Eva Longoria’s success has provided her with the luxury of being able to snorkel with all the right equipment, unlike her ancestors who were forced to use sticks, rocks and tree bark while fishing for the tribe’s food. It’s very representative of the society in which we live, that an immigrant family can experience such luxury, and I figured this positive note was a great way to start the week. The dog bone in her bikini bottoms makes us realize that you can take the girl out of the projects, but you can’t take the projects outta the girl. It’s a wholesome treat for poor people. I am sure this bitch still eats Kraft Dinner, but uses Tiffany silverwear to get the job done. Today is a day to love America

Via Jared

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Eva Longoria’s success has provided her with the luxury of being able to snorkel with all the right equipment, unlike her ancestors who were forced to use sticks, rocks and tree bark while fishing for the tribe’s food. It’s very representative of the society in which we live, that an immigrant family can experience such luxury, and I figured this positive note was a great way to start the week. The dog bone in her bikini bottoms makes us realize that you can take the girl out of the projects, but you can’t take the projects outta the girl. It’s a wholesome treat for poor people. I am sure this bitch still eats Kraft Dinner, but uses Tiffany silverwear to get the job done. Today is a day to love America

Via Jared

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The hottest thing about Lohan is the fact that she gets high and drunk and takes her car joyriding and crashes, injuring some mexican and fleeing the scene of the accident. That’s the shit I would be rocking if I was famous, because I always respected celebrities who just didn’t give a fuck and because I am always drunk. I would argue that some of the best drivers out there are alcoholics and this whole drunk driving bullshit is propaganda cuz the government doesn’t want us to have fun. If there’s one thing I suggest you do today, it’s drink a fifth of any alcohol you choose, I am a fan of rubbing alcohol, cuz the blind rumor hasn’t come true yet, and shit really goes straight to the fucking brain. I don’t want any of you idiots to drink rubbing alcohol, but I do want you to drive drunk. If you have an accident and die, or kill someone, you will know that you were not quite ready to take on this mission. You should also know that saying I told you to do it, will not get you off in jail, and will probably get me arrested (again), so please don’t blame me for suggesting you have a good time….take responsibility for your actions, asshole.What do you think the chances of me raw doggin Lohan are? Bitch can drunk drive me home, while rippin lines off my man-tits any fucking time…..

See all the Before and After pics Here

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I think my obsession with nipples started when I was a baby and my whore mother didn’t breast feed me. I remember looking at all those random americans sucking off her tits and thinking to myself how hungry I was. I would then be given a bottle of sand, it’s really all the whore could afford, you know with you drug addiction and hatred for me, it worked. This isn’t about me though, it’s about Drew Barrymore, and although she looks like a ditch pig that just got run over by a caravan of clowns, she’s still got nipples, and when you’re a hungry boy like me, the last thing you are in a position to do is discriminate. I am a rollin’ on….

This shit is via HollywoodTuna(fish)

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I think my obsession with nipples started when I was a baby and my whore mother didn’t breast feed me. I remember looking at all those random americans sucking off her tits and thinking to myself how hungry I was. I would then be given a bottle of sand, it’s really all the whore could afford, you know with you drug addiction and hatred for me, it worked. This isn’t about me though, it’s about Drew Barrymore, and although she looks like a ditch pig that just got run over by a caravan of clowns, she’s still got nipples, and when you’re a hungry boy like me, the last thing you are in a position to do is discriminate. I am a rollin’ on….

This shit is via HollywoodTuna(fish)

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If you haven’t noticed, and you probably don’t care, but the site’s been diddled like a school girl in some strange man’s van. The diddler who diddled this site can be found at DeathByKeyboard. Feel free to tell him how much of a cunt he is and that he should reconsider his design career and possibly take up something a little less intense…like maybe a job as a crossing guard…or a stockboy at the local grocery store…or any other work program they have set up for retards, because retards are people too, at least that’s what they try to teach us, but we all know the dark truth….

For the record the picture isn’t of DBK, our favorite commenter/site diddler…it is of an actual diddler…I have no idead how little girls would let him get close to their coochies, seriously, this motherfucker scares me, and I am not a 7 year old girl….but I am guessing he could teach us all a few tricks in the art of seduction…

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My question of the day is what the fuck happened to society, where the white protestant ran the country and a cuban raft with 60 balseros making their way to Florida was not a fucking luxury yacht worth more than my stepdaughter’s virginity on eBay. When we first posted that shit, she got up to 300,000 dollars, but those fascists at ebay said we weren’t in compliance with their terms and conditions. The word compliance is a pretty big one for an uneducated Mexican like me, but years in prison teach you legalese. It’s a fucking Fiesta in this bitch, so don’t judge me.

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If I was stuck on an island with a bunch of dudes and Evangeline Lily, I would probably try to slam her. Not because she’s all that hot, but because there’s really not much else more to do on a fucking island, the days are long, the sun is hot, and it would probably take me about 5 minutes before turning completely primal…either way, I don’t watch her show, it bores me, and I don’t care that she’s jogging in a bikini. I only posted it for you. You can thank me if girls running in bikinis is your thing….

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Did you think I forgot about this feature? Fuck that, I was just being lazy the last 2 months. I am fucking mexican and an alcoholic, what do you expect from me? It was summer, and the sun just fucks me up. Either way, this is the hottest t-shirt I have seen in a long fucking time. It’s called the evolution of the bush and you need to get one for yourself….cuz it will get you the attention you need. I am tired of dealing with you being a hermit…you need to get the fuck out of the basement and out on the street. Do it in this shirt…Girls will love you for it…if girls are your thing…if they aren’t…I can respect that. DrunkenStepfather.com is gay friendly.

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Being a celebrity means you need to have causes. Elton John is gay, so he supports AIDS. Michael J. Fox can’t stop shaking for Parkinson’s, so he hooks that shit up. Britney’s selling her used underwear(like the trash that she is) for Katrina and now Liz Hurley is doing her thing for Breast Cancer. I assume it is because she has breasts. She even went the extra mile to rock a pink dress, and everyone knows that pink is the international breast cancer color. You can’t hate on her, even if she’s aging like Ashlee, because she’s doing good for the people. Everyone’s got someone in their life affected by this shitty disease so go and make a donation. I know you are used to being useless and laughed at, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a good person!

DONATE MONEY (I have never donated money so I don’t know if this is even where you are supposed to go, you’re on you own on this one baby)

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