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2007

Jul

I am – Lisa Rinna and Her Lips in a Swimsuit of the Day

Lisa Rinna

It seems like the quickest way out of the LA ghetto these days is not a basketball or crate of oranges but a fancy camera. Every TMZ video I watch has black dudes with kick’n cameras and a bunch of Mexicans yellling at each other and shouting ‘Lindsay!’

This is NYC and TMZ was definitely not involved in this old lady shoot in the middle of fucking Central Park with Lisa Rinna. I don’t know what demon spawn art director commissioned this crap but he should be shot, maybe tortured first. Basically one swimsuit was stolen from Paris Hilton and the other she borrowed from her mother in the nursing home. Yeah her body is slamm’n for an old woman but her collagen lips look like a pink, glossy anus. I can’t remember why (nor do i give a flying fuck) why this bitch is famous but I know she is on some cable ‘so you think you can give a lapdance’ show or whatever. She is made of lube and plastic, with some rubber for mobility, and is married to this Mark Hamil fag who has had tons of surgery too. Men who have plastic surgery end up looking like trannies and should just wear makeup and a skirt to get it over with. I bet when Lisa and her husband have sex it sounds like plastic bumping up against plastic, like Ken and Barbie rubbing each other all hot and heavy. The problem is Ken and Barbie have no dick or vagina, so it must be hard for Lisa and her husband to really fuck since they have no real sex organs.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

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Posted in:Bathing Suit|Lisa Rinna|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – More of Paris Hilton in a Bathing Suit in Maui of the Day

5 Comments »

I came across these pictures of Paris in a bathing suit in Maui and figured I should post them since celebrity in bikinis is 90 percent of what I do. I don’t consider Paris to be a real celebrity, I don’t think she’s got anything interesting going on, I don’t really understand the reason everyone is so interested in her, but she’s on the beach and that’s more than I can say for you, so that is why she gets coverage on this shitty site. Reality is that I am pretty easy to please and half naked is all I really ever need for a post, so I don’t mind making your famous, if you’re willing to take it off.

I was reading an article on MSN about how to seduce billionaires to marry you. I am exploring new business options because the internet isn’t doin it for me and there’s gotta be some black sheep fat retarded daughter of a rich dude that they keep locked up in the basement who is lonely enough for someone like me. I don’t know where the article is but it lead me to all these different high society sites. I didn’t realize that people actually care about the family and kids and wives of these extremely rich dudes. I always thought their lives were boring with all that keeping up appearances, going to art gallery exhibits and donating time and money to charity. There are probably scandals that would be more interesting than the shit Paris gets into and there are probably nude pics, sex tapes and other exciting scandals filling up their guest houses, but I’ll never see them because I have no idea who any of these high society people are.

I need Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood to let me know who to watch out for and not all these rich kids aren’t into the whole L.A. Fame Game.

I did harass a couple of them on Facebook a while ago. One of them was the daughter of some record exec and another one was the daughter of some other big company. It turns out that they have no sense of humor and either do I, that’s why this post fucking sucks. It happens. It’s Monday. I hate you.

I guess it’s nice to see Paris back on all fours and half naked as she rides her surfboard, because it reminds us that Jail can’t change a person, except for maybe giving someone more publicity than they have seen since the release of a sex tape.

2007

Jun

I am – Beyonce Bathing Suit Ass of the Day

6 Comments »

I am about as into Beyonce as I am into beastiality. Not because I am a racist but because bitch reminds me of a dog. A very big dog with an angelic bark that wants me to say its name and feels like its a survivor who spends her days being lazy as fuck doing nothing while people like you have to work.

I guess you could argue that she paved her own way, she made her own money, she did her own thing and worked really hard for a few years to get where she is, but I can’t help buy be bitter about things, not because I feel like I deserve her life, but I do feel like some people don’t deserve fame and fortune for such menial things like singing.

My biggest issue with celebrity, and I don’t want to get preachy, because preachy is fucking boring and I don’t really give a fuck about it, but I will say that there are a lot of people out there who help people, who do good things, who make the world work, and who spend their lives slaving away to support their families and to better themselves and have nothing to show for it. They end up dying from the stress, or living broke as shit in a shitty apartment, unable to do much but wait until their time is up. Sure they may have good families, they may be satisfied but when bitches like this rub it in our faces living their life of excess, I just think it’s greed.

There’s so much shit going on out there, there is so much the kind of money this bitch makes in a year could do to help, and even if she goes on some Oprah kick and opens a school or gives a million dollars to charity it would be the equivalent of someone who makes 30,000 dollars a year giving 100 dollars to some poor kid foundation. I guess 100 dollars is a lot when you only make 30,000 a year, but it base cost of living takes priority. When you make 20,000,000 dollars a year, you have enough to pay you base living costs and even if bitch was to clear 1,000,000 dollars a year after all is said and done, she’s still living better than the rest of us.

When I see these pictures, I think greed.

Posted in:Ass|Bathing Suit|Beyonce|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Pam Anderson Breasts Do Magic of the Day

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So here are some pictures of Pam Anderson and her retarded magician friend on the TODAY Show performing their act. His biggest magic trick is foolin us into thinking that Pam Anderson still has a career after Hepatitis.. Proving that a career based on big tits does have staying power, even though, this shitty gig is less status than being a Price is Right girl, it’s almost as bad as working the local car show, but she’s doing it in a one piece bathing suit and that’s good enough for me because lookin at her obscenely huge cans and weird discolored rash/scar/birthmark reminds me of what dreams are made of.

I am posting a post that a girl sent into me. I wasn’t going to post it but she bribed me with pussy pictures of herself and I am all about box shots. So here’s her post on some cunt named Scott Baio and his new reality TV show that no one will watch. The tie in is that he slammed Pam Anderson.

I am – Beating a Dead Horse Named Scott Baio with My Clit Ring of the Day

I don’t know about you, but when I used to turn on the TV to watch some music videos, you’d turn on MTV or VH1. That line of thinking is apparently wrong. VH1 has decided that Scott Baio would be their newest edition to the already overpopulated laundry list of shitty reality TV shows starting in July. Chaci is now 45 years old and single. The difference between you and Baio is that he didn’t have to jerk it to Pam Anderson, he actually got to fuck her (pre-tit job) and they were once engaged. Baio lost his virginity to Erin Moran, his co-star on Happy Days, fucked Charles in Charge and future Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear have both slept with Baio as well as Brooke Shields. Even Liza Minnelli wanted his sperm. Weird. Erika Eleniak, Nicolette Sheridan, Beverly D’Angelo and Natalie Raitano have all been slammed by the native New Yorker along with countless other playmates. Chaci has been a staple at the Playboy mansion for the last few decades. The only thing you could possibly relate to in Baio’s reality is that he’s forty-five and single and if you’re not there yet, you will be.

During the show, Scott Baio is 45… And Single!, Baio asks the question, “How can I have been with some of the hottest women in Hollywood and still be single?” Well, probably because boinking all those sluts left his dick looking like it went through a meat grinder and sprinkled with parsley. Next year,Scott Baio is 46… And Dead!

Unfortunately this post reads like a fucking wikipedia entry, and this bitch has more business writing press releases for VH1 than she does for me. It didn’t make me laugh but I have been known to be a bit of a joke snob, not because I think I am the funniest motherfucker out there, but because it’s hard to make a broken bird laugh. At least that’s my theory as to why I find every obvious joke I read offensive.

On the positive side of things, it does prove the things I will do for pussy. I am pretty fucking easy, some would call me a whore, others call me a creep but above everything, I am a pervert.

2007

Jun

I am â€“ Pam Anderson Breasts Do Magic of the Day

135 Comments »

So here are some pictures of Pam Anderson and her retarded magician friend on the TODAY Show performing their act. His biggest magic trick is foolin us into thinking that Pam Anderson still has a career after Hepatitis.. Proving that a career based on big tits does have staying power, even though, this shitty gig is less status than being a Price is Right girl, itâ€™s almost as bad as working the local car show, but sheâ€™s doing it in a one piece bathing suit and thatâ€™s good enough for me because lookin at her obscenely huge cans and weird discolored rash/scar/birthmark reminds me of what dreams are made of.

I am posting a post that a girl sent into me. I wasnâ€™t going to post it but she bribed me with pussy pictures of herself and I am all about box shots. So hereâ€™s her post on some cunt named Scott Baio and his new reality TV show that no one will watch. The tie in is that he slammed Pam Anderson.

I am – Beating a Dead Horse Named Scott Baio with My Clit Ring of the Day

I don’t know about you, but when I used to turn on the TV to watch some music videos, you’d turn on MTV or VH1. That line of thinking is apparently wrong. VH1 has decided that Scott Baio would be their newest edition to the already overpopulated laundry list of shitty reality TV shows starting in July. Chaci is now 45 years old and single. The difference between you and Baio is that he didn’t have to jerk it to Pam Anderson, he actually got to fuck her (pre-tit job) and they were once engaged. Baio lost his virginity to Erin Moran, his co-star on Happy Days, fucked Charles in Charge and future Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear have both slept with Baio as well as Brooke Shields. Even Liza Minnelli wanted his sperm. Weird. Erika Eleniak, Nicolette Sheridan, Beverly D’Angelo and Natalie Raitano have all been slammed by the native New Yorker along with countless other playmates. Chaci has been a staple at the Playboy mansion for the last few decades. The only thing you could possibly relate to in Baio’s reality is that he’s forty-five and single and if you’re not there yet, you will be.

During the show, Scott Baio is 45â€¦ And Single!, Baio asks the question, “How can I have been with some of the hottest women in Hollywood and still be single?” Well, probably because boinking all those sluts left his dick looking like it went through a meat grinder and sprinkled with parsley. Next year,Scott Baio is 46â€¦ And Dead!

Unfortunately this post reads like a fucking wikipedia entry, and this bitch has more business writing press releases for VH1 than she does for me. It didnâ€™t make me laugh but I have been known to be a bit of a joke snob, not because I think I am the funniest motherfucker out there, but because itâ€™s hard to make a broken bird laugh. At least thatâ€™s my theory as to why I find every obvious joke I read offensive.

On the positive side of things, it does prove the things I will do for pussy. I am pretty fucking easy, some would call me a whore, others call me a creep but above everything, I am a pervert.

2007

Jun

I am – Katie Holmes Bathing Suit Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

I hate posting tagged images, but since I can’t find these anywhere and have no budget to buy the rights to use pictures and even if I did have the budget to buy the rights to use pictures I doubt I would pay because I think paparazzi are scummy pieces of shit who exploit people and I don’t support scummy pieces of shit who exploit people financially.

Either way, this is Katie Holmes on the beach somewhere with her daughter that she had with Tom Cruise. The whole scientology thing and his whole insanity thing doesn’t really bother me as much as the gay rumors. Living in Montreal, I’ve met many gay dudes over the years whether it be one of my friend’s wive’s hairdresser or just some random washed up fags in the places I drink who all have the same story about this fucker in the 90s. It goes a little something like this. Tom Cruise would fly into the city on a private jet, discreetly make his way to the gay village in the city and have sex with little french boys for days at a time. I have no real proof to back this shit up, because I wasn’t one of those little french gay boys and I don’t know anyone who directly stuffed this fucker like a turkey, but I do know that the story is always told the same by everyone who ever brings it up.

That said, here’s the vagina he had sex with at least once rockin’ a one piece because she knows that no one wants to see her post pregnancy ravaged stomach or the proof that there was no pregnancy at all, and that her 9 months were just a series of pregnant bitch costumes. They say she’s pregnant again but it doesn’t look like it in these pics. That’s pretty much all I have to say about that.

2007

Jun

I am – Pamela Anderson in a One Piece Bathing Suit of the Day

1 Comment »

Pamela Anderson One Piece Bathing Suit

Pam Anderson is Kissing some Magician named Hans Klok at his magic show. Magic shows are pretty fucking lame, but I can only assume virgins are into this shit, like they are into wrestling and computer games and that’s part of the reason I am posting them. See, I totally work for you.

I guess the only really magic at this event is that this hag can still pull off a bathing suit in public. But lots of money in plastic surgery and maintenance isn’t really all that magical…I do know that nothing says party like Pam Anderson in a one piece bathing suit, showing off her old haggard body that is probably hotter than any body you’ve ever seen at your local strip club, I know that you still jerk off to this whore, because that’s what a legacy does. No matter how old she gets we will always remember what she was and reality is, she still has something working for her, even if she’s plastic.

Speaking of plastic, I was leaving a strip club a couple of nights ago with a friend of mine who had been there about 2 hours before I showed up. He spent most of his welfare check on this one bitch in the booth and kept going on about how horny she made him. She had huge fake tits and looked like she dreamt of being Pam Anderson. When we walked by a dollar peep show that pretty much plays clips of porn for a dollar dude walked in. He told me to wait outside. About 3 minutes later he walked out and had just rubbed one out. He was sold on how amazing these things were and I thought the whole thing was fucking hysterical. I have never done the whole peepshow thing and probably never will. I watch too much porn on the computer and shit does nothing for me, so paying a dollar to sit in a booth where dirty fucking men have busted nut is not my idea of a good fucking time. I do think that it is a good option for someone like you though, seeing as you never get laid and masturbation has become boring. It’s kind like the middle ground between doing it on public transit to switch things up but still being private enough for you to not get arrested.

2007

May

I am – Jenna Jameson on the Runway in a One Piece Bathing Suit of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Jenna Jameson modeling a one-piece bathing suit for some reason I don’t really understand. I know historically, the one piece bathing suit was designed for girls who had no business wearing a bathing suit to begin with, but you know, people have to have fun and just because they don’t look good in a bikini shouldn’t mean that they shouldn’t go swimming, even though I don’t go swimming in public because I think my stomach is pretty fucking offensive, but I guess I am just a girl about things.

That said, the one piece has started making it’s way back into the public because it’s one of those things where you show too much for so long that when you’re a little covered up it leaves things all mysterious and more to the imagination and shit. So I see how this works for girls at the public pool, but for someone like Jenna Jameson, who we’ve all seen in porn, it’s a little too late for the whole leaving anything to the imagination, except for maybe what she smells like, but that’s something you’ll always have to imagine while sitting at home, dick in hand.

That said, does anyone even jerk off to this chick? She doesn’t get me all hot and bothered and I am wondering why she’s such a success doing what she does, which isn’t saying much because I am convinced any girl can become as big as she did in porn, but the girls who are capable of doing it, have too many morals and values and refuse to fuck on camera….

That said, here she is in a one-piece bathing suit. How many times can I used “that said” in a post…I am aiming for a world record. Cuddles.

Posted in:Bathing Suit|Jenna Jameson|Runway|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Jan

I am – Rihanna Bathing Suit Pics of the Day

2 Comments »

It’s a race against time, my computer battery is about to die and I need to pump this post out. I feel like I am James Bond or some shit, but a lot lazier. I went out to a club last night, it was the first time I had been in a club in a long fucking time. I was given a VIP Pass to get in when I was sitting on a bench near by, so I decided to go up and look for content and check out tits. When upstairs, I ran into a bartender I knew from my raving days. I wasn’t one of those fur pant wearing queers, I was more of a sexual predator to girls jacked on E. He got me drunk and in my drunken stupor noticed that all the black dudes in the place were dancing like monkeys. I am not being racist, I just felt like I was watching the nature channel and this was their mating ritual.

Speaking of black people, here are some pics of Rhianna in a bathing suit pics because I am keeping up the bathing suit theme for the week, but before you start jerking off, check out her Michael Jackson skin rash on her upper thigh, right next to her cooter, I can only assume it’s not just a birthmark….

Now here are them there pics…

I beat the clock…

Posted in:Bathing Suit|Rihanna|Unsorted

2006

Jan

Katie Couric’s Tankini

11 Comments »

She may be the future Peter Jennings, or Dan Rather, or whoever the news anchor who died/retired is. I don’t keep up with the news I like to pretend I make the news, which I don’t cuz I am a hermit and never leave the house. But sometimes I’ll break stuff and tell my bitch of a wife to clean it, if it’s cleaned up within 24 hours and that’s fucking news to me. Usually it just sits there and rots away until I give in. So when she does clean, I call down the girls and tell them that their mom isn’t a worthless obese cunt afterall. Either way, this isn’t about my marriage, it is Katie Couric and how she knows how to have a good time – just look at her in her tankini. asshole.

Thanks Dude Who Emailed these in!!