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Archive for the Big Category

2010

02

Jun

Ivanka Trump is a Big, Lumpy Bitch of the Day

8 Comments »

I think Ivanka Trump has been spending too much time sitting behind the desk her daddy bought her, working the job her daddy gave her, because she’s got that whole “I sit at a desk working for a billion dollar company, so I don’t have much time to work out, but I do have a lot of time to order in food, or get my assistant to order in food, because I’m just a lazy rich girl, riding the family wave”…and that doesn’t bother me…I mean I almost respect the fact that she wants to make something of herself, but she would have been better off just spending her dad’s money, spending the day hanging out at the spa, experimenting with expensive diets, until her very rich Jewish husband she converted for knocks her up, and she’s forced to spend 9 months waiting to pawn it off to the nanny, so that she can go back to shopping, spa days and sitting…what the fuck is she trying to prove?!

She is fucking dumpy, lumpy and big. Sure she has a hired fat ass to stand next to and have hold her umbrella to make her look skinnier, but the spanx aren’t holding up and her ass is one a retired farmer may be impressed by becuase it reminds him of those erotic days he spent inseminating cows, but for me it’s too sloppy for a set of big tits to distract me from….I’m picky when it comes to commenting on pictures…but not so picky when it comes to real life….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Big|Ivanka Trump

2010

24

May

Penny Lancaster is a Fucking Monster of the Day

3 Comments »

Here is further proof Rod Stewart is gay. He can have all the kids in the fucking world. He can date all the tall blonde models in the world and marry them as a front. He can sing all the songs he wants about women and love but the fact he fucks Penny Lancaster, the wife he’s probably been with the longest and who he will probably stay with the longest just screams homosexual, cuz there’s no striaht way any dude, even old and washed up, would be able to get hard for this…I mean, unless they were drunk, in which case a vagina is a vagina….especially in short shorts….even when it is old and low on estrogen….cuz Rod slips testosterone in her cereal…hoping that clit turns dick….here is her pink manly ass for those of you who may be on the fence about your sexuality…

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Big|Manly|Penny Lancaster

2010

15

Mar

Jessica Simpson is a Big Lady in Red of the Day

8 Comments »

I think I realize why Jessica Simpson is so crazy in bed. It’s not because her ex-husband was a queer who could only get off if she fucked him like a dude, but more to do with a fat chick with a dream of getting married and having a family of her own. If you ever go home with that dolled up fat chick, only to learn she’s got 4 cats and a subscription to wedding magazines and baby name books on her coffee table, you can be pretty fucking sure you’re in for a good ride because all the bitch really wants from you is your cum inside her, as her desperation has got to that point where she’d actually bang you in the first place…

So when I see Jessica Simpson, I see hope. I just need another 20 pounds, a few more failed relationships and bad dates, and access to be within 10 feet of her because when that happens, her pussy will be so craving, even homeless dick is dick that can give her what she wants, and hell the homeless dick may be crazy, but at least it will stick around for the bed and food in the fridge…

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Big|Jessica Simpson|Red

2010

27

Jan

Doutzen Kroes Hanging With Pregnant Chicks in Bikinis of the Day

4 Comments »

Doutzen Kroes is big and she doesn’t really prove that she’s not as thick as she seems when standing next to a pregnant chick in a bikini, an tool used for generations to make bigger girls look skinny by comparison, because this pregnant chick looks like something Doutzen could eat for lunch, or even a snack to muster up the energy to get back on the beach running, cuz these pics of her being sitting, scratching her fat ass and recovering between shots is lazy because lazy is what got her this big in the first place, and once you get this big it makes not being lazy impossible because your stamina is down, your energy level is down, and just getting out of bed is a struggle.

Seriously, I know from experience, I just rolled out of bed, dry heaved in the bathroom after having what must have been an asthma attack, before shitting myself when I got outside to walk my stupid dog cuz I thought it was just a fart. I figure that hard drinking may be reason, but obesity probably plays a factor, or maybe it’s just all in my fucking head, but what I do know is that if I was pretending to run on the beach and if I didn’t die of a heart attack in the process, I’d be doin’ the Doutzen and taking a breather too…..

Either way, she’s a bit of a monster I’d like to fuck, I can’t hold the fact that her fingers are bigger than my penis against her, since most women fingers are bigger than my dick and I’d leave my life womanless…..She should just step up her shit and stop hanging with pregnant chicks and start hanging with Precious cuz I guess since winning Golden Globes isn’t her specialty, making bitches who stand next to her look skinny is.

Yes, I’ve posted other pics of this shoot, but these are new ones….seriously…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Big|Doutzen Kroes|Model

2009

29

Sep

Scarlett Johansson is the Jolly Green Monster of the Day

3 Comments »

I get a lot of hate from people who have little goin on in their lives who get worked up over celebrities enough to get mad when I say that Scarlett Johansson is a fucking pig of a girl. From her first movie until now, whenever I have looked at her, I’ve seen a potentially obese girl, who just happened to not be obese since it would be the end of her career, while everyone else sees this goddess with big tits and big lips who embodies classic Hollywood, while all I see lips that act like football pads who break the impact when she’s shoveling food down her throat and someone who happens to hold her 15 pound surplus in the right part of her but that will spill over into the rest of her and based on these pics, it seems like the end is fucking near…

And here are some pictures of Ryan Reynolds pretty much agreeing with my observation but delivering it in a less painful way by taking her fat ass to the gym and masking it an excursion where they can spend some time together because they have such busy schedules and usually barely see each other, but in reality it is to help his erection function when she gets naked by stopping the sloppy, but then again he was engaged to Alanis when he was a nobody and she is probably the ugliest head in pop music in the last 2 decades, so that just shows the magnitude of how serious this shit is and how desperate he is.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Big|Green|Scarlett Johansson

2009

05

Aug

Serena Williams is a Fucking Monster of the Day

15 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Serena Williams hanging out with a normal sized person and if you look closely you will realize that Serena Williams is a total fucking monster. That’s all I have to say about that….

Posted in:Big|Monster|Scary|Serena William

2009

02

Jun

Khloe Kardashian is the Elephant on the Red Carpet of the DAy

8 Comments »

Khloe Kardashian and I have a pretty one-sided relationship on Twitter:

She wrote something about flying back to Miami from this event in Vegas and I wrote:

@khloekardashian when you go from city to city, do you get transported in the same planes they use to transport circus elephants? So cool.

She didn’t answer, but wrote:

I would be a singer. I live for music. And I wish I could sing and perform LOL

So I wrote:

@KhloeKardashian u can perform! u need to stand on ur hind feet while balancing on a ball under a big top tent and u must like peanuts.

Good times……

Posted in:Big|Khloe Kardashian

2009

25

Mar

Fantasia Barrino’s Big Ol’ Ass of the Day

5 Comments »

American Apparel pants are made for skinny people, I remember going into one of those stores with my stepdaughter and she thought it would be fun to revamp my style, you know make me come across a little younger and fresher, despite the only thing fresh on me is this scab on my dick that wasn’t there the other day, but that’s not the point, the point is that I put on a hoodie or t-shirt or fuck if I know and shit was an XL but wasn’t getting over my fat ass, but this Fantasia Barrino chick, who has managed to not do shit since her American Idol days, has finally found success squeezing that booty in a pair of leggings and I can hear the threads that make those cheap overpriced pants holding on for their fucking life…..and screamin’ in pain and discomfort from the smell.

Posted in:Ass|Big|Fantasia Barrino|Leggings|Ol'

2008

11

Aug

Cindy Margolis Has Big Old Tits of the Day

6 Comments »

Cindy Margolis claims to be the most downloaded girl on the internet, because she was one of the first sluts not get naked and use the internet to promote herself and I just don’t believe that there is much truth to her claims, but she does have big tits so I could be wrong.

I met a pretty ridiculously downloaded girl the other day and I had trouble making eye contact with her because her upper body was that of an anorexic and her hips, ass and legs were so fuckin’ big that when she bent over I thought I was lookin’ at my wife. She was obese from the waist down and normal from the waist up and it looked like some kind of mythical creature I didn’t want to fuck. I was telling people around me that she had bad genes, but not the Levis kind, because whatever pants she had on had to be magical to fit that insanely disgustingly big ass. It was a funnier play on words when I said it, but since I hate that kind of humor, I’ll end my story about the downloaded girl I met here….

But I will tell you a story about being the biggest creep on the internet, almost officially. Sure I am not a sexual predator or anything, but with my 12 readers, I like to think I’ve made progress in sexualization of women and making them feel like pieces of meat. I even carried it over into my everyday life the other day when I was sitting down for a coffee and unintentionally chose the seat facing two hot teenage girls in low cut shirts, despite there being about 50 open places in the coffee shop that didn’t face the girls. It’s kinda the same situation as when a fag walks up next to you in the public bathroom and pees next to you, when there are 8 other urinals available. Anyway, as I was staring at their teenage tits, they got all uncomfortable and left before I had a chance to expose myself to them. It was a real disappointment, Oprah told me teenagers are sluts, but the truth is they are just cock teases like they always have been.

Speaking of cockteases, here’s Cindy Margolis, a woman who made her career by cock teasing guys into registering to her site in hopes she would get naked…and who never did get naked, until she was the least downloaded girl on the internet and had to Get Naked In Playboy to make an attempt at a comeback despite it being long past her expiry date……Either way, Look at her tits.

Posted in:Big|Cindy Margolis|old|Tits

2008

24

Jul

Kim Kardashian’s Big Ol’ Ass of the Day

28 Comments »

I saw a girl the other day who had absolutely no ass. She wasn’t anorexic and she wasn’t so fat shit was buried in her thighs. She was just totally average in size and was wearing leggings leaving little to my imagination which turned out to be too bad because when I got to staring at her shit, my imagination would have made things better but instead I was stuck trying to figure out where she shits from, or what she sits on, because her legs turned into back without anything in between and it looked fucking mutant to me.

I got to talking to the teenage girl next to me who about it because she caught me staring and told me that she thought shit was strange too and she went on a rant about how she would rather have a Kim Kardashian sized ass that makes shopping for jeans impossible even if it meant having to have sex black men for the rest of her life, I thought that was a pretty bold statement because Kardashian’s ass is disgustingly big and makes her look like a lazy slob and I asked her to stand up and show me what she was dealing with and she refused.

About 5 minutes later a black dude showed up and sat next to her and they started making out, so I guess that was her boyfriend and she’s already getting black cock and Kim Kardashian’s ass is something she holds on a pedistole, like something she wishes she had to better please her man and all the men to come her way since they’ll all be black. Teenage girls are such whores. I blame hip hop. We’re all going to hell.

Posted in:Ass|Big|Kim Kardashian