2008
09
Dec
Here are some pictures of Helen Mirren proving that the one piece bathing suits aren’t just for fat insecure 12 year old girls at the public pool, but also work out pretty nicely for menopausal, busty, older actresses. So I guess you’re never too old to cover up that sloppy body while still managing to turn me on. It could be my fever talking but I like to think it’s got more to do with those tits. What I would do to change that diaper….
Posted in:Bathing Suit|Helen Mirren|One Piece|Tits
2008
13
Nov
I just realized I am late for something – so I decided to throw up some pictures to tide you over….who cares what I have to say anyway…because I am just going to tell fat chicks to take this girl’s lead, she’s defied all odds of being pregnant.
Update: At least 25 men have sent these pictures to their wives they married and started a family with, who look a solid 40 pounds heavier than they did on their wedding night, letting them know that they are onto them, and know that just because they got knocked the fuck up, doesn’t mean they have to eat a bag of chips or pint of ice cream, every fucking night of their lives, leading them to become the fucking mess that they are today, because if Ambrosio can snap right back with a little dedication, their lazy asses can to, so stop fucking slacking and making excuses you fat dirty whore who lied to me, tricked me, and ruined my life but who I still call my family….
Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|Bathing Suit
2008
29
Sep
Audrina was out in a bathing suit with her sister’s teeth recently and I really have nothing to say about this family, other than that something really went wrong. I am thinking that they may have lived by power lines, or maybe there was lead in the water or asbestos in the walls or maybe their mom was an addict, but whatever the fuck happened it made both of them retards. I am pretty tired of ugly skinny chicks with fake tits getting way more love than they deserve because America is filled with fat chicks, so by comarisson they are hot, because when I look at Audrina, I don’t see anything attractive, but I do see something that should probably be wearing a bike helmet while standing on the street corner with a sign begging for change to feed her cat.
It is up to you to make these people from The Hills go away. All you have to do is stop watching the fucking show. I think now is a good time to start.
”’
Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bathing Suit|Bikini|Teeth
2008
26
Sep
So here’s overhyped Gossip Girl Blake Lively in some bathing suit and she sucks. I don’t know why people find this boring girl is worth jerking off to or talking about but I do know and respect the fact that people have different tastes and that some of you would have sex with the elderly lady you helped cross the street if she offfered or the fat chick who lives down the street because you are convinced she’s a virgin and will let you fuck her without condoms, or the girl in the wheel chair who is curious to find out if she can feel sex, since she can’t feel her legs or a lifeless girl you see in the ditch on the drive home, if there was no risk of getting caught, so maybe for you guys, Blake Lively is a step up…stomp the yard…you get what I am saying even if you don’t get her choice in bikinis.
Posted in:Bathing Suit|Blake Lively
2008
18
Aug
Looks like my site’s been hacked again. For some reason when people land on it they are re-directed to the Game Show Network corporate site. I don’t know what the fuck is going on but I do know that I blame some virgin with computer skills who got offended cuz i called his girlfriend a slut and by girlfriend i mean a celebrity he thinks he is dating because he watches all her DVDs over and over and has photoshopped himself in every paparazzi shot he can find of her and printed them up and put them in frames around his house.
I get really frustrated with the constant hacking, I get it, you don’t like me, you think I am offensive, I hurt your feelings and go against things you stand for and you think I deserve to be taught a lesson, but no lesson is taught, it just proves that you have better computer skills than me and it’s not going to put an end to what I do, what does put an end to what I do, is if you stop coming to the site and stop reading it, it’ll be like I don’t really exist anymore and that’s a lot cooler than your vigilante nerd shit that just causes minor headaches for my hosting company, and reminds me that the internet is still a place for fucking losers, like it was designed to be…..
What doesn’t cause headaches is Isla FIsher in a one-piece bathing suit doing gymnastics for Borat and their baby, because she knows as a new mother bouncing back into shape, it’s best to keep that stretch-marked mess of your stomach covered up….now if only she covered up that vagina when having unprotected sex with Borat, because the world didn’t need to be polluted with another Borat, there are enough of those assholes still bars and still quoting his movie when approaching girls like shit didn’t hit theaters 2 fuckin’ years ago…and to my amazement, girls still laugh at the shit and take off their panties for that shit and is just another reminder that I suck at life because I just can’t conform to that garbage.
Posted in:Bathing Suit|Isla Fisher|One Piece
2008
07
Jul
I have met Pizza Restaurant owner Caroline D’Amore, because that’s just the quality of “celebrity” this site puts me in contact with and in reality shit had absolutely nothing to do with this site, and more to do with my alcoholism. This is the story.
It was a Wednesday and I was looking for something to do and this guy I knew invited me to some celebrity DJ event at a chachi bar, where there was no cover charge and where he would be buying bottles of vodka because there was some kind of deal at the bar because it was mid-week.
The DJ was Caroline D’Amore and I thought I had never heard of her, so I went because I was in the mood to get drunk and have a good laugh. After a bunch of drinks, this skinny, Celine Dion lookin’ girl gets up behind the turntables, which happened to be right next to my friends table and I start listening to her set.
I don’t DJ and don’t know much about DJing, but knew that this bitch was killing every single mix, making each song sound like it was violently raping the next song while she did that Paris Hilton dance behind the turntables. I started laughing and made faces at her and she was starting to notice and obsess over me and my mocking. Within 10 minutes of my pointing and ridiculing her, she turns to the club promoter and calls him over, tells him that she’s quitting her set about 20 minutes into it and when he asked why, she points at me and says I am being an asshole and lauging at her.
I find the whole thing amazing, until the promoter and his pussy security make a circle around me and threaten to beat me up and kick me out for fuckin’ with Caroline and Caroline decides to get involved and tell me how much of an asshole I am. I deny because I don’t need to really drive the point home, bitch already quit her set and I take her aside, tell her about my site and that I was just teasing to get her attention because I have a crush on her and tease girls I crush on because I have the same level of game as a ten year old.
It turns out she knew about the site and said that I had written about her cameltoe in the past , I told her that I didn’t remember but that I fucking love cameltoe and that she should keep bringing the goods, she gave me a hug, forgave me for mocking her and left me. Since then, she has continued her DJ career, while I continue my cameltoe blogging, never to cross paths again, but the fact that she knew the site made me forget that she sucked as a DJ and made me a fan, even if only for 5 minutes and mainly because I wanted to get invited back to her hotel to watch her shower, but that didn’t happen. What has happened is that everytime she’s been back to Montreal, she’s made a point of not emailing me or inviting me out to her event or to grab some pizza and I feel pretty rejected about the whole thing because I thought we were friends, but at least I can still post about her vagina tightly wrapped in a bathing suit. No one can take that away from me.
Posted in:Bathing Suit|Cameltoe|Caroline D'Amore
2008
03
Jun
Whoever said that big is beautiful was wrong and these pictures of Queen Latifah prove that, so does my wife when she runs around the house in her underwear. These pictures also prove the quality of floatation devices, because I know that if I was the poor fucker she was riding, I wouldn’t be holding up so well. I guess the good news for some of you sick fucks who don’t care how fat a chick is as long as she has tits, is that she’s not too embarrassed to get into a bathing despite, even though she should be.
Posted in:Bathing Suit|Fat|Queen Latifah
2008
09
Apr
Iliana Fischer is some Playboy model who is on the beach with her only friend because he never judges her for being a slut who gets naked for getting ahead and by ahead I mean make enough money to pay her rent because I’ve never heard of her so that usually means she’s pretty much just a nobody and I surprised she’s even made it into Playboy considering her body is nothing to freak out over. Sure she’s got the fake blonde hair but I’m thinking that t was because some make a wish foundation dream or something.
I like how she’s wearing some kind of University Sweatshirt, it makes her whole bullshit story while working the local strip club pole more believable. Sure you’re going to Med School sweetheart, I’m ok way grabbing your tits in exchange for 10 dollars you can put towards your “tuition” and by tuition I mean up her nose, because you’ve gotta be on drugs to be this kind of women at least that’s what I’ve learned throughout my worldly travels to the local strip club.
Posted in:Bathing Suit|Dog|Iliana Fischer
2007
20
Aug
Here are some pictures of Paris Hilton in some weird gold bathing suit or outfit at her Malibu Beach Party home reminding me of a Jewish grandmother on the beaches of Miami, not because I have ever been to Miami but because Jewish grandmother’s like to match their tacky outfits and they like to show false enthusiasm when they see babies…because they remember that their own kids ruined their bodies and they never really got over that….
I was emailed by a girl I once knew telling me that I make her pussy wet. I think she was trying to humor me because being the resident pervert, girls sometimes get a little crazy and like to share their craziness with me. It rarely happens, but it did this past weekend and I responded by saying that the only pussies I have ever made wet were all the pussies I ever came in contact with but as soon as the roofies wore off, the bitches dried up pretty quick and didn’t end there, they would always end up hurting me and press charges against me, leaving me fucked but always knowing to myself that I made their pussies wet even if they weren’t 100 percent there in spirit to enjoy my skill….
Either way, Paris and her ego probably think they deserve to be gold plated and that’s why she is doing it in her wardrobe choices. She loves herself so much that bitch thinks she’s a fucking trophy, the thing she tends to forget is that this trophy comes with a lot of fucking baggage, like herpes and there’s nothing fun about herpes except for maybe if your into playing connect the dots like Pee Wee Herman…Notice how bitch is getting fatter and fatter, I guess you could blame that Entourage motherfucker for filling her up with his cum, but I like to think that it’s cuz she emotionally eats herself to sleep everyday…
Paris Hilton Showin Off Tits
Paris Hilton Upskirt
Paris Hilton Nipple Slip of the Day
Paris Hilton Insane Cleavage
Posted in:Ass|Bathing Suit|Paris Hilton|Tits|Unsorted
2007
20
Aug
Here are some pictures of Paris Hilton in some weird gold bathing suit or outfit at her Malibu Beach Party home reminding me of a Jewish grandmother on the beaches of Miami, not because I have ever been to Miami but because Jewish grandmother’s like to match their tacky outfits and they like to show false enthusiasm when they see babies…because they remember that their own kids ruined their bodies and they never really got over that….
I was emailed by a girl I once knew telling me that I make her pussy wet. I think she was trying to humor me because being the resident pervert, girls sometimes get a little crazy and like to share their craziness with me. It rarely happens, but it did this past weekend and I responded by saying that the only pussies I have ever made wet were all the pussies I ever came in contact with but as soon as the roofies wore off, the bitches dried up pretty quick and didn’t end there, they would always end up hurting me and press charges against me, leaving me fucked but always knowing to myself that I made their pussies wet even if they weren’t 100 percent there in spirit to enjoy my skill….
Either way, Paris and her ego probably think they deserve to be gold plated and that’s why she is doing it in her wardrobe choices. She loves herself so much that bitch thinks she’s a fucking trophy, the thing she tends to forget is that this trophy comes with a lot of fucking baggage, like herpes and there’s nothing fun about herpes except for maybe if your into playing connect the dots like Pee Wee Herman…Notice how bitch is getting fatter and fatter, I guess you could blame that Entourage motherfucker for filling her up with his cum, but I like to think that it’s cuz she emotionally eats herself to sleep everyday…
Paris Hilton Showin Off Tits
Paris Hilton Upskirt
Paris Hilton Nipple Slip of the Day
Paris Hilton Insane Cleavage
Posted in:Ass|Bathing Suit|Paris Hilton|Tits|Unsorted