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Archive for the Bikini Category

2009

10

Dec

Doutzen Kroes in Some Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

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I don’t want to ruin your excitement about bikini models, because I know they look amazing in pictures, like their bodies are fucking slammin’ and that’s why they are bikini models. The reality is that I’ve been next to some low level bikini models in my life and bitches are fucking tall and wide, like freaks of fucking nature, that make my 300 pound frame look like a premature kid on his 12th birthday, too weak to open my presents or some shit….

So everytime I see these photoshoots, I know that we’re dealing with some King Kong, caged animal on stage shit for all of us to gawk at in awe of their size…only the kind of King Kong, caged animal on stage I’d want to perform a live sex show like we’re in Thailand with….

On a sidenote I love the action shot I posted as a header to this post, it’s like they are in crisis mode and the hair girl is running as the water girls makes Doutzen wet and knowing these people are the top of their game, like that bitch in the shirt is the best water pourer in the biz, and that they make more than all of us is fucking hysterical, because the core of what they do is really fucking useless in the grand scheme of things…not that you care…go back to masturbating…asshole.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Bikini|Doutzen Kroes

2009

10

Dec

Alessandra Ambrosio in her Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

Don’t let these pictures fool you because under those bikini bottoms lives a grey, stretched out, used up, thick and calloused, stiched up , wounded and dying vagina that only a new mother can really appreciate, because it is a sign of her new joy.

Sure her body is rockin’ and looks tight, but it definitely doesn’t mean the rest of her is. It’s all some strap and duct tape to hold things together. The same white washin’ trannies use to make you think they don’t have a ball sack, something ambrosio’s vagina now looks like…

Sure this is all assumptions, because I’ve never seen her twat, but it’s truth to me and that’s all that matters.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|Bikini

2009

08

Dec

Kristin Davis and Her Shitty Body in a Bikini of the Day

13 Comments »

Thank god the bitch is in her shorts cuz she’s got a horrible fucking body…. That’s all I’ve gotta say about that. I mean other than the fact that I almost got sued by this cunt years ago because I posted pictures of her cunt that was black, meaty and fucking disgusting and the money she spent sending lawyers letters would have been better spent on labia reduction surgery….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Bikini|Kristin Davis

2009

08

Dec

Sarah Chalke in her Bikini on Scrubs 7 Months Ago of the DAy

5 Comments »

I noticed these pictures making the rounds of the internet and I figured I’d post them, but before I did, I figured I might as well throw up the youtube video of the bikini video because a bitch in motion is better than a bitch in image, which in Sarah Chalke’s case turned out to be totally wrong, because she acts like a fucking dude, and not matter how tight a pussy is on a bitch, if she acts like a dude about shit, and sits there grabbing at her crotch, chewing tobacco and watching football, she’s not the fucking girl for me…..

Either way, it turns out these were on TV over 7 months ago so they are nothing new, other than the reality that I doubt any of you watch Scrubs, since you probably thought it was off the air the last 5 years too

But here are the pics anyway….

Posted in:Bikini|Sarah Chalke

2009

07

Dec

Carrie Underwood in Her Bikini in the Bahamas of the Day

2 Comments »

Carrie Underwood landed a free trip to the Bahamas and all she had to do was swim with the Dolphins. It’s like the marketing campaign at the Atlantis, because year after year, I’ve seen second tier celebrities spend weekends at the resort in exchange for some photo shoot with the dolphins and her whale of a friend.

In a lot of ways, I wish they were a little more creative about generating buzz about their shit, because I don’t give a fuck about swimming with dolphins, I care about naked fucking girls, and the real easy way to get that hustle under control would be spy cams in her suite. That shit would get a hell of a lot more airtime than her ill fitting wet suit pictures. Maybe a career in tourism and hotel management is in my fucking cards….and until then here’s the boring shit we’re forced to deal with until that happens…

But at least Carrie Underwood has shown us our fat manager so that we can fantasize about being in a club and seeing her across the bar, where we proceed to hustle her and get into her pants by joining her party, only to get bombarded by her ugly pig friend who is jealous of all the attention she gets, only to decide that we’re the guy she wants, and that she’ll make sure the thin blonde won’t go for us, because it’s their fat turn for male attention for a change and you just happen to be the sucker who has to give it to her…..

And here are all the bikini pics I have access to…I am sure there are more around the Internet so google the shit….or follow this link to see more Carrie Underwood Bahamas Bikini Pics

Pics via INF

Posted in:Bahamas|Bikini|Carrie Underwood

2009

07

Dec

Rosie Huntington-Whitely in her Bikini for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

4 Comments »

I don’t know who this bitch is, but apparently she’s been modeling for a long fucking time. I guess I’m just not up to speed on the girls in their bikini for Victoria’s Secret, mainly because when a bitch is half naked, she really doesn’t need a name. We come from an era of Amateur Porn, you know the who real sex tapes with real girls movement that has made mainstream porn totally obsolete, and none of those bitches have a fucking name, I mean historically, 87% of the women I’ve jerked off to, whether the 40 year old milf at the coffee shop or the 16 year old slutty girl in her school uniform, or any hot ass I’ve brought the memory of seeing them home with me, has been nameless, and only sometimes would I jerk off to people I know like my stepdaughters, meaning who the fuck cares about what her name is, so long as she’s half naked.

The only fascinating thing about her is that she is from the UK, she has decent teeth and she’s actually pretty fucking hot, a rarity in a country filled with toothless chimney cleaners and factory workers….and here are those pics…

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Bikini|Rosie Huntington-Whitely|Vicotria's Secret

2009

04

Dec

More Miley Cyrus Bikini Pictures of the Day

12 Comments »

I posted these pictures of Miley Cyrus in her Bikini yesterday because my life is all about catering to perverts with know taste, who like jailbait because it is illegal in their state and because they are dirty old men who think she’s all fresh and so clean, even though one meeting at Disney leaves her tasting more cock than the 40 year old whore down the street from me who is a mother of 8, but in Miley Cyrus’ defense the 40 year old down the street only gets a few customers an hour, now that word is out she has AIDS, but still, there’s nothing pure about this corporate tool to brainwash kids, not to mention she looks like she is semi-retarded, like that she didn’t get enough oxygen to their brain when they were being born because they got tangled up in their dad’s achey breaky mullet, or that maybe her parents are actually brother and sister…cuz guess what….you can’t hide incest no matter how hard you try…it always shows up in a wonky fuckin face…

Either way, I felt obligated to post these pictures of her adjusting her bikini top, cuz it is just the kind of subjective bullshit your pervert ass needs.

Pics via INF

Posted in:Bikini|Miley Cyrus

2009

03

Dec

Miley Cyrus Pink Bikini Pictures of the Day

10 Comments »

Miley Cyrus Bikini Pictures Pink

I can only assume that this bitch is 18. I figure if Disney can exploit her and give her a career there’s no way she’s not an adult by now and just posing as a kid, cuz I am sure there are strict labor laws and shit, making this all okay to post pictures of her in a bikini, even if you’re ass wants to get off on them, not that it matters really, cuz in Canada 16 is legal, so we’re technically allowed to pick the girls up in our vans outside of highschool and do all the dirty things we want to them as long as they agree to it and aren’t gagged and hog tied the entire process, we just aren’t allowed to video tape the shit or take pictures of the shit, unless it is with our memory to reference when needed, not that I need that with this Miley bitch. I think she looks half retarded, has pretty much no sex appeal and a shitty body. The only thing going for her is that she’s not 300 fucking pounds and that’s really not saying much, but I know you American folk and your low standards will love this shit and I have no choice but to post it…just don’t zoom in on the picture to see if you see lip or anything cuz that would take this from wholesome to bad intentions and that’s the kind of thing that gets us arrested…even though we didn’t take the pictures or release them to the internet….but historically we’re always the fall guy…

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Bikini|Miley Cyrus

2009

01

Dec

Kim Kardashian and her Scary Sister in a Bikini of the Day

9 Comments »

Kim Kardashian posted these pictures of her and her sister in their bikinis, because her sister’s role in the family is making Kim Kardashian look skinnier than she is, that was the contract she signed with Kim in exchange for fame, otherwise she would have never agreed to giving her fame, she would have just hired another fat chick or even a dude dressed like a girl for the same fucking effect…

Posted in:Bikini|Kim Kardashian

2009

01

Dec

Some Throwback Leighton Meester Bikini Scene of the Day

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Here’s some Leighton Meester bikini video from 5 years ago. This was probably done after the fetish video she was involved in, back when she was on her quest to be famous, the type of girl I always look out for, because they are so eager and willing to believe my promises that her sucking my dick will open up doors for her, even though the only door sucking my dick opens up is to the one to the garbage room in my building because my landlord gives me a rebate on rent if I take the shit out once a week, which is convenient cuz I love going through garbage and finding used condoms/tampons and panties because it gives me something to jerk off to….so I’d really do it for free….but don’t tell him that…*Wink*,*Wink*…I can’t believe I just did that…

If you like teenage girls in bikinis, you’ll like this…you fucking pervert….

Posted in:Bikini|Leighton Meester