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Archive for the RIP Motherfucker Category

2009

25

Jun

RIP Motherfucker the Michael Jackson Edition of the Day

I don’t like talking about other people, i like talking about myself, and that’s only because it reminds me how useless I am. but my phone and emails been going off like mad, and I ignored them because I was trying to get this girl who works at my local store to let me play with her DDs, which I thought was far more important than answering, but when I looked and say MJ was dead, I was actually surprised, even though he’s looked like a corpse for years.

Here is a man who was a star his entire fucking life, who has had a song that has had hit songs every fuckin’ decade that we can all identify with and remember learning the dance move along to in hopes of getting the part on the High School cheerleading team despite being a Mexican who just moved there and couldn’t speak english and who everyone laughed at, or if you were that weird french kid who only dressed like Jackson during the “Bad” era. He’s been a huge part of everyone’s life.

I predict he knew this was going to happen, that’s why he sorted out that concert to cash all he could and I just hope you all get a fuckin’ refund, because apparently he won’t be showin up.

RIP Motherfucker to one of the world’s most influential, insane, misunderstood talents, no, I’m not talking about myself, I’m talking about Michael Jackson.

On a sidenote I love how the TMZ dude is getting emotional and choked up when reporting this. Maybe he wishes he was one of Jackson’s little boy…

Posted in:Michael Jackson|RIP Motherfucker

2009

25

Jun

RIP Motherfucker the Farrah Fawcett Edition of the Day

I can’t makes jokes about a sex icon who dies, especially when it all started with anal, sure it was anal cancer, but any girl down with anal is a friend of mine, even if it kills her.

It is definitely an end of an era so RIP Motherfucker….and here’s a picture of her making the wrong food choices that may lead to varioius ass cancers….

Posted in:Farrah Fawcett|RIP Motherfucker

2009

23

Jun

RIP Motherfucker Ed McMahon Edition of the Day

I want a full fuckin’ investigation on this shit, Ed McMahon’s been murdered and I’m not talking by God. He’s only 86 and 86 is the new “old as shit”, but I think it was done by a motherfucker who still resents him from that Publisher’s Clearance house “You just won 10 million dollars” mail-in scam…that tricked idiots into buying books in exchange for a dream McMahon would show up on their doorstep, or maybe he was killed by Britney Spears, because she blames him for her whole crazy shit cuz he touched her in the dressing room or something,

Or Justin Timberlake who still resents him for losing…..

RIP Motherfucker.

Posted in:Ed McMahon|RIP Motherfucker

2009

05

May

RIP Motherfucker the Dom DeLuise Edition of the Day

I just heard this now, because I don’t have my finger on the pulse of pop culture, but I do sometimes get lucky enough to have my finger inside pop culture, and by pop culture I mean unsuspecting college girls who had a little too much too drink and happen to fall asleep while I am on the couch next time them, and by sometimes, I mean never.

But Dom DeLuise died in his sleep at 6 pm. He was 75. He had a good life. He was fat. He probably would have lived another 10 years if he ate a little less, exercised a little more, advice I don’t give my wife, because she’s seen her prime and I feel it’s time for her to say goodbye to this mean world.

Either way, here’s some youtube videos of him, to remind you who he is, in the event you forgot.

Here he is on Dean Martin’s Show….

Here he is with Dean Martin Again

Here he is as Pizze The Hut in Spanish

Here he is with Dom DeLuise on Johnny Carson’s Show…

Posted in:Dead|Dom DeLuise|RIP Motherfucker

2009

02

Jan

RIP Motherfucker the Jett Travolta Edition of the Day

John Travolta has a 16 year old son who has been reported to have autism and some Kawasaki Syndrome that fucks up his heart and makes him ride motorcycles, that brings on seizures and it turns out that he had one in the Bahamas where the family was celebrating New Years and may or may not have hit his head on the bath tub he may or may not have been masturbating in and died.

I was 16 once and the majority of it was spent masturbating so don’t get mad at me for fuckin’ up the facts. I know that I blame scientology but I mean that’s just obvious and the whole thing is a pretty shitty thing to have happen especially when ringing in a New Year, but if Travolta followed his heart and lived the gay life he was destined for, instead of this closet-case shit, none of this would have happened.

But that doesn’t stop the hurt he’s feeling from this premature loss, so RIP motherfucker. My heart goes out to Kelly Preston in these very sad times because I used to find her hot before she was polluted, and I am sure many sad years are ahead of her, unless of course this was a scientology sacrifice that was planned, in which case, you should go to jail. Let’s hope justice is served.

Posted in:Dead|Jett Travolta|RIP Motherfucker

2008

26

Dec

Santa Baby…Christmas Death of the Day

I was listening to the radio the last 4 days trying to get into the Christmas Spirit and this Santa Baby shit would hit every couple hours and I listened to the words and couldn’t believe how materialistic shit was. She was looking for a duplex, checks, a deed to a platinum mine, she wanted Santa to trim her Christmas Tree, which I assumed she meant her cunt, with TIffany, and the whole thing offended me. I figured what kind of message was this bringing to the women of generations, putting ridiculous pressure on their boyfriends and husbands to spoil them, and the whole thing pissed me off and while I was freaking out at this bitch for doing this to the men around the world, she was busy dying.

Her name was Eartha Kitt, she was 81 and she lost her battle to cancer on Christmas Day which I guess is the opposite of a Christmas Miracle, but appropriate since Christmas gave her a career and made her and her song a legend, might as well ask Santa Baby for death and put you out of your misery when you’ve reached the end of the road and after he’s already given you pretty much everything else you ever wanted by letting you use his name and image in a song without asking for any royalties, while letting you become rich off the shit. Either way, RIP Motherfucker is well deserved for this OG (original gold digger).

Posted in:Eartha Kitt|RIP Motherfucker

2008

06

Dec

Bettie Page Is Gonna Die….of the Day

Rockabilly Pin-up Alternative Model Fat Chicks are probably not getitng out of bed today, mourning the soon to be loss of their idol, the God of their movement, the girl who inspired them to wear Corets, Vintage Lingerie and cut their bangs short and stupid, the one and only Bettie Page, who up until today, I thought was already dead, is about to die.

I am kinda upset that she is still alive and that I was wrong in thinking that she was already dead because a few years ago, I went through a phase where I’d only jerk off to nude pics of dead chicks, because some crazy part of me thought their spirit would be watching and that I wouldn’t be jerking off alone. I spent a solid 2 months on this kick and occassionally was jerking off to what I thought was a Betty Page’s dead pussy when it was in it’s 1950s prime, when I was really jerking off to some alive and well grandmother’s not quite dead pussy when it was in it’s prime and her spirit wasn’t in the room with me, but in some retirement community playing shuffle board. I feel like the 3 orgasms I’ve had over this bitch, thinking I was being all naughty with her and shit, were lies and I can’t get them back.

I hate you Bettie Page for robbing me of those orgasms, you were dead to me long ago, but here’s an R.I.P. motherfucker in advance.

I guess she deserves some thanks for being the leader of girls getting naked for money and without her being there willing to sacrifice her dignity for male attention and money, who knows what other slut of her time would have stepped in to lead the way. I guess we’d need Bill and Ted to figure that out and should appreciate her efforts to in innovating porn.

Here are some videos of her hot 1950s tits and remember you’ve always got Dita Von Teese’s shitty Betty Page Impersonation anytime you want to reconnect.

Here’s some Bettie Page Videos…..

To Read the Article on Bettie Page Dying….
GO

To See a Whole Lot of 1950s Pinup Grossness….
GO

Posted in:Bettie Page|Dead|Dying|RIP Motherfucker

2008

24

Oct

RIP MOTHERFUCKER the Jennifer Hudson Edition of the Day

Jennifer Hudson didn’t die, her mother and her brother did. They were found shot to death in what police think is a domestic dispute. I can only assume Jennifer Hudson is destroyed by this and it probably wouldn’t be right to crack any black people die in the ghetto jokes, especially considering these black folk are rich.

According to the Chicago Tribune, a 7-year-old boy named Julian King is missing. Police would not say whether he is a relative of the actress. They are also looking for a white 1994 Chevrolet Suburban with Illinois license plate No. X584859 or a teal Chrysler Concorde four-door with the left front headlight hanging down

A 1994? This girl’s won an Oscar and has hit songs, couldn’t they get a newer car? But I guess that’s not really a major concern, considering her family was just murdered…and she is now an orphan.

So i if you see those cars, call the police….not that anyone who reads this site leaves their house, but I just felt it was my duty to throw it out there…

RIP motherfuckers, it’s a sad day for my Dreamgirl and there’s nothing funny about this kind of thing, this will destroy her, let’s hope her faith gets her through this, because she is really big on God, and I assume, she feels like God has let her down, and that usually leads to some major self destruction and/or suicide because her life is pretty much over and she will need lots of therapy to get through this, so let’s hope she survives.

On a side note, police are looking for William Barfour, Balfour listed Hudson’s mother’s address as a place of residence within the last year. According to the Illinois Department of Corrections website, Balfour is currently on parole after serving jail time for attempted murder.

Note to self, don’t let an attempted murderer move into my home, because it may end in murder.

This is a crazy story, a sad story and I hope they get the fucker and give him the death sentence, only instead of lethal injection or the chair, they have Hudson smother him with her big ol’ tits, cuz used the wrong way, those things are lethal…and if they do, let’s hope they videotape it because it may revolutionize porn.

Posted in:Dead|Jennifer Hudson|Mother|RIP Motherfucker

2008

11

Aug

RIP Motherfucker the Isaac Hayes Edition of the Day

Soul Legend, Grammy and Academy Award Winner, Shaft and Chef from South Park was found dead next to a running treadmill yesterday at around 1 pm. This provides further evidence to any of the haters who I argue with daily when they try to tell me that I need to exercise and that it is good for me and that maybe they should tell Hayes’ family and friends their theory on fitness, while I stick to being 300 pounds knowing that exercising will kill me, as I get fatter and fatter leading to diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease and pre-mature death.

I guess I can blame you South Park fans, if there are any of you still out there, who wished death upon Isaac Hayes for leaving the show after they made fun of Scientology so just know that you made this happen and that you are a muderer so next time you say “I hope he dies” or “I wish he was dead” realize the power that entails and use it towards good and by good I mean against the cast of The Hills.

RIP Motherfucker. Now let’s start this motherfuckin’ day….

Posted in:Isaac Hayes|RIP Motherfucker

2008

09

Aug

RIP Motherfucker The Bernie Mac Edition of the Day

Comedian Bernie Mac died at 50 and I didn’t kill him, but Pneumonia (AIDS) did. I think 50 is too young to die but the good news is that he has worked his way out of the gutter and created a pretty mainstream career that made him a lot of money and that got his work out there.

He started in the ’70s. He’s made his impact. He is respected and loved in the community and an inspiration to poor black kids from the projects everywhere and he will be remembered by his many fans and followers and that’s more than we can say for any of us when we die….because no one cares about us.

Now I don’t know anything about Bernie Mac, but in 2007 he made this joke…..

“I’m going to still do my producing, my films, but I want to enjoy my life a little bit,” …

So, I guess he does dark comedy. The truth is that death sucks, so RIP Motherfucker.

Here are the Top 3 Bernie Mac Comedic Moments in History that I could Find in 3 Minutes

Bernie Mac on Def Jam Comedy

Bernie Mac on Def Jam Comedy Again

Bernie Mac in House Party 3 with Kid and PlayEven though this could all be a publicity stunt for Cedric the Entertainer (who is fat enough to be the first King of Comedy to Die) and Steve Harvey, but if it is true, then my heart goes out to his family.

Now his kid, who is 30 won’t have a dad anymore and will now really fit in nicely with her friends from her old neighborhood who have never had a dad, but jokes aside, shit still sucks.

Posted in:Bernie Mac|RIP Motherfucker