Tanlines have been a bit of a fetish, not really a fetish because I don’t actually care about whether a bitch has talines or not, but let’s call them an interest, since the first stripclub I went to when I was 12 years old…..

This old, leathery bitch, since it was the daytime shift, was sitting at the bar chain smoking with her tits out, all toothless and affordable and I was fascinated by how her bikini left a mark on the bare tits and since that day on, I’ve been fascinated by the tanline, whether it’s accidental from an all inclusive beach vacation with too much sun, or by design because they plan what to stencil the tanline with before being hosed down with skin staining chemicals….because the tanline, all summery, living that beach life even in the depths of the city….highlights the goods….in case you needed to be reminded where the bikini went well looking at the bare tits and ass….

It’s like one of those “this is how to use gmail” when they reformat gmail but way less nerdy…..arrows pointing where they need to be pointed so you don’t get lost…but the TITTY version…so much better.

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How many times can a motherfucker say that Tanlines are Nature’s Highlighter, as it turns out, many fucking times, because what the fuck else are you going to say about a tanline, which is basically a powerpoint presentation on where the bikini was, and what you are seeing is them out of the bikini, so that their nakedness is still nakedness, but nakedness with a constant reminder that NOT everyone sees them naked, just the 1000s of people off the internet who they upload their tanlines for, because they don’t have tanlines from being active by the hotel pool, but rather tanlines for the tanline nudes….which for the record are still tanlines.

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The one good thing about weather modification, follow the patents, is that you’d think they’d make the whole world one big tropical resort, so that we can all live that beach life all year round without leaving the comfort of our own house, the bad thing about weather modification is that the people in charge of it don’t want us living the resort life, but instead under fires, floods, and other biblical level disasters to push the whole plastic straws killed the environment, we’re all going to die, buy a Tesla like a tech bro faggot because if you don’t they’ll price you out on gas, even though cars are more efficient at burning gas than the power stations that make the power to charge the batteries….

This is the kind of post that would get me killed if anyone took me seriously, you know 18 years of being an internet clown no one takes seriously…destroyed any and all credibility because ultimately, I don’t know what I am talking about, but I do like tanlines and I do like the idea of the tropics, that endless summer, but I’m far too lazy to find my way there, so bring it to me…..like they bring these girls tans in their own homes….JUST SPRAY this skin darkening chemicals on yourself, just don’t wear a RASTA hat or tap dance while wrong the tan, or don’t test out your Indian accent either, there’s a fine line between tan and racist….and these girls are walking it.

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Hey there Vacation girls, tanline vacation girls, who may or may not be on vacation, but when you sell nudes online, your life is a vacation, one of them “do what you love and never work a day in your life”….but I call them vacation girls because tanlines remind me of vacations…not that I’ve ever been on a vacation, but if I did, there would be tanlines seen thanks to my charming and persuasive negotiation skills….come on girl, don’t let that tanline go to waste, so me some nature highlighter highlighting the good parts so I know where to direct my mouth….right.

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The tanline may get some of you in the summer spirit, I’m always in the summer spirit because I look at pics of bitches who live the endless summer life, in their bikinis, basically all year round from the comfort of my Canadian made igloo….

I just like tanlines beecause they highlight the cool parts, make for some good target practice, let the inner tween in my soul know that “you’re not supposed to see this part”…..

I am just disappointed the tans are often fake, like everything else on social, just chemicals to stain skin for a look, thank the Kardashians for helping girls be such vapid idiots….rather than the tans being real…

You see if abitch doesn’t look like a leathery window in Florida who’s been roasting herself like a thanksgiving turkey, rocking that same texture….I don’t want it….

If a bitch doesn’t permanently smell of coconut Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil, because it’s been marinated and baked into her….I don’t want it.

But I’ll look at bitches using TANLINES as a marketing hook, since they’re naked.

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I am always in a tropical state of mind, I am like Jimmy Buffet, I just live behind an ice wall in an ice shelter and only seen sun once a year….

I also haven’t become a multi billionaire off a viral song about being a drunken beach bum with not a problem in the world…

So I guess I am not like Jimmy Buffet at all, but if I was to become a billionaire, I’d want it to be for being a drunken degenerate who prefers to sit and stare at the horizon at sunset than the wall I currently stare at.

But yeah, tropics are amazing, I should figure out how to get there to reach my final form, but in the meantime, I get my taste of hawaii prints and pina coloda ville by starting at the tanline…

I call them nature’s highlighter, highlighting thee good parts and letting us know what is supposed to be covered, making me feel very VIP….where’s the bottle service??

Other people call them the BULLSEYE, the TARGETS you must lick or cum on, all options work.

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Listen up motherfuckers, you’re in TANLINE country….

I know that the media as a whole is trying to turn you gay and trans, and for the most part it is working because people are simple minded and do what they are told, only in this case it’s not at some college frat hazing, or late at night after a few drinks and you’re homie gets a little weird with you and opens up about how he jerks off to gay porn, the bully in this case is society as a whole…and they aren’t even trying to hide it, cover it up, but instead they are laughing at all the fools they puppet master….TAKE A SHOT, CUT YOUR DICK OFF, WEAR A MASK, RUIN YOUR LIFE….as they cash in an LOL….you can’t really blame them…

Well, I am still a firm believer in hot chicks, and sometimes those hot chicks are literally hot, and do things like hang in the sun, resulting in the nature’s highlighter highlighting the good parts that they keep underwraps, which in and of itself is insane, since everyone’s a slut, it’s almost like they put on clothes to get the tanline for a look, cuz there is no way any of these girls aren’t strategically tanlined….not to mention, most lather skin staining chemicals on themselves for the tanline….so it’s just MOVIE MAGIC….but since everything is fake, and we accept it as real, tanlines are probably the least of our concerns…since we can jack off to them and pretend they are real.

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I’ve loved tanlines since my first cheesy glamor model poster purchased at the mall record store in the 90s….It was a line up of hot asses in thongs, all rocking aggressive tan lines, I guess that even at a young age, I was more about the ass than the tits, even though society didn’t even tell us to pay attention to the asses, and dumpy and lame inverted asses made it to the top, thanks to their tits….

I didn’t think I had a tanline fetish, but I do now, and I blame this Tanline Thursday post where I stare at the tanlines and come up with clever things once, to repeat weekly, like that TANLINES ARE NATURES HIGHLIGHTER.

The reality is, I think the tanline makes me feel good because it’s from nature, a gift from the ever powerful sun that our life DEPENDS on….it’s a sign that these girls get off the computer for a minute, that they stop staring at themselves in the mirror like the narcissists they all are….and that they go out and get that vitamin D and messaging downloaded by the sun.

I pretend that these girls have legit sun tan lines, not chemical tan lines from staining their skin…that they think is healthier because they are convinced the sun causes cancer, when it’s all the shit you put on yourself and in yourself that causes the fucking cancer, you idiots…

It[‘s the internet and you can pretend anything you want, like that the vitamin D they actually need is your D…..

LOL….

Good one…

That’s totally what they need..

You fucking Loser.

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I know what you’re thinking, if a lady wants a contrast on her skin, it should be from your orgasm splatter, which is precisely why no one is asking for your orgasm splatter, you’re creepy….even your mom thinks your orgasm splatter is disturbing when when she sees it all over your bedroom wall when she’s cleaning your room while you’re playing videogames…..and she’s your fucking mom…..these random babes didn’t birth you and don’t see your value…..you can really only blame yourself.

I, on the other hand, think a good tanline on a lady’s skin, giving a nice contrast between what has been sunkissed or sprayed down with cancer causing chemicals all for the sake of vanity, is perfectly fun without orgasm splatter….it highlights the good parts, makes me think they are active and adventurous in bikini or skimpy underwear, and I write romantic storylines around their tanlines…because romance isn’t dead just because they’ve shoved throat fucking porn down your throat all these years…or maybe it is, but at least the throat fucking porn has made girls think “I’ll post my tanlines, it’s not like I’m posting throat fucking porn” and I like that approach.

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Surf’s Up bro…..

I can’t wait until Bill Gates dims out the sun so that we can eradicate those pesky sun tans, that vitamin D that you get from the sun, you know that is supposed to keep you healthy, but that they’ve decided KILLS you…because the giant radioactive ORB that all life relies on is BAD for you….which probably doesn’t make sense in the animal kingdom becasue we’re humans and above that shit….we get lost in our own bullshit.

Luckily, girls can later themselves with chemicals and STAIN their skin like whores who are willing to anything to produce hot fetish shit like tanlines.

SEXY.

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