DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2021

30

Nov

Brie Larson Black Snake Moan of the Day

Here’s no ass Brie Larson who is far too old to be seen as the “hottest” chick in Hollywood, but yet she gets cast in this garbage blockbuster movies, that I guess don’t require any real acting skills, since there’s no plot, story, just ACTION and simplicity so that it can be understood in CHINA where they make all their money with these movies….

She’s not impressive, even her OSCAR WINNING ROLE that got her to this place was a fucking plant, and I’ll assume that in her long drawn out rise to the top that started when she was a teen, but that didn’t actually produce anything decent, ended with her making a deal with the devil so that she can finally be that star she knew in her soul that she could be….you know….money and acting jobs get to a bitches head when their whole life has been about achieving that….

Not that I know Brie Larson, I’m just making assumptions based on how long it took her to get here and how BORING she is now that she is here.

Even watching her chained up like some kind of sex dungeon dweller for the real sickos out there into the old fashioned BDSM….ass first is a giant who fucking cares it looks like she shit her sloppy ass pants….

People hype her up, I believe they are paid off or brainwashed…propaganda works and her career is PROOF.

You don’t think she’s hot, you think all pussy is hot, you’d fuck a tree live, or dead, if it had something that looked like a cunt or tits…I KNOW you…you just think she’s hot because you’re told she’s hot, and you’re like “fine, I’ll run with that”….but in your core…I know you know…DON’T FALL FOR IT!

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Posted in:Brie Larson

2021

30

Nov

Rebecca Black Braless of the Day

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I’ve hated on Rebecca Black’s idiotic FRIDAY song like the best of them, because it was a fucking annoying song that I knew white ladies who like drinking wine and pretending they are in Sex and the City only to turn 45 and realize living life as a gay man was a mistake and having family is far more meaningful, too late now, but at least they can adopt a cat….and buy ALL the ice cream they desire…it’s available on UBER EATS you middle of the road pile of shit.

That doesn’t mean I hated Rebecca Black, she was a kid at the time and did a better job going viral than idiots who got paid big salaries for that shit, making them all look like fucking idiots….

Instead of embracing her and making more money off her, they decided to ignore her until this year, because she’s making some moves again, now as nostalgia or because she grew out her tits, and I figure when selfies involve wifebeaters with massive braless tits, they’re on the right track….the best a selfie can be….I guess her internet prowess understands that, I mean she got a song more viral than most of these well funded celebs TRY to get with ever song they drop….and even have teams of people who help them…and still fall short…

It’s a pretty good fuck you…..but who cares about any of that, we’re here for the TITS.

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Posted in:Rebecca Bagnol

2021

30

Nov

The Ratio Tuesday of the Day

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The waist to hip ratio is the holy grail of hotness for girls everywhere. Some don’t want to admit it, feminists don’t like to acknowledge that there are levels to hotness on a biological level because motherfuckers are in denial and pretend we aren’t animals that are programmed to behave a specific way, really for the survival for the species, you know BREEDING, because they don’t want you to realize your self involved shitty life of selfishness, ego, narcissism, medications, misery….they think being human is about mansions, having fans, a personal brand and being famous for being you….weird.

Women are still the source of our happiness, they are why we do what we do, what we are wired to want to cum inside it…they can suppress it, they can reposition it, they can try to confuse us…but it’s our fucking programming…

So waist to hip speaks fertile and thus hot to our animal brain and we’re animals motherfucker, so here are some girls with some waistlines…

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Posted in:The Ratio

2021

30

Nov

Kaili Throne Tits of the Day

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I don’t know if this is Bella Thorne’s sister’s premium content, I just find this shit on forums being passed around, I don’t do the research because I am too busy writing jokes to this shit that don’t come across as jokes because I always forget the punchline…

You know a little “Here’s Kaili Thorne, the half sister, same dad but raised by her stepmother / Bella Thorne Mom, in nothing but a corset, which would be a bigger deal if we haven’t seen her other content of her fucking a dildo, if anything it makes us ask where’s the dildo, as we expect it”….

See…not very funny at all….where’s the joke, I don’t know…..mayb we don’t need jokes when staring at natural tits, making sex doll faces, in some 1800s brothel corset you’d expect to get up inside if you were a prospecting cowboy in the lawless west…

Still no joke….wait for it…because it’s not coming….you’ll be here all day…just staring….

Let’s try another…”You have to wonder how a girl raised with Disney Kid siblings ends up running her own porn channel to the fans for money she may not even need, probably something she was taught her value is when she was just an orphan trying to help her stepmom pay rent when trying to launch the other sister’s career”…..

Maybe there’s a joke in there somewhere, but you JUST have to dig.

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Posted in:Kaili Thorne

2021

30

Nov

Harley Quinn Smith Nipple Pasties of the Day

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I don’t find Kevin Smith that impressive of a figure in Hollywood, he’s movies, especially if you try to watch them now, are the fucking worst…..

I’ll admit, in the mid 90s, I tried to force myself to think he was some sort of visionary, but that shit’s just on a nerd level that makes me uncomfortable and it hasn’t got all that much better…but at least he’s not as fat anymore.

What I do like is the origin story of being a video store worker who maxed out his credit card in a who gives a fuck, that’s how I’ll finance my movie motherfucker, because that takes balls, and when I was 20 and wanted to make movies I was just getting drunk in gutters, spending my credit card money on strippers….

Anyway, my opinion of Kevin Smith doesn’t mean I can’t stare at his rich as shit daughter with her tits out, nipple pasties, because that’s the content she’s putting out there, because despite being rich, you can never get enough attention….so they all do these photoshoots…tits out…even when they’re not that hot or on their dad’s keto diet…it’s just what girls of all socio-economic levels do now.

Sexualize everything.

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Posted in:Harley Quinn Smith

2021

30

Nov

Tight Pant Tuesday of the Day

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I started watching some Amazon documentary on Von Dutch because life fucking sucks, is not as exciting as it should be, with all this COVID lockdown shit, vaccine mandates and passport shit, it’s hard to just throw down like the mid 90s degenerate I was in my prime, so instead I watch shows about it….WE ALREADY LIVE IN THE METAVERSE.

The moral of the first episode was some key advice that you may or not already know, but that could help you make a billion dollar brand of your own down the line, that I won’t expect a percentage of because I’m repurposing some other motherfucker’s mantra….which is….”CLASSICS NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE”…

I repeat “CLASSICS NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE”…..so instead of trying to invent a dress with titty holes and pussy holes to workaround the nudity laws, for the ladies into nudity…the answer is to do BASICS, things people always had, always wanted…t-shirts, sweatshirts, jeans, hats….RALPH LAUREN shit…

Which is probably why I do this TIGHT PANTS post, not because I know fashion, style, or any of that shit, although I did used to sell DRUNKENSTEPFATHER T-SHIRTS that I was terrible at mailing out, like the piece of shit I am, so I apologize if I robbed you, it was 15 years ago, and I’m a drunk…it wasn’t intentional.

But yeah, tight pants are classics, never go out of style, appropriate for all generations since the dawn of time, until the end of time, which may come sooner than later, thanks to the whole END OF THE FUCKING world, we already live in the METAVERSE, I spend my nights smelling my wife’s dirty asshole from across the room on Amazon Prime instead of pissing myself in a stripclub with TITS IN MY FACE….where did it all go wrong.

(more…)

Posted in:Tight Pants

2021

30

Nov

Katy Perry Launches her Vegas Residency of the Day

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I don’t know why I’ve always got weird vibes from Katy Perry, she just always seemed like a bit of a hack or a scam, someone not talented enough to have all that success, but who managed to get all that success anyway….she has made STUPID fucking money…but watcher her on stage has always been so clunky….

I am sure my analysis of Katy Perry’s talent really has an impact on her winning at fucking life, I am insignificant…but I am still allowed to have an opinion…even if no one reads it.

I have always just reduced Katy Perry to her big tits, because despite loving all tits, tits of ALL sized, I don’t discriminate tits…and I am sure other people have too…because you have to be a weirdo to be into Katy Perry music.

I was in an UBER once on the day Katy Perry was dropping her new album, it was a bunch of years ago, but the UBER driver was a chick and she was so fucking happy, EAGER to hear the new album and my luck meant I got in the car 2 minutes before it dropped…meaning for 20 minutes I had to listen to the shit while realizing this bitch has legit psycho fans…what a fucking weird fucking world…this celeb worship over lame fucking music…but good for Katy Perry pulling the scam…

Now that you know where I am coming from, thinking Katy Perry is a clunky, awkward scam of a celebrity with shitty music that people love….I will say…

Shit, she must be eating stem cells from the fucking placenta of her birth, because she’s looking 10 years younger than she looked 5 years ago….HOW does that happen.

I will also say that if you go to VEGAS, and you don’t dress in an ELVIS jumpsuit, then you are shit…

So I love that she’s made her own version of it, even if I think everything else she does is the worst…BECAUSE…I am an Elvis fan…and a titty fan….just not a Katy Perry fan…

Photos by Legendary Rony’s Photobooth

Posted in:Katy Perry

2021

30

Nov

Salma Hayek Got Them Tits On of the Day

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Salma Hayek may be 300 years old, but thanks to some Mayan ritual in her native of Mexico with Harvey Weinstein, that may or may not have involved some sort of Human Sacrifice to the demons who decide what a celebrity career in the USA looks like, which I guess involves big ol’ titties…she still looks pretty fucking hot.

I’ve heard she was rich in Mexico, which allowed her to become richer in America, and now the richest in Europe because her husband and baby daddy is some billionaire…

That ‘some’ billionaire, is coincidentally the owner of Gucci, so you’ll know why she’s in this new silly Gucci movie staring a bunch of American people, putting on fake Italian accents, that have been rumored to sound Russian, because “Italian-Face” or “Italian Cultural Appropriation”….doesn’t really get the haters of the internet mad…they just like Gaga, Hayek, Leto and the other people in it….and can’t cancel those demons.

Anyway, old as shit or not, I am a fan of Hayek, she’s an icon and so are her very expensive tits, that we’ll assume weren’t touched inappropriately by Weinstein, you know because I am sure he didn’t fuck ALL of them….but MAYBE he did…

Fascinating stuff…

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Posted in:Salma Hayek

2021

30

Nov

The Influencer who sells farts for 50k a fart is disgusting…of the Day

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She may not be an Influencer, but more a whore, or possibly someone from 90 Day Fiance, who knows….but I was told this story from a few people, because I guess it’s gone viral on mainstream media and is hitting the normies, who will laugh about some instagram whore selling her farts in a jar to perverts who clearly have deep rooted issues, because they are buying farts from some whore on instagram…

I guess it’s a little clickbait, like that girl who licked the plane toilet seat to get famous, you know viral stunts to get noticed….that is really just viral stunts for the mainstream to give some shine to, in efforts to encourage young girls who want designer purses to hop on this trend.

They’ll be happy if all women were selling their farts from the comfort of their own home, that’s what they sensationalize it and play it up as this “OMG she makes 50k selling a fart, Crazy right”….and everyone laughs until thinking “Where the beans at, get me that mason jar”….
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That’s how you destroy a society, or a generation of girls….

I am sure dudes have been buying farts from whores forever, there’s a fart fetish and fart fetish porn isn’t a big deal, we’ve seen it…at least those of us on the cusp of porn industry all these years…

I am sure dudes buying farts now is just because they are such cucks, they think giving these whores what they want, spending dumb money on them, will make the girls like them…WEAK FUCKS.

If you are an onlyfans subscriber who doesn’t realize he is talking to an agency that manages the accounts for the girls, so dudes aren’t even talking to the girls, so they are just trying to impress people who laugh at them about it.

You know when a girl sells her farts for that much, it’s a cash grab and she thinks the buyers are fucking idiots, no matter what she says to keep the money coming…

Don’t be a sucker, don’t make this a trend, it’s gutter, disgusting, and it’s evil…it is not empowered sex worker making money…it’s people being manipulated and their spirit destroyed.

That said, if you want to buy some farts, because you’re into that shit at your core and you can’t do anything about it, you’ll be gld to know a chubby girl sells her farts for you…check her INSTAGRAM

Posted in:Girls who Fart

2021

30

Nov

Polina Knoroz – Russian Pole Vaulter of the Day

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I bet you have a pole you’d like her to vault onto, I mean not that she’d consider it a pole, she’s used to more substantial poles, and well yours won’t cut it…there will be no springing off it onto some mattress…but you can still look at her elite athleticism from the pics she posts on Social Media…plus, it’s not your fault, I couldn’t skip the cheesy pole joke either….I mean…it would be criminal to not make a dad pole joke…

Anyway, I saw this video of her on stepfatherpresents , and this Russian athlete is hot and probably not available on the mail order catalogs, I don’t know if they even do that shit anymore, but she is a reminder that Russian Women are the superior being…they are all hot…maybe it’s the communism their grandparents grew up in, maybe it killed off the uglies…don’t WIKIPEDIA mass killings due to communism…that’s banned….maybe it’s the performance enhancement pills, but that’d probably make her more manly…I was told women on steroids have clits the size of a man’s thumb by a baseball coach when I was about 10 years old…which in hindsight is fucking weird conversation to have with a 10 year old…I mean…what the fuck…

Point being – she’s good, and I don’t even care about her pole vaulting shit….

Posted in:Polina Knoroz|Sports