I was raised in Texas, and in Texas we like guns. For those of you who can’t read, this shirt says “Keep It Real Love”, now I don’t know about you, but if I have a gun in hand, any bitch I approach is going to keep it real love, otherwise, she’d be stupid…but like grandma always said, you can’t rape the willing. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a rapist, but I think there is only one way to read this shirt at that is in a threatening way…it’s like bitch better keep it real or I will fuck you up….dudes I apologize, I just posted 20 posts and I don’t know what the fuck I am writing…my eyes are “Bloodshot” and they aint Jamaican man….

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I would totally fuck that shit out of Renee Zellweger’s mom. She has the body of a menopausal woman (because she is one), her chin merges nicely with her neck, forming a yet to be named body part, and most importantly she sluts out in animal prints. We all know that bitches who rock leopard just wants a nice dick in their ass….we also all know that no dick up in this motherfucker could satisfy, she is old and with age comes gaping holes…that’s where a 2L bottle of coke would come in handy and by handy I guess I mean you could use that too…….

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I would totally fuck that shit out of Renee Zellweger’s mom. She has the body of a menopausal woman (because she is one), her chin merges nicely with her neck, forming a yet to be named body part, and most importantly she sluts out in animal prints. We all know that bitches who rock leopard just wants a nice dick in their ass….we also all know that no dick up in this motherfucker could satisfy, she is old and with age comes gaping holes…that’s where a 2L bottle of coke would come in handy and by handy I guess I mean you could use that too…….

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Drunk is something we support, we figure being a former rockstar gives you the right to drink away all the money you made, hell, I work in a fucking factory and I spend all my money on booze, so why can’t Tommy Lee. We all saw him slammin Pamela, we know he’s slammin Tara Reid, an obvious fan of implants, and drunk. I remember when I was a fan of implants…it was in 1988, when they were just hitting the scene, I would frequent the local strip club and the regular girls would disappear for a month at a time, at first I figured one of 3 things happened, a drug overdose, they were raped or killed, or lastly the met a rich lonely old man who would take care of them. The tie-in to Tommy Lee is that he is capable of all three. We know drummers are violent, it’s a deep rooted bitterness that comes with being the band member no one notices. Over-compensation motherfucker, now keep on drinkin.

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Drunk is something we support, we figure being a former rockstar gives you the right to drink away all the money you made, hell, I work in a fucking factory and I spend all my money on booze, so why can’t Tommy Lee. We all saw him slammin Pamela, we know he’s slammin Tara Reid, an obvious fan of implants, and drunk. I remember when I was a fan of implants…it was in 1988, when they were just hitting the scene, I would frequent the local strip club and the regular girls would disappear for a month at a time, at first I figured one of 3 things happened, a drug overdose, they were raped or killed, or lastly the met a rich lonely old man who would take care of them. The tie-in to Tommy Lee is that he is capable of all three. We know drummers are violent, it’s a deep rooted bitterness that comes with being the band member no one notices. Over-compensation motherfucker, now keep on drinkin.

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Fat people shouldn’t have sex, that’s the school I come from and I am married to a fat woman, I am pretty fat myself, and don’t believe that we should ever engage in sex acts…I just let her eat cookies while I drink whiskey, it makes for a real healthy relationship….now I know all you fat bitches have your large underwear all tied up into a knot about this statement, but if you click on this link, I think you’ll understand where I am coming from, when you are doing your “thang” you don’t realize how fucking gross you look, but this will bring my point home. Cuddles.

See Videos Here

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Look at her with her smug little face and her crossed little arms, telling the world that she takes no fucking bullshit and that she calls the nanny, who she knows better than her own mother a cunt, because the Guatemala bitch didn’t bring her enough cookies and more importantly because she can. There are no consequences in her little Princess world, and for that we here at DrunkenStepfather.com hate her.

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Look at her with her smug little face and her crossed little arms, telling the world that she takes no fucking bullshit and that she calls the nanny, who she knows better than her own mother a cunt, because the Guatemala bitch didn’t bring her enough cookies and more importantly because she can. There are no consequences in her little Princess world, and for that we here at DrunkenStepfather.com hate her.

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I am not going to give a long-winded intro to this post, I just have to say the the Fleshlight discussion board makes me laugh. This guy wrote a fucking thesis paper on his first fleshlight experience, that proves my point that chronic masturbaters have few friends. You can argue it if you want, I just won’t believe you. I guess the only real confusion that came up was that this guy one jerked off using his hand for 2 weeks before getting a Fleshlight, obviously not too easily impressed, my prediction is that he rapes a girl within the next 5 years. Too bad we will never know….

Part 5 – First use
I won’t give a blow by blow description about what I’ve done with it after it was done warming up. Basically it should be self described. From the use, I was greatly surprised and really happy with the results. My stamina is extremely poor, to the point that I can’t control ejaculation the very best (thus any masturbation session lasts around 5 minutes tops with me). The one surprise that i also wasn’t expecting was the sensitivity of the penis after ejaculation in the FL. It was so sensitive, that I had to leave it in the FL for a minute or so before I could take it out. I never expected this, or anything – it was a very odd sensation.

So the pros:
1. Better feel than I anticipated. I’ve tried masturbation with the hand, and sometimes with cloth to a degree as that helped. The actual “hand” method most people are familiar with I never really understood fully until about 2 weeks ago, so I can’t compare too much – but i will say it was a pleasure I never expected.
2. Built well. I have a feeling this will last me awhile, especially with good care. I plan on buying new inserts over the course of the next few months.
3. Cleanup is relatively fast. I thought that cleanup would be a real problem, and take a long time – but cleanup right now took about 30 seconds, and is now drying. I’m using a town hanger to hold the FL in place while it dries.

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I am the biggest supporter of the no-bra movement. I fucking love that shit, even when a bitch has the biggest, downward pointing nipples, I don’t discriminate. Based on this picture it seems that although Lohan’s titties shrunk, her nipples stayed the same size, we can only hope that eventually her breasts turn into 2 giant nipples, and nothing else, only because I fuckin love that shit and it is all about me. My bigger concern with Lohan right now is that she’s been trying to remove her freckles with some Michael Jackson skin bleach, and it’s been leaving fucking disgusting shit stains all over her body. The yellow smudge reminds me of a time my liver gave out on me and my ass was spitting bile for a month. I neglected to tell you that throughout that month I was rockin the same pair of underwear…yes Lohan’s skin stains look like the stains that my underwear saw, I guess I technically saw the stains too, but I try to block out the memory, the smell however was so vile…it will stay with me for life…

Update: My liver is still fucked, but I just ignore it now….

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