Tanlines are what I like to think are the closest thing to what would happen in nuclear fallout, where the bathing suits of the bitches get vaporized, leaving nothing but the good parts highlighted so that my radioactive ass knows where to put my mouth before I die…a very happy man….because that’s just how simple I fucking am.

That’s the reason why I do these tanline posts, the tanline, so important, so necessary especially in a world where they are CLEARLY and OBVIOUSLY dimming out the motherfucking sun. If you look up, open your eyes, you will see the silver iodide….which is not conducive to tanlines…which HIGHLIGHT THE GOOD STUFF…

I mean if anything, they are ADVANTAGE of global warming, which isn’t real, but we can pretend it is, because we are idiots like that….mindlessly nod along because we’re busy in our day to day existence struggling to get by….

But if there was global warming, a hotter sun, it just means MORE tanlines….BRING IT….

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Tanlines generally get me excited because I pretend that it’s some fucking tropical adventure, maybe to a luxury resort with all the food and drink I can handle in some paradise-like setting, with an army of whores that are actually willing to suck my dick, because to be in those kinds of places means you’re rich and whores love rich dudes, they’ll even fuck them free, with hopes of getting paid down the line after the long game….if only he hooses them…

The reality is that tanlines really aren’t all that tropical, girls buy that shit out of the can and it’s likely toxic, not some romanticized sunkiss back when the sun wasn’t villainized…

But it still highlights the good parts and whatever the source of the tanline, having it shown off by these randoms, keeps the TANLINE dream alive and we’re all allowed to have dreams, that’s the seed to making them reality or some shit…

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Tanlines are a fetish to perverts like me who are used to being grey skinned freaks who don’t believe in being exposed to the outdoor elements and not because I’m scared of the outdoor elements, but because that would take me away from staring at a screeen, or staring at a wall and we can’t have that.

So it’s not some global warming, cover myself in ZINC like I am Zuckerberg trying to convice people I am not a robot or AI rendering….HELLO HUMAN FRIENDS I ENJOY THE OCEAN WHEN I AM ON MY BILLION DOLLAR PROPERTY THAT WAS STOLEN FROM THE LOCALS OFF THE BACKS OF THE WORLD USING MY WEBSITE APPLICATION….

It’s more a…why bother approach to life….

Luckily, my tanline fetish gets tended to with the help of girls showing you nature’s highlighter, or the “MY BATHING SUIT IS SUPPOSED TO GO THERE”….even though it’s probably an AI filter…since NOTHING is real…

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I don’t know if you can see the dimmed out sun behind all those chemtrails, but why would you care, when you can just look at pictures of the sun on your instagram feed, or on your computer screen. Like the Yuletide Fireplace of relaxation in your shitty apartment, soon, you’ll just have a 24 look of the sun to get you as close as you can get to the natural healing benefits of the sun, in this totally unnatural, poison filled world….

But I like to think that girls still find obscure vacation spots that still have a sun, that still allow them to crisp up proper, so that they can take pics of themselves nude to see the fun pattern the sun left behind….

Even though, it’s probably all just fake shit out of a jar, stained skin on tanlined skin, but when you’re not licking off the sauce and just looking at pics of it, who cares if it’s just make-up really…the effect is the same and that’s good enough in this low expectation, flimsy fucking content world.

Posted in:Tanlines

I have developed a tanline fetish over the years. I mean I always liked tanlines on bitches at the strip club, because of the way it would highlight their bolt on tits and bodies under the black light. It was just a perfectly trashy, especially knowing it was an overly baked french chick who spent her days in the tanning machines….it was mid-winter and they weren’t on an all-inclusive in Cuba….

As the internet got more and more popular, people started becoming greyer skinned, unhealthy looking, computer bodied, screen squinting faced, freaks of the internet….the whole idea of the tanline was something I could pretend wasn’t part of their laziness, it was the outdoor, active and fun tanline…which was hot amongst the zombie wage slaves of the subway line….

But now, the tanlines exist as an extension of their laziness, they’re just more vain than they were thanks to zoom meetings, so they just hose themselves down with chemicals, ending up with tanlines because they don’t like showing the mobile spray tan lady their cunts…but the good news is….they still have tanlines, painted on, not active or healthy or in the sun, but those are just details….who cares where the tanline comes from…just be happy it is there.

The good news is that tanlines will survive the apocalypse and even when the sun is turned off, when the air is too toxic to breathe, the laziness keeps us laying in our pods eating slop, THERE will be tanlines. Sure, it will depend on whether their social credit scores are high enough…

So tanlines are forever and here’s some tanlines!

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Here are some tanlines to celebrate my International Women’s Day hangover….

Because like you, I take international women’s day very seriously, far more seriously than everyone else, since I have devoted the last 18 or 19 years of my fucking life to daily updating women, their tits, and hyping them up, even when they are flawed, imperfect, garbage human beings, with a commitment and willingness to let each and everyone of them suck my dick.

I like to think I am a leader and innovator in the Women’s Movement, at least in the internet version of said Women’s Movement, since I was early to have a website, right before the internet became REAL mainstream, not that anyone cares, not that I get invited to Women Events, or Conferences, or seminars where I discuss how I’d let them all suck my dick, but if I did, I’d have a great presentation on the subject, thanks to all these years of experience in the field….

The point of the story is that I did not fuck a trans who cut his dick off to call himself a woman or to enter the women’s changing room last night…and when other people celebrate trans as women, despite science and facts…..I celebrate tits….or tanlines…or TITS and TANLINEs….or really any body part on a woman….since I’d be more than willing to drop a wad that’s more of a dusty sprinkle…I’m old, it happens..

Here are tanline reveals on women….for men…for International Women’s Day hangover…

BEACH BEACH BITCHES!

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Tanline Thursdays are a great reminder of where I’ve gone wrong in my life, because this motherfucker lives behind an ice wall, buried in snow, and the only tanlines I get to see are if I trek to a stripclub to find some trashy leathery old broad either burnt from machines or hosed down in chemicals….and really who’s into leaving the fucking house to see fucking tanlines under the black light on some gutter chicks when you have the internet to deliver the bullshit via the screen.

The point is, I wish I had a midlife crisis 20 years ago, that brought me to a place with natural tanlines on traveling sluts passing through on their “Eat Pray Love”, piss off their ex husband, fat chicks sad and lonely ready to fuck, even though I hate fat chicks, but like tanlines enough to not care, I mean I have no standards, so tanlines on anything, even a rotisserie chicken is GOOD TO GO.

Here, some tanlines!

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I don’t think a love for the tanline, or the sex appeal of the tanline needs an origin story, like “this is how I developed my weird perversion”, but it could probably have to do with being raised to French Canada where most of the moms of the kids I grew up with were leather skinned, orange skinned, strippers who would buy us cases of beer at 12 years old, and let us see their tits if we were lucky…and from shitty early generation fake tits that looked like the were going to explode off their emaciated crack whore bodies, all orange colored from early generation tanning machines, to laying out aggressively in the son on trips to Daytona Beach, to cover the nicotine stains, jaundice and scars from other ailments and abusive adventures….

Or maybe I just like the healthy, get out doors in clothing, now I’m inside after a great day, omg look at the tanlines I got, feelings of exclusive content, like we’re being invited in…but I doubt it’s that….

Posted in:Tanlines

Tanlines are nature’s highlighter, as you fucking know, because even when we were cave dwelling cavemen, a story I don’t actually believe, but I’ll pretend is legitimate and that this isn’t all just a simulation with an origin story that has a lot of major fucking holes in the plot….you know since the media and he who controls the media can fill our minds with any lies they want and present them as truths….but for the sake of this post…EVEN when we were cavemen drawing hardcore porn scenes on our CAVE walls, bitches in their wooly mammoth outfits would be rocking some tanlines that I am sure the CAVE MAN appreciated when ripping it off before raping and killing her as caveman do, you know since they were the animal version of us, which as you know can’t still exist in our brains as instinct, we’re much more sophisticated than that….as I stare at bitches posting their tanline tits on the internet for strangers to sexualize and jerk off to.

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With the whole blocking out of the sun, keeping people indoors for the climate crisis, 15 minute cities, you’d think that TANLINES are at risk of going extinct….

Lucky for you, consumerism will always win and they will always have a useless toxic product to let whores be the best whores they can be by staining their skin and giving themselves the illusion of a tanline without ever leaving the house…

I mean, why would you want to go outside in a bikini and do something active, connecting with nature, maybe laying by the pool or on the beach, going on a hike or a bikini clad bike ride, when you can just lather yourself in cancer causing chemicals that do the same thing, immediately, without the effort.

We are lazy, confused, misguided society, but at least we have our priorities straight when it comes to looking your best naked, something TANLINES make happen since they highlight the good parts….

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