I love Candice Swanepoel…clothed our unclothed….despite ignoring all my advances and love letter on Instagram…because I assume she’s not a romantic…or just playing hard to get….but deep down she knows we are connected at the soul…I mean there is just so much passion on my end, that she’s gotta be feeling some of this…said the inner stalker in me….but truth be told, I’m lazy as fuck, uninterested as fuck, and have never been hung up on a girl…I just like looking at this bitch…she’s easy on the eyes…..

I figure if I keep on repeating myself when it comes to loving her…maybe it will reach her telepathically….

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Candice Swanepoel is a fucking dream….people give me shit because of her face…they say she’s busted up and broken down…but I just don’t see it….maybe I am blinded by love like that hot implant 25 year old I saw riding with an old fat dude in a Ferrari yesterday, you know cuz her body is a fucking wonderland……or maybe this is my type…..the idea woman…where even her imperfections are perfect….or maybe Candice Swanepoel and I are just connected at the soul and her rockin’ ass pulls the strings of my heart like some kind of puppet master who makes me want to dance…and by dance I mean masturbate to a bitch in a bikini like I was 12 and there was no internet, just good old wholesome jerking off to non porn….finding erotic in everything…like ass dimples I’d want to fill with my seed like it was BOTOX…..

She’s the best.

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You know this picture isn’t all that hot…and I don’t even know if the model in the picture is Candice Swanepoel cuz I have facial recognition blindness…I just know she put it up on her instagram a few hours ago…and that I wouldn’t mind being the owner of the car she in next to so that I can pop open the trunk and throw her in it…driving her far away to a place no one will bother us….where we can plan our wedding and life of love together before the police helicopters find us and shoot me for kidnapping her…..you know a real romantic love story…cuz she’s my fucking favorite.

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Candice Swanepoel, unlike all girls I come in contact with, is not falling for my charming sweet flirting self….because she probably gets it all the time….or maybe she’s just too busy for me…. or maybe she doesn’t like my jokes or that I am in love with her and think she’s the most fantastic girl out there…pretty much as close to perfection as you can get….you know setting the bar that you compare all other girls to…giving them complexes and making them develop eating disorders in efforts to satsify me visually as well as Candice Swanepoel does….because all girls I meet aim to please me….at least from my perspective that’s what is going on here.

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I am a Candice Swanepoel groupie and I generally hate everything….This isn’t a proud moment….I don’t like admitting these things…or that her panties had the power to break me down and want nothing more than the flowers and rainbows she has cooped up in those white luxurious fabrics I’d love to sniff…kiss passionately and masturbate on after finding them in her garbage I am sifting through when she’s out of town on a shoot…..

That’s all I have to say about that.

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Being a huge fan of Candice Swanepoel for reason I like to call her awesome fucking face and body that are both amazing to look at in picture and video especially when she is half naked and getting paid like a hooker…..because I like girls who get naked for money….especially when they look like Candice Swanepoel…you know the kind of girl who will either motivate me to write her love songs….or motivate me to get arrested by climbing up her fire escape to watch her sleep…because sometimes, like times like this, stalking is romance…especially when I convince her that I am just trying to be her hero….

Here’s the video from her hot Elle Brazil shoot.

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Candice Swanepoel is a lovely bikini model who I think looks great half naked…probably better than most half naked girls…because she is fit and most girls are feeding their sugar addictions with carbs and ice cream…especially on hot summer days…cuz any excuse works for them….you see cuz I walk by an ice cream shop every once in a while…even it is consistently filled with chicks talking about boy problems…or the stresses of their insignificant, irrelevant lives….I assume they are the same girls who shit on girls like Candice for being ripped and amazing…and getting paid for it….ya’ll are just jealous….cuz you’re too lazy to look like this…even though looking like this is all men ask of you.

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