I am not a woman, and although my penis is very vagina-like, my fat thighs prevent my stretch pants from riding all up into my fleshy mound. Fortunately, that’s not the case for Jessica Simpson, she is out and about lookin’ like trash with a pair of yoga pants that are trying to knock her up, you know, crawling all up into her womb and trying making yoga pant babies with her. This goes to show you that no matter how rank the bitch looks on a given day, somebody or something’s trying to get up in it.

It reminds me of the year I only fucked the bar scraps, you know the gross bitches that go out to get laid but always end up lingering after last call because they are too disgusting for even the most desperate to fuck….well I always heard stories about the guys who would end up taking these nasty things home, and I had decided that I wanted to be one of those guys. I guess the lesson I learned is that no matter how gross, scabbed, acned-up, cellulite ridden a bitch is, she’s still got a mouth and a pussy….Every hole is a goal….

Bonus:

Our Step-StreetTeam sent in this pic of their barmaid’s camel toe. It didn’t turn out that well but still very sexy, or not.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

This is aa sex clip from an episode of some European Big Brother. The fact that people who are locked in a house end up hooking up is really not that surprising. The fact that they openly fuck isn’t really either, partially because the cameras are on all the time and you get used to it and a month of taking a shit with a towel over your junk gets a little fucking annoying and you eventually crack and just end up dropping your pants and saying to yourself, “if these sick fucks wanna see me shit, then I will fucking let them watch”.

To some people their “shitting” is “fucking”, and by that I mean, they need to fuck all the time. Like once or twice a day, and after a month of sneaking into the closet to fuck, eventually bitch is gonna crack and say “If those sick bastards wanna watch us fuck, we’ll let them, and we’ll also put on a shot because being a pornstar is kinda why I am on this show”…. any girl whose vagina is open for business like, while the nipples on her silicone tits point to the gods, is a slut wants to be seen fucking. And really anyone applying for Big Brother is some kind of exhibitionist.

Exhibitionism is one of those things that I can get down to. I love when girls get naked, walk around naked, flash, take pictures of themselves naked, fuck in front of me and all that shit, but that’s not the point, I am pretty sure any guy you’d ask would say he’s down with that shit. The point is that this bitch is fucking her big brother boyfriend without a rubber, and that seems to be common practice these days. I talk to people all over the motherfucking place and no ones ever talking about rockin’ condoms. It’s actually become a question I ask the kids who email me in their crazy sex stories….and I usually am told that condoms were never even brought up because the bitch didn’t make him. I am not a sex ed class, but if bitch is fucking your lame ass without a jimmy, she’s probably not making anyone else either, cuz let’s face it, you’re just lucky you got her drunk enough to be naked for you tonight. I do know that we’re all gonna die of Aids and that most 19 year old girls are dirtier than the street whores I used to hang with, and they were banging 5 – 10 guys a day between crack smokin’ sessions…. My theory is that AIDs is no longer a homo disease, that shits for suburban girls now.

Watch the Clip Here(via totally crap)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I wrote a post a couple weeks ago about Ashlee being the ugly sister.

Today I read:

Ashlee Simpson has joked that she is more attractive than sister Jessica.

The singer claims she is prettier than the ‘Dukes Of Hazzard’ star, despite denying rumours of sibling rivalry in the past.

She is quoted in Scotland’s Daily Record newspaper as saying: “I’m taller than she is and my legs are longer than hers

…I got lucky because my chest size isn’t completely massive

I stand by what I originally said. Jessica is amazingly hot and Ashlee looks like she’s fresh out of the gutter. She’s got a Jewish inbred face, the kind you’d see in a highschool rendition of Fiddler on the Roof. Ironically, her singing talent is about that level too. There’s no competition between the sisters and this is just proof that Ashlee’s insecure about her useless little tits and the fact that she’s just a second rate Simpson, the one people go to when Jessica’s too busy to hang out. Eventually, this inferiority complex will get the best of her, and hopefully we’ll be watching Ashlee pole dance or if we’re really lucky, maybe she’ll just kill herself and get it over with, but that would be too easy, she’s more likely the kind of person who is going to make us listen to her gripe for the next 20 years about how she’s always been in her sister’s shadow. I hate people when people complain about not being good enough….Anyway, these pics are from after Australia, and it’s a bad shot of Jessica and she’s still better lookin. Oprah’s on. Time to go.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I don’t even know who this bitch is. I have a feeling she was on Baywatch, only because of her hair and her fake tits, but I could be wrong, I guess I could always do a google search. Ok, so I was completely wrong. She was a competitive skier, moved to the USA, got fake tits and posed for Playboy, since then she’s been in amazing movies like “Boat Trip”, “Out Cold” and 2 episodes of Melrose Place. She’s not even a D-lister. This is the kind of girl you should technically be able bang just being a normal guy, cuz she’s got nothing much going for her, but unfortunately, she’s definitely got some kind of ego and she’ll never sleep with you. It’s like trying to bag a stripper. They have this weird way of thinking that they are better than you, even though they take their clothes of for your money. They think they are some kind of celebrity, or ball of gorgeousness, but when the lights go on, they got more acne scars than your 14 year old cousin. I remember the first time I banged a stripper I didn’t have to pay for, but it did take a year of befriending her and shit, and one night, she got drunk enough to let me stick it in. I mean this was a lifetime ago, but before I had that in, dealing with strippers was a lot like it what it would be like to deal with a Victoria Sivlstedt….in the same level of “bullshit”, any 6 or 7 American chick, thinks she’s a 10 cuz she is the prettiest girl in her highschool, and 80 percent of people in the States are obese, so by virtue of not being obese, they’re unattractiveness makes them better than baggin’ a fat slob, meaning all the good lookin guys run after them, leaving little room for me. They have a a false sense of importance and beauty, a lot like a stripper or a Victoria Sivlstedt. This post makes absolutely no fucking sense….but you probably get what I am saying, bitches who think they are hotter than they are is a real pain in the ass….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I remember when there was a time that being a lesbian was sacred. It was something that wasn’t spoken of, but housewives in suburbian neighborhoods everywhere would get together while the kids were at school and the husband was at the factory, working to pay for the white picket fence American Dream, and eat each other’s boxes. I guess around the next decade of Lesbianism was the NYC art scene in Soho, where all the weird folk singers would get high and drunk and eat each other’s boxes, then came the 70s when lebianism was a product of orgies, bitches would eat each other’s boxes for the men who were fucking them in the ass, vag and mouth simultaneously….the 80s had no lesbians, and then the 90s hit with mainstream lesbians. This is when lesbians were penis haters united because they were molested/raped and the American public took TV shows off the air because of their Dyke cast, remember the Rosie Show….and Ellen anyway …Anne Heche rode that train into the motherfucking tunnel, by playing a lesbian in real life, fooling Ellen, and getting mad publicity for it….now bitch is just washed up and rockin’ a lame prostitute butterfly tattoo…was suckin’ Ellen’s dick really worth it?

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I found this pic on myspace month’s ago and forgot to post it. The reason I grabbed it is because the caption said “I don’t know who the loser in the pic is, but that’s me dancing”, or some shit. I guess I shouldn’t use quotation marks since that was based on memory and not actually a quote, but what the fuck do I know about the engish language…..Point is she’s huge, dressed like a Peacock, rockin’ out at some bar. I can guarantee everyone there noticed her, she’s 300 pounds and dancing, dressed like a peacock. As her friend’s about to take a pic of her, this dude obviously sees and thinks he will have the top joke of the night if he jumps in the shot, which he does. While fat Peacock continued dancing, buddy went back to his “boys” got his pat on the back and high fives and couple shots for making the ultimate fat joke of the night, meanwhile fat girl’s got no idea that dude’s laughin at her, until she develops the shit, and even then still doesn’t think he’s laughin at her….that’s a lot like fat girls in spandex. Either way, I just made both you fuckers famous.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I have spent the last hour trying to track down the girls in the Pheromone pictures, to find out if they are really under 18. The rumor is that they are under 18 and if that’s the case, I would be setting myself for disaster, and by disaster, I mean sexual predator status, which I don’t want to do. I don’t mind posting pics people send in, or that I find on the net, but if I have confirmation that the drunken bitches are underage, I gotta respect the laws, that said, the post is off the site until I get more info….not that any of you care.

Now to Mariah, someone who is obviously of age, she is actually almost too old for me to care. about, but I got home drunk last night, came across these pics, and forgot to post them , because I was drunk. The reason I think they are funny is because she’s rocking a see through shirt and it’s raining. I used to love surprise rainstorms, because the few times I have been caught in them, I’ve ended up seeing hot girls, in white t-shirts drenched. I felt like I was at a kegger/frat party, but in reality I was just on the street, minding my own business, I guess this proves that girls can’t help but be sluts.

Either way, Mariah’s rockin’ a white trash stripper outfit, that is see-through whether it’s raining or not….that means she’s a slut by choice. Cuddles.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I have memories of wife beaters before they were a shirt. My foster dad used to kick the shit out of my foster mom, he was some crazy babist who was a lot like the Phelps, meaning he felt all the pain an suffering in the world was God’s doing to punish sinners. That means when teenage kids from my highschool got in a car accident, my foster dad said they deserved it for having had sex before marriage and shit like that…..then I remember listening to punk rock 15 years ago and seeing these hit the scene. It started with the guys, then eventually punk rock girls were rockin’ these. I used to have a bunch of beaters in my closet, in case I had girls sleep over and they needed to borrow something to sleep in, because they were see through and as you know, I am a fan of the nipple. Either way, mother’s and daughters everywhere are rocking these things now, like all good things, the mainstream will eventually eat it up and spit it out. Now look at Locklear’s bra while I remember when gino’s laughed at us for wearing skate shoes…..before DC sold at every footlocker….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

Teri Hatcher is one of those annoying rich mothers who puts their daughter in an annoying rich sport, so that she can grow up to be an annoying rich kid with annoying rich kid friend and a mean cocaine. The story is simple, your overbearing mother pressures you into things she always wanted to do as a kid, but didn’t have the means, cuz her dad was a molesting factory worker. It was every girl’s dream to have a pony before they invented computers and designer jeans. So bitch enrolls her girl into this elitist sport, she gets so involved that she’s dressed like she’s fucking competing herself, but covers up her dumpy ass, because let’s face it, she’s not 20 anymore and she’s even coaching her on how to sit on her motherfucking horse. The only outcome in this whole situation is that Little Hatcher becomes one of those private school girls, from a rich family, with no worries, railing lines coke of her music teacher’s dick in the locker room at recess….when you raise a little princess, you are setting yourself up to deal with a little pornstar when the rebelling starts in 5-7 years. I am talking abortions, overdoses and whole lot of “FUCK YOU MOM”. That’s the end of this story.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

Teri Hatcher is one of those annoying rich mothers who puts their daughter in an annoying rich sport, so that she can grow up to be an annoying rich kid with annoying rich kid friend and a mean cocaine. The story is simple, your overbearing mother pressures you into things she always wanted to do as a kid, but didn’t have the means, cuz her dad was a molesting factory worker. It was every girl’s dream to have a pony before they invented computers and designer jeans. So bitch enrolls her girl into this elitist sport, she gets so involved that she’s dressed like she’s fucking competing herself, but covers up her dumpy ass, because let’s face it, she’s not 20 anymore and she’s even coaching her on how to sit on her motherfucking horse. The only outcome in this whole situation is that Little Hatcher becomes one of those private school girls, from a rich family, with no worries, railing lines coke of her music teacher’s dick in the locker room at recess….when you raise a little princess, you are setting yourself up to deal with a little pornstar when the rebelling starts in 5-7 years. I am talking abortions, overdoses and whole lot of “FUCK YOU MOM”. That’s the end of this story.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted