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Archive for the Unsorted Category

2007

15

Nov

I am – Heidi Klum’s Naked in a Magazine of the Day

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So these pictures from some Max Magazine hit today and they are of Heidi Klum, not lookin’ like Heidi Klum with some kind of sheer sheet artistically covering her goods, which was probably done intentionally because who knows what damage Seal and his babies have done to her box, if shit looks anything like his face, I don’t care how hot a bitch is, that shit better stay under wraps, like an Orthodox Jewish couple trying to make babies through the sheet, so dude doesn’t have to make any contact with the bitch, but still gets to fuck her because fuckin’ her is what makes them babies to build their own army to take over the world. If that shit was a movie, it’d be called Bad News Jews.

I was always so disappointed every time I’d get with a hot girl who had a perfect body only to find out that her vagina either looked like a pinkish brown bowl of cottage cheese or smelled like a fuckin’ sewer. I am sure I wasn’t as disappointed as they were when they found out that my penis looked more like a vagina that their vagina did, because let’s face it, girls like huge cock and not over-sized clits, unless they are lesbians/rape victims, in which case they don’t like any cock, and I never really minded fucking a bowl of cottage cheese, as long as it wasn’t too cold…because I have no real standards.

Either way, here are those Klum magazine pics:


Related Posts:

Heidi Klum Relives the Past
Heidi Klum is a Cat on Halloween
Heidi Klum Likes Black People
Heidi Klum Does All The Work While Seal Watches

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Magazine|Naked|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Hilary Duff Leaving a Massage Parlor of the Day

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Finally, Hilary Duff and you have something in common. These are pictures of her leaving a massage parlor, something you’ve got a lot of experience with, but you usually sneak out of that shit with a hood on a 4 am because you don’t want us knowing you get hand jobs from 40 year old asian bitches.

I went to a massage parlor a few times, I didn’t have the money to do the rub and tug shit, and I didn’t really want her dirty hand job hands rubbin’ me up and down, but I was drunk and thought it would be funny to see how they work.

Basically, you walk in and the pimp seats you in your own private room. He sends in 10 drug addicted chicks in bikinis to do a little show for you, one by one, for you to decide which one you want. So as each girl came in one and did their little dance, I’d reject them for whatever flaw I could find after making them flash me their pussies, or touch their toes or crawl around the floor or balance on one leg or do the running man or whatever stupid shit I could convince them to do because I am into making whores look like assholes.

I kinda felt like the king of the massage parlor, you know making these girls do embarrassing shit for me for free until the guy was out of girls and I caused a scene about how shitty his girls were and that I just came to get a hand job and now I’ve wasted an hour of my life and went to storm out… but the problem was that the drunk dude I was there with who was in a room of his own, wasn’t as poor or strong as me and ended up getting a massage from the rattiest lookin’ slut in the place and I was forced to sit in the waiting room for another fuckin’ hour like a total asshole.

Speaking of assholes, I wonder what the slag who rubbed Hilary Duff out looked like. I bet she was all high end and designer because Hilary Duff’s got more that 15 dollars to spend on that shit….and based on her fuckin’ ear-to-ear smile, she was pretty fuckin’ good.


Related Posts:

Hilary Duff Does stepTV
Hilary Duff Eats Ice Cream
Hilary Duff’s Wet and Has Nipples
Hilary Duff’s Ass at the Latin Music Awards

Posted in:Hilary Duff|Massage|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Apple Bottom Like Apples of the Day

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I think she did this shit on purpose. What are the chances of a bitch with an apple bottom posing with fuckin’ apples? It’s like she went out with her on staff paparazzi and was like, people always freak out over my ass, how about we get a shot of me bending over with an apple in hand, it’ll be so funny and ironic and creative and reality is that it’s none of those things, it’s just lame and her ass isn’t comparable to an apple, but more to apple pie and way too much of it. Bitch needs to hit the stair master in a big way, and by big I mean, she’s fat.

I am pretty sick today, been in bed all day, so writing about Kim Kardashians fat ass is about as exciting as waking up with a snot covered face and pillow making me feel like I was just in a gay orgy or some shit.

I don’t know why she’s wearing two different outfits in these pics, I can only assume it’s because she shit herself. I guess that would also explain her shit smeared skin color….it comes with the territory when your ass is that massive. It’s like wondering why your hummer burns so much fuel, not that you have a hummer, you’re too busy being unemployed to ever really afford much more than a skateboard, even though you aren’t even cool enough to skateboard…you’re more of a rollerblader like DJ AM, only he does that shit in bicycle shorts and is so gay that he makes them shorts look straight.


Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Pussy Preview
Kim Kardashian’s Tits are Insane
Kim Kardashian’s Tits Blow Out Candles

Posted in:Apple Bottom|Ass|Booty|Kim Kardashian|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Elle Macpherson Posing to Promote her Lingerie of the Day

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I am obviously not very good at marketing, I have a shitty website no one reads and I can’t even get the 2 girls who read my site to get naked for me, but I do know one thing and that is that if Elle Macpherson is promoting her lingerie line, she’d be better off doing it in lingerie and not fully fuckin’ clothed. The only thing she is showing off is the one thing she probably should be keeping locked up, because her fuckin’ feet are big and scare me.

I know that some of you are into this whole foot fetish shit, and that for some reason that fetish has become accepted even if it’s fuckin’ weird, but like most supermodels, bitch is tall, and when a bitch is tall, she usually has big fuckin’ feet to help her balance her 6 foot tall frame, and as much as I love models, I hate girls with big feet.

But this isn’t about me, it’s about Elle Macpherson being a boring old lady when she’s still got it going on and could have made all of our day a better one, but instead decides to cock tease us by not getting naked even after we’ve all seen her naked. It’s like hanging out with a girl you’ve bagged in hopes of recycling that shit cuz it’s good for the environment, and by environment I mean balls, but she won’t give it up because girls control the vagina and think you’re gross but like you’re company. Maybe next time you get with them, you can carry their bags for them and compare stories about when you got you first period, because bitch just amputated your vagina and turned you into a bitch.


Related Posts:

Elle Macpherson’s See Through Shirt

Elle Macpherson is Surfing in a Bikini
Elle Macpherson Rides Bikes

Posted in:Boring|Elle Macpherson|Lingerie|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Hayden Panettiere is Ugly of the Day

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The problem is the world is that people can never agree on anything. If everyone agreed on everything, there’d be no fights, there’d be no differences, there’d be no hate, and despite that being boring as fuck at least I’d be able to drive the fact that Hayden Panettiere is not fuckin’ hot down all your fuckin’ throats, because my new pet peeve is that bitch is being seen as some kind of sex symbol, when she should be doin’ backflips at the local carnival or workin’ stunts on a Japanese Game Show…

The weirdest shit for me is when I see a hot girl and turn to my friend and point her out, not because having a friend is pretty unheard of, which it is, but because dude never agrees with my choices. Some dudes like blondes, some like brunettes, some like young, some like old, some like chubby with fat titties, some like skinny, some like short and some like tall, some like anything they can get their dicks in, some only like supermodels and can’t get it up for table scraps but never get supermodels, so spend a lot of time jerking off all over themselves.

But I have faith and feel like we should all be able to agree that Hayden is about as attractive as the bucket of shit we had lying around my apartment when our toilet broke and my wife refused to take shit out to dump in the alley until it was overflowing….it’s nice to see stalky/stumpy bitches getting work, but constantly telling them how hot they are isn’t positive affirmation, it’s lies and the equivalent of telling a retard he’s a genius because he figured out that smashing his helmeted head against the wall til he bleeds isn’t as fun as he originally thought it was and went back to hitting rocks together like he’s supposed to. Retards are always good times.


Related Posts:

Hayden Panettiere and Her Dogs
Hayden Panettiere Making Sex Faces
Hayden Panettiere is King of the Midgets
Hayden Panettiere is Flashing Her Bikini for the Dolphins

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Stalky|Ugly|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I decided that I am tired of being impotent and shit’s a mind over matter situation. I realize that my wife is fucking disgusting and I can’t stomach the thought of slammin’ her, but I am convinced that young hot girls will be able to fix my problem. I tell myself it’s the booze and hard living, but I feel like if I believe shit will work proper it will. So I’m now on that hustle and willing to take applications from any hot sluts out there who think they have to skills to bring me back to life and are willing to get busy.

The funniest thing about girls, is that any chick you talk to is convinced they give the best head in the world. They are convinced they are the best fuck, and as of today, I am willing to take anyone up on their confidence and report back on the site about it because I am pretty convinced that you can’t get me off, but you can sure as hell try.

Remember, this site’s only for hot chicks now, so if you haven’t left yet, go, you’re ruining our sexy party, you fuckin’ buzzkill.

Here are my links:

The Crazy Cat Fight on a Shot at Love With Ass Shots Video…I guess it’s true that love hurts….
GO

A Set of Tits Doing Math
GO

Miss Italy 1991 – Topless and Bending Over in a Bikini
GO

Britney Gets Her Fat Sucked Out
GO

Miranda Kerr is Hot in this Victoria’s Secret Commercial
GO

Some Pervert Hides in the Bathroom and Records Unsuspecting Girls Peeing…Watch Out….
GO

Bjorn Borg – Tennis Star’s Got a New Underwear Line….So Here are Pics of Girls Wearing His Shit and By Shit I Mean Bras and Panties…
GO

Jessica Alba at Some Movie Premiere Lookin’ Boring
GO

Prince is on a Mission to Destroy the Internet
GO

Some Hot Slut Named Bianca Balti in GQ Italy
GO

An Andy Warhol Portrait of Liz Taylor Sold for 24 Million Dollars
GO

The Pixyland Internet Celebrity is Getting Married to a Woman…
GO

Office Hackysack Video
GO

Kelly Ripa’s got a Weird Fucking Belly Button You Want to Fuck – Weirdo
GO

Melissa Midwest Gets Painted by Baseball Player Aubrey Muff
GO

Rihanna Performing in Her S&M Outfit
GO

Some Mardi Gras Brawl Video
GO

Justin Timberlake Gets Jessica Biel a Surfboard for Xmas and Sex Wax, Which is Code for a Sex Change…
GO

Some Ronald McDonald Mash Up Video that Scares Me
GO

Some Tattooed Chick Posing Naked Video
GO

Rumer Willis is Going to Be a Golden Globe Girl….Because She’s Got Some Serious Career Going On
GO

Dudes Who Look Like Lesbians Blog
GO

Henry Rollins Hates DJ AM As Much as I Do- Video
GO

Some Girl Shows Off Her Tits By Pouring Water on Her Wifebeater Video
GO

Hayden Panettiere Showing Off her Stubby Self and Big Head and Cleavage
GO

Some Girls Naked Ass on the Computer
GO

Lesbian Video of the Day
GO

Paris Hilton is a Not So Private Dancer
GO

Some Canadian Hockey Player on the Maple Leafs Sends a Girl Nudes and She Throws them Up Online
GO

Girls Best Friend Is The Vibrator and They Prove It For You as a Group
GO

Some Girl Thinks She’s Hotter than She Is and Takes Pics of Herself Half Naked….I Blame All The Dudes Who Complimented her Along the Way to Get in Her Pants Making Her Believe it. FUCK YOU.
GO

Look at the last pic in this set, it’s like “Oh what did i just do”
GO

Lance Armstrong’s Kid Takes the Olsen Stepmother to her School’s Show and Tell
GO

A Little Ali Lohan Action cuz She’s the New Lindsay or at Least is Trying to Be
GO

The Victoria’s Secret Angels Get a Star on the Walk of Fame
GO

Lesbian Ronson’s Sister – Charlotte
GO

Girls Dyking Out hard at an All Girls Party
GO

Carrie Underwood Doin Some Christmas Concert Bullshit Cuz You Like Christmas, Even Though No One Buys You Gifts
GO

Girls Fucking Machines…
GO

Some Weird Japanese Fetish With a Girl Rockin a Strap-On Slammin a Stuffed Animal
GO

Use This Spray to Get Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

14

Nov

I am – Rachel Bilson Does Santa Claus of the Day

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There was a time when I used to dress up as Santa Claus at some shitty discount strip mall to make some extra money because Christmas is expensive, even when you don’t buy anyone in your family gifts because you hate them.

I used to sit there thinking about how much I’d rather have the mother’s of these annoying crying kids sitting on my lap asking me for dirty things for Christmas, that’s how I got through the job, but also the reason I got fired, because one time I had a little too much to drink before my shift and this slutty mother with the biggest tits walked up to me, put her kid on my lap and bent over, tits hanging out trying to calm her kid and my mind started racing and I got a boner…..the boss wasn’t impressed that Santa practically came all over his bright red suit like he was coming to town, while a 4 year old was on his lap.

I guess even ghetto stores frown on pedophilia, even when the whole concept of Santa is one of a man who sneaks into homes and lures little boys and girls with presents their parents can’t affort, like this dude I met who hangs with teenage boys and buys them things in exchange for them cleaning his house in their underwear…..

Either way, Rachel Bilson is one of those girl’s I wouldn’t mind giving my candy cane to, and by candy cane I mean impregnating her with tongue, because my penis doesn’t work, unfortunately for her, my rotting mouth doesn’t smell like peppermint, but she can always pretend. Cuddles.


Related Posts:

Rachel Bilson and Her Dog
Rachel Bilson Eating Cheetos
Rachel Bilson is Fucking Hayden Christensen

Posted in:Hot|Rachel Bilson|Unsorted

2007

14

Nov

I am – Vanessa Minnillo’s Ass Shopping of the Day

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I got a thing for watching useless d-list celebrities shopping, mainly because it reminds me that a lot of people who suck at life are doing a lot better than I am, and that is the kind of re-affirmation I need to continue hating myself.

While leaving the bar last night, I ended up seeing one really hot chick and her ugly friend walking down the other side of the street with bikes in one hand and the front tire in the other. I have a thing for girls who steal bikes , that shit is like porn to me, so I decided to run up to them and see what the deal was, hoping I’d have a better outcome than the last time.

The hot girl was decent with me and joking around about how they stole bikes, but her friend went fucking crazy on me for being english. She was telling me how fat and ugly I am and how I lack culture because I don’t speak their fuckin’ language. She went on about how French is Montreal and how I have no business being there, so when I asked it that meant she wouldn’t let me watch her masturbate she fuckin’ lost it and tried to have a fight with me. I was fucking wasted and felt like punching a bitch in the face woulda made for a good end to my night, so I tried to convince her to hit me first, but she just got in her cab, with her stolen bikes and drove out of my life.

Reality is, I don’t hit girls but I woulda used to opportunity to just tried to wrestle her to the ground and start makin’ out with her, because fighting with girls is embarrassing, because I know she would have won.

Speaking of winning, it looks like Nick Lachey didn’t win the lottery with this slut after spending a couple years slammin’ Jessica Simpson, this is a step down, but she’s still better lookin’ than I am and even if that isn’t saying much, it’s sayin’ something…like I’d still watch her touch her toes, over and over and over….


Related Posts:

Vanessa Minnillo Fully Nude
Nick and Vanessa In the Hot Tub

Posted in:Ass|Nipple|Shopping|Tits|Unsorted|Vanessa Minnillo

2007

14

Nov

I am – Nicole Scherzinger’s Bra is Rockin’ the Vote of the Day

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Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger wants you to rock the vote, because her publicist probably told her it’d be a good idea to attend the event, while her stylist felt that it’d be hot for her to wear some intense bra under her lowcut shirt for a reason I’ll never understand, because there’s nothing worse than a girl in a backless dress and a bra, or a tube top with bra straps hanging out. I am guessing it’s because this bitch needs all the support she can get, because she even old bitches who look like some kind of live action real doll need the magic of a wonderbra too.

I was at some bar last night drinking and this young girl in a jewish outfit of the day was dancing on the stage rockin’ the stripper pole. She ended up pulling down her dress and I was all excited to see some tit only to reveal some American Apparel leotard shit that she was wearing under her dress. I didn’t understand what the fuck she was doing with all these layers, it was some kind of shit that will annoy the motherfucker who ended up taking her home, because dude’s gotta be some kind of David Blaine to undress her. Maybe she was trying to be funny, like these whores I played strip poker with a couple of months ago. I fucking hate all board games and card games, because I guess I hate fun and feel like a fucking asshole when doing it, but the idea of seeing these young whores naked was enough to make me give into the gayness. What I didn’t know was that they were each wearing 5 pairs of fucking socks, 2 pairs of pants and 3 pairs of underwear and I don’t even thing I got them down to the bottom layer. Shit was like trying to get to the middle of a tootsie pop, but didn’t taste as good.


Related Posts:

Nicole Scherzinger’s Baby Love Video
Pussycat Doll’s Pussy Cleavage
Pussycat Dolls Performing
Pam Anderson is a Pussycat Doll

Posted in:Bra|cleavage|Nicole Scherzinger|Unsorted

2007

14

Nov

I am – Christina Aguilera’s Pregnancy Belly of the Day

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I never understood the pride a girl takes into being pregnant. I always see these pregnant girls rubbing their bellies and posing in pictures holding their stomachs or even taking pictures showing the progression of how big they get. We get it, you’re pregnant, you fuck and you let a dude cum inside you and now you’ve got some parasite growing inside of you that you would probably be better off hiding away because you don’t always have to constantly remind us that you’re damaged goods. There’s no point in making a fucking spectacle of it….

Single mother’s are easy pickings at the bar. They rarely go out and when they do it’s because they want to fuck and that may be a good time, because they have all this other shit going on in their lives, so they only want your cock and if they want some repeat business, and call you to hook up, they just want to hook up. They generally don’t want their kids knowing how much of a whore they are, so they try to keep you as far away from them as possible and you always get with them on nights when the kid is at the father’s, which is one about 4 days a month, so it makes for a good time, with little amount of effort to put in. The problem is that the second they get hooked on you and think you’re a good guy, is the second you become a fuckin’ real stepfather, and as a stepfather, I can tell you that it fucking sucks. You have to put up with shit from annoying kids that aren’t yours, so it’s really like dating 2 or 3 people, instead of dating the one you’re fuckin’…..not to mention, becoming a family man takes away from getting pussy from other girls, because they feel like homewreckers and despite some girls getting off to that shit, it’s a hard fuckin’ sell. Not that any of this really affects you, you have enough trouble having sex with yourself, because you’ve been doing it for so long it’s become a chore, like having sex with your wife after being married for 30 years and she’s no longer than hot piece she once was.

Either way, Christina doesn’t make a hot pregnant chick, she looks like the town whore who had one too many abortions and had no choice but to bring the baby to term. All her make-up doesn’t hide the fact that her time in every teenage boys masturbation fantasies is done….because she’s going to be a fuckin’ mom…..and that shit is worse than AIDS, unless you’re the baby daddy, then it’s just a smart business decision.


Related Posts:

Christina Aguilera’s Pregnancy Tits
Christina Aguilera’s Insane Cleavage in China
stepTV does Christina Aguilera’s Tour Bus

Posted in:Belly|Christina Aguilera|Pregnant|Tits|Unsorted