The one thing this sickness has been doing for me is forcing me not to drink because the thought of booze when I am dying of a fever actually makes me sick and that never happens. The problem with not drinking is that I see the way things actually are and I realized that I […]

I am dying. Here’s an email I got: I don’t have much to say other than that celebrity gossip and porn are sedatives for me, in the way that Xanax and weed are for a lot of people. I’m a fetishist, and your site helps to mend the paranoia, at least it used to.Your senseless, […]

So it turns out that I have been sick the last 3 weeks and everyone I come across is dropping like flies with this virus and calling me to bitch me out for getting them sick. They all call me the outbreak monkey and I tell them that they shouldn’t let the outbreak monkey spit […]

I got my first selling out email: I have been reading your site for at least two years and I just wanted to remind you of a time when you didnt fucking suck and have ads everywhere You might as well stop pretending you have no readers because you have become the hipster version of […]

stepLINKS So as some of you know, Paypal shut me down in October and I’ve been trying to get my money back for the last 3 months. They were set on locking it down for another 3 months and I’ve been emailing them daily ever since because I want my money but I’ve had no […]

I woke up today still sick as a fucking malnourished African orphan, only fatter and less hungry because my wife brought home a loaf of bread and jar of peanut butter. We’re living the good life. On on the positive side of things, I’ve been fucking brain dead and delusional because of the fever and […]

It turns out that someone must have linked me on a woman’s site because I got a ton of comments and emails defending a thick Liv Tyler in a bikini. It makes me laugh that people bother writing comments when I call her fat because I really don’t care if she is fat or not […]

So no one emailed me asking me if my wife died or not. She didn’t. It turned out she ate some bad sausage and not the kind of sausage I wish she ate so that I’d have ground for a divorce. It was just typical fat chick sausage that she huffed down late at night […]