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2007

Nov

I am – Rachel Bilson’s Hot Ass in White Denim of the Day

I had a pretty fucking weird dream. Don’t worry, I am not turning into some kind of hippie who thinks he’s an Indian and camps out in the park in my leather vest and headdress who analyzes dreams, but I am usually too wasted to actually have dreams because I just kinda pass out, so remembering last night’s dream was legendary.

So here it is. I dreamt that I was in some kind of auditorium or some shit, and I had to shit really fucking badly and couldn’t find a bathroom anywhere, when I did there were line-ups and I didn’t know what to do because I had to be back in the auditorium. So I’m sitting there and can’t hold shit in, so I end up shitting myself as discreetly as possible. I remember thinking how good it felt for about a second, before realizing what I had just done and the smell hit. Everyone in the room started making a fuss about the smell and lookin’ around to see what the fuck caused it. The girl next to me started gagging and leans over and I’m playing along with it like I am innocent and that the sewage system in the building must have backed up. Then I stand up and I’m wearing white pants that I ruined and everyone starts pointing and laughing, so instead of running and crying out of embarrassment, I drop my pants and start running after people with my shit covered hand, and it turns into a scene from a teenage lesbian pillow fight video.

Either way, when I saw these Rachel Bilson in her not-so-period friendly pants, I figured I had to post it, because it’s like I’m a psychic who sees the future in my dreams because I saw white jeans on me so that only means that me and Rachel Bilson’s pants are connected at the soul and I’ll get the chance to shit on them in person one day…..

Related Posts:

Rachel Bilson Does Santa Claus
Rachel Bilson is Fucking Star Wars
Rachel Bilson is a Pedophile
Rachel Bilson’s Dog and Nipples

Posted in:Unsorted|White Denim

2007

Nov

I am – Penelope Cruz’s Lace Bra of the Day

2 Comments »

I was trying to figure out things I hate because I don’t think I really hate all that much, I am more of the kind of person who just doesn’t give a fuck and the only thing that came to mind that I actually hate was periods, both the punctuation and the vagina disorder. I think that’s only because periods fuck up everyone’s life, both guys who can’t fuck their girls unless they like bloody messes, and girls who get all weird an hormonal and have to shove a tampon in every hour of the day to not toxic shock on us. I just hate the punctuation because it fucks up my flow, because I’m like a rapper who doesn’t rhyme and I write this shit singing to myself….

Here are some Penelope Cruz pics, just because I have a thing for exotic looking Spanish girls, it brings thoughts of being the Bull Fighter who waves to his little Spanish Pregnant Wife before being impaled and killed by a bull only, which isn’t so bad because I probably woulda been a bad father who never paid the bills and a bad husband who cheated on my wife anyway…..If you look close enough, you can see bra….you’ve got that virgin vision that the rest of us lose the second we get pussy. I guess this is one of the cases where you’re better than the general public. Other examples are creative ways to masturbate, the ability to organize really well and a masterful command of the brush you use to brush your mom’s hair…

Related Posts:

Penelope Cruz in a Bikini
Penelope Cruz or Her Hot Sister’s Foot Fetish Pictures
Penelope Cruz in a Short Dress
Penelope Cruz’s Family Slutting It Up On the Beach

Posted in:Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Reba McEntire’s Old Country Tits of the Day

6 Comments »

Old tits are exciting because they’ve seen a lot more than young tits. Just think how many times they’ve been sucked from husbands, boyfriends, one night stands and her babies compared to some 19 year old who’s only let 5 duded up her shirt, not that that exists, but you get my point and if you don’t it’s fine, because I don’t think I actually made one.

Sure Reba looks like the state fair pig you threw out 25 years ago that’s decided to come knocking on your door to tell you that she still loves you and that you’re daughter you never knew you had has a 10 year old making you a grandfather and before slamming the door in the face because she’s clearly crazy, she offers to sell your some doilies she made for her church bazaar and when you say no she pulls out her tits that are 10 times bigger than they were when you last had her because that’s what getting old does to a woman and you’ve got no choice but to take hold of the aging process with your mouth and bust all over them….and by them I mean yourself, because you’re wife’s in the other room and you got overly excited by the risk of getting caught.

I am drunk and that’s why I just wrote this post. It happens.

Related Posts:

Reba McEntire’s Old Tits
Jewel Has Some Weird Cleavage
stepTV does Country Music Night
Carrie Underwood Playing Softball

Posted in:Dolly Parton|Reba McEntire|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Beyonce and Jay-Z Leaving Somewhere Together of the Day

2 Comments »

If I was Jay-Z I would have traded Beyonce in for Rihanna a long time ago, not because she’s more talented, but because she’s younger, hotter and more popular right now, but I am shallow like that. The only reason I’m still with the wife is because she’s pays my rent and doesn’t complain when she walks in on me picking my ass and smelling my finger, one of my many habits that doesn’t seem to turn new chicks on.

I guess what it comes down to is that either Jay-Z and Beyonce have an understanding that he’s allowed to slam young tighter bodied girls on the regular, give them a record deal and make them millions because it’s all part of business, while Beyonce sits at home eating fried chicken and writing shitty love song lyrics for her next album, and they stay together because it’s good for publicity for both of them and that is also part of business, or maybe they are emotionally attached to each other and really love each other because Jay-Z’s got his own money and Beyonce made her own money, so they both know they aren’t using each other for much more than sex and companionship.

Either way, I just analyzed a relationship that looks like it belongs in a zoo, not because I am racist and think black people look like monkeys, but because Jay-Z’s got a funny fucking face that looks like a monkey, and even if he was white and had the same face would look like a monkey, so you can stop your allogations right now.

Related Posts:

Beyonce’s Bathing Suit Ass
Beyonce’s Tit Flash on Stage
Beyonce’s Tits Leaving a Party
Beyonce in a Leotard Pictures

Posted in:Dinner|Jay-Z|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Hayden Panettiere is My Little Miss Sunshine of the Day

1 Comment »

I went on a walk to get away from my wife earlier tonight and I found myself walking into a construction site without realizing it because the fuckers had the sidewalked blocked off like people didn’t need to use that shit or something and in protest of them being assholes who inconvenience me, I decided to walk through the site. Nothing was going to stop me, until I almost got run the fuck over by a bulldozer and the first thing that came to my mind was Hayden? Why you trying to hurt me.

Lucky for you, I escaped unscathed, but I almost got in a fist fight with the construction worker who was driving the bulldozer, because I told him that just because he’s a highschool drop out doesn’t mean he has to take out his rage that life didn’t work out for him on me. He didn’t take it well and got in my face, he definitely would have beat the fuck out of me, because he spends his days lifting heavy things and had bigger arms than Hayden, while I spend my days sitting and recovering from hangovers and was already out of breath from trying to walk….but I made things good with Hayden by telling him that I dropped out of high school too, we high fived and I am almost feel over, then I went on with my life and he went back to his bulldozer that I also named Hayden.

Either way, here is the star of my construction working experience where she played both the bulldozer and the burly construction working dude at the same time and now she’s wearing some ironic T-shirt….what can’t this beast do, she’s gotta be a machine and not just because she’s built like one. If you’re wondering why her shirt is ironic, it’s because I saw the movie and it was about some ugly fat girl who wanted to be a beauty queen, and Hayden is an ugly girl who thinks she’s a beauty queen, it’s be like me wearing a shirt that said, Fat, Mexican, Poor and Limp….but different.

Related Posts:

Hayden’s Got Girl’s Underwear On…
Hayden’s Shitty See Through Shirt
Hayden Panettiere is Hot in GQ
Hayden Panettiere Pumpin’ Gas and Not Iron

2007

Nov

I am – Esther Canadas is a Scary Monster Supermodel of the Day

No Comments »

Esther Canadas is some Spanish supermodel from a bunch of years ago who I’ve never heard about because despite loving supermodels, I don’t really keep tabs on them. I am too busy doing nothing to really care. What I do know is that whatever this girl did to her face scares the fuck out of me.

Speaking of scary, someone wrote into the site asking me if I ever planned on writing a children’s book. The answer was no and my life isn’t interesting enough for an autobiography, because I haven’t really accomplished shit. I couldn’t really do a self-help book, because out of the 5 people lame enough to buy it, they’d all probably end up killing themselves because that’s my solution to all problems and if I was to do a coffee table book, it would just be of chicks spreading their vaginas because I think vagina is the most interesting thing to look at. So I wrote her back saying I had a choose your own adventure in the works, that no matter what path you take, you always end up finding out that you’re gay in the end.

Speaking of Gay, nothing is screams lesbian outfit more than seeing a chick in a business suit….other than seeing a chick in construction boots, flannel and denim, but that’s a whole other kind of lesbian, one that I don’t want to see have sex….

Related Posts:

Naomi Campbell’s Old Supermodel Ass at a Costume Party
Cindy Crawford in Lingerie for a 1989 Catalog
Elle Macpherson Posing to Promote her Lingerie By Not Wearing Lingerie
Some Rachel Hunter Bikini Pictures

Posted in:Esther Canadas|Lesbian Outfit|Lips|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

2 Comments »

I went to buy my wife toilet paper – because it was one of those emergency situtions that happen all too often with her and if I didn’t there was going to be trouble, not necessarily for me, because her shit would have been everywhere and as much as I love fecal art in public places, I don’t want to have to deal with that in my bed.

I went to the drug store down the street and the two homeless kids who are always begging for change outside the place where inside shopping. I was pretty fascinated with seeing what 2 homeless kids with tattooed faces buy so I followed them around. They picked up deoderant and body oil and the bill was 15 dollars. Now I am not a financical planner, but when you’re buying body oil and deoderant for 15 dollars and you’re fuckin’ homeless, couldn’t they have though about a better place to throw that money, like on food or drugs or booze or some kind of over-the-counter product to drink like cleaning detergent. Either way, I was pretty fuckin’ disappointed.

Speaking of disappointed:

Why the Fuck Do I Only Have 100 Facebook Fans…I Wan 100,000…..Get On It….
GO

My life is full of disappointment. Now Here Are My Links……

Some Chick Named Tabitha Taylor and Her Insane Plastic Surgery Ridden Face and Tits
GO

Katherine Heigl Smoking for Horny Lohan Wanker
GO

Mischa Barton Lookin’ Fucking Hot for Arena Magazine
GO

Some Chick Named Manon Thomas’ Stolen Nudes. I’ve Never Heard of Her….Wikipedia This Shit
GO

Some Model Named Sara Morghad’s Underwear Photoshoot Video
GO

Some Hot Chick Getting Naked for a Tanning Bed That Doesn’t Like Her Very Much
GO

This Is What Hayden Panettiere’s Mom Looks Like
GO

Paris Hilton’s Pantyhose Covered Ass Flash
GO

Some Chick Grabbing Her Tit Picture
GO

Rose McGowan on the Street Because You Love Her
GO

Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon Had Sex on a Plane
GO

Some Hot Chick Named Leah Dizon Half-Naked Posing for You
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Lesbian Dildo Sex Video
GO

Helena Christensen Topless Pictures in GQ Because She’s Fuckin’ Hot
GO

Some Reporter Wipes Out on a Skateboard
GO

Uma Thurman is the Cougar of the Day at 37 Years Old
GO

Throwback to Christina Aguilera’s Nipple Ring
GO

Some Naked Celebrity Pool Party Pictures….
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Lesbian Photoshoot Gallery Because You Like Lesbians and They Hate You
GO

Here’s Some Little Naked Australian Chick
GO

Some Dude Makes Himself Lactate
GO

This Chick is a Youtube Legend….She’s Basically a Hot Immigrant Who Gives English Lessons….Amazing to Jerk Off To
GO

Some Chick Gets Powdered When Doing Her Hair
GO

Tila Tequila Gives Some Old Lady a Lap Dance
GO

Some Teen Girl Maturbating on Webcam
GO

The Nerdcore Calendar Girls Aren’t Very Nerdy
GO

Inside Britney’s Crazy House…..Cover of Star Magazine With her in Some Lingerie or Something
GO

2 Girls 1 Cup The T-Shirt
GO

More Jennifer Love Hewitt in a Bikini Pictures
GO

Gemma Atkinson Showing Off Some Tit in NUTS Magazine
GO

Some Terrorist Fucking a Donkey
GO

Britney Spears Tried on Panties in the Middle of Some Store and Then Stole a Wig Because She’s Awesome….
GO

Vote on the Best Gemma Atkinson Quote
GO

Some Viral Video Making Fun of Perez Hilton
GO

Kellie Pickler is a Fuckin’ Idiot on Are Yor Smarter Than a 3rd Grader
GO

Some BMX Wipe Out
GO

Some Drugged Out Chick Breaks Out of a Cop Car
GO

Stephanie Pratt is Spencer Pratt’s Sister and She Has a Sex Tape
GO

Some Futurama Premiere Red Carpet Action
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Lohan is Back on the Bottle
GO

Some Dirty Jersey Crackwhore Will Make You Throw Up While She’s Showin Off Her Box
GO

Pam Anderson Naked on a Boat for a Photoshot Video
GO

Find Out What Porn Site Is Best For You….
GO

This Will Help You Get Sex
GO

Have Sex With Swingers
GO

FROM THE FORUM:

Download the Beanie Segal New Album That’s Only Being Released Dec 11
GO

Download Fatboy Slim’s Greatest Hits Remixed
GO

Download Some Cake For Yourself
GO

Download Some Camper Von Beethoven Album – I don’t Know Who They Are
GO

Download Some Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Album
GO

Download Some Stevie Nicks
GO

Some More Suicide Girl Action…Because Alternative Models are the New Average Lookin’ Girl Who Gets Naked
GO

Some Bikini Magazine in PDF Because You Like Bikinis
GO

Download More Biggy Albums
GO

Vida Guera’s Big Booty Pictures
GO

19 Year old Leslie is a Dirty Fuckin’ Bi Sexual…These Are her Stolen Dirty Fuckin’ Pictures
GO

Real Peachez Masturbating Video and Screen Caps for you Perverts
GO

Download some I Feel Myself Videos….Because Masturbating Chicks are Fun
GO

Posted in:Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Steve-O is an Idiot of the Day

1 Comment »

I am going to admit that I laughed at the Jackass movies. I used to read Big Brother magazine before Larry Flynt bought them out and I’d watch skateboard videos in the 90s and this was just an extension of that scene. So when Tony Hawk Pro Skater went huge and every suburban kid in the world was rockin’ skate shoes, it was only natural for these dudes to get big too.

I never thought Steve-O was cool. I thought he was a nutcase and that made him worth watching in the beginning, but then dude just got repetitive and played out. People started immitating him and he stopped pushing the limit, he just played the dude who did lots of drugs and drink who stapled his balls to his leg, over and over and over and over.

So when I see him, years later, smoking a bowl out of a Dr Pepper can while diddling his balls on the red carpet, for some Gene Simmon’s roast, I don’t see anything funny, I see something played out, old and tired, kinda like everytime I look in the mirror. If dude took a shit on a girl’s face on the red carpet, or put a little effort into his stunt, I’d probably be less offended, because nothing annoys me more than a lack of creativity, especially when you’re a useless hood rat who made it big by pushing limits who has obviously since accepted that his balls are all he has to offer…that’s what the public wants to see and it’s easy and formulaic.

Steve-O is over and trying to shock us all by exposing his balls while smoking out of a can on the red carpet, because he’s so crazy….asshole.

I am – Hayden Panettiere’s See Through Shirt and Panty Slip of the Day

3 Comments »

I’ve started making Hayden Panettiere jokes in my everyday life and it’s not going over very well and kinda depresses me. The last time I dropped one the girl I was with made fun of me for using celebrity blog jokes. She was like “good one celebrity blogger, why don’t you go write that on your site”, trying to make fun of me, but when you have no shame and you generally don’t care what useless people say to you, their bite doesn’t hurt.

I remember what the joke was and it went like this….we were walking by a mailbox and I said to her:

Oh my god look it’s Hayden Panettiere. I had no idea she was in Montreal. You should ask for an autograph, I am going to go ask her a couple questions for the site….

Then I walked up to the mail box and introduced myself and used the letter slot as her mouth and had a 15 minute conversation with her and for the record, she’s pretty fuckin’ nice in person and I feel bad laughing at her for being strong enough plow my field when my bull breaks down……if I had a field that needed to be plowed, I am more into back alleys, but that’s just because I am emotionally attached to a time when abortions were illegal.

Here are some pictures of Hayden’s panties and beefcake body showing off her pecks, lats, quads and delts. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Hayden Panettiere See Through Shirt
Hayden Panettiere’s GQ Photoshoot Video
Hayden Panettiere Upskirt Pictures

Posted in:Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Christina Aguilera Naked and Pregnant of the Day

5 Comments »

I have a feeling that pregnant chicks are easy, not because their pregnant and it’s obvious they let dudes throw it at them, but because they are always fuckin’ showing off their naked pregnant bodies. Every pregnant chick seems to think the whole being pregnant thing is a magical fucking experience because some parasite is developing inside of them like a weird science experiment that will only come out to annoy them for at least the next 18 years of their life and it is making them all hormonal. It also makes them document the growth of their belly by taking naked pictures of themselves either as a reminder to never do that shit to themselves again or because they actually think it’s a beautiful experience.

I am all for ready to drop nudity, because sometimes disgusting is hot. I am also into lactating bitches, fat girls and puking girls, so maybe pregnancy is for me. Here are some pictures of Christina Aguilera posing for some magazine naked, because every pregnant chick loves getting naked to show off how sexy pregnancy is, because they are horny, hormonal and trying to have a keepsake to remember how big they got while their husbands refuse to slam them because she’s carrying their fuckin’ child and no one wants their kid to be raised by a whore.

Related Posts:

Christina Aguilera Pregnancy Upskirt
Christina Aguilera Pregnancy Cleavage

Posted in:Unsorted