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Archive for the Tanlines Category

2022

10

Feb

Tanline Thursday of the Day

Tanlines to get you in the tropical state of mind, because mid February is always the time depressed, cold, alone motherfuckers think about how much better life would be if they weren’t living their meaningless life in the cold, if they quit their job, and moved somewhere tropical to be a beach bum who lives in a shack on the beach like a homeless person in LA, only more tropical….feeding off the fish and the tropical fruits…maybe even having a harem of local bitches who roll through forgetting that girls typically don’t fuck the homeless, even tropical homeless because they are homeless….only to to fly out of their dream after a few months of failing at their new life….forced to beg for their old job back to which their boss who feels let down and unable to rely on the motherfucker will say NO FUCKING WAY….so that now out of money, with no job, no home back home, you get to be homeless here….this time during winter….and it’s ALL because you went chasing TANLINES instead of just jacking off to them on the internet like a NORMAL person.

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2022

03

Feb

Tanline Thursday of the Day

Let the sun shine in, before they decide to dim it to terraform the planet to accommodate the aliens that are clearly in charge of the plant….because that headline that went viral about dimming the sun as a last ditch effort to fight climate change, which is apparently not even a thing according to the actual carbon in the air, but it makes for great divisive politics…and I’m not here being a climate change deny-er, I don’t fucking know shit about shit, I just know that I’ve seen the dimming of the sun talked about before the viral news story the other day…and that’s some fucking with the God given earth in a fucked up way that would likely be irreversible thanks to asshole greedy corporations and their destroying of the world for their products no one fucking needs…

Plus, without the sun, which apparently is GREAT for you, because we are ANIMALS…and that shit CHARGES us….but without the sun, the vitamin D, we’d also lose that sun kissed natural tan lines…it’d be just MORE cancer causing chemical spray tans, assuming that spray tans are made of chemicals that cause cancer, which could be FAKE NEWS, since I’m not going to cross reference fucking spray tan ingredients when I know TOOTHPASTE has cancer causing chemicals in it and they give that to children….so god knows what they put into products for whores…

Not that these ladies are whores…I mean I don’t know them, I’m just here for the tanlines….NATURES HIGHLIGHTER…before TRUST THE SCIENE makes the world a cold dark place and not like it’s been the last 2 years…but an ACTUAL cold dark place…

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Posted in:Tanlines

2022

27

Jan

Tanline Thursday of the Day

Get into the tropical state of mind motherfuckers….think of all the bikini titties while you sip your margaritas listening to Jimmy Buffett, feeling ok about yourself because he’s told you it is 5 O’Clock somewhere, knowing that supporting alcoholism has made both him and Kenny Chesney billionaires…all because as a people, we like to get CRUNK in the heat staring at tits…

Unfortunately, your all inclusive adventures that may have been put on hold because Covid protocols are some serious bullshit, oppressive bullshit, but if you did get on one of those, your fat wife’s tan lines would be more aggressive burns that put her out of commission for the rest of the trip, assuming she’s not one of those fatties who swims in a T-Shirt…she probably is….but for whatever reason still manages to burn up like she was killed by the Government in WACO…

Luckily, these girls get me in the tropical state of mind because like Quebec strippers in the winter, they’ve found a way to get tanlines…as they know it is NATURE’s highlighter…or maybe they are conspiracy nuts who think the sun give them essential Vitamin D, that is basically the hormone that will save you from a lot of ailments, but thanks to the industrialized world we live in, the majority of motherfuckers are deficient…because they want you sick…

So don’t subscribe to the SUN giving you cancer, the SUN being bad, that shit charges you like a solar panel, you’re supposed to be exposed to it, even if it’s just for the TANLINE TITS.

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Posted in:Tanlines

2022

20

Jan

Tanline Thursday of the Day

Tanlines are nature’s highlighter…the accessory that never comes off…until you’re locked away in your house for 2 years without any hope of every leaving…but finding comfort in the agoraphobia while you get fatter, lazier, half dead and grow your bush, armpit hair, leg hair and eyebrows out…..

Yes, there are tanlines available for purchase for those people who are agoraphobic, thanks to government mandates, you know to give some sense of normalcy, like going on that beach vacation, or just laying out in the sun like you did before you were scared of air, but I guess that only works for sex workers who take nudes, as the real broken down by the pandemic ain’t taking nudes, they’re just eating their fucking souls away.

The point is that TANLINES represent so much and they are all worth jerking off to while they still exist, because they HAVEN’T turned off the sun yet, but you know your favorite MSN CHAT climate engineer is working at it…

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Posted in:Tanlines

2022

13

Jan

Tanline Thursday of the Day

Tanlines got me in that Tropical state of mind…I’m over here fucking a snowman that I built because she’s got hot tits cuz I built her…which isn’t too impressive to th people in the park watching me…as I appreciate the cold on my dick because it allows me to feel…not that I have an actual dick, but it’s as good a dick as I’ll ever have…when really I should be jerking off in a tropical bush, maybe a HIBISCUS BUSH, in some tropical place as bitches run around nude..to not get the tanlines, even though tanlines are coveted, desireable, and clearly marketable cuz they HIGHLIGHT the good parts….so as I fuck inanimate ICY objects to death….I’d rather be wrist deep in a TANLINE….and if I put that out to the universe…IT WILL HAPPEN.

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Posted in:Tanlines

2022

06

Jan

Tanline Thursday of the Day

Winter is here so this is some metaverse get into vacation mode without leaving your fucking house because you’re a pathetic loser like me and figure that passively waiting to die in the comfort of our own walls is more exciting and fulfilling than actually getting out there and finding real life girls with real life tanlines from the real life sun….that’s crazy….

I mean why get a tan from the sun, like nature intended, even though they tell us that the sun causes cancer, that seems weird considering it’s the source of life for all living creatures, but OK….we’ll just get our tanlines from girls who lather made in a lab chemicals to stain their skin for the same effect, but you know, without the whole NATURE or being OUTDOORS headache….

Man, they really think of everything to increase our quality of life in the PODS…

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Posted in:Tanlines

2021

30

Dec

Tanline Thursday of the Day

Vacation mode….even though Canada is under insane lockdowns…I’ve been quarantining for the last decade or two so it’s no big deal…but it feels like a big deal when you’re being told you can’t do shit…it’s better when you opt out…

Luckily, the girls of the internet and their tanlines keep us going this winter and well into our life in the metaverse in the near future when real life is no more….but tanlines will always be real…even if they are CGI generated through a filter and on some dude pretending to be a chick as they do thanks to the internet being a fucking lie.

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Posted in:Tanlines

2021

23

Dec

Tanline Thursday of the Day

What’s up CHRISTMAS VACATION motherfuckers, all excited and vaccinated and ready to party on the all inclusive resort that mandates vaccines because SEGREGATION is real….

I always laugh at the idiots who say “I got the shot to travel”…because taking experimental medicine that they have no longterm studies for is a GENIUS trade off to go to a shitty 1,000 dollar per week all inclusive resort…that will end up giving you hepatitis, the shits, and possible herpes if you find the right hookers to ride your dick….because in some of these places, these hookers are a real bargain now that tourism is basically dead, despite it being what they all rely on.

SO maybe getting the vaccine, for travel, for sex tourism, makes sense because you’re likely going to die anyway…and thanks to those vaccines, maybe they’ll be able to see some tanlines before they die….and so can the ANTI-EXPERIMENTAL JAB because girls post their tanline nudes on the internet….so many sluts….so good for this LOCKED IN YOUR POD….

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Posted in:Tanlines

2021

16

Dec

Tanline Thursday of the Day

I don’t want to be COVID all the fucking time, but it has been the biggest roadblock in our perceived freedoms in my lifetime, so it’s kinda always hanging over us…

With this new variant that some people are calling the common cold negatively impacting the vaccinated now that they have no immune system, as was predicted by reputable doctors before the vaccines even rolled out…but that no one listened to…you know VACCINE AIDS…just get more vaccines to cure the VACCINE issues…because if something doesn’t work, take more of it.

That’s basically my approach, keep doing the meaningless posts that no one gives a fuck about, and consistently get the same shitty no money results…DO MORE POSTS…instead of just one POST per day, because burning out your brain, fingers writing this shit, will MAKE all your dreams come true, only it never does…just a chasing a dream instead…

Not that I have dreams, I’m not a fag…I mean I have actual dreams every night on some higher level of weirdness, but not bullshit career oriented dreams…that shit’s empty…BUT it would be nice if I got paid millions of dollars to do this, instead of dog shit, cuz I can buy a lot of dumb shit with millions of dollars…IMAGINE the trolls we could do..

ANyway, with the new variant, they are trying to end travel here in Canada…NO SUNNY DESTINATION for you…but luckily girls who are into TANLINES, are really into tanlines and will find a way to deliver the tanlines….CUZ THEY HIGHLIGHT THE GOOD PARTS…

I don’t know about you, but I love tanlines..

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Posted in:Tanlines

2021

09

Dec

Tanline Thursday of the Day

I used to love the trashy french strippers with the most aggressive tanlines, back then, in an era before spray tans, it showed commitment or addiction to the tanning bed, you know GET THAT CANCER for a look for your stripper slow dance that no one will record, that will not live forever on a social media feed, but strictly to give her best show, looking her best she can for the people in the room….you know…special fucking times.

Their tan lines on their basketball shaped cheap fake tits…were magical and as it turns out…I still like tanlines. Nature’s highlighter, even if most of these girls are getting spray tans from toxic chemicals that are destroying their endocrine system…but who cares about that, we’re here for the tan lines.

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Posted in:Tanlines