Some guy messaged me today telling me that his 6 year old has better grammar than me. I told him to give me his email because I’d like him to write the site for me. He didn’t pull through but I know that there would be nothing funnier than having a 6 year old write […]

I feel bad for Perez Hilton. I never visit his website. I resent his success in doing pretty much the same thing I do. I hate that people listen to someone so ugly and turn to him as an authority. But dude is getting beat the fuck up by the paparazzi agencies. The reality is […]

I have been listening to a group of black guys doing smoke shows with their 1990 Pontiac for the last fucking hour. All I can smell is burnt rubber and all I can hear is squealing in my ears. I am annoyed but don’t want to go outside because today is not my day to […]

Not leaving your house makes for a pretty exciting fucking existence. I made my way out for my daily 1 block walk to stay fit and to realize that it’s too fucking hot outside for me and that I am at the age where I listen to the weather warnings to stay inside because I […]

I was walking by the water this past weekend and saw the coolest couple I’ve ever seen. they were fully white poor trash and dude looked a fucking wreck with ratty hair, some trashy tank top and was rockin’ a Speedo. He was holding his wife’s hand and bitch was in a pair of the […]

This is a story I wrote in an email today that I am recycling here because like someone said in the comments, that Paris letter wiped me out. I even had to go to the post office, interact with people and include my home phone number to send it out. I am hoping it gets […]