I deserve a Bloggie – mainly because It would piss so many people off. But I also want to win because it would be funny to crash the bloggie parties. I doubt these bitches know much beyond how to write a post. I’m talking bringing a crackwhore as a date and shaking the bloggie host’s hand with her crackwhore orgasm drippin off my fingers.

It would be funny and anyone who reads this site knows that I am all a lot better than all those fucking loser bloggers. I know that isn’t saying much, but I still want to go on a quest and make DrunkenStepfather winner.

Vote for me HERE

I may kill myself if I don’t get nominated. Yes, I am that emotionally unstable.

Oh – I just read the site and realized that the prize is $20. Fuck that. Don’t vote for me. I’d rather lose than be recognized by a bunch of internet losers and handed 20 dollars from them. Seriously. Do not vote for me. Just look at that picture, dude’s wearing red pants. That’s all I have to say.

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I used to have a weird fetish growing up – that involved wet clothing. I never really understood what did it for me, but when a girl happened to get stuck in a rainstorm in a white t-shirt without an umberella – I’d be happier that you were the first time you got a hand job from the Albino chick in your highschool. I aint got shit against albino’s cuz another fetish of mine growing up was Red Eyes. It’s like fucking a dragon and I always get off to dragons. The point of this post is to say that although I had that wet clothing fetish – there is absolutely nothing hot about Tomei’s wet shorts. I guess she’s just past her prime and it’s not “My Cousin Vinny” anymore, and by that I mean, her ass isn’t all that.

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I used to have a weird fetish growing up – that involved wet clothing. I never really understood what did it for me, but when a girl happened to get stuck in a rainstorm in a white t-shirt without an umberella – I’d be happier that you were the first time you got a hand job from the Albino chick in your highschool. I aint got shit against albino’s cuz another fetish of mine growing up was Red Eyes. It’s like fucking a dragon and I always get off to dragons. The point of this post is to say that although I had that wet clothing fetish – there is absolutely nothing hot about Tomei’s wet shorts. I guess she’s just past her prime and it’s not “My Cousin Vinny” anymore, and by that I mean, her ass isn’t all that.

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After listening to DJ Am’s sets, it comes as no surprise that he’s Jewish. Horrible Memories of the days I worked for that Bar Mitzvah company rape my brain; me with a mop in the back room waiting for all the little rich kids to finish dancing and eating their catered food, so I could clean up and go home. If I was lucky, I’d get to come out after one of those fucks threw up from riding the mechanical bull too hard or over-eating at the Ben and Jerry’s cart. I always liked when that happened, cuz all these little fuckers would jump at me and laugh at me for being the hired help. It was probably one of the high points in my working life. It’s never humiliatng when you are getting paid 5 dollars an hour to get shit on by 12 year old rich kids. Point of the story is that I never do Celebrity Clothing of the Day, AM’s made the cut with this shit because it’s hype.

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Jordan is crazy, she has the biggest tits in d-list celebrity world. Don’t quote me on that – because I am pretty useless when it comes to guaging tit size and I don’t know what constitutes being a D-Lister. I like to think I am an D-list internet celebrity, but that’s just my ego talking. I do know that I used to run around with a stripper bitch who had bigger tits than Jordan, but she was pretty low class, had a couple teeth missing and her body wasn’t as tight. She kinda smelled like bolgna slices and cheese whiz, I haven’t really figured out where I am going with this story…I lose track of things pretty quickly. Enjoy Jordan’s Tits.

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I don’t know who Jack is – but this is the kind of Street Art I like. I sent it to Wooster Collective to see if DrunkenStepfather.com is “Down” enough to get a plug on their site. I have a feeling they want legit art – but who’s to say Jack isn’t a real artist, maybe this is some next level Grafitti. Either way – when I saw this – I laughed and it is a DrunkenStepfather.com original photo. I know. I am very talented.

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Caprice is one of those women who has been around for a long time, I’m thinking over 10 years, and no one knows what the hell she does. I know she did some modeling – because she’s given me a boner at least once, back when I could still get boners. Lucky for the surf culture this 40 year old hag is learning how to surf, I guess she’s realized that it’s time for her to tone her ass a little and what better way that on the beach. Fat assed or not, she’s still hotter than your sister, and I am sure she’d appreciate it if you stopped peaking in the bathroom window while she’s showering, you fucking pervert.

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Hipsters are the reason the AIDs virus is on the uprise. They all get jacked on cocaine, cuz that’s a hipster drug and show up at parties to get naked and pretend they are pornstars for the night. They rock their vintage clothes, they don’t shower/shave, their dad’s are all lawyer’s and doctors and they’re friends with the managers at American Apparel. Point of the story is that they are sluts who get naked, showered/shaved or not and I woulda liked to have been at this party. I am not a hipster, more of an older alcoholic in ripped jogging pants and a sweat stained white t-shirt, I don’t shower and although that may sound hipster, I don’t have a trust fund to finance my coke habit. I am just a 35 year old man who is practically homeless, but I am convinced that if hipster keeps plunging deeper and deeper into dirty, disgustingness, I will be invited to these kinds of parties, maybe they’ll be impressed with the scars on my dick from 20 years of herpes outbreaks. Cuddles

I got really carried away, meaning lots more pics – After The Jump

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Some of you may like porn, probably more than you should, meaning that you’re one of those motherfucker’s who sits at home all day, collects welfare checks and jerks off so much that your penis is hangin off you from a worn down thread, kinda like when you sharpen a pencil too much. Either way, I am not here to judge you, sex in the video form is STD Free and you don’t have to deal with the bitch asking you to take her out for dinner, kinda like fucking a sex doll, only those are too expensive for your welfare budget.

Jesse Jane is probably one of the girls you all know and jerk off to, a pornstar who you’ve seen doing acts you’ll never experience, not only because you are a virgin, but also because you’re quite ugly. DoubleViking.com went to the AVN awards and here’s there first interview with Jesse Jane about football. Bitch is such a crackhead, I’d rather be watching her make sex sounds than try to talk, not cuz I like porn, but because I hate stupid girls.

Read His Post and Watch The Video Here (I am too internet retarded to figure out how to make this stream for you)

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In a quest to steer clear of celebrity content – I came across some Ashlee Simpson bikini pics and had no choice but to post them. I have always been told that she has a great rack, even better than her sister’s and no matter how hard I try to get a good look at her tits, her nose always gets in the way. I am a failure at this whole transitioning from celeb content to cool content. I don’t really care if you forgive me or not, I am done with trying to please you.

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