I ripped into Chanelle Hayes for having a bad ass the other day and I figured that was a little premature of me because she’s not as bad as most asses I’ve seeen and maybe I was just having a bad day.

Speaking of asses, when I was in high school the girl I was slamming only wanted to be fucked up the ass because she was saving herself for marriage, which was pretty fucking amazing until I realized that shit came out of assholes and by that point, it was too late….

Since then, I’ve learned to accept that when you play with fire you’re going to get burned but at 16, having a virgin shit on you is way less cool than it would be today.

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It turns out that Kim Kardashian is modeling some bikinis for Travis Barker’s clothing line, Famous Stars and Straps and I know she’s probably worth seeing naked because I am a dude and like seeing anything with a vagina naked and she’s even worth lookin’ at in a bikini, because I am a dude and like seeing anything with a vagina in a bikini, but she has no business modeling bikinis for any commercial use, even though she has a vagina.

What it comes down to is that Travis Barker likes big ol’ titties and has only really fed that love for big ol’ titties with a whole lot of bleach blonde implanted sluts with fake tans, so seeing Kardashian and her natural rack and natural tanned skin and natural brown hair, he got excited cuz it was a nice change of pace. But the more likely story is that she saw him out and begged the motherfucker to hook her up because no one else will let her model bikinis for their catalogs because she’s too big and it’s one of her life-long dreams or some shit and he’s just too fuckin’ nice to say no. Either way, here’s the outcome of whatever photoshoot she did for him.

Bonus – Travis Barker Also Likes Blondes With Fake Tits Modeling His Clothes. This Aubrey O’Day and She Was Previously on Some MTV Jam. Yes. I just said Jam, maybe I should have said Joint…..This is Aubrey O’Day and She Was Previously on Some MTV Joint. I suck at life.

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I guess when you get old and your tits get bigger along with the rest of you, it’s hard to feel sexy, especially when you haven’t been in a movie or TV show that anyone has cared about since the one show you luckily landed and that wasn’t expected to be a hit was cancelled. So the natural thing to do is draw attention to yourself by wearing a see-through shirt, but not going all the way because you know that your nipples aim to the ground ever since your baby sucked them dry.

I never cared much for Courtney Cox, but I do have a thing with older sluts over compensating because they are more comfortable in their sexuality than younger bitches and are trying to keep up. I’ve always been drawn to the middle aged chick in the corner of the bar rockin a cleavage shirt and hard nipples you only get from breast feeding and that usually leads to pretty amazing times, just as long as you bring the lube for their menopausal vaginas.

I don’t know where I am going with this, so I’ll just stop now.

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I woke up today still sick as a fucking malnourished African orphan, only fatter and less hungry because my wife brought home a loaf of bread and jar of peanut butter. We’re living the good life. On on the positive side of things, I’ve been fucking brain dead and delusional because of the fever and that’s made life a little more fun because I am under the impression that I am fucking hysterical. Today I went out to get a coffee and decided it would be funny to put on a stupid voice to throw off the people I normally get my coffee from. So I get to the counter and order my shit with some stupid sounding cartoon voice and a big smile on my face like I’m a comedic genius tricking them and they just looked at me like I was an asshole. That’s when I realized what I think is funny isn’t always what other people find funny especially when those people make coffee for assholes like me for minimum wage.

Keep that in mind when clicking my links:

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