I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

26

Mar

Jodie Foster on the Beach of the Day

I figure why wait for the hot pussy to hit the beach in their skimpy bikinis when you can have all the Jodie Foster you want. Bitch isn’t hot, she isn’t young, and her idea of a skimpy bikini is the beach equivalent of a fuckin’ snowsuit. All bitch is missing is a pair of knee socks and a veil to go with her long sleeved shirt and shorts to make me really live out my fantasies of rockin’ out at a popular Muslim vacation spot. There’s nothing like parasailing or scuba diving or playing beach volleyball or even drinking a Bahama Mamma or Pina Colada with a slut who is scared of getting too much sun. Sometimes happiness comes from just having a nice conservative girl who can sit down and tell you about the last book she curled up alone in bed the previous night and read…in her flannels. I hear they give the best blowjobs, you know the whole good girl gone bad bullshit, which probably explains why she has a kid…because everyone know it takes a slut to make a slut.

Posted in:Beach|Jodie Foster|Slut

2008

26

Mar

Christina Ricci Breast Obituary of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Christina Ricci looks like a cartoon character and I guess there’s nothing really wrong with that because we all grew up watching cartoons and it’s only natural that as we get older, and our bodies start changing, we turn that love for our favorite cartoons into something sexual. I guess that’s why all you weirdos get off to anime or cartoon erotica, which is something I will never understand but maybe it’s got something to do with having not being allowed to watch TV growing up, so I never got that same kinda passion for the shit that you do.

Either way, I was surfing the internet and came across an obituary to her tits, something that makes sense because she killed the fuckers for some stupid reason like trying to make herself look skinny, because let’s face it they weren’t even that big but anorexics are all confused when it comes to their body image. Here it is.

Christina Ricci’s Breasts
Murdered June 2, 2004

It comes with great sadness in our hearts to bring you the news of the death of Christina Ricci’s tits. There was nothing explicitly wrong with them, but due to vanity their life was prematurely ended. They will never have the chance to breast feed or sag and will always remembered by their role in such classic films as Opposite of Sex, Buffalo 66 and Pecker. Survived by a nation of perverts who are trying to get their hands on the breast tissue the doctors removed from her to staple on their wall next to their printed out and magazine cutout collection of Christina Ricci’s breasts.

They have brought so much love to our hearts and joy to our lives.

Memorial Donations may be made to Breast Cancer Research for women who want their breasts but have them rudely taken away and not because of the luxury of plastic surgery and vanity, but because of potentially fatal disease.

Here she is in a green dress.

Posted in:Christina Ricci|Obituary|Tits

2008

26

Mar

Megan Fox Hiding at the Airport of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Looks like Megan Fox just found out that we all know she’s been having sex with Brian Austin Green of 90210 fame and she’s embarrassed and hiding. I guess whenever your dirty little secrets get out, it takes a little while to get over it because you know that despite the friendly faces and smiles people give you, they actually think you’re some kind of deranged sexual deviant. Kinda like that time your mom walked in on you jerking off to gay porn or the time you got arrested for kidnapping that girl, undressing her and lockin’ her in your basement for 24 hours before letting her go but keeping her panties as a souvenir leading to your big debut on the local news and on the cover of the local paper making your family, friends and colleagues really fuckin’ proud to know you.

The truth is that sacrificing a hot pussy to such a lame motherfucker is even worse than any of those things as far as embarrassment goes. Shit proves to the world that you either have no standards, no self respect, or some kind of twisted sexual appetite that involves losers. In reality, his dick murdered her sex appeal and he should be the one arrested, but unfortunately she let it happen and for that – she’s summoned to this walk of shame.

The good news is that like the time you got caught by your mom doing inappropriate things people are supposed to do themselves, it will blow over, because time heals but you know that every time she looks at you, she still shudders in shame…because I guess somethings just aren’t so easy to forget no matter how much drugs, booze, or time goes by. Brian Austin Green is one of those things but I’d still stuff this bitch like a thanksgiving turkey, but that’s only because I don’t have shit on Brian Austin Green, he’s actually cooler than I am and that is one of the many reasons I’ve contemplated suicide.

Posted in:Airport|Hiding|Megan Fox

2008

26

Mar

Kim Kardashian Better Be Pregnant of the Day

Kim Kardashian is one of those girls who needs to wear heels because otherwise her legs look think and stumpy like some kind of midget olympic speed skater or some shit, only she’s not nearly as athletic and her thickness comes from lazy overeating because the only weightlifting she does is carrying her fat tits and ass out to do errands and by errands I mean hosting parties at lame overpriced clubs.

There’s a rumor going around that she’s pregnant, and I think that would be a great explanation for her maternity shirt covering her fat but reality is that she’s been this big for as long as I remember her so maybe the secret to her fat tits is to get knocked up and to hold onto the baby for as long as she can, aborting it at the last possible moment and doing it all again…

I guess the good news is that she likes to go out an do errands for herself like buying light bulbs and getting pedicures but she’s a media craving whore and it’s safe to say this is all for a photo op because she’s addicted to flashing lights. I guess that’s what happens when you’re the fat, unibrow, horsehead girl no one wanted to talk to growing up and slowly found a way out of insecurity by doing porn hoping that one day everyone will love you or some shit so that she could go back to the people who teased her and say “look at me now” or some shit.

Posted in:Ass|Fat|Kim Kardashian|Pregnancy Rumor

2008

26

Mar

Paul Heyman Does Ice T and Coco of the Day

So wrestling icon, whatever that means, Paul Heyman has some kind of online show called the Heyman Hustle and he goes out and interviews random people. This week he met up with Coco at her birthday party . She’s apparently only 29, has been married to Ice T for 7 years, never spent a night apart because she was a runaway he found at the bus station and she had no where else to go. She talks about how she fell for Ice T because of the way he fucks her with some kind of magical stroke and tries to describe the gear she’s wearing, making it pretty clear that the stroke she’s talking about is how he swipes his credit card so smoothly when he’s buying her the sluttiest designer clothes ever made, you know the kind that looks like shit you buy at the sex store but way more expensive.

Reality is that none of that matters, because Ice T sings a little song to her and acts all happy in love and shit and that’s something that will never happen to you. If you ever get married, you will be the kind of guy who hides in your garage just to get away from the bitch. So I’m not going to judge their relationship or why they are together because seeing a dude who thinks he’s hood and a chick who let’s people grab her tits for money isn’t really abnormal and at least they seem to be having fun together and that’s really what life is all about…..not to mention having a hooker on staff makes masturbating obsolete and that would make you happy too, because when you marry a real girl you gotta negotiate for sex, at least this way you just threaten to fire her and next thing you know she’s bouncing on your dick.


Watch the Video Here
GO

Posted in:Coco|Heyman Hustle|Ice T

2008

25

Mar

stepLINKS of the Day

So I got this email from some mother who is doing some advice column with her daughter. It was a press release and it was boring, but it was coming directly from her and not a PR rep, this is what they wrote:

Mother, Daughter Team Up for Advice Column

Melissa and Katie Havard give two different perspectives in teen advice column.

so I decided to email her back….

Hey Melissa and Katie –

I’d love to know how I got on this email list and when you and your daughter intend on posing nude together for Playboy as I think you’re a real fox and when she turns 18, she may be one too. Let’s do lunch.

With Love

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

And She Wrote:

Well gee. Jesus Martinez. How classy of you.

First, my days of posing for Playboy are long gone. But “thanks anyway�. After 40, gravity and childbirth took its toll. And I’ve been happily married to my handsome pilot husband for 25 years. So, I don’t do lunch. My daughter is already 18, but is uber feminist and doesn’t like magazines that exploit women.

And I had asked some of my friends for good contacts to help promote the site—as I believe it has some positive media value and evidently, your name mistakenly got on the list. Cruel joke on me. Sorry for intrusion.

and I wrote:

What – you’re daughter is a lesbian? That adds a whole new dynamic to those nude pics you guys are going to do…I am thinking sex tape or maybe even something more hardcore than Playboy….like Hustler. I remember when they had those triplets in the 90s and they got HUGE!! Good luck with that and let me know when it drops. I will definitely support that!

And then I did my links:

Heidi Montag Makes a Shitty Attempt at Singing Again
GO

Here’s the Maxim Beach Watch with Celebrities in Bikinis
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Some Slut Named Jenny Milstead in a Blue Bathing Suit Video
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Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape Update
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Make Some Steel Wool Fireworks, Because You Need Some Excitement in Your Life
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Here’s an Upskirt from one of the Whores from Big Brother 8
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Contrary to Your Own Belief, Sex is a Two Person Activity!!
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Science! Energy! Electrolites! Power!
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2 Girls – 1 Angry German Kid
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Check Out the Crutches on this Bitch – I think I Just Ruined the Joke
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Some Bitchslap in Super Slow Motion
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And all This Time, I Thought MY Mug Shots Were Bad
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Girls Will Show Their Tits to You, And It’s Even Easier Than You Think
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Alessandra Ambrosio = Boners
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Sex is Everything You Think If Will Be and More
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Porn, What Is It Good For? Absolutly Everything
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Woody Harrelson Is Losing His fucking Mind
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Can Someone Please Just Kill Spencer Pratt?
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Okay, What the Fuck Is Wrong with Lohan’s Face?
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Pam Anderson is Officially Back on the SEnior Citizens Dating Market
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Get Laid, And See What All You Friends Are Talking About
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Turn You Camera into a Taser!
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When Ninjas Attack
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Kate Moss is a Slutty Biker Chick
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Top 10 Sexiest Dance Moves
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Check Out These Mushroom Cans for Canned Mushrooms….
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Kim Cattrall Cameltoe
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This is the Sickest News Report I Have Ever Heard – Seriously – This Fucker Needs TO Be Killed
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Her Name is Cassie and She Does GQ
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Some Puerto Rican Ass Dancing Video
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Top 10 Celebrity Camel Toes
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Her Name is Bree Conden and This is the Monday Morning Pick Me Up only on Tuesday
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Princess Madeleine of Sweden’s Got Some Hot Fuckin Cleavage
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WWE DIVA Mickie James in Some Nude Pics From Before She was “FAMOUS”
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Demi Moore Uses Leeches to Keep Her Lookin’ Like a Fine Cougar
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Pretend to Break Your Neck, Then Ride Around in a Wheel Chair So People Feel Sorry For You
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The Scissor Sex Workout
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And Now, Some Hookers Fighting On The Street Corner!!!
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Next Time a Girl Pisses You Off, Do Like This Guy Did and Punch Her In the Pussy
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A Little Vida Guerra Never Does Anyone Wrong
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Professor Needs To Take a Chill Pill
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Kim Kardashian is Most Probably Knocked Up
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A Funny story About Some Bitches Who Robbed a Bank
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An Old stepTV That Made Me Think of Your Dad
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My Black Friend
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Say Hello To the Lovely Lucy
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Watch All The South Park You Want Online, Uncensored, You Donkey Raping Shit Eater
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Now THAT’s How You Stay Competitive in the Gasoline Business
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Just When I Thought Paris Hilton Couldn’t Get Any Dumber, I Am Proved Wrong
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Krystal Forscutt Is All Oiled Up
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Felicia Taylor in the Buff
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I Don’t Know Who Daria Werbowy is, But She is Naked on the Beach
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FROM PHOTOBUCKET

Some NASTY Goth Lookin’ Chick and Her Vagina
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Black, Naked, Camera Phone and Mirror is All She Needs
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Asian Porn Pictures
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Some Big Black Ass
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Some Girl’s Vagina
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FROM THE FORUM

Post a Pic of Yourself, Especially If You Are Female and Nude
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Some Reasons to Actually Watch the News
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Why Hello There Alyssa
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A Little Bit of Everything
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A Little Riley Mason to Pass the Day
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More Amateur Fun
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Congratulations!!
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Britains Best Boobs, According to This Guy Anyways
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Some Chick Shakin Her Ass on the Web Cam
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

25

Mar

Sophie Monk’s Got an Outty Vagina of the Day

I don’t really know if Sophie Monk’s got one of those vaginas where the clit hood pokes out like it’s stickin’ its tongue out at you but it looks like she does in these tight pants she’s got jacked up and I find that hot. I used to be all about the coinslot because I was convinced they didn’t exist so I’d ask every girl I came across if she had just a slit and they would be all awkward before telling me I’d never find out. None of that really matters, what does matter is that despite her being damaged goods for gettin’ with the Good Charlotte sister, I still think she’s got it going on and can see past that. The way I justify it to myself is that she’s from Australia and in Australia they do things different. People who are lame here are cool there and vice versa, so I can’t blame her for falling into his trap, it’s probably just a cultural thing. I remember seeing video of the New Kids on the Block in Japan 2 years after their careers in North America died and girls were still fainting for those poofters, and a lot of dlisters here are huge stars out there so it all makes sense.

What doesn’t make sense is how he went from this chick to Paris Hilton in what’s gotta be a major fuckin’ rebound, we’ve all been there….but I can guarantee whatever kinda heat she’s got packin’ in her pants has nothin’ on this girl’s outty pussy and the truth is that neither vaginas have anything on his brother’s cock that he misses so much….

Posted in:Cameltoe|Sophie Monk|Vagina

2008

25

Mar

Simona Fusco Stratten in a Bikini of the Day

Her name is Simona Fusco Stratten and these are some pictures of her in a bikini that hit the other day, I am slow on posting this shit but figure you like lookin’ at girls in bikinis because your life probably lacks that so I am doing them anyway. I think lookin at her pretty hot body is a lot better than the girls I get stuck lookin’ at every time I hit the beach I go with high fuckin’ hopes, like that maybe there will be some young girls tanning topless and playing volleyball or tanning with their hot bodies, but it always seems to end up being a beach for the elderly women who aren’t scared of skin cancer.

You know in one piece bathing suits that instead of drawing attention to their tits, draw attention to their huge stomachs that if lucky enough leave a gap big enough for you to see some old lady vagina because of the stomach overhang, because let’s face it, there’s not always enough fabric to cover a fat bitch up proper. The good news is that at least you get to see some box and they don’t really mind because they like the male attention, it reminds them of their younger years and feel like they still have sex appeal and take that home to their husbands that night with a nostalgic blowjob….

Either way, here’s Simona Fusco Stratten.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Simona Fusco Stratten|Tits

2008

25

Mar

Mila Jovovich Ruined By Pregnancy of the Day

I get lots of hate for making fun of pregnancy and saying things like it ruins perfectly alright vaginas and perfectly alright bodies and that’s why mothers really love their kids as much as they because they know they sacrificed any sex appeal they once had for this little fucker and their future consists of wiping snot off faces and dealing with whiney little brats crying because they didn’t get the video game console that all their friends got and all the other bullshit that comes with kids like making dinner for them and picking them up after soccer practice…

Either way, there was a time that Mila Jovovich was a decent import, I never loved her because she didn’t have tits and looked like a little Russian gymnast boy, but I know a lot of other people did. Well it turns out that her uterus now hangs over her belt like she was me only I’ve got bigger tits.

Posted in:Mila Jovovich|Pregnancy Body

2008

25

Mar

Emma B in a Bikini of the Day


Her name is Emma Balfour and I don’t know what she does. I feel like posting some pictures of girls in bikinis because I got nothing better to do todayand I figure all you virgins who email me telling me you use my site to jerk off, which by the way makes me feel uncomfortable, are lookin’ for something worth jerkin off to.

I know that I wouldn’t be getting off to this shit if my dick worked but that’s just because she looks like this drag queen I once did shots with at a club, you know long skinny legs from being a marathon runner on his spare time when he wasn’t wearing panties and retarded fake tits that look like bowling balls on a mini ass.

My theory is if you get off to this bitch, you pretty much are gay but I’m just basing it all on the balls she’s got stuffed in that bikini bottom, who knows maybe she just has a low hanging vagina.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Emma B