DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

Oct

Some Music Video Premiere’s of the Day

3 Comments »

I used to jerk off to music videos in a time before the Internet existed, or at least before I knew the Internet existed. I’d try to get off to Madonna’s Erotic video, or the Spice Girls I Tell Ya What I Want video, because Scary Spice had hard nipples. It would be a pretty time consuming process and would take some real commitment, but sometimes it just had to be done.

Three girls I jerked off to at some point in their careers, before I hated famous girls, have new videos that just dropped and I figured I’d post them in honor of the glory days, when I didn’t need hardcore porn to cum, a more wholesome time, before the media desensitized me.

None of these videos are quite where I would have needed them to be back then, so they’re probably no where near what you need today, but it’s a slow movin’ day, winter is coming and I am feeling a little nostalgic about a simpler time….

Here are the videos……and all the songs fucking suck….these girls are all washed up….but still manage to smell like shit…that was clever of me…admit it…

Christina Aguilera’s Keeps Getting Better Video Premiere

Mariah Carey’s I Stay In Love Video Premiere

Hilary Duff Reach Out – Depeche Mode Rip Off – Video Premiere

Posted in:Music Video Premiere

2008

Oct

Traci Bingham’s Tits for Her Reality Show of the Day

No Comments »

Traci Bingham is on a reality show, that instead of no name celebrities competing in dance, they are competing to get their own reality show. So basically, it is a reality show about landing a reality show, and the concept is decent I guess, I mean it’s a little complex for my small brain to handle, and it screams that networks are running out of ideas, because it’s like watching a bad making of video, with challenges and obstacles thrown into the mix, only to see who gets their own show and then being forced to watch that shit, it’s like a 2 tier reality tv concept with all kinds of spin-off potential, when in reality, I’d rather none of these people get a show, they are played out and seeing them living their scripted lives is insulting and boring.

The other thing I know is that these staged paparazzi pictures are fucking annoying me. I started posting celebrities acting like idiots or embarrassing themselves because it made me happy to rip them apart in their own natural habitat, since they invade my natural habitat everywhere I fucking go. I figured people liked laughing at them, because they felt the same way about them as I did, but the caught on to that, and saw it as a way to get more press, so the got out there in more bikinis, more see through shirt, released more sex tapes, had more fake relationships, pretended they were gay, pretended they were drunk, got arrested, and all these other things, that would otherwise have never happened, and it is so fucking obvious that it takes away the fun in laughing at them.

It’s like we get it, your life is a joke, your persona is your money making tool, you want us all to know your name and talk abotu you because boys in your high school didn’t want to fuck you and you dad was molesting your sister and not you, leaving you feeling inadequate, but paying the paparazzi to take pictures of you, is breakin’ the rules of being famous. Working with the people who sift through your garbage, is wrong and taking away our entertainment that we got out of seeing you in compromising positions unwillingly, and forcing us to see fabricated situations, like your life is one big horribly written script, is mean.

But the one thing that keeps me going is my belief that us as a whole we have the power to ruin these people and take away the glory they don’t deserve. I mean not that anything about Traci Bingham is glorious, except for maybe the fake tits, and we can’t hate her for milking the opportunity because it’s there, but, you you can fight the lying and manipulating people who make Hollywood by making them go bankrupt by not going to their movies or watching their TV shows and that is something I am willing to executive produce.

Posted in:cleavage|Tits|Traci Bingham

2008

Oct

Paris for President…of the Day

17 Comments »

Do you realize that the joke that is Paris Hilton has filmed a stupid video and recorded an offensively stupid song, mocking the US Government, pushing a fake presidential campaign, and it is a piece of shit and all your fucking fault.

If 10 years ago, you showed resistance to the people who were pushing her into our lives, and didn’t watch her sex tape, her TV show, jerk off to her retarded face in magazines, or care about who she was fucking, how she was wasting her money living the glamourous star fucking life she lived, she’d be quiet rich kid that would be too busy crying about how daddy wasn’t there for her, while self medicating, and ideally committing suicide rather than polluting our world.

I think she’s one of the biggest jokes the freedom, capitalist American world has allowed to be created, because sometimes, being rich shouldn’t be able to buy you the kind of exposure her dad bought for her because they were tired of her annoying shit, and figured it would get her out of their hair.

I think the biggest downfall of our generation is that she headed the “anyone can be famous” movement, even if they have no talent or an uneducated but still smart enough to know how to brand and market hherself as a fluffy piece of materialistic bullshit to morons can understand and little girls can mimic.

This video makes me angry but I have to hand it to her, she really doesn’t let a herpes outbreak get her down, or out of a bathing suit, I guess those herpes commercials aren’t just lies…..and you can actually go dancing, horseback riding or do all other things people who don’t have herpes can do….unfortunately, for Parish Hilton, Herpes isn’t a terminal disease, but I’m still hoping cancer or Aids or a plane crash, or car accident, puts her out of her misery, and by her misery, I mean my misery in having to watch this shit.

Posted in:Paris|President

2008

Oct

Some Retarded Beating of the Day

15 Comments »

This is a crazy video of a dude Down with Syndrome getting Knocked the Fuck Out by some baby daddy who sees the retarded guy kick his son. I guess if you see your son get kicked, it’s almost instinct to protect the little fucker, even if you didn’t want it, but had a girl you were fucking on the side during late night booty calls, after drinkin’ in the club and hustling white girls, who thought it would make you settle down with her and take some responsibility and show more commitment, but instead just made you an angry fucker who beats up retarded people because you have to work two jobs to make ends meet, because you are a decent guy and couldn’t change your name, number and relocate fast enough, because you didn’t want to be a deadbeat like your father, leading to you making a serious habit of wearing condoms every time you have sex with a girl you meet in a club, or one you are fucking on the side, so that they don’t do the same shit to you, because according to the line at Wal Mart, young girls seem to like making babies these days….

Either way, I just want to clear up that despite popular belief, the Down’s Syndrome guy is not Sarah Palin’s son, so the dude who punched him, hasn’t been executed for this yet.

Posted in:Downsyndrome|Knock Out

2008

Oct

Holly Madison Before Hugh Hefner Renovated Her of the Day

5 Comments »

My breast loving, like seriously, breast obsessed, possibly because his mother didn’t breast feed him and that is why he prides himself on using over 100 different terms for breasts, probably because he only lost his virginity after making his first million off his site after coining the term Yorkshire Puddings for tits, I know, next level life changing shit, friend over at HollywoodTuna.com, got some exclusive pictures of Holly Madison before she was swept up and renovated by Hugh Hefner, who originally wanted to flip her, because she was run the fuck down, in the seedy part of town, crackheads and aspiring rockstars had been living in her and her pussy stank of piss and shit, but after investing so much money into her, pretty much giving her an Extreme Home Makeover, he figured he’d keep her for a while, and all she had to do was sign a contract pretending to be his girlfriend.

It was a Pretty Woman situation, from whore to high class escort with a permanent client who didn’t make you feel like a whore, because your life was so much more luxurious than the trailer park you came from, put your daily allowance was far more than those other Johns, and you don’t even have to touch his dick, all you have to do is feed his God Complex by lending herself as a , or guinea pig, as he and his doctors and designers, craft the perfect busty, fake blonde, dreamgirl.

That’s what happens when you have fucked tens of thousands of beautiful girls, you get bored and go out doin’ weird shit to broken down pick-up truck lookin’ whores, and I guess the good news for Holly, is that he’s not luring to his home, tying them up and shooting snuff films to get off, but instead giving girls with no hope new beginnings, because she’s a fuckin’ mess in these old pics of her.

To See The Rest of the Pics, You Gotta Follow This Link, Cuz It’s The Only Place on the Internet That Has Them….
GO

Posted in:Hefner|Holly Madison

2008

Oct

stepLINKS of the Day

12 Comments »

I am getting some hate over the Jennifer Hudson post, you racists are calling me a racist for saying it’s irresponsible to let an attempted murderer into your home and near your kids and for saying they lived pretty ghetto for being relatives of successful hollywood folk. I was just throwing the idea out there and it doesn’t really reflect race, it could happen to anyone, and it wasn’t meant to discount the horrible nature of the crime or discout how sick or sad it was. I definitely don’t wish that kind of thing on anyone of any ethnicity, not even the Arabs in Iraq that are being shot up daily, and the fact that shit like that can happen in broad daylight in a seemingly civilized, educated, rich country, is insane, so I don’t really get why you hate me over what I said and I also don’t really get why you bothered reading what I said…..

The other issue is how am I a racist, nothing was a reference to her race and for the record I am not even white. The other truth is that my wife got a black dog the other day and I still love it like it was white or beige dog so I think you’re just hating me for being Mexican and you’re the fuckin’ racist.

Also, prior to posting my possibly insensitive recount of the events that possibly ruined Jennifer Hudson’s life, I consulted my wife’s dog since he understands black issues and he gave me a bark of approval before taking a shit on my floor, so I’ll just let you all know, the post was researched and run by my team of consultants before making it on the site, so I’ll just assume that the people emailing me are plain crazy and don’t know what you are talking about.

Sure, I only got 2 emails ripping me apart for my post and I am making a big deal out of nothing, but for someone with no friends, that is a lot of email and that’s why I decided to write about this instead of the white dude I saw getting arrested today for stealing people’s recycling, because bottles and cans can make you a small fortune where I’m from….and I already wrote about the lesbian coffee house girls who were going at each other hard, like they werent in the middle of the street causing a fucking scene, even though they were, so I’m sticking with it depsite my dog telling me I shouldn’t bother interacting with assholes who come across the site and waste their time judgin’ me, because the truth is I don’t really care about what you think and that’s the reason I’m not the one emailing you in this relationship, asshole.

I am also sticking with my whole stepLINKS of the day shit, because it seems to be working….and by working I mean sending you to other sites that are better than mine and worth reading….because I’d hate for you to get stuck here since I am not very good company and definitely a horrible host. I’m the kind of guy who won’t offer you a drink, will leave you in a bathroom with no toilet paper and who would be grabbin’ at your wife in front of your face, so I guess it’s better if you head on over to some of these other people, but I guess you can come back again tomorrow, since I’ll be doing the same shit I’ve been doing the last 4 years, it’s pretty much all I know, which is sad considering I’m not all that good at it, even though you’d think with all that practice would come some improvement, but that’s just not how things work in these parts….

I should probably stop rambling and post the links now. You know what, that’s just what I’ll do.

Because I Know You Need to Start the Week Off Right
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Jennifer Aniston Whoors About Town
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Don’t Forget the Parking Break
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HOlly Madison Clearly Isn’t in the Halloween Spirit in her Girl on Her Period Costume…
GO

CINDY CRAWFORD IS AMAZING!!!
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Cheryl Tweedy Upskirt
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Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
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Cute Puppies Make Bad News Better
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Vanessa Hudgens: Ho Or Housewife?
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Tila Tequila’s Lesbian Birthday
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Urban Touch Down
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Anybody Can Be Cool, But Awesome Takie Practice
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Mila Kunis Ass Flash
GO

Please No. Please GOD No, Jessica Biel Has Balls?!
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Handi Capped Guy Kicks Kid and Gets Knocked the Fuck Out
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Because Sex is More Fun When There is Another Person Involved
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Lohan Still Wants Peen
GO

Body Check Through the Glass
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Obama Versus McCain Dance Off
This is Really Awesome
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Rock Band Homos
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Some JLO Gallery You May Be Into
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there’s No Place Like Home
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Nothing But a Belt
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Lookin’Good Sweetheart
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Rachel Bilson Dressed as a Shitty Hippy But Still Worth a Condomless Fuck and cumshot to her bush…It is the 60s Afterall
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Nichollette Sheridan Walks Down the Stret in Barely Anything At All
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Time to Hang Up the Thong
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Striptease of the Day
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Zoe Duchesne is in Lingerie
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Even Monsters Get the Munchies
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Stadium Molestation
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Because You Need All The Help You Can Get
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Weirdo Weddings
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The 13 Hottest Dead Chicks….
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13 Dead Actresses You’d Have Sex With
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HOT Voyeur VIdeo of Some Israeli Sluts
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Jessica Oils Up
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Insert Silver Spoon Joke Here
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Mischa Barton Gets a Little High
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Father of the Year
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Ball Pit Bar
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Danny Bonaduce is ready to jump in the ring once again, this time against Jose Canseco!
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Jenya in Cold Water
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Prank Your Friends By Changing Your Caller ID
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You Fucked Up My Pussy
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Rogue Collector’s Photobucket Finds:

Some Small Tits on a Fat Lookin Chick….
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Body Paint Halloween Costume Throwback
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Looks Like Kim Kardashian Was in Toronto At a Party
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BONUS!!

ENTER THE EAGLES OF DEATH METAL FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN TICKETS, BACKSTAGE PASSES AND TIME WITH THE BAND….
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Another Bonus that isn’t a Bonus…

Facebook Allowed me to create a page for the site, so if you read the site and use facebook, become a fan, I figure I can do something with this when there are enough people there….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

Oct

Rumored Nude Pictures of Obama’s Mom of the Day

14 Comments »

There is an email going around saying that these nuded pictures are of Obama’s mom posing at some point in the ’60s, probably around Christmas time. I have no idea what the legitimacy of these claims are, I mean the fact that they are tagged “vintage porn” or whatever the fuck they say, pretty much leads me to believe that they are definitely not Obama’s mother, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were Obama’s mother, considering it was an era of hippies, free love and nudity and she was a bit of a rebel, you know with the whole getting pregnant from a African man shit that was pretty unheard of at the time, and was something that took a real forward thinking woman to tell the haters to fuck themselves as she defied normal social conduct, embarrassing her family and friends in the process all because she did what she wanted, like the two dykes I saw today making out in front of a coffee shop who didn’t seem to care that there were old ladies walking by them who probably aren’t down with dykes who have a total disregard to being normal in a judgmental world, so it’s not unlikely that she’d be in this photo op situation, but I still don’t think they are really her, but I am posting them anyway, because I like the idea of masturbating to old ladies when they were in their prime so when I change their diapers I can reflect on the pussy that was, not that I work in old folks homes or change old lady diapers anymore, I just pretend I do when necessary, if you know what I mean….

Posted in:Mom|Nude|Obama

2008

Oct

Christina Aguilera Performs in Abu Dhabi of the Day

4 Comments »

Since the United Arab Emirates is pretty much the richest place on earth, so rich that these oil tycoons will own your country one day, I figured I’d refocus the site to cover the happenings there, since it is pretty much the future.

Some guy told me that these Arab oil companies made 10 times their projected amount this year alone, there is no income tax and now they do things like throw crazy private parties, build the tallest buildings in the world and overall just blow tons of money and not have it affect them because they have so much more of it, not to mention a pretty much guaranteed revenue stream for at least the next 50 years. So as you all lose your homes, don’t worry, there is still money out there, just not in your bank account.

Watch X-Tina.

Posted in:Abu Dhabi|Christina Aguilera

2008

Oct

I am – Not this Ice Cream Truck Driver of the Day

6 Comments »

With a name like DrunkenStepfather and content like mine, that sometimes makes sexual references to 16 year old girls who look like the mature kind of 16 year olds who are out giving blowjobs already, I do not promote sex offenders. Sure 14 is legal in Canada, or at least in my part of Canada, so I’ve never broken any laws in regards to the shit, but I am also a firm believer that if you aren’t 18, you should not be taking pictures of you topless, in your bra, doing amateur porn or any of that shit, because it always gets out there and it makes me a criminal for watching it. I never ask girls who are under 18 for nude pictures, or to get nude, even if they are drunk in a club and starving for male attention. So this ice cream truck driver is not me, despite what a reader who emailed me thought.

For the record, if I was a sex offender, I would be way more creative to get girls to flash me than to offer them ice cream or ask them to come to my van to check out my puppies, that shit’s too cliche, I’d just promise to introduce them to Miley Cyrus, but in his defense, he seems to be from Africa and in Africa girls are married and having kids by the time they are 13, or at least that’s what I’ve been told.

Posted in:Ice Cream|Pedophile

2008

Oct

Kelly Ripa and Gisele Sing Some Karaoke of the Day

2 Comments »

Here’s a video of Gisele showing off her bass singing skills like she was Lance Bass after he his puberty but I was too lazy to find the actual video of and was stuck with more Kelly Ripa stealing the spotlight because girls are jealous and catty and she’s trying to wants the spotlight on her and not on the leather pants wearing model legs. I think the highlight of the clip is the way she introduces “Bon Jovi”, it sounds a hell of a lot like “Blow Job”, maybe it’s a freudian slip because she’s sitting there feeling like getting her dick sucked, but it’s probably just the language barrier, either way, it’s worth watching, otherwise I wouldn’t be posting it. Asshole.

Posted in:Gisele Bundchen|Karaoke|Kelly Ripa