A stripper I once knew became a pornstar about a year ago because she thought she’d make more money doing porn that stripping and because she just liked to fuck. She did a few scenes of standard sex and about 10 movies later went a little bit more hardcore. I ran into her randomly the […]

I was walking down the street and had a celebrity encounter. Some tall, mean looking black girl was walking towards me with her big bald black boyfriend and I turned to the drunken asshole I was with and said it was Omarosa from the Apprentice, thinking I was making a bad racist joke. The drunken […]

I have been sick all day and I’ve had the worse gas of my life all day. I ate some mexican food and it raped my insides because Mexico food in Canada doesn’t work for Mexican dudes. For the first time in my life I smell like my wife’s pussy and it’s turning me on, […]

I borrowed my friends car today because he was too drunk to drive himself to the hospital and he was shitting blood or something equally disgusting that I didn’t want to know about because I have no interest in that shit and I forgot that I can’t see very well. I am not sure if […]

I accidentally drank a bottle of wine to myself because some asshole bet me that I couldn’t drink a bottle of Ketchup. What he didn’t know is that I usually make myself tomato soup using hot water and Ketchup on the days I have no money for food so shit was easy. I guess that’s […]

Here are the my links you fuckers. I am trying to fuck my rubber vagina but I think that it has genital warts. I don’t know how it happened but I think it’s safe to say that the fuckin’ thing is a slut…. I am going to the strip club to make up for it…. […]

So it’s a new year and I’ve already fucked up my resolution of being the best site on the internet nobody reads so to celebrate that revelation here is some hate mail I got today: I used to like your blog but your comments about Jews today weren’t funny or amusing; they were offensive and […]

So I went to church on Christmas Eve, not because I am a religious man or because I felt the need to repent my sins for being an internet asshole all these years, but because it’s a good place to find elderly widows with no family alone and are vulnerable, willing to invite you over […]