enough to have been at Woodstock…yet so fucking amazing to look at…it confuses me…but not too much because her body warrants me wanting to make love to it with my mouth…over and over and over again…until she gets waterlogged and starts to look her fucking age…

This is a good kind of freak of nature…you know like the girl who can’t get pregnant, or the one with two vaginas, or the siamese twins who always have threesomes, even if it’s really just a two-and-a-half some thanks to the two heads, two pussies but only one heart….

None of which has anything to do with Helena Christensen, if anything it’s just noise getting in the way of my true love for her…love that I should try to channel into songs…even though I can’t sing…I’d learn for her…#fact.

Posted in:Helena Christensen|NSFW

2013

11

Jul

Miley Cyrus Rubbing Her Lips Erotically of the Day

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There’s just something pretty lovely about Miley Cyrus rubbing a bulbous object on her lips…one that may be harmless in theory…but that she’s working in a way that you know she wants dudes to pretend that’s what she looks like when she’s sucking dick…all romantic and passionate gazing intensely into our eye…I mean why else would she post this pic…it only makes sense that it’s for pornographic reasons…you know like her twerking, her no bra and all else she does…but then again so is every girl thanks to having a vagina…

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

11

Jul

Man of Steel XXX Giveaway of the Day

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Here’s a SFW Clip from MAN OF STEEL XXX, If you prefer your XXX to be more XXX, FOLLOW THIS LINK for an exclusive hardcore clip…..

In keeping up with porn parodies of all things pop culture….The good people at Vivid and award winning porn director Axel Braun have put together this pretty big budget, awesome storyline porn version of Man of Steel, with the appropriately titled MAN OF STEEL XXX.

Here’s the trailer:

I am not into porn, which I know, sounds totally insane considering half of the Christians in America who have landed on this site think I am porn, but I just can’t handle produced garbage…it’s all the fucking same…so unless it is amateur, celebrity , or big budget, big storyline like this….it’s not worth my time….Man of Steel XXX is worth my time…and I’m not even a virgin fan boy, so I can’t imagine how many times you’ve cummed yourself already to this…

The good news for you, is that you can cum to it as many times as you want because I am running a Man of Steel XXX giveaway for the next 5 days…a winner will be chosen each day…chosen at random….to get a Man of Steel XXX DVD and 2-sided posted signed by Axel Braun…how could you not want either of those things…impossible.

To win I’ll need you to email at info (AT) drunkenstepfather.com demanding the prize. Be sure to include pictures, threats, etc….Best mail each day wins.

TO SEE THE EXCLUSIVE HARDCORE CLIP FOLLOW THIS LINK
To Find Out More Visit VIVID.com

Posted in:stepGIVEAWAY

2013

11

Jul

Alyssa Miller For Manor Swimwear of the Day

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Alyssa Miller is 24. She’s and SI model. In fact, her Rookie year in SI was in 2011 along side fatty Kate Upton…who as we know has gone on to achieve greatness, at least for a fat chick, in both her ability to eat an entire pig at a Texas BBQ, but also wash it down with a couple of Pies, at least that’s what her weird looking’ body tells me…a weird looking body that has made the cover of SI a bunch of times because she’s marketable and the people like her, while substantially hotter models, like Alyssa Miller, have taken the backseat and are forced to run shitty campaigns for shitty bathing suit companies…probably asking themselves every time they see a Kate Upton pic “WTF…How?…Why?”…leading to some insecurity regarding inadequacies the people have told her she had…making her a good candidate to WIFE….I dig it.

Posted in:Alyssa Miller

2013

11

Jul

Fox News Injures Titus the Trickshot of the Day

1 Comment »

This is hilarious…

I mean probably not to the republican readers who will automatically think this is a liberal ploy to show the world just how insensitive the far right media is…they hate liberals so much they throw balls at their babies…because they know that baby is a Youtube Star and despite Youtube being owned by Google and just as corrupt as all American big business…but features millions of gay friendly, abortion friendly, liberal views…making it the devil to Christian society…

Either way, I laughed..

Posted in:Videos

2013

11

Jul

Shanina Shaik for Next Lingerie of the Day

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OMG – I fucking love lingerie catalog pics…

I mean even in the 80s when all I had to jerk off to was lingerie catalog pics I hated the shit…

Back then, they didn’t photoshop the shit, and bikini waxes were less intense and common, so you could see always little nipple discoloration and panty pillow, making it semi erotic…at least compared to the shitty porn you barely had access to and music videos you needed cable to jerk off to…and national geographic that was just far too tribal to really be all that erotic…but that still had some nipple that was good enough in your time of need..but you knew there had to be more out there you know that one day a hub like the internet would come along and allow you access to all your deepest fetishes…from throat fucking to fat chicks shitting on each other…making the Lingerie catalog pic almost obsolete…until one day, 20 years in, you realize, shit…I don’t like all that hardcore shit all that much anymore, it’s kinda vile and the girls are disgusting, I wanna go back to a simpler time…a time where half naked was all you had, when all you wanted hardcore…but now hardcore is all we have, and half naked is all I want, and readily available…

Her name is Shanina Shaik and I am committed to her half nakedness..

Posted in:Shanina Shaik

2013

11

Jul

Michalka Sisters New Video of the Day

1 Comment »

I think a 3:30 minute intro for a couple of slutty Disney sisters, who are known for their implants and not so much for for their music career. You know the jailbait dad’s masturbate to because their kids make them watch their garbage shows and they aren’t all that bad looking…and because their inevitable meltdown when they realize they were robbed of a childhood means good times to come…

But it seems that AJ and Aly Michalka’s meltdown is making shitty music that is up on some hipster, Coachella, Americana vibe, when really it should be them in bikinis eating out each other’s asses out…because that’s what sisters we want to fuck are supposed to do..especially when they were once famous…

I guess their career has consistently been about them doing what they want, rather than what the people want, because their music career has existed, as a sisterly duo, since 2004…

Either way, I didn’t watch the shit, but for some reason I am posting it…

If you’re more interested in seeing pics of them at an event yesterday FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:AJ Michalka|Aly Michalka

2013

11

Jul

Paula Labaredas Exploits America for Attention of the Day

1 Comment »

Paula Labaredas told me off on Twitter the other day…which prompted me to google Paula Labaredas to try and figure out why I was being told off…sure I called her a worthless cunt first, but that doesn’t mean I actually knew she was a worthless cunt, it just means her Twitter got hacked, as she spammed me and I reacted appropriately..

Well it turns out that she’s pretty much a nobody, she’s old as fuck, yet she poses half naked with her big ass like a hooker, because she’s trying to get famous.

She’s not American, yet she is milking America, in an American themed shoot a week late, because it will trick American men into jerking off to her and helping her increase her low as fuck level of celebrity.

I mean unless you consider being cast as “The Stripper” in a movie called “The Turn”…is high as fuck level of celebrity…I mean she probably deserves an Oscar for her performance, but that’s only because the Oscars are staged shit that celebrate talentless puppets every year….

But maybe her ass deserves an award too…if you consider being masturbated to by creeps everywhere an accomplishment, and I am going to assume she does…

Posted in:Paula Labaredas

2013

11

Jul

Dude Unboxing His New Daughter of the Day

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This is must be a joke, a well executed joke, that needs to go Viral…I mean it is the best thing on the internet today…the dude went to the trouble of buying himself a doll from the internet to make this happen..that is commitment to the cause…maybe even too much commitment to the cause…making the staged just as fucking creepy and that in itself got a lot of LOLZ from me…

This is the internet, and there is always that possibility that it’s not staged…which makes it even better….Enjoy…

Posted in:Videos