DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

07

May

Katy Perry in Vintage Underwear for MAX of the Day

Katy Perry is a cankle of a woman, not just because she has cankles, but because her cankles embody her, and have turned her into a pile of unwanted fat in the grand scheme of society, that everyone encourages and compliments, despite it being a giant cankle on the entertainment industry, because it’s the anti-bullying era, and she makes people money.

So seeing her pose in some vintage underwear or bathing suits, is as hot as seeing a cankle, but the good news is with every fat ankle, comes a set of fat tits, to distract from her bad genes, talentless life, and scam of a career that she’s somehow masterminded, because fat tits are a powerful thing….

Posted in:Katy Perry

2013

07

May

Nina Agdal Modeling Bikinis of the Day

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Here is Nina modeling bikinis with Janini Milet…she doesn’t look as retarded as she normally does…you know with those wide eyes and big forehead, because she’s in a bikini and with a body like she’s got, she might as well not even have a head, it’s just in the way of a real deal throat fuck, if you know what I mean…..

All the press she’s getting is making her grow on me….I originally thought she was overrated, but now, I get it and most importantly am just happy it isn’t Kate Upton…

Posted in:Nina Agdal

2013

07

May

Bar Paly is Hot as Fuck of the Day

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Bar Paly is my kind of Bar, I mean other than the fact that she doesn’t serve alcohol, but I’d be willing to try to milk her until she does, you know via her vagina…..a little squirt that is probably pee…and a little pee that if you’re actually getting sprayed on your face is probably pretty high in substances, because why else would some famous Israel bitch who looks good have naked, be faking squirting orgasms on your face….in fact it would probably require some Cleveland caliber planning to make happen, that or pretend you are a jewish Billionaire, cuz Jewish girls, even the hot ones are into that….in fact, all girls are into that….

Either way, hot shoot bro.

[pics removed]

Posted in:Bar Paly

2013

07

May

Ashley Tisdale Bikini Tanning Pic of the Day

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Ashley Tisdale “The Face” Tisdale got into a bikini recently, you know to tan a little, and more importantly, to show the paparazzi that there is more to her than an asymmetrical face that even after a plastic surgeon played god on her, and you know he wasn’t a back alley cheap plastic surgeon who played got, she still wasn’t a stunner….but luckily, she had the foresight to work out, get fit, cuz fit bodies age well, look good, especially in a bikini, and at a certain age, are all that fucking matter. A face can easily be ignored when a bitch has done her squats consistently the last 5 years and Tisdale is a fine example of that…..

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale

2013

07

May

Adriana Lima and Dourtzen Kroes for the Victoria’s Secret May Catalog of the Day

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Here are two Victoria’s Secret moms, because I guess they encourage fertility at head office, despite how hard babies ruin a bitch, which is weird, you’d think if you owned a bikini company with bikini models, you’d probably not even want these girls to get their periods for fear of ruining the suits, but I guess once you import them and give them their paperwork, they are free to breed if you want, even if it should be stipulated in contract that they can’t, even if they are the genetically superior woman, far better than the ones I see in the park, who don’t bounce back from this pregnancy thing…

One is Doutzen Kroes, who shows her baby making stomach that is ripped, the other Adriana Lima who doesn’t. Both totally interchangeable, in terms of poses and outfits, because Victoria’s Secret catalogs are the fucking worst.

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Doutzen Kroes

2013

07

May

Barbara Palvin for Terry Richardson of the Day

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There was a time when Terry Richardson would get crackhead models to do crackhead things that usually involved his penis at the worst, or their vaginas at the best….meaning he built a career on being this pervert, modeling fucking, cool guy, smut peddler who knew the right people…but now when he gets models, even the 18 year old eager ones he normally would have had spread eagled, he just gets them to show their un-toned bellies, instead of hipster bush, trying to impress and he masterminds the bitches…what a bummer. He’s been ruined by corporate clients who frown upon the softcore porn that was spun as art that made this guy….it’s all about the money. There comes a time we all need to sell out.

Posted in:Barbara Palvin

2013

07

May

Kelly Osbourne Unfortunately in a Bikini for SELF Magazine of the Day

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Photoshopped Kelly Osbourne is on the cover of SELF Magazine, next to a headline on 5 minute abs, even though her abs look more like a singular hard packed piled of shit that is impacted inside her from all the anal I assume she has because either she’s got a dick, at least that’s what her sex appeal in a bikini tells me, or no one, not even the biggest gold digger or Sabbath fan wants to K-Fed her….she’s just that appealing a vagina…

I guess she’s on the cover because she’s made progress and is not as fat as she once was, but that’s really not saying all that much, because let’s face it, no one should be as fat as she was and losing that weight shouldn’t be celebrated, because she shouldn’t have been there in the first place. It’s like celebrating a convicted killer for not killing a guy he got in a fight with, you know only leaving his face smashed in but still breathing, only with more bikini and far less excitement…here are the pics to start your day in a horrible way….

She is a monster…

Posted in:Kelly Osbourne

2013

07

May

Maria Sharapova’s Hot in Bathing Suits for Esquire of the Day

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The first day the site hit over 150,000 visits was in January of 2004 because Maria Sharapova was on the beach in her bikini, pulling sand out of her vagina, because sand in vagina is apparently uncomfortable, unless of course she was just airing her shit out cuz she had a little too much ENRIQUE HEAT up in there….

So I have a bit of a love affair with this tennis star, who I used to love watching play, as she flashed her ass in thick panties, all sweating and grunting, like she was getting fucked on the court….

But these esquire pics remind me of how much all this has changed. I could post her fucking nakded and spread and no dude anywhere would say “holy shit, wtf, let me tell all my friends”…I mean shit, last week I put up a pic of Miley Cyrus Nipple, something that would have crashed servers in the early days, but that no one cares about, except maybe me, because fit girls and their athlete bodies age nicely, a decade later and I’d still like to be the irritant grinding up in her cunt….

Squirt Squirt / Gush Gush / Bounce.

Posted in:Maria Sharapova

2013

07

May

Charles Ramsey The Guy Who Saved Cleveland Girls of the Day

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In case you’ve been sleeping, which I have, there were some women held captive the last 10 years in Cleveland who were rescued today, thanks to this guy Charles Ramsey.

The story would be weirder if it wasn’t in Ohio, because everyone I know from Ohio is a bit of a sexual deviant, but in Ohio, it is almost expected.

What wasn’t expected was how awesome the interview with the hero of the story would be…

He’s got some awesome lines. From eating his McDonalds, from saying his neighbor’s got huge testicles, to saying he knew the white girl had problems when she ran into a black guys arms, all on national TV, his glorious moment of glory, his 15 minutes of fame as a hero crackhead who I am sure will be remixed and autotuned for a year to come because it deserves it. His quotes, his camera presence, all fucking glorious. Someone get this guy a talk show. Seriously.

Here is the 911 Call

Posted in:stepNEWS

2013

07

May

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

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I haven’t been keeping women captive the last 10 years, although I feel like my wife has been keeping me captive the last 10 years, but no one is making press conferences for me as I try to escape the shit…at least the booze cares…the one true love….that tides me over until it is all over…but the good news is that despite how much my wife and I hate each other, I hate her more, which means I’m winning….in a horribly miserable contest….

Here are some morning hangover links, cuz I am hungover….

48 Pics of Underboooooobs
GO

Madonna In Fetish Gear
GO

Miranda Kerr is Hot in Leather
GO

Katie Holmes Side Boob
GO

Winona Ryder in Interview of the Day
GO

A Baby Duck Can’t Stay Awake….I Usually Can’t Stay Awake thanks to Baby Duck
GO

What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains
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Family Feud Contestant Outted for Wearing his Wife’s Panties
GO

Some Sexy Yoga Pants
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Newsroom Season 2 Promo
GO

The 25 Most Anticipated Shows of Summer 2013
GO

Stop Your Thinning Hair
GO

If You Haven’t Seen the Teen Mom Porn Trailer With Squirting – We Got You Covered
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS