DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Sara Sampaio Shows Off her Pussy in Tight Pants Under the Guise that it is a Fitness Video of the Day

Industry Flesh Puppet Jessica Alba Propagandizes for the Machine of the Day

Sydney Sweeney is Glamour’s Woman of the Year of the Day

Paige Spiranac Feeling Herself Up of the Day

Margaret Qualley is Hot for an Ugly Chick of the Day

2007

Dec

I am – Winona Ryder’s Sex Tape with a Dummy of the Day

9 Comments »

Apparantly this movie is coming out on DVD and it features some kind of clip of Winona having sex with a Dummy. It was emailed into me as some kind of exclusive, because sex with inanimate objects is kinda my thing, like the other day when I got myself trying to stick my dick inside the toaster because I was drunk and just wanted to feel something down there. Now I’m tending to some crazy burns and blisters that are infected, but have proven to be fun to use as party favors, and by party favor I mean drunkenly expose myself to college girls saying “this is why you should use condoms”, it’s been really successful in getting girls naked, because infected blister dick turns some girls on.

Either way, it’s being advertised on this site in some way, which is pretty exciting because I don’t normally have advertisers and I am sure shit happened by accident because some brown dude who helps me when shit gets fucked up told me to put in this strip of code called Blog Ads that runs ads and if things go as planned people will accidentally buy one every once in the while making me a couple bucks. Blog Ads is the shit that Perez Hilton uses to make something crazy like 45,000 dollars a day, I think it’s made me something like 45 dollars in the 3 months I’ve had it. I’m going to the top, watch the fuck out.

Speaking of Perez, some girl wrote me this nice email:

Nobody knows who you are. You would be lucky to be Perez – he’s wealthy because people find him interesting. He has a big gossip blog because he is an interesting person.

I’m not going into a Perez rant about how uninteresting he probably is, or how all his fame came with media coverage and is the same reason that Marilyn Manson made kids kill in Columbine or Girls have eating disorders or whatever, because idiots need to do what they are told by the media. So if you’re reading this, you know my feelings about Perez, but telling me how much cooler Perez is than me, is fuckin’ with my self esteem a little, it’s like when you’re fucking a hot chick who you want to marry and she cheats on you with some asshole who drives a Porsche or some shit, because you can roll up to the drive-in on your skateboard. Actually, I don’t never had any self-esteem to begin with, because I am realistic and know I suck at life, I also don’t have money, personal hygiene, self discipline, much of a personality, talent or any food in the fridge, but that’s more my wife’s fault, she likes eating.s

Related Posts:

Kate Moss and Winona Ryder Meet for the I Had Sex With Johnny Depp Club
Kate Moss Topless Bikini Action
Kate Moss Topless on the Beach Again

Posted in:Dummy|Unsorted|Winona Ryder

2007

Dec

I am – Master P’s New Music Video of the Day

3 Comments »

I like the disclaimer on this new Master P video that was just emailed to me that says that this is intended as some kind of artistic statement. I’ve used that line before, but people don’t take my art seriously, because apparantly talking shit about slutty vagina is seen as being perverted when making a video of the KKK playing streetball with black people is seen as some kind of relevant social commentary on racism.

Well, vagina shit talkin is my art, so advertisers and sites that refuse to link me because I post nipples, if you’re out there, I think it’s time for you to be supportive of local artists, and by artists I mean a fat drunk dude who writes too much incoherent shit for some asshole like you to jerk off to, because it’s the only painting you do, actually it’s the only thing you do and that’s why you don’t have friends, because no one likes a homie who doesn”t shower and smells like dried up sperm who spends everyday jerkin off or thinking about jeking off, who only leaves his house once a week to pick up his mother’s dry cleaning, it’s the deal you’ve got going on for free room and board.

Posted in:KKK|Master P|Racism|Rap|Unsorted

2007

Dec

I am – Beyonce’s Vagina Slip of the Day

21 Comments »

I am pretty brain dead because I drink too much and my life is about not remembering anything that happens to me when drunk. So this weekend’s been a blur and seeing these possibly fake Beyonce vagina slip pictures from her performing don’t really inspire me at all. Pictures of vaginas are as exciting as getting watching a KFC commercial when you haven’t eaten in a week. It’s on some cockteasing level that makes me feel like an even bigger waste of space for being into it, and not actually getting INTO it, if you know what I mean.

The reality is, that if I wanted to see a chunky black girl in a glittery outfit with her vagina hanging out, I’d just hit up the ghetto stripclub I can afford, because all the girls are desperate second rate drug addicted mothers of 4 with 3 different baby daddies, and at least then I can throw them an extra twenty to let me smell their dirty fingers after diddling themselves and that always inspires me because it always smells like Burger King and I got a thing for Whoppers. They change lives.

Either way, here’s Beyonce’s snatch in a shitty quality picture, that could really just be a hairy fold of fat, because she always misses that spot when shaving, since it’s hard to get at when her gut is in the way….

Related Posts:

Beyonce in a Leotard Performing
Beyonce Flashes Her Tits on Stage
Some Beyonce in an Orange Bikini Pictures
Beyonce in a See Through Shirt

Posted in:Unsorted|Vagina Slip

2007

Dec

I am – Russell Simmons’ Babysitter in a Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

So there’s some confusion about who this bitch is. She’s been in South Beach with Russel Simmons’ and his kids the last couple days and some people are saying her name is Porschla Coleman, others say it’s Denise Vasi, but reality is it doesn’t matter, because girls in bikinis have no names they are just half naked bodies and because she’s just the fucking babysitter.

It’s nice to see that the older and richer you get, the younger and hotter the pussy magically becomes, and by magic I mean hot chicks are gold digging whores who don’t mind dating old cock if shit buys them designer clothes or allows them to sit on the beach all day ordering cocktails, like her life is a fucking vacation, just because she fucks. So if you’re a girl and you fuck and you’re reading this from your office where you get paid 35k a year, you’re doing something seriously wrong.

If you’re wondering what Russell Simmons did right to become rich, it’s simple, his lisp. That shit caused him heartache and shame growing up by constantly being teased for speaking like a 4 year old when he was 16, making him realize he had to do something big with his life to get the people to stop laughng at him. What he didn’t realize is that he may have the last laugh because of his bank account, but people are still getting constant entertainment from his adult lisp because shit’s funny. None of that really matters though cuz he’s using that tongue on this piece of ass, while your using your tongue to lick the cum off your hand after you jerk off, and yes, that makes you gay.

Bonus – Russell Simmons’ Lisp in Video

Related Posts:

Le Call Trying to Get Publicity in a Bikini

Posted in:Gold Digger|Russell Simmons|Unsorted

2007

Dec

I am – Lohan’s Full Tits in a T-Shirt of the Day

1 Comment »

Lohan’s like a short ugly dude with a huge cock. On the surface motherfucker’s got nothing going on for him, because chicks hate short guys, but the second they get a girl drunk enough to sleep with them and destroy her sexually, she keeps coming back for more, despite how embarrassing it is to be seen walking down the street with the motherfucker.

What I am getting at is that despite being a redheaded freak with super redhead freak strength, pasty white skin that is covered in freckles, that for some reason have become socially accepted when they are actually a birth defect, she’s got these amazing tits that she doesn’t wear a bra and still hang proper. So that shit combined with her addictions, sexual deviance, singing talent and lame boyfriend she cheats on is what makes her my favorite.

If my posts don’t make sense, it doesn’t matter because they make sense to me, and I’ve been drinking since 1 am til now because I couldn’t sleep, so if a drunk guy gets it, an asshole sitting at his cubicle should get it too….and if you don’t that’s not saying very much about you.

Related Posts:

Lohan’s Nipple in a Shirt
Lohan’s Shitty Upskirt Pictures
Lohan Drinks Poverty Water
Lohan’s Baggage of the Day

Posted in:Unsorted

2007

Dec

I am – Rachel Sterling’s Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

Here are some pictures of one of the Pussy Cat Dolls outside of a club 3 or 4 days ago. I am not very fast moving most of the time, but when I saw these I figured I’d put them up for the same reason she ever got a job in the first place and that’s because of her tits.

I was talking to my friend from the park I can’t go to anymore because it’s frozen over like I live in some kind of hell the other day about how hot girls who aren’t making decent money are total fucking failures. So if you’re out there and meet a girl who’s got it going on, which I doubt because you’re a total fucking failure, but if you do and you find out they work as receptionists or at some entry level job or in retail, it means that she’s too stupid to use her looks to get her places and will just end up marrying rich because all whores like money, especially dumb hot ones who make 7 dollars an hour. While the smarter hot bodied chicks are out there using their bodies to make them money and they’ll let you grab them for 10 dollars a song.

I am sure there was a time this Rachel Sterling whore would have danced for you in the lap dance booth, because that’s how all these Pussy Cat Trash Talent was found, but now she’s too busy getting drunk and signing autographs like people actually give a fuck about her or know who she is, I think they’re just pretending to get in her pants, asking a bitch if she’s famous and asking for an autograph is a decent opener and I think you should use it tonight on every girl you see.

Related Posts:

Some Pussy Cat Dolls Performing
Nicole Scherzinger’s Hard Face and Jewish Outfit of the Day
Pussy Cat Doll – Pussy Cleavage
Sex Doll Photoshoot Weirdness

Posted in:Pussycat Dolls|Rachel Sterling|Unsorted

2007

Dec

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

9 Comments »

So this site is getting less and less popular by the minute and it’s not a good look, but it’s kinda fun watching my traffic slowly go down from 10 readers to 5. It’s like watching a plane crash into a building excitement. It may have to do with my shitty content, or my laziness, but I like to blame Google. Those motherfuckers own the internet and have to be owned by the CIA or some shit because as they gather information about all of you and control where people end up online. So let them continue reading all your emails and finding out how you did drugs last night or cheated on your wife or that you are a closet case who everyone thinks is straight except your internet email boyfriend who you send pictures of your dick to all while I let them kill my site. Somethings just aren’t worth saving.

Not that anyone cares, but here are my links…

Some Shauna Sand in Her Slutty Shoes Showing Off Her Slutty Body
GO

Watch The Worst Love Scenes in Movies….Because You Like Love Scenes in Movies…It’s Easier Than Actually Getting Laid…
GO

An American Idol Sex Tape is On It’s Way….
GO

Joanna Angel is a Queen of Alternative Porn and is Talking About Why She Has No Time for Sex…and Other Things…
GO

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Video
GO

Evan Mendes Naked for PETA Pictures
GO

Donald Trump Gave a Waiter a 10,000 Dollar Tip With The Receipt For Proof
GO

Some French Weather Girl in a See Through Shirt on TV
GO

Some Megan Fox and Her Boyfriend Pictures
GO

Mischa Barton Showing Off Some Cleavage for KEDS
GO

Anne Hathaway in a Boring Fucking Dress
GO

How About a Cute Kitten Video Because I’m Wholesome Like That
GO

Some Hot Webcam MILF
GO

Some Naked Chick Farting For the Camera Hotness….
GO

Some Dude Shows His Grandmother 2 Girls 1 Cup – Reaction Video
GO

A Shitty Lohan See Through Picture…But I Love Lohan’s Tits, So It’s Good Enough For Me…
GO

Some More Pictures of Russel Simmons’ New Girlfriend in a Bikini Because You Like Bikinis and Gold Digging Whores…
GO

Very Hot Marisa Miller Talking About Her First TIme While Rockin’ Lingerie
GO

Nicolas Cage and His 23 Year Old Gold Diggin Wife
GO

Here are the Grammy Award Nominations Because You Care
GO

Some Voyeur Panty Upskirt Video Shot By A Pervert
GO

The Roots Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup
GO

Some Amy Winehouse Sexy Photoshoot Pictures
GO

Some Crazy Dude Starting Crazy Shit on the Subway
GO

Some Guy’s Video of His Girlfriend’s Hot Ass
GO

One of My Readers Wants You To Listen To Hard Livin’ Christmas Songs to Spread the Holiday Cheer
GO

I Try Not To Link To Penis…But Watch This Dude Slam a Chick Then Do Some Stupid Dance…Because It’s Funny
GO

Some Dude’s Disgusting Hot Sauce Shit Video That Makes Me Hungry For Some Reason
GO

A Hot Beautiful Agony VIdeo of a Chick Getting Off
GO

Girl Shitting Her Pants Video that’s Gotta Be Fake
GO

Some Billiards Company Turns Pool Balls into Hot Tits
GO

Cat Fight Video Because Girls Fightin’ Is Funny
GO

Some Crazy Street Preacher Preaching About Sex
GO

The Trailer for the New Harold and Kumar Movie
GO

This Site’s Doing a Celebrity Look Alike Contest…I Only Checked Out Effron and Laughed A Lot…
GO

Some Girl Getting Eaten Out on the Beach Video…Because You Like Beaches…
GO

Britney Needs a Body Double for Her Upcoming Blender Photoshoot
GO

Some 6 Year Old Breakdancing in a Retard Helmet…
GO

They Say This is a Jessica Alba See Through Bikini….But I Doubt It’s Legit…
GO

Some Semi-Hot CollegeFuckFest Trailer, Even If Shit’s All Staged
GO

What Kind of Porn Are You Into?
GO

Use this to get pussy
GO

This is Where You’ll Find Slutty People To Have Sex With
GO

From Photobucket:

Some Girls Poing in Underwear With Her Fake Tits….I Bet She Thinks She’s The Hottest Thing Out There….
GO

Some Photobucket Girl Posing in Lingerie
GO

From the Forum:

Pre-release Mary J. Blige
GO

Wendy – Suicide Girl with huge tits
GO

I Feel Myself – TINK
GO

Playboy’s Hot Housewives PDF
GO

A TON of soundtracks
GO

DangerDoom cd
GO

More Bloc Party CDs
GO

Gomez thread
GO

iTunes for Dummies PDF
GO

Kraftwerk thread
GO

Posted in:Unsorted

2007

Dec

I am – Alessandra Ambrosio’s Legs of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio leaving somewhere with her hot legs, because I like models, but models don’t seem to like me. Everytime I try to chat up the hot girls at the bar, I either sabotage getting them naked by insulting them in the first minute befeore winning them over, or because they don’t like the way I look and think I’m a creep, or at least tell me to get the fuck away and call me a creep.

What they don’t know is that my pet peeave is being called a creep , because I think I’m pretty wholesome, but then i realize i look like a pervert, I am ratty as fuck and I spend my days lookin’ and writing about tits or harassing chicks on facebook, i’ve got about 10 rubber vaginas sprawled out around my computer because some company sent them up for me to do a giveaway on the site but I couldn’t come to terms with seeing them go, because it’s the closest thing to vagina in this apartment, since my wife’s is burried and scary. So even though I don’t use them, adding them to my equation definitely could give people the wrong idea about me, or maybe I just gotta come to terms with the fact that I am a creep, then it won’t bother me so much…

Either way, here’s them legs to creep on.

Related Posts:

Alessandra Ambrosio in Some Bathing Suit on the Runway
Alessandra Ambrosio Wants Peace…And So Do It (of Her) – Yeah, I’m Funny, So What!?
Alessandra Ambrosio with Ana Beatriz Baros
Alessandra Ambrosio Tongue Kissing a Dude

Posted in:Unsorted

2007

Dec

I am – Hayden Panettiere in a Period Dress of the Day

8 Comments »

A day isn’t a day without a little Hayden, not that there’s such thing as a little Hayden, more of a Short Hayden or a Boxy Hayden or Circus Performing Hayden or a Dancing Monkey Hayden or Big Hayden Arms and Big Hayden Back and Big Hayden Legs, or a Construction Working Hayden or a Wrestling Hayden or a Mini-Fridge all the College Kids Have Hayden…..but not a little Hayden.

Here are some pictures of Hayden in a mini-skirt for normal people, full length for her, while on her period, because whenever a girl wears red, it’s just strategic dressing for her period not to spill all over the place because no one likes the embarrassment of period stains….

Either way, some bitch emailed me about Jennifer Love Hewitt being fat and I decided to share it with you :

Are you guys retarded? Under what distorted definition do you define the word fat? If you’re thinking BMI, she’s probably underweight. I’d like to see your asses out on the beach with your ‘perfect stomachs.’ The two of you are not fit to shine her shoes.

So This is what I wrote back:

There’s only one of me and her ass is fat, but clearly not as fat as yours, otherwise you wouldn’t get all menstrual on me…

I’m glad you’d like to see me on the beach because I’d like to see you inserting things in your fat ass, maybe a hot dog or a cheeseburger or a slice of pizza, but that’s just because I’m poetic like that and want to see the food that made your ass going back into your ass…you hot little slut.

This is where I’d normally write touch your toes, but since I know you can’t reach, I’ll just say Touch Your Knees baby….touch your knees….

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Related Posts:

Hayden Panettiere Showing Off Some Leg
Hayden Panettiere Hot for GQ
Hayden Panettiere’s Upskirt Pictures
Hayden Panettiere is Ugly

Posted in:Arms|Mini Skirt|Period|Unsorted

2007

Dec

I am – Pink is a Man in a Dress of the Day

1 Comment »

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Here are some pictures of Pink at the Gas Station, because she’s the kind of girl you’d expect to see pumpin’ gas, and by pumping gas I mean jerking off her massive cock, so seeing her in a dress throws me the fuck off, but I always get a little uncomfortable when I see guys in women’s clothing, I’m old school like that.

Speaking of being thrown the fuck off, I met a group of Jewish girls at a coffee shop the other day and apparently Jewish girls think celebrity bloggers are famous. They are in their 20s and studying in University and they are all girls you’d probably get circumsized and denounce Jesus for, which isn’t saying much because you like any female attention you can get and cutting off your foreskin is a small sacrifice you’re willing to make to get you pussy. Either way, now I’m at all these college parties and answering facebook messages from random hot sluts all fuckin’ day, and realize why the Jews are so successful, they slow the non-Jew down, like some sort of evil trick to help them take over the world.

Related Posts:

Pink Rides Motorcycles of the Day
Pink Doing Lady Things
Pink Likes to Fly
Pink Taking a Pee
Pink’s Nipple Piercing

Posted in:Gas Station|Unsorted