Unsorted Archives - Page 338 of 511 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2006

08

Feb

Heather Graham’s Stretch Mark and Nip

Ever since I was little, I knew I would have a huge impact on society. I knew that I would find an audience and make a difference. If you are wondering what difference I have made in your life, it’s simple, nothin of substance or importance, nothing that will get you laid. I have just brought you my useless stories that you probably can’t draw much insight from, because there’s not a whole lot of insight there to begin with. But it doesn’t matter, some nice guy gave me photoshop and I cropped a pic of Heather Graham’s tits so that you can see Nipple and Stretch Marks. I am all for imperfections and nipple slips, that’s why I love Heather Graham and used to jerk off to her in Boogy Nights when my dick still worked. Yes, I feel like a loser for sitting here learning photoshop to produce these images, but I guess no one can really feel like a loser when they are in your company. You’re one of those ppl the losers hang out with to look cool….either way I know this was lame, but isn’t most of what I do??

Posted in:Boob|Heather Graham|Nipple|stretch mark|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Heather Graham's Stretch Mark and Nip

1 Comment »

Ever since I was little, I knew I would have a huge impact on society. I knew that I would find an audience and make a difference. If you are wondering what difference I have made in your life, it’s simple, nothin of substance or importance, nothing that will get you laid. I have just brought you my useless stories that you probably can’t draw much insight from, because there’s not a whole lot of insight there to begin with. But it doesn’t matter, some nice guy gave me photoshop and I cropped a pic of Heather Graham’s tits so that you can see Nipple and Stretch Marks. I am all for imperfections and nipple slips, that’s why I love Heather Graham and used to jerk off to her in Boogy Nights when my dick still worked. Yes, I feel like a loser for sitting here learning photoshop to produce these images, but I guess no one can really feel like a loser when they are in your company. You’re one of those ppl the losers hang out with to look cool….either way I know this was lame, but isn’t most of what I do??

Posted in:Boob|Heather Graham|Nipple|stretch mark|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Paris Hilton Goes Home To Poon

12 Comments »

I guess the problem with being in the public eye is that you have no privacy. That’s what all these fucking celebrities complain about, but they don’t realize that they have created this world for themselves by accepting lots of money from all kinds of people. I just sold a post on my site for $50, I am not dissin’ anyone for being a sell-out, I am just sayin’ that being in the public eye can be really funny, especially when Paris is seen running out of a club with her ex-boyfriend Stavros the Greek heir. It’s pretty clear that when you run out of anywhere holding hand, and jump into a cab, you are setting yourself up for a serious poonin’. I have never really had an official ex girlfriend, girls usually hate themselves after they sleep with me, but I do know that it is bad news to revisit that kind of shit. I once had once bitch go crazy on me, cuz I fucked her once, and showed up at her doorstep 6 months later for another round. I didn’t realize her husband and kids were home/back from their trip to DisneyWorld, and this motherfucker got taken away in cuffs, by the cops….point of the story is once you’ve fucked it, it should be dead to you.

Posted in:home|Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

CasinoSmartBots.com Guy

3 Comments »

Some guy emailed this to me:

I’ll give you $50 or something if you talk about how shitty my site is. Google is pissing me off. They won’t index me because I don’t have any incoming links. How the hell am I supposed to get SE traffic without being indexed. Fuck man.

Payment went through today, so here it is. I would like to make it very clear that I have no problem taking someone’s money to put a picture of them pantless on my site. In fact, I will post anything for 50 dollars. So feel free to send in the crap you want peddled, cuz I am like Lohan’s mom, a glorified whore. Cuddles.

Visit his site: CasinoSmartBots.com

Posted in:casinosmartbots.com|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Lohan, the supportive sister….

9 Comments »

Lohan has one of those psycho mother, who had dreams of being famous but only landed a job as a Rockette, doing the fuckin’ Can-Can back in the 70s. Now I am not anti-showgirls, but I realize being a Rockette, is the equivalent of being an upscale stripper. It’s like when you look at the prostitution hierarchy, you have the streetwhores and the tranny whores at the 50 dollar level, you have the escorts that fuck you for 100 – 250 dollar an hour level, these are the ones advertised in the back of all the local papers and then you have the highclass bitch that cost 1000 dollars and hour and only escorts you to the Opera or dinner, only willing to put out if she likes you enough and thinks your worth it. So essentially you are paying a bitch for her company, with no guarantees of pussy, but that girls still a whore. That’s what Lohan’s mom is to the entertainment world, a glorified stripper, who doesn’t get naked. What good is that, so she settles down with some drug addict/boozer and has 14 kids in efforts that one will become famous. Now we all know what Lohan’s done for us, yesterday I posted on her little sister, well today I post on the brother, a striking young redhead, that Lindsay is pointing at and laughing at. He is the thirs Lohan to break into the industry, maybe he’s the one who will get it right. I am sure there are typos within this post, I know you hate my spelling mistakes. I guess you deserve an explination. I never went to post-secondary education and I am hung over. Last night I drank red wine. I felt pretty fuckin’ luxurious. Unfortunately, it was 7 dollars a bottle, which means it tasted like piss.

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Dina Lohan|Lindsay Lohan|showgirl|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Angelina Jolie in Vanity Fair

11 Comments »

This is really not my style. I never post magazine pictures, because I find that shit lame. I leave that to the other celebrity bloggers, who feel all exclusve when they drop their photospreads of Mandy Moore or whoever the fuck they are in love with. I let them do what they do, and stick to what I do. The only issue is that I don’t really know what I do, other that tell stories. When I think of Angelina Jolie, the only story that comes to mind is one of this whore I used to know. She had an Aids baby too, only she didn’t adopt it, she gave birth to it. I remember the joke in the halfway house was that she was a philathropist/charitable person, you know helping the Aids baby out, but we were just doing that to take away from the depressing fact that she too had Aids and was gonna die. I guess that Aids baby story wasn’t so happy on a beautiful winter day, maybe I should tell the one about Angelina in Montreal before she went baby/UN crazy. It involves her buying a truckload of cocaine of this local dealer I know. She was a regular customer, I’m talking calling him at all hours of the night, for about 6 weeks she was here. You gotta love a cokehead turned world’s most inspirational big breasted woman.

Here are some pics of Angelina when she was 18, filled with teenage angst, before this Mother Theresa kick. You’re still that bright eyed, relatively fresh vaginally, addict of a whore to me, Jolie.

Posted in:Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Scary Sex Doll Of The Day

15 Comments »

Everyone’s got fetishe, but I have always been against this sex doll bullshit. It’s not because I am a fucking born again, or against fucking inanimate objects, shit last week I shoved my dick in the toaster, hoping I’d feel something. Unfortunately, I had no luck and I’ve been applying polysporin to my dick all week, the burns just won’t go away and I think it’s infected. Either way, if you look at the pics of the above sex doll, the bitch looks like a dead body I saw on CSI, only bald. Anyone who fucks this shit’s got serious issue, unless they are drunk, but the dude who baths her, and changes her panties/wigs is always a little more fucked up. I wonder what his mom thinks when he brings this shit to x-mas dinner. “Hey Mom, I want you to meet my wife…” You are a creepy motherfucker, use your hand like everyone else. I am drunk.

Posted in:funny|Sex|sex doll|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Beyonce's HUGE Ass

2 Comments »

Too much fried chicken is what I think when I see Beyonce’s ass. I am not saying that because it’s some racial – chicken/watermelon/fat blond chick/ too lazy to work statement. I am saying it cuz she’s all over the fucking Popeyes, she had a sponsorship and got to eat free friend chicken all the time. The problem is that all the weight went to her ass and legs, and although guys pretend to like women who are hefty downtown, we really don’t, we just put up with it, cuz when you have a big ass, you usually have big tits, and we like tits….so point of the story is Beyonce is fat, and i will get a ton of motherfuckers disputing that…but guess what asshole, I have pictures to prove it.

Posted in:Ass|Beyonce|Black|huge|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Beyonce’s HUGE Ass

2 Comments »

Too much fried chicken is what I think when I see Beyonce’s ass. I am not saying that because it’s some racial – chicken/watermelon/fat blond chick/ too lazy to work statement. I am saying it cuz she’s all over the fucking Popeyes, she had a sponsorship and got to eat free friend chicken all the time. The problem is that all the weight went to her ass and legs, and although guys pretend to like women who are hefty downtown, we really don’t, we just put up with it, cuz when you have a big ass, you usually have big tits, and we like tits….so point of the story is Beyonce is fat, and i will get a ton of motherfuckers disputing that…but guess what asshole, I have pictures to prove it.

Posted in:Ass|Beyonce|Black|huge|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Myspace Mom of the Day

17 Comments »

So I wrote a myspace message to some teenage mother. I respect fertile people and I think teenage pregnancy is really hysterical.

—————– Original Message —————–
From: DrunkenStepfather.com
Date: Feb 6, 2006 10:49 AM

if you are 23, and have 2 kids, does that mean you are a spic?
or are you native american on the indian reserve?
or are you just poor and trying to find a way to get an increase on the welfare checks.
I bet you have a mangled vagina.
Tell “Halen” (her son, named after Van Halen), Jesus Says Hello.

Love
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Nothing says crystal meth lab in our basement more than naming your ghetto kid after a ghetto band. Especially when you are 23 and your kid is 7. Either way, this is her response to me.

For one thing i am not on welfare and have a good job and a boy friend that i love vary much and you should keep your words to your self.
Thank you April

I know how bitches like this work. They are sad and loney and get themselves knocked up in efforts to keep their man, and always have someone by their site. This sometimes ends in deadbeat dads, but seriously, if you were to slam this girl in the parking lot outside the local sports bar, would you want to be stuck with her life. It’s called murder suicide for a reason.

I know I can’t spell, but typos are funnier from teenage mother’s cuz you know their preganancy forced them to quit grade 8.

Cuddles.

Posted in:Mom|MySpace|teenage|Unsorted