We decided to start a link dump because our site gets no traffic and we figure if we started linking out, maybe people will start to link back to us….I also figured that these are things I would never write a post on, but worth checking out, so let us know what you think and if you have a link send it here.
I don’t understand the Scarlett hype. Why are guys going crazy over this chubby piece of shit. It kind of reminds me of this time I went to the local strip club and had to watch some fat french piece of kitchen garbage in a leather skirt dance around to Marilyn Manson with her shitty drawn on eyebrows, fat black nail polished fingers and rock hard goth attitude. After her stage show, she came up to our table and started talking to us. I always feel awkward around these bitches cuz they just want my money and cuz they can’t speak my language, so I drop the usual bullshit like “so you come here often” and “how old are you” and “what do you recommend on the menu”, because they had a price list of the dances you can get….so she explains in broken english that we have options to “Touch” or to “Not Touch”, but if we go in more than one person we can’t touch and she recommends an erotic bed, 15 dollars a song plus 2 dollars per person. I start asking what kind of tricks she pulls on the erotic bed, because she is fat and as we all know fat girls aren’t so limber because their GUNTS get in the way. So she tells us she’ll finger herself, I tell her I’ll only pay if she inserts 4 fingers to the knuckle, she says she needs three songs to prep up, so we agree on 3 fingers in 2 songs. I go to the back room with my Lawyer and she drops her pants and bitch has the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen, I’m talkin she can smuggle chinese babies into the country if she needed to make an extra 100,000 dollars (I saw that on Oprah). My lawyer even asked her if she had kids because it looked like her uterus was sticking out. Anyway, after 2 songs she got the 4 fingers in (to the knuckle) and kept fingering her asshole and it was the best 20 dollars I have ever spent. Point of this post is to say Scarlett Johansson is that stripper, but the actor version.
Bonus:
Scarlett is a self-righteous bitch who feels like the Paparazzi are invading her privacy, because she is more important than all other celebs and shouldn’t be bothered with all the shit that comes with “Fame”, while living in her nice house, and driving her nice car and practicing tantric sex with her lame actor boyfriend…I like to consider the guy who posts the pics on the internet and writes about how she looks better than ever because she’s covering up her “becky from Roseanne” face more of a harasser, but I realize she’s only covering up because she doesn’t want to be seen with a black person. That racist cunt.
I don’t understand the Scarlett hype. Why are guys going crazy over this chubby piece of shit. It kind of reminds me of this time I went to the local strip club and had to watch some fat french piece of kitchen garbage in a leather skirt dance around to Marilyn Manson with her shitty drawn on eyebrows, fat black nail polished fingers and rock hard goth attitude. After her stage show, she came up to our table and started talking to us. I always feel awkward around these bitches cuz they just want my money and cuz they can’t speak my language, so I drop the usual bullshit like “so you come here often” and “how old are you” and “what do you recommend on the menu”, because they had a price list of the dances you can get….so she explains in broken english that we have options to “Touch” or to “Not Touch”, but if we go in more than one person we can’t touch and she recommends an erotic bed, 15 dollars a song plus 2 dollars per person. I start asking what kind of tricks she pulls on the erotic bed, because she is fat and as we all know fat girls aren’t so limber because their GUNTS get in the way. So she tells us she’ll finger herself, I tell her I’ll only pay if she inserts 4 fingers to the knuckle, she says she needs three songs to prep up, so we agree on 3 fingers in 2 songs. I go to the back room with my Lawyer and she drops her pants and bitch has the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen, I’m talkin she can smuggle chinese babies into the country if she needed to make an extra 100,000 dollars (I saw that on Oprah). My lawyer even asked her if she had kids because it looked like her uterus was sticking out. Anyway, after 2 songs she got the 4 fingers in (to the knuckle) and kept fingering her asshole and it was the best 20 dollars I have ever spent. Point of this post is to say Scarlett Johansson is that stripper, but the actor version.
Bonus:
Scarlett is a self-righteous bitch who feels like the Paparazzi are invading her privacy, because she is more important than all other celebs and shouldn’t be bothered with all the shit that comes with “Fame”, while living in her nice house, and driving her nice car and practicing tantric sex with her lame actor boyfriend…I like to consider the guy who posts the pics on the internet and writes about how she looks better than ever because she’s covering up her “becky from Roseanne” face more of a harasser, but I realize she’s only covering up because she doesn’t want to be seen with a black person. That racist cunt.
Kelly Brook has a pretty slamming body, and in these pics you can see up her skirt. Looking up a girls skirt is something I do pretty well and like doing. There have been times that I have been in clubs, seated in a sunken tub-type seat when all around me were women on bar stools, back when mini skirts were everywhere. Anyway, that night I drank a lot and saw at least three rockin’ vaginas, one of which was a full coinslot and bald. I know my story sucked, but I have more. I was at another club one night, where the VIP Room was a balcony that overlooks the mainfloor….I couldn’t get upstairs because it was VIP and I am never VIP, but spent the night under the balcony lookin up, girls knew what i was doing cuz I was pointing and laughing, but they kept on going…My last upskirt story takes place at the bottom of the escallator of the local mall, where I’d spend weeks upon weeks seated at the bench watching girls go up. I’d only get a few panty shots, but those few shots made my day worth it, I was on welfare with little else to do. When I was working as a Valet, I’d open the door for women all the time with my eyes in one place, and place was the babyhole….I also used to look up skirts when I worked at the local little league ballpark as a hot dog vendor and I’d often take breaks under the bleachers with a bottle of mustard and some napkins…..Point of this post is that lookin’ upskirts is creepy, and all your fuckers zooming in to get a better look at her pussy make me sick, but the kind of panties a girl wears is something that I like to know…so girls send in pics….With love, Jesus
Kate Moss has a daughter named Lila. Kate Moss is a drug addict. Kate Moss probably didn’t quit smoking, drinking or blow while pregnant because drug addicts usually don’t. I know because my mother was a drug addict, an alcoholic and a whore back in Mexico in the ’70s, she didn’t stop when pregnant with me, in fact she didn’t even know she was pregnant with me until one night, while getting fucked by some American business man in town from a San Diego conference, she felt something fall out of her pussy and onto his dick, it was the placenta. If you are wondering, she had left me in toilet while preppin’ for the job too drunk to even notice cutting the umbilical cord or the fact that she had had a baby… the business man wasn’t so impressed, but he still finished off but didn’t pay her and she hated me from that point on for making her lose 15 dollars. I was lucky enough to inherit her addictive personality and the cold sores. Thanks Mom.
I was watching some show about how kids who eat candy are just like little crackwhores, you know spending their last penny on a fuckin’ bonbon for that sugar high, suckin’ dick in the playground or in some molesters van for promises of a lollipop. Well Kate Moss’ daughter is addicted to juice now and it’s obvious this shit’s only going to get worse. Next step will be sugar coated cereal, Tony the Tiger is right, they are fucking great and they ruined my fucking life, and by the time bitch is 17 she’ll be injecting heroin in some back alley abortion clinic or doing yay with her mom off Versace’s Tombstone… but the point of the post is not about addiction, it’s about Kate Moss and how the hell she got a baby to pass through her birth canal, she’s only 90 pounds, I am guessing she has a really big vagina. Cuddles.
Kate Moss has a daughter named Lila. Kate Moss is a drug addict. Kate Moss probably didn’t quit smoking, drinking or blow while pregnant because drug addicts usually don’t. I know because my mother was a drug addict, an alcoholic and a whore back in Mexico in the ’70s, she didn’t stop when pregnant with me, in fact she didn’t even know she was pregnant with me until one night, while getting fucked by some American business man in town from a San Diego conference, she felt something fall out of her pussy and onto his dick, it was the placenta. If you are wondering, she had left me in toilet while preppin’ for the job too drunk to even notice cutting the umbilical cord or the fact that she had had a baby… the business man wasn’t so impressed, but he still finished off but didn’t pay her and she hated me from that point on for making her lose 15 dollars. I was lucky enough to inherit her addictive personality and the cold sores. Thanks Mom.
I was watching some show about how kids who eat candy are just like little crackwhores, you know spending their last penny on a fuckin’ bonbon for that sugar high, suckin’ dick in the playground or in some molesters van for promises of a lollipop. Well Kate Moss’ daughter is addicted to juice now and it’s obvious this shit’s only going to get worse. Next step will be sugar coated cereal, Tony the Tiger is right, they are fucking great and they ruined my fucking life, and by the time bitch is 17 she’ll be injecting heroin in some back alley abortion clinic or doing yay with her mom off Versace’s Tombstone… but the point of the post is not about addiction, it’s about Kate Moss and how the hell she got a baby to pass through her birth canal, she’s only 90 pounds, I am guessing she has a really big vagina. Cuddles.
She plays Meadow on the Sopranos and since the guy who plays Artie Bucco was busted for possession of Cocaine today, I figured it’s a good time to do a Meadow post. That’s actually not at all the reason I am posting this, but I did hear about Artie on Live with Regis this morning, before Kelly got into a tank of water with David Blaine, so it all fits in nicely, much like Kelly’s wet suit. I guess fate is on my fucking side…thanks Artic Bucco and your addiction for making this all make sense.
Point of this post is to say that girls are a lot more into touching each other than guys are. I never gently rub my friend’s back while walking together, but that’s probably because I don’t have any friends, but if I did have friends, I wouldn’t be rubbin on them, unless they were paying, but that’s only because everyone’s got a price, mine’s just a lot less than most self-respecting people…when I see girls run into each other, they all kiss up on each other and when their husbands leave them for being sluts they all cry in each other’s arms….the only time guys touch each other when they aren’t homo is when they are jocks and they suck each other’s dicks in the locker room, but that’s not gay, it’s for the team, you just don’t understand, now let’s go fuck some bitches…..
Bonus (not really):
This is a picture that was taken by one of my photographers. He wrote this email to me. It made me laugh.
Jesus,
I went out with the camera last weekend, and some guy wanted me to take a shot of his neck tattoo for the internet – it says “White Trash”. I said fine because I take pics of everything, especially hot naked women (when they let me or when you finally give me a fuckin’ budget). Anyway, his friend who is a bit of a hip hop looking thug jumps in, all excited and shit and says “want a pic of us making out”, well this pic is the result of what happened. They both said that it was funny because they weren’t gay and that it was just for jokes, and laugh we did, over a couple of martinis and each other’s penises in each other’s mouths of course….Here’s the pic, they said I could post it.
Rachel Stevens wears a maternity dress to the beach because she’s obviously pregnant with Screech’s baby, that’s why they are all close and cuddling, but where the fuck is Mr. Belding. That was my shitty “Saved by the Bell” joke that I didn’t find funny, so you shouldn’t either, but I am not going to erase it cuz I am lazy. I would have said that she is rockin’ a full length dress to the beach because she is from England, and people from England are scared of the sun, but I used to watch SClub7, and bitch was in a bikini every episode…I remember goin to the internet to see if my fantasies of Rachel were illegal, which they weren’t, she was 24 in the show…a total disappointment, anyway she is now older and more washed up while drinkin and smokin and straight west coasting with some clown is really not the future I wished for…I was bankin’ on her getting her on all fours in my sex dungeon…but I never got around to building it.
Who the fuck is this Joss Stone bitch, and where does she get the nerve to run around like some common whore in her bikini. She isn’t fat but she looks like she’s a little out of proportion, and not because of her small tits, but because of her round belly. It reminds me of when I used to have a serious girlfriend in my 20s. This was a long time before I was married to my fat slob of a wife. Anyway, this serious girlfriend of mine started getting comfortable in the relationship , she started getting comfortable in the relationship and gained a solid 25 lbs in the first 6 months. I used to be a nice guy and would casually suggest we go for “walks” to try and get her to do a little activity….when bitch would try to order the french fries, I’d order the salad, which is pretty fucked up being a fat man….anyway, she never really caught on so one night when I was “trying” to fuck her, I looked down at the cellulite ridden ass I didn’t sign up for and kicked her out. Just like that…. I ran into her about 5 years later and her body was banging, I’d like to pat myself on the back for giving her a complex. Anyway, here’s some Joss Stone Bikini pics.
Back with another Pheromone Challenge Update, despite all you fuckers hating it, I think it’s good, and I guess I call the shots here. I started this site to help improve people’s lives, that means I want you to look your best to feel your best and the best way to change your image is to get pussy, because pussy feels good, unless it is dirty and then it burns…. I guess the reality is that this site really isn’t about improving your life at all but I did get this video submission emailed to me, I threw in the titles, because I have iMovie. Now go fuck yourself.
Yo. Hay-Zeus you dumb spic.
I think you’re a repugnant pile of crap even though I’m strangely drawn to everything you do, like some satellite orbiting around a big fat Mexican.
With that out of the way, let me state for the record that if I ever ran into you mopping the floor at your local Taco Bell I’d pimp smack you with a hot chalupa before giving you a retarded beatdown. That’s just how I roll.
So check it out. I know you insist on feeding us this pheromone shit, which normally I’d ignore because I get pussy like Tom Jones on Cialis at a retirement home. When you pimp like I do, you don’t need no outside stimuli to plow babes, you refried bean motherfucker. But then I housesat for this rich family last month. They went on vacation to Venice or Monaco or some shit like that. Naturally I started poking around their shit, looking to score some pills, weed, cash, whatever. I was bored. Turns out their teenage shitstain of a son has some of that pheromone crap lying around his room.
Later that night I threw a mental house party. It was filthy. People came from all over and nobody gave a fuck since the family was over in Europe or wherever the fuck Italy is. So as a joke I whip out the spray from that freak’s room and fucking coat myself dude. I didn’t think anything of it since I was pretty high at the time but before I knew it, these two sisters were grinding me like cardamom at an Indian restaurant. Now why would I write you this when I get pussy all the time? Because dude, I never ever had a response from women like I did that night. I always have to work hard to get play, be an entertainer and make them laugh, buy them drinks and all the horseshit. The work pays off but I have to put in mad time and effort. This was different. Something happened man, it was weird. Like what you fuckhead Mexicans call “loco.”
The point is, before the spray, I was just a regular dude at the party. Post-spray, it was like my cock was filled crack and all these bitches wanted to hit the pipe. I felt like a star.
Here’s a little video to demonstrate how truly epic I was. It may not completely demonstrate how I went from ordinary pimp to Count Mackula but you get the fucking point. Dumbass spic.
