I am all for bitches getting naked for a cause, but I usually like when that cause is buying their baby formula. I like the desperation in their eyes as they rub their asses on my jock. It’s just a work ethic thing. These PETA bitches usually get naked for their cause, but here these bitches are just busted up old hippy lesbians who were touched by their daddy’s when they were kids. You get more bees with honey or whatever that expression is….

Speaking of getting touched by her daddy, here’s an email Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie sent in about these PETA bitches at a recent fashion show.

Watching PETA protestors is similar to oggling those waitresses on rollerskates fall down. They may have been good looking when they were kids,or ugly even then, but they are gross now and all they can do for attention is serve greaseballs and prebuscant boys and have wind blow up their skirts for fun. In PETA’s case, all they can do for attention is write in dishevelled hand writting like their dishevelled hair and dishevelled lives and try and attack models out of jealousy. i mean to protect fur. despite the fact that the fur is already dead and “ruining” the show with their signs doesnt really affect marketing and buying fur helps the economy and the only attention PETA recieves is for sending dishevelled people to crash upscale events for a purpose that would be best fulfilled at the beginning. like at the ranch where the cattle is farmed for fur. but something tells me the cows and chinchillas wont be very receptive. and by receptive i mean laugh at you like we do.

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Since successful celebrity blogs are written by fags. I found a Gay, Black and Jewish ‘Mo to contribute to this site. I figured Perez did the Cuban Fag thing, Trent did the Indigenous Fag thing, Dlisted isn’t really gay and all the other celeb bloggers are but don’t realize it yet because the immerse themselves in pictures of nipples all day talking about how cute Rachel Bilson is and don’t take the time to realize all they really need is some cock.

So here is Kerne – My Gay Black and Jewish contributor to take on Celebrity Bloggers….

having sex with 2 guys at the same time is over-rated. one wants to stick it in my tuchus while the other expects me to give him head. halfway through our threesome, i became extremely flacid. not because having both of my extremities stuffed with cock doesnt turn me on but because one of the guys cell phone rang and his ringtone just happens to be stars are blind.

theres nothing in this world that turns me on less then hearing paris hilton “singing”. taking a day off from her normal routine of pussy showing and coke snorting, paris offers aid to one of the victims of the tsunami. for the price of a starbucks americano, you too can have your own sri-lankan. you can dress her up in last seasons clothes and give her a makeover paris style. std’s and all.

awwww…. how sweet. now no one can say she doesnt do charity work.shes the new fucking angelina jolie. im sures shes even given her an aids name just like maddox. kardashi? loves it. so ethnic but so main stream america at the same time.

good work hilton. whats next? space travel? you’re half way there in your fugly moon boots. you, lance, karadshi and reichen can be the biggest fags in the galaxy.

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I have no idea who Kate Beckinsale is because I don’t really keep up to date on this shit. I guess you shouldn’t even waste your time reading this because I am a bit of a hack and no one really cares what a hack has to say. I do know that she is having a good time on the beach with a man and that means she must be a slut. Looking at her frolick on the beach like she just won the fucking lottery and that her life is so fucking perfect makes me hate her as I type this useless post on her in my shitty apartment.

I went on a walk last and ended up in a back alley downtown… I heard some weird moaning that sounded like homeless people fucking or dying in an empty park. I am usually more investigative like Barbara Walters but I knew that if these stinky motherfuckers were having a homeless man orgy, I would probably get sick by the smell and the AIDs. I also went window shopping for shoes on this walk and got stopped by the cops. He asked me if I was buying shoes for my girlfriend, and I told him that my wife was too fat for shoes and wore knitted slippers that we got at a church Bazaar. He didn’t laugh, I guess he knew I wasn’t lying and felt bad for me. Either way, here is some Beckinsale. Old or new, I don’t know, but here never the less.

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Paris Hilton has blocked my phone number, I can’t get through to her, but I figured out a way, it’s called calling with a calling card…she answered and pretended she couldn’t hear me. My Paris Hilton conversations have been a lot like talking to the shit stain in your underwear after going on a bike ride. You look at it and say..hey what are you doing here….how did this happen, then bitch hangs up.

This something I wrote once and wished was true, so if you work somewhere with a budget pictch this idea….

DrunkenStepfather.com is owned and operated by Fox Interactive Media, as an online presence for a TV show being launched in September ’06, under the same name. The character Jesus Martinez is writen by 3 comedy writers, hired by Fox. The company has another 10 people involved, not including 4 interns.

…here are my links of the day.

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Perez Hilton and all the other gay celebrity bloggers are much more successful than me. So I decided to take this site up a notch and get myself a gay writer. But since I am funny, I decided to upstage those scared, hiding behind their computer, haunted by memories of having no friends in highschool faggots by making my gay writer black and jewish.

Here is his letter to Perez,

dear perez hilton,

i hate your guts. your blog sucks. your love for the colour pink is more disgusting than your love for bareback sex. how much money did you steal from your mom in order to pay for your meth habit. its really sad that the meth was the only thing keeping you thin. now that youve hit it big (literally) cant you afford a trainer?

your blog is an excuse to immerse yourself in your work because no one loves you. not even diane. stop hiding behind your fat and be the fairy you were meant to be. when was the last time you even got laid? trannys dont count.

your blog unlike your herpes covered cock will hopefully not be around forever. no matter what paris tells you, that shit stays with you for life.

i’m coming for you fatty. tell your mom, your spic of a dad and all your d list friends. sitting at the cafe day after day will lead to more weight gain. its bad enough your kids will have 2 dads but for one of them to be fat too..c’mon and for christs sake do you really think that perez is a better name then mario.

perez is the mexican that mows my lawn and mario is the cha-chi that unclogs shit from my platium encrusted toliet bowl. maybe a happy or gay medium between the two would be more appropriate like marez or perio. you seem to be good at putting names together, you figure it out.

god hates two things, fags and bloggers. you happen to be both. enjoy your stay in hell, tell paris and kimbo stewart i say hi.

Stay Loose.

Visit him on Myspace GO

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Another star has sent in a little blurb on Kimmy Stewart. I feel like I have said all I have to say about this bitch and it gets fucking repetitive for me, so my friend Kerne sent in a little something on kimmy stewart. It made me laugh and since this is my site, I am posting it.

Ps Kerne knows hot bitches and introduces me to them all the time. So if those hot bitches are reading this…Hey Ladies…wanna make out?

Now here’s Kerne’s post…

any man that wears purple is a fag. if youre gonna pay some douche bag to be your boyfriend make sure sucking dick isnt on his list of things to do.

poor kimmy, when will she ever get her dues. her dad hates her, paris hates her, her stylist hates her and now this.if hes in for the fame and money, hes barking up the wrong bush. anybody that has to resort to hanging out with tara reid is not someone that can make you famous.i can make you famous and i wont embarass you by wearing purple.

take those shitty ass extenstions out. horse hair is not hot. paris should not be your idol. stop trying to be her. do something differnt. be a brunette. dont be a slut. hire rachel zoe. she did wonders for lindsay and nicole and she can do the same for you. start doing coke.i can barely see the bones in your back. anorexia lands you the cover of us weekly. fucking fags gets you the hiv.

get your priorities straight. haha, that was funny. point is a man is known by the company he keeps. you kimmy have no company, so no one gives a fuck about you. your invited to parties for the same reason they invite the waiters. you are the hired help. you clean up the coke tray like no other. even lindsay has her limits. look where she is now. dating one of the richest kids in america.

my question to you is: what do you do? what is your purpose in life? what are your goals? when is your album coming out? sucks that paris beat you to the punch. bitch you just got screwed. theres only so much i can do. take it or leave it. if you like where your life is right now then by all means stay on the d list but vh1 will not give you your own show. just like you, im counting down the days until rod croaks. if you continue this he might pull an aaron spelling, clean up now or you’ll be left serving assholes like me at the ivy when you get your first job as a hostess. dont expect a tip.

He forgot to mention the most important thing which is that Kimmy Stewart looks like daddy ran over her face with one his Rolls Royces between fucking models while ripping lines and writing shitty music when she was a baby. She seems to have grown into her deformities and I don’t just mean her tennis ball titties…

Visit Kerne on Myspace GO

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I got a myspace message you’ll want to read. It is from DJ TEK…

Dude WTF? why the hell are you talking shit about me to Lindz when you don’t even fucking know me and by the way I’m not a fucking fag asshole!!! get your shit straight! cuz I said “gosh” according to you that makes me gayer than bicycle shorts thats fucking lame bro

I hate drama so please don’t start up shit with me!
next time you think of insulting someone you don’t know think about it, like I ever did anything to you

Later, [O][::][O] -DJ TEK

I would hate to be a fag’s asshole, that shit sees a lot more than I’d ever want to see…but that’s not the point. The point is that saying “Gosh” wasn’t why I said you were gayer than bicycle shorts, it was just part of the reason why.

You can add signing your name with your 2 turntables and Mixer icon [O][::][O] and having a Bob Sinclair song as your profile song along with all your homo DJ TEK pictures in your Myspace profile not to mention coming after me like a little girl for leaving a comment on the fake Lohan myspace page to the list of why you are Gayer than Bicycle Shorts. Using the word Gosh, or any of these things alone just makes you a cunt, putting them together in a pot we call DJ TEK makes you Gayer than Bicycle Shorts.

These are the myspace comments I left on Lohan’s page that he is referencing….

DJ Tek said gosh. Told ya he was gayer than bicycle shorts. That’s why I am the septic tank cleaner of all media and by all media I mean of shitty websites. Since I am too scared to leave my house and can’t afford cable, shitty websites is all media to me.

That may not make sense. It happens. Cuddles.

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

and…

you have hideous taste in music- my only restitution is that you banged whoever that was.

with love
jesus martinez

PS-DJ Tek is gayer than bicycle shorts.

These were his comments that made me make my comments…on lohan’s myspace…

Hey lover hows the wrist? hope your doing Ok I guess you won’t be typing sending me sexy comments for a while huh? well let me know how your doing whenever you get better!
Luv ya bitch feel better! -DJ TEK

and…

Hey Skeez WTF I though I was the only
DJ in your life? that totally sux! hahaha j/k gosh you didn’t even send me a pack of ciggs 4 my 20th b-day
that reminds me I haven’t had one in like 10 whole minutes haha oooh maybe a glass of wine to go with that fuck I might as well drink the whole bottle and don’t worry I’ll have some on your behalf since your not here.
🙁

Later Skeez <3 ya [O][::][O] -DJ TEK COMMENT BACK 4 ONCE! 🙂 LOL

Visit Him On Myspace GO

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I got a myspace message you’ll want to read. It is from DJ TEK…

Dude WTF? why the hell are you talking shit about me to Lindz when you don’t even fucking know me and by the way I’m not a fucking fag asshole!!! get your shit straight! cuz I said “gosh” according to you that makes me gayer than bicycle shorts thats fucking lame bro

I hate drama so please don’t start up shit with me!
next time you think of insulting someone you don’t know think about it, like I ever did anything to you

Later, [O][::][O] -DJ TEK

I would hate to be a fag’s asshole, that shit sees a lot more than I’d ever want to see…but that’s not the point. The point is that saying “Gosh” wasn’t why I said you were gayer than bicycle shorts, it was just part of the reason why.

You can add signing your name with your 2 turntables and Mixer icon [O][::][O] and having a Bob Sinclair song as your profile song along with all your homo DJ TEK pictures in your Myspace profile not to mention coming after me like a little girl for leaving a comment on the fake Lohan myspace page to the list of why you are Gayer than Bicycle Shorts. Using the word Gosh, or any of these things alone just makes you a cunt, putting them together in a pot we call DJ TEK makes you Gayer than Bicycle Shorts.

These are the myspace comments I left on Lohan’s page that he is referencing….

DJ Tek said gosh. Told ya he was gayer than bicycle shorts. That’s why I am the septic tank cleaner of all media and by all media I mean of shitty websites. Since I am too scared to leave my house and can’t afford cable, shitty websites is all media to me.

That may not make sense. It happens. Cuddles.

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

and…

you have hideous taste in music- my only restitution is that you banged whoever that was.

with love
jesus martinez

PS-DJ Tek is gayer than bicycle shorts.

These were his comments that made me make my comments…on lohan’s myspace…

Hey lover hows the wrist? hope your doing Ok I guess you won’t be typing sending me sexy comments for a while huh? well let me know how your doing whenever you get better!
Luv ya bitch feel better! -DJ TEK

and…

Hey Skeez WTF I though I was the only
DJ in your life? that totally sux! hahaha j/k gosh you didn’t even send me a pack of ciggs 4 my 20th b-day
that reminds me I haven’t had one in like 10 whole minutes haha oooh maybe a glass of wine to go with that fuck I might as well drink the whole bottle and don’t worry I’ll have some on your behalf since your not here.
🙁

Later Skeez <3 ya [O][::][O] -DJ TEK COMMENT BACK 4 ONCE! 🙂 LOL

Visit Him On Myspace GO

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C.T. is a star and this is an email he sent me about Nicole Richie on her birthday weekend. I am posting it and I am considering making this a regular feature because sometimes this site is a little too much Jesus Martinez, if you know what I mean….which you don’t because you are an idiot. Here’s C.T.

An Inspiration to all of you fat people, Nicole Richies emaciated legs.

Every time you think of picking up that greasy slice of pizza use the photo above as an inspiration to stay thin. Do you really think Nicole even took a bit of her birthday cake? No fucking way! But we should not critisize her for being thin and not eating, we should praise her for providing inspiration.

Inspiration to be mini. Inspiration to be skinny. Inspiration to be frail.

Okay….visit C.T. on Myspace GO

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