I got a myspace message you’ll want to read. It is from DJ TEK…

Dude WTF? why the hell are you talking shit about me to Lindz when you don’t even fucking know me and by the way I’m not a fucking fag asshole!!! get your shit straight! cuz I said “gosh” according to you that makes me gayer than bicycle shorts thats fucking lame bro

I hate drama so please don’t start up shit with me!
next time you think of insulting someone you don’t know think about it, like I ever did anything to you

Later, [O][::][O] -DJ TEK

I would hate to be a fag’s asshole, that shit sees a lot more than I’d ever want to see…but that’s not the point. The point is that saying “Gosh” wasn’t why I said you were gayer than bicycle shorts, it was just part of the reason why.

You can add signing your name with your 2 turntables and Mixer icon [O][::][O] and having a Bob Sinclair song as your profile song along with all your homo DJ TEK pictures in your Myspace profile not to mention coming after me like a little girl for leaving a comment on the fake Lohan myspace page to the list of why you are Gayer than Bicycle Shorts. Using the word Gosh, or any of these things alone just makes you a cunt, putting them together in a pot we call DJ TEK makes you Gayer than Bicycle Shorts.

These are the myspace comments I left on Lohan’s page that he is referencing….

DJ Tek said gosh. Told ya he was gayer than bicycle shorts. That’s why I am the septic tank cleaner of all media and by all media I mean of shitty websites. Since I am too scared to leave my house and can’t afford cable, shitty websites is all media to me.

That may not make sense. It happens. Cuddles.

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

and…

you have hideous taste in music- my only restitution is that you banged whoever that was.

with love
jesus martinez

PS-DJ Tek is gayer than bicycle shorts.

These were his comments that made me make my comments…on lohan’s myspace…

Hey lover hows the wrist? hope your doing Ok I guess you won’t be typing sending me sexy comments for a while huh? well let me know how your doing whenever you get better!
Luv ya bitch feel better! -DJ TEK

and…

Hey Skeez WTF I though I was the only
DJ in your life? that totally sux! hahaha j/k gosh you didn’t even send me a pack of ciggs 4 my 20th b-day
that reminds me I haven’t had one in like 10 whole minutes haha oooh maybe a glass of wine to go with that fuck I might as well drink the whole bottle and don’t worry I’ll have some on your behalf since your not here.
🙁

Later Skeez <3 ya [O][::][O] -DJ TEK COMMENT BACK 4 ONCE! 🙂 LOL

Visit Him On Myspace GO

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I got a myspace message you’ll want to read. It is from DJ TEK…

Dude WTF? why the hell are you talking shit about me to Lindz when you don’t even fucking know me and by the way I’m not a fucking fag asshole!!! get your shit straight! cuz I said “gosh” according to you that makes me gayer than bicycle shorts thats fucking lame bro

I hate drama so please don’t start up shit with me!
next time you think of insulting someone you don’t know think about it, like I ever did anything to you

Later, [O][::][O] -DJ TEK

I would hate to be a fag’s asshole, that shit sees a lot more than I’d ever want to see…but that’s not the point. The point is that saying “Gosh” wasn’t why I said you were gayer than bicycle shorts, it was just part of the reason why.

You can add signing your name with your 2 turntables and Mixer icon [O][::][O] and having a Bob Sinclair song as your profile song along with all your homo DJ TEK pictures in your Myspace profile not to mention coming after me like a little girl for leaving a comment on the fake Lohan myspace page to the list of why you are Gayer than Bicycle Shorts. Using the word Gosh, or any of these things alone just makes you a cunt, putting them together in a pot we call DJ TEK makes you Gayer than Bicycle Shorts.

These are the myspace comments I left on Lohan’s page that he is referencing….

DJ Tek said gosh. Told ya he was gayer than bicycle shorts. That’s why I am the septic tank cleaner of all media and by all media I mean of shitty websites. Since I am too scared to leave my house and can’t afford cable, shitty websites is all media to me.

That may not make sense. It happens. Cuddles.

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

and…

you have hideous taste in music- my only restitution is that you banged whoever that was.

with love
jesus martinez

PS-DJ Tek is gayer than bicycle shorts.

These were his comments that made me make my comments…on lohan’s myspace…

Hey lover hows the wrist? hope your doing Ok I guess you won’t be typing sending me sexy comments for a while huh? well let me know how your doing whenever you get better!
Luv ya bitch feel better! -DJ TEK

and…

Hey Skeez WTF I though I was the only
DJ in your life? that totally sux! hahaha j/k gosh you didn’t even send me a pack of ciggs 4 my 20th b-day
that reminds me I haven’t had one in like 10 whole minutes haha oooh maybe a glass of wine to go with that fuck I might as well drink the whole bottle and don’t worry I’ll have some on your behalf since your not here.
🙁

Later Skeez <3 ya [O][::][O] -DJ TEK COMMENT BACK 4 ONCE! 🙂 LOL

Visit Him On Myspace GO

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C.T. is a star and this is an email he sent me about Nicole Richie on her birthday weekend. I am posting it and I am considering making this a regular feature because sometimes this site is a little too much Jesus Martinez, if you know what I mean….which you don’t because you are an idiot. Here’s C.T.

An Inspiration to all of you fat people, Nicole Richies emaciated legs.

Every time you think of picking up that greasy slice of pizza use the photo above as an inspiration to stay thin. Do you really think Nicole even took a bit of her birthday cake? No fucking way! But we should not critisize her for being thin and not eating, we should praise her for providing inspiration.

Inspiration to be mini. Inspiration to be skinny. Inspiration to be frail.

Okay….visit C.T. on Myspace GO

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C.T. is a star and this is an email he sent me about Nicole Richie on her birthday weekend. I am posting it and I am considering making this a regular feature because sometimes this site is a little too much Jesus Martinez, if you know what I mean….which you don’t because you are an idiot. Here’s C.T.

An Inspiration to all of you fat people, Nicole Richies emaciated legs.

Every time you think of picking up that greasy slice of pizza use the photo above as an inspiration to stay thin. Do you really think Nicole even took a bit of her birthday cake? No fucking way! But we should not critisize her for being thin and not eating, we should praise her for providing inspiration.

Inspiration to be mini. Inspiration to be skinny. Inspiration to be frail.

Okay….visit C.T. on Myspace GO

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Nothing says pervert like cropping pictures of Mischa Barton drinking an iced coffee drink to make her look like she’s sucking dick. We all know that bitch isn’t into sucking dick because her boyfriend is a woman. He may be named Cisco but he isn’t asking girls to see their thong tha thong thong thong. That’s the story I heard.

I have spent my weekend getting drunk and calling celebrities. Nicole Richie told me to fuck off and never call her again, while Paris is keeping up the lie that her name is Alex and that she is concerned about my imaginary internet girlfriend named Brenda. If you don’t know what I am talking about , read my archives you unloyal piece of shit readers. I have been messing with what we all think is the real Lohan on myspace, I like to call her Singalohan because all these bitches from Singapore pretend to be celebrities on myspace because let’s face it, life in Singapore will lead anyone to do weird things.

I was offered a $50 ad deal for an e-book. I didn’t take it because $50 won’t even pay for a date with my wife to McDonalds, let alone my server and rent and food. Thanks for the offer though.

Lastly, I saw Jackass and it made me laugh. Look at me, I’m a real fucking blogger now. I feel like a 15 year old girl telling the world about how her daddy hates her and how she cuts herself and has had 4 abortions because it’s the best form of contraceptive. Only I don’t have a the tight little body, designer jeans and and breasts that touch the sky like Kanye West. Cuddles.

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I meant to post this yesterday, but got side-tracked. I wanted to say that all the Jews were running around the streets Friday because it was one of their holidays and none of them went to work. I wanted to say that that is a typical Jew thing to do…you know have their own vacations and use the christian ones too, but then I realized that my lawyer is Jewish, so Happy New Year or whatever it is you say in HEEB.

I wanted to talk about how I ran into my local homeless dude who I last saw punching himself in the face and is now missing a tooth and I wondered what happened to it.

I went out and got drunk last night, only to learn that hipster parties make me feel awkward. That didn’t depress me, but made me think to myself that drinking is sometimes more fun alone. I sent a lot of text messages to the celebrity numbers I have, but deleted them before I went to bed, I sent a lot of text messages to people I know, I’d apologize for that too, but it’s all part of the fun in knowing me. I like to think of it as their personal blog entries in their phones at 4 am.

And now for my links:

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If Perez Hilton is the Queen of all media , and Howard Stern is the King of all Media, does that mean they fuck? Are they going to have a public marriage like Princess Diana and will Perez get killed by a jealous paparazzi for stealing his photo, while Howard get’s girls to ride the sybian? I don’t know what that was supposed to mean, but I like to think of myself as the septic tank cleaner of all media and by all media, I mean this site is BIGGER THAN VICE and VICE probably makes a solid $20,000,000 a year and I’m making somewhere around $2,400 a year. My server alone costs $4,800 a year. You do the math.

I hate getting all business on you, but it is a Jewish Holiday and figure my Jewish readers at home reading this can call on some favors from their rich uncles. I know VICE doesn’t only make money off the website, they have the magazine and the record label and a brand name that 16 year old girls love, but even if they pull in 100,000 a year off their site, I should be making more the $2,400. Ya heard?

Speaking of poverty and septic tanks, here’s some pictures of Juliette Lewis looking FANTASTIC and by fantastic I mean, like a poor hungry person who just swam through the septic tank looking for undigested corn and nuts and such to eat for dinner. Most of the time, posts don’t need my rambling, this is one of those times.

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If Perez Hilton is the Queen of all media , and Howard Stern is the King of all Media, does that mean they fuck? Are they going to have a public marriage like Princess Diana and will Perez get killed by a jealous paparazzi for stealing his photo, while Howard get’s girls to ride the sybian? I don’t know what that was supposed to mean, but I like to think of myself as the septic tank cleaner of all media and by all media, I mean this site is BIGGER THAN VICE and VICE probably makes a solid $20,000,000 a year and I’m making somewhere around $2,400 a year. My server alone costs $4,800 a year. You do the math.

I hate getting all business on you, but it is a Jewish Holiday and figure my Jewish readers at home reading this can call on some favors from their rich uncles. I know VICE doesn’t only make money off the website, they have the magazine and the record label and a brand name that 16 year old girls love, but even if they pull in 100,000 a year off their site, I should be making more the $2,400. Ya heard?

Speaking of poverty and septic tanks, here’s some pictures of Juliette Lewis looking FANTASTIC and by fantastic I mean, like a poor hungry person who just swam through the septic tank looking for undigested corn and nuts and such to eat for dinner. Most of the time, posts don’t need my rambling, this is one of those times.

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I just wrote a joke that I think could be the next big thing in jokes. It goes like this….

A girl emails me telling me about how she busted her live-in boyfriend using the LPSG.org website. She told me that she found his profile name and went through some of his posts all of which were about how much he liked big dick and gay shit like that. So she confronts him asking him why he is on LPSG.org because she didn’t understand why he’d be there since he was below average in size. The only logical reason was to find himself a big cock of his own. Anyway. She sends me this myspace message saying that THIS DUDE has been chatting her up and since he had a 6-pack she took her fat ass to the kitchen and made some panty soup. Point of all this is to say dude has a kid but he’s a total fag with a shitty radio show (listen to his myspace “song”).

So here comes the joke I wrote that will be the next big thing in jokes and it goes like this….

Maybe fag’s are into to you because you are an asshole

Feel free to use it. So I guess you’re thinking, all that reading for absolutely nothing. My joke fucking sucked and you’re mad right now. Well just be happy that you aren’t Kate Moss’ Hired Umberella Holdin’ Slave. Even though he makes more money than us, holding a bitch’s umberella is like wiping the shit off an old lady with alzheimer’s ass because bitch keeps forgetting what it feels like to shit until it’s too late. Maybe that alzheimer joke is the joke that will be the next big thing….I just don’t know.

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I just wrote a joke that I think could be the next big thing in jokes. It goes like this….

A girl emails me telling me about how she busted her live-in boyfriend using the LPSG.org website. She told me that she found his profile name and went through some of his posts all of which were about how much he liked big dick and gay shit like that. So she confronts him asking him why he is on LPSG.org because she didn’t understand why he’d be there since he was below average in size. The only logical reason was to find himself a big cock of his own. Anyway. She sends me this myspace message saying that THIS DUDE has been chatting her up and since he had a 6-pack she took her fat ass to the kitchen and made some panty soup. Point of all this is to say dude has a kid but he’s a total fag with a shitty radio show (listen to his myspace “song”).

So here comes the joke I wrote that will be the next big thing in jokes and it goes like this….

Maybe fag’s are into to you because you are an asshole

Feel free to use it. So I guess you’re thinking, all that reading for absolutely nothing. My joke fucking sucked and you’re mad right now. Well just be happy that you aren’t Kate Moss’ Hired Umberella Holdin’ Slave. Even though he makes more money than us, holding a bitch’s umberella is like wiping the shit off an old lady with alzheimer’s ass because bitch keeps forgetting what it feels like to shit until it’s too late. Maybe that alzheimer joke is the joke that will be the next big thing….I just don’t know.

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