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Archive for the Implants Category

2007

Jun

I am – Spice Girls Back Together of the Day

I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want, I want to see the Spice Girls the way they were and not the way they are. They are getting back together and these are pictures of them at their photoshoot or whatever the fuck a photocall is, letting us all know that no talent can take you to the top and keep you in the public eye for a long fucking time. It can also lead to a new record deal even after they’ve all grown up, got ugly and haggard and had a bunch of kids between them, some illegitimate.

I am sure they aren’t doing this for their die hard fans, because they can’t have die hard fans. The girls raised on the Spice Girls have gone through puberty and are probably in college now, busy doing shit like keg parties and fratboy gang bangs, embarrassed that they used to want to be these cunts and do dance routines to their songs at family functions, and the only time Spice Girls hit their iPods is when they are trying to be funny and think that listening to shit they used to listen to makes for a good fucking laugh.

Either way, I am happy that Posh Spice makes these pictures worth posting. She is the only one who has aged proper with the solid use of plastic surgery and a fear of her husband leaving her for some slut in spain with big tits. Her dominatrix outfit and big fake titties lead me to believe that you’ll be jerking off to their new video like you jerked off to their old videos, only this time you’ll be doing it to Posh, because the other bitches are going to be hidden in the back wearing masks because there’s no way they’ll make the cut, at least if it was my video they wouldn’t.

Posted in:Implants|Spice Girls|Tits|Unsorted|Victoria Beckham

2007

Jun

I am – Michelle Marsh Has Huge Tits of the Day

6 Comments »

I saw these pictures of Michelle Marsh trying to cover up her tits while running down the beach yesterday, I was going to post them, but realized that I never break stories, no sites link me, so why bother rushing it. I woke up today and saw them all over the place, so maybe it was my big break, but I doubt it.

Michelle Marsh has retardedly big tits. I am not really a fan of huge tits because they are usually either fake and remind me of dudes who get off to Anime cartoons and those guys make me feel uncomfortable, or they are on a fat chick and fat chick tits are fat tits and fat tits are usually pretty dumpy. I also like living in the future, you know thinking about where the fuck things are going, instead of just enjoying shit for what it is today and every time I look at these fuckers I see a 80 year old woman with the biggest fucking hangers around. But I guess I shouldn’t be so against this bitch just because she’s stacked. It’s not her fault that she feels like having basketball tits is a good thing, and so do you and that’s why bitch has a career, so who I am to really say anything….

I was on the bus the other day because I take the bus sometimes when I have places to go which is pretty much never, but I was bored and thought it would be a good 2 dollars of entertainment. You see in the summer bitches wear less clothes and some days while lookin for inspiration, I like to get it out of everyday people. Anyway, this one girl, who must have been a stripper, but a bad stripper, because real strippers have black drug dealing boyfriends drive them around, had these insane set of tits. Her face was busted up bad enough for me to think she shoulda invested a little less on the tits and more on a new face, but that’s not the point because no one was looking at her face. These things were half exposed and everyone stared, so I guess if you’re a chick, you can get all that attention you’re craving by exposing your tits. It’s a pretty simple life lesson. You could also get attention by not wearing panties an short skirts, by fingering yourself in public or by talking about how badly you like taking it in the ass.

Michelle Marsh does it well, take her lead and send me pictures.

2007

Jun

I am – Brooke Hogan is Trash of the Day

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So it turns out that Brooke Hogan got fake tits. I figured that was the next step for her and you can tell by the scar in the armpit and from the fact that her tits are bigger than they were before. I remember when this slut was just a small breasted fat chick with a dream and now she’s pretty much no better than the whores I dream about getting lap dances from in my local strip clubs. The reason I call them whores is because they let you grab their tits for money and if you don’t have money they really want nothing to do with you and that would piss me off if I was lookin for love, but I am not, so I can handle the fact that they walk off pissed off when I tell them I have no money after making them chat me up for an hour. It’s actually one of the only things I find joy in these days. Because if I was a stripper I wouldn’t be working the loser in the corner who has been nursing one beer for the last 5 hours while wearing joggin’ pants….but I guess strippers aren’t known to be geniuses at least not at the places I go to.

The one thing that drives me crazy about strippers these days is their stupid legwarmers. The only reason I am posting these pictures is because of her fucking stupid pants. I got issues with these things and I see them everywhere I go. I don’t find them hot, I don’t care that a bitch is walking around with her ass hanging out and her legs covered up, I like full nudity or half nudity, but not no nudity, just annoying glimpses at what could be, from behind of retarded pants that distract me from wanting to see her naked because I am too focused on wondering what the fuck bitch is wearing.

I don’t care that Brooke Hogan thinks being sexy is being a stripper, it’s a pretty general mentality. A lot of girls and strippers think being a stripper is sexy and they all take notes from each other, making all girls run the same tricks. I go to fucking strip clubs all the time so I guess I partially feel the same way, but I like to believe the real reason I go to strip clubs is to try to figure out what drove these whores into becoming whores. What kind of daddy issues, broken homes, poverty and addiction did they face to resort to making a lot more money than they would working the checkout counter at the supermarket an to see some naked chicks, but not to be seduced by stuidity.

Either way, Brooke Hogan has access to money, comes from a big house with big cars and a big father, but for some reason she’s following her whore mother’s footsteps and taking this shit to the stage, big fake titties and semi-nudity, the only problem is that cunt isn’t showing her cunt and that to me is a waste of a stripper or someone who is so obviously inspired by strippers but is too pussy to take it to the level needed making her nothing but a failure to me…at least SHE’S been consistent on her quest to the pole….

2007

Jun

I am – Pam Anderson Breasts Do Magic of the Day

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So here are some pictures of Pam Anderson and her retarded magician friend on the TODAY Show performing their act. His biggest magic trick is foolin us into thinking that Pam Anderson still has a career after Hepatitis.. Proving that a career based on big tits does have staying power, even though, this shitty gig is less status than being a Price is Right girl, it’s almost as bad as working the local car show, but she’s doing it in a one piece bathing suit and that’s good enough for me because lookin at her obscenely huge cans and weird discolored rash/scar/birthmark reminds me of what dreams are made of.

I am posting a post that a girl sent into me. I wasn’t going to post it but she bribed me with pussy pictures of herself and I am all about box shots. So here’s her post on some cunt named Scott Baio and his new reality TV show that no one will watch. The tie in is that he slammed Pam Anderson.

I am – Beating a Dead Horse Named Scott Baio with My Clit Ring of the Day

I don’t know about you, but when I used to turn on the TV to watch some music videos, you’d turn on MTV or VH1. That line of thinking is apparently wrong. VH1 has decided that Scott Baio would be their newest edition to the already overpopulated laundry list of shitty reality TV shows starting in July. Chaci is now 45 years old and single. The difference between you and Baio is that he didn’t have to jerk it to Pam Anderson, he actually got to fuck her (pre-tit job) and they were once engaged. Baio lost his virginity to Erin Moran, his co-star on Happy Days, fucked Charles in Charge and future Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear have both slept with Baio as well as Brooke Shields. Even Liza Minnelli wanted his sperm. Weird. Erika Eleniak, Nicolette Sheridan, Beverly D’Angelo and Natalie Raitano have all been slammed by the native New Yorker along with countless other playmates. Chaci has been a staple at the Playboy mansion for the last few decades. The only thing you could possibly relate to in Baio’s reality is that he’s forty-five and single and if you’re not there yet, you will be.

During the show, Scott Baio is 45… And Single!, Baio asks the question, “How can I have been with some of the hottest women in Hollywood and still be single?” Well, probably because boinking all those sluts left his dick looking like it went through a meat grinder and sprinkled with parsley. Next year,Scott Baio is 46… And Dead!

Unfortunately this post reads like a fucking wikipedia entry, and this bitch has more business writing press releases for VH1 than she does for me. It didn’t make me laugh but I have been known to be a bit of a joke snob, not because I think I am the funniest motherfucker out there, but because it’s hard to make a broken bird laugh. At least that’s my theory as to why I find every obvious joke I read offensive.

On the positive side of things, it does prove the things I will do for pussy. I am pretty fucking easy, some would call me a whore, others call me a creep but above everything, I am a pervert.

2007

Jun

I am â€“ Pam Anderson Breasts Do Magic of the Day

135 Comments »

So here are some pictures of Pam Anderson and her retarded magician friend on the TODAY Show performing their act. His biggest magic trick is foolin us into thinking that Pam Anderson still has a career after Hepatitis.. Proving that a career based on big tits does have staying power, even though, this shitty gig is less status than being a Price is Right girl, itâ€™s almost as bad as working the local car show, but sheâ€™s doing it in a one piece bathing suit and thatâ€™s good enough for me because lookin at her obscenely huge cans and weird discolored rash/scar/birthmark reminds me of what dreams are made of.

I am posting a post that a girl sent into me. I wasnâ€™t going to post it but she bribed me with pussy pictures of herself and I am all about box shots. So hereâ€™s her post on some cunt named Scott Baio and his new reality TV show that no one will watch. The tie in is that he slammed Pam Anderson.

I am – Beating a Dead Horse Named Scott Baio with My Clit Ring of the Day

I don’t know about you, but when I used to turn on the TV to watch some music videos, you’d turn on MTV or VH1. That line of thinking is apparently wrong. VH1 has decided that Scott Baio would be their newest edition to the already overpopulated laundry list of shitty reality TV shows starting in July. Chaci is now 45 years old and single. The difference between you and Baio is that he didn’t have to jerk it to Pam Anderson, he actually got to fuck her (pre-tit job) and they were once engaged. Baio lost his virginity to Erin Moran, his co-star on Happy Days, fucked Charles in Charge and future Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear have both slept with Baio as well as Brooke Shields. Even Liza Minnelli wanted his sperm. Weird. Erika Eleniak, Nicolette Sheridan, Beverly D’Angelo and Natalie Raitano have all been slammed by the native New Yorker along with countless other playmates. Chaci has been a staple at the Playboy mansion for the last few decades. The only thing you could possibly relate to in Baio’s reality is that he’s forty-five and single and if you’re not there yet, you will be.

During the show, Scott Baio is 45â€¦ And Single!, Baio asks the question, “How can I have been with some of the hottest women in Hollywood and still be single?” Well, probably because boinking all those sluts left his dick looking like it went through a meat grinder and sprinkled with parsley. Next year,Scott Baio is 46â€¦ And Dead!

Unfortunately this post reads like a fucking wikipedia entry, and this bitch has more business writing press releases for VH1 than she does for me. It didnâ€™t make me laugh but I have been known to be a bit of a joke snob, not because I think I am the funniest motherfucker out there, but because itâ€™s hard to make a broken bird laugh. At least thatâ€™s my theory as to why I find every obvious joke I read offensive.

On the positive side of things, it does prove the things I will do for pussy. I am pretty fucking easy, some would call me a whore, others call me a creep but above everything, I am a pervert.

2007

Jun

I am – Heidi Montag Bikini Pictures of the Day

57 Comments »

I don’t have cable so I don’t know if the MTV show this slag Heidi Montag is on has hit yet, but I heard somewhere that it’s going to include a whole lot of bikini scenes and pool parties. I figure that this Montag slut got herself a set of fake tits in preparation for a big summer of shitty TV that will include her in her bikini often and that MTV paid for the tits to bring in ratings. I don’t really have anything wrong with that, I am all for bonuses on the job, especially when they openly advertise to the 15 year old girls everywhere that boys only like big tits, giving them complexes about their small underdeveloped tits, leading to a lot of sex with their first boyfriend with their shit on until they save enough money for their paper route to buy themselves a new set of tits.

I hate implants. I hate the way they feel because it reminds me of sucking on a basketball but more importantly I hate what they do to girls. It takes them from being shy about their shit to using their tits as a fucking party favor. They start wearing low cut shirts, they start pulling their tits out everywhere, they start taking as much cock as they can find because all of a sudden dudes are paying attention to them. What they don’t realize, is that dudes would be paying attention to them just as much if they were pulling their smaller real tits out prior to this new found confidence. I guess this all sounds pretty homo of me, you’d think I’d be the guy in the party screamin for tits to be exposed, and I am, but there’s a real sense of accomplishment when the girl who pulls her tits out is a little shy and modest about her gear rather than a piece of trash whore letting the world know she saved up $6000. I don’t know where I am going with this, but if anyone out there is a girl with smaller tits, remember I love you and that getting these fucking mods done to your body like you were on Pimp My Ride, will only make you a piece of trash in my eyes. The kind of girl I’d convince to let me piss in her mouth and not the kind of girl I’d actually want to spend the afternoon watching sun tan in the park….

All I’ve got to say about this Heidi Montag Character is that at least her fake tits distract me from her busted up old pick-up truck of a face and that’s probably what this insecure bitch who thinks she better looking and more important than she actually was going for…the pictures are posed and probably to promote the stupid show. I guess her tits were a good investment for MTV…

Posted in:Bikini|Heidi Montag|Implants|Tits|Unsorted